Private Our Solemn Hour

[Jairdain]

There were very few things that would make Jairdain nervous, and today was one of them. She had reached out to her youngest daughter. The one that had left her not long after Yuroic had died. A woman now and a child the last they had seen each other. Both of them likely felt that the other had abandoned them. Dreidi had joined the CIS and was raised and trained there by her adopted sister. Asharaa was another person she should try to contact, but today, she needed to focus on her biological daughter.

Jairdain had invited Dreidi to return to their house on Commenor, a place they should both be comfortable in. Less informal than her office, it was familiar to them both, even if Dreidi hadn't lived here very long after her father died. At the thought of her former husband, Jairdain caressed the carved items he had gifted her and that she kept on a shelf.

Hearing steps coming up the walkway, she turned and waited to see if her child would come in on her or knock.

Dreidi Xeraic

 

[Dreidi Xeraic]

Location: Commenor
Attire: Casual
Companion: Grisial
Equipment: Lightsaber, Nightsister Bow
Tag: Jairdain

A message that had been years in the waiting. A message that in Dreidi's mind was much too late now, but she knew that refusing would not help anyone. Dreidi had gone through a lot since that last time she had seen her mother, she survived the fall of the CIS and was now working part of the Galactic Alliance. She had also been discovering more about her Dathomirian connection from her father, as well as understanding what it meant to be a Zorren as well.

Arriving on Commenor, Dreidi sighed deeply. Breathing in deeply and looking around the spaceport, it had been a long time since she had been here. Last time she had been on Commenor, she was still connected to her siblings Marcus and Nitya. Now they were strangers to her since she had no idea where they were in the galaxy and what they looked like now.

Reaching their old home, she thought about just walking in or teleporting in as a demonstration of her skill. Showing how powerful Dreidi had become without her mother's presence. But she didn't. It felt petty and something she would have done 5 years ago or so, but she didn't feel the need to be petty anymore. She was here for some closure and to see if there was a chance to move forward. Dreidi might never see her mother in the way Jairdain would want, but Dreidi might develop some care and love for her.

Taking a deep breath in, Dreidi raised her hand and knocked on the door.

 

[Jairdain]

A small part of the blind woman was disappointed that her daughter had never contacted her. Then again, she had also been missing for a few years, and only recently had Jairdain returned to the world of the living. This was no real excuse for not reaching out to her before disappearing. There was no forgiveness for that, and Jairdain somehow knew it.

When Dreidi knocked on the door, her mother moved to open it for her. Her focus was on her daughter. The child that had left to be on her own was now an adult. Stepping aside, she invited Dreidi in with a motion of her arm and hoped she would come in.

The silence was a bit tense, and Jairdain was undoubtedly nervous. In the distant past, she had tried to teach her daughters how to read people's emotions. Nitya was better at it, but she hoped some of her lessons had stuck with her youngest.

Hoping she wasn't going to break down so soon, she didn't doubt that it would eventually happen. She turned to face her daughter. Drawing in a deep breath and letting it out as almost a sigh, she still couldn't quite find her voice. It was very hard to apologize, but the words formed and did come out.

"I am so very sorry, Dreidi. For letting you go, not trying to keep in touch, and then abandoning you."

The simple apology was on the table, and they still stood at the door.

Dreidi Xeraic

 

[Dreidi Xeraic]

Location: Commenor
Attire: Casual
Companion: Grisial
Equipment: Lightsaber, Nightsister Bow
Tag: Jairdain

Dreidi walked into the house and looked around. It was smaller than she remembered the place being, she had been a child and of course that meant she had been much smaller, but she never thought it would be such a stark difference. "So surprising how different being here as an adult is to when I was a kid." Dreidi commented, not really acknowledging the apology initially as she just took a look around the room and then finally looked over to her mother and decided it was finally time to deal with the enormous elephant in the room.

"Yeah, not really mother of the year when you hook up with a new guy months after dad died while neglecting your children who are still grieving." Dreidi stated dryly, then bit her tongue as she was realising it was too harsh to come out the gate but there was so much she was not saying to her mother. "Look, Asaraa raised me fine but you left Nitya and Marcus to fend for themselves as well. Between dad's death and you leaving us, it has turned our family into a group of strangers. I don't think I could be able to recognise Nitya and Marcus if I saw them."

She used her Magick and pulled a chair towards her as she sat down, leaning back against it. "But blaming you, solely blaming you, that isn't going to help us move forward and it isn't the truth. You hold some blame, a good amount of it but dad chose to fight a battle he knew he would die fighting and that was unfair of him to do so." Dreidi mentioned, she was attempting to not linger on the pain and anger she held towards her mother, constantly hearing from Jax that her mother was dating, engaged and then married to the man but never hearing it from Jairdain. That had been tough, especially hearing Jax keep saying that Jairdain wanted a relationship with her but never making the effort to contact Dreidi directly.

"So, how do you propose we move forward?" Dreidi asked since she had no clue where to go from here, she honestly assumed she would live her very long life without ever talking with her mother again.

 

[Jairdain]

That was something Jairdain was unable to comprehend, really. Her daughter's size comment was unexpected, and she didn't know how to respond. Luckily, it was quickly moved past, and the heart of the meeting was brought up. A flash of real anger filled the Jedi, and she filed it away to be dealt with later.

"Marcus was already an adult, and Nitya was older than me when my parents died."

It was hardly a defense, and Jairdain knew that. Her child might not also remember that she didn't have parents after the age of 15 anyway, so she had no idea how to be one.

"You also chose to leave and stay away. Leaving me alone at pretty much the same time. The death of your father was the worst thing that could have happened. We both know it wasn't his true nature to lie around like..."

The tears she was holding back threatened to spill again, and Jairdain did her best to keep them in check. However, they still welled in her eyes. Lifting a hand to wipe them away, her effort to control her sorrow failed. There was no running this time; she had to face her daughter and confront her choices.

"My coping mechanism when I have been faced with anything negative has been to run and hide. So that is exactly what I did. I made a mistake; there is no going back and changing that, Dreidi. I have made many mistakes throughout my life."

As she spoke the last part, her voice seemed to start fading away, like she didn't want to admit her mistakes entirely. Yuroic was never one of those. Through their ups and downs, he had been the rock that held everything together. With his death, that anchor was gone, and Jairdain had floated away. Not long after, Dreidi had left, and by the time the Master had resurfaced, it was too late to bring the family back together.

So, she was now making an effort to get the forgiveness of one of her children. Even though Jairdain had a lot of sorrow, there was still happiness inside of her—something that had been lacking since before Dreidi had left. In a way, a small piece of her felt like her daughter had abandoned her. She kept this to herself and didn't know if she would ever mention it.

"We can either remain strangers to each other or attempt to become mother and daughter again. I know what my choice is, but in the end, it is up to you. Do you accept my apology? Can my leaving you alone at a young age be forgiven?"


Drawing in a breath and letting it out as a sigh, she waited on Dreidi.

Dreidi Xeraic

 

[Dreidi Xeraic]

Location: Commenor
Attire: Casual
Companion: Grisial
Equipment: Lightsaber, Nightsister Bow
Tag: Jairdain

Dreidi had to do a sharp intake and calming her thoughts. The justification of their age, it was gross in Dreidi's mind, they were not their mother, this affected them. "Don't make excuses and using your trauma to justify doing the same thing to us." Dreidi spoke in a calm, collected tone. "If anything, it makes what you did worse, you know what it is like to be left alone, grieving and with no one to support you. Then you decided to do the exact same thing to your own kids." Dreidi was firm in her tone, she wasn't letting Jairdain worm out of guilt because of the traumatic life that she led.

"I had to leave. Everything reminded me of him, you were gone and if it wasn't for Asaraa, I would have gone crazy." Dreidi fought back, leaving had been her choice but she was also 13, blaming Dreidi for leaving seemed incredulous to her. "You are the parent, it was on you to keep in contact, whether I wanted to talk or not. Just knowing you were there, that you wanted me in your life. That was what I needed." Her golden eyes pierced into Jairdain, she wasn't angry but there was sadness, there was a feeling that her mother didn't want her that she was a failure. That she was not strong enough, that if Dreidi had been stronger then they would still be together on Kashyyyk or Commenor. "But you were silent, and I heard of your new relationship from the guy. Not you."

Breathing out slowly as Dreidi had to lean back in the chair as she thought about everything, everything that was going on. "Dad was reckless and he chose to go out in a blaze of glory than staying with his family. It is something I had to talk with him, and it was not easy since it was understandable with his condition that he did not want to give us those memories of him and just the ones where we were all happy." Dreidi had been to the Netherworld herself and communed with her father several times, he had made an effort to try pushing Dreidi to mend the relationship with Jairdain but his words fell on deaf ears.

"Mother and daughter?" Dreidi thought long on it, "that is something that will take time to achieve. But... I am willing to try, just no more surprises or hiding things." Dreidi stated firmly, she was not sure how things would go but she was going to demand a relationship that develops into something trusting and where she didn't have to worry about her mother abandoning her again.