Private Outlawed Home

[Palm-Imer]

Wearing: XxX.
Weapons: The Wraith Blades ~ Vibroknives ~ Blasters
Equipment: Survival Gear ~ Climbing Gear
Tagging: Gerwald Lechner

​

A smile reached her lips, although it was a sad one. There was no way in which she could explain exactly how hard it was, but this did not mean that Gerwald didn't know it. That had also been the reason why she had not asked, instead choosing to bear with the emptiness of the space that had been made for him as well as the daunting presence of the darkness. It was a constant battle, and it was hard saving her energy for a final face off when in truth she could never truly get any respite - not even if she had cut herself off from the Force.

His voice pressed into her mind again, although this time that warmth she had so missed reached the golden shine of her eyes. She wondered if, come the day, she'd manage to reestablish that connection. But if she did not, then at least a part of it would always be there. Her gaze then moved to the skelmorn, its nose coming towards her to sniff her once again as though it was trying to decipher whether the geminaie could also turn into a wolf - and why was it that she would not run with them. Soon enough its attention was returned to the lupine, and eventually they would both dart back into the forest.

There was a moment of stillness, of silence and calmness around her. If only that could have been true for the chaos that burned within her too. She thought of the place they would visit tomorrow as her feet carried her back to the lake, swimming the rest of the way towards the cavern. Palm had been used to being alone, much too used to it. That had started to change, and now the moments when she was only accompanied by the turmoil within her turned into hours of reflection. The geminaie started the fire, and not long after allowed herself to collapse onto one of the bed rolls that had been laid out. Solitude no longer felt familiar.

XxX
​

Sleep had been restless and filled with images and voices that escaped her memory as soon as Palm began stirring back into consciousness. The first thing she felt was comfort, warmth. Her body had molded into his, her own arm resting over the one that held her close. For a moment she thought perhaps this was a continuation of her dreams, albeit a kinder one. There was no room for anything but the feelings his closeness brought - which she had not experienced since Stewjon, on the night he showed her his real home.

Then he pulled away, her brow furrowing slightly as warmth was replaced with crisp coldness of the early dawn. The geminaie opened her eyes, body turning so that she could see where that feeling had escaped to. It was only then that she gained awareness of her waking state, as her eyes met his and the struggle to drown the need to move closer to him began all over again. "Good morning, Ger." The answer was spoken by a sleep-filled voice. Her hands moved to rub her eyes as she sat up, the muscles on her back coiling and tensing for a moment.

Then she got back up on her feet, her eyes darting to the entrance of the cave as the wall of running water was suddenly interrupted by the towering frame of a skelmorn. The sun was rising, and although it was still chilly the creatures disliked the heat. After giving each of the humanoids a sniff and cooing, the creature allowed itself into the space and paced until it had reached the deepest end of the cave, laying down on the cold surface that the rock provided.

The geminaie chuckled as the predator made itself comfortable, before letting her gaze return to Gerwald. "Today we'll have to climb." They were going to the mountain, and there was no hiding the apprehension that this made her feel. "It's high up, the air will be thinner there." He could use the Force to sustain himself, or grab the rebreather she had brought along for him. "Between mountain peaks there is a valley," The image was as clear in her mind as though it had only been yesterday the last time she had seen it. Palm wished she could share it with him. "You'll be able to breath normally again once we reach it." The valleys, housing trees and vegetation that the rock lacked and being enclosed by mountain walls often created micro-environments with oxygen more readily available.

The geminaie gave a thank you and a smile as she helped herself to some of the rations, feeling a stomach that had been empty for hours. Then she pondered on her next question. There was no doubt that the wolf had been on many a mountain, but hiking was not the kind of climbing they would have to do, this was not an activity well suited for four paws and the risk of falling would loom below them with a deadly promise. "Have you ever free climbed before?"

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

E X P L O R E​

WEARING: xxx
TAG: Palm-Imer

"Good morning, Ger."

Her voice pulled his attention away from the pack for a moment to acknowledge the greeting. It was soft, natural, as though they had been greeting each other in this manner for some time. He supposed this would be their new reality as she was more his apprentice than a student. Yes, Gerwald had many squire’s but thus far none of them had filled that place of apprentice in the way he had witnessed between Metus and Srina.

Gerwald returned to the pack and finished pulling out their rations for the morning, eyes glancing toward the hungerer as it walked past them. What had intimidated him the night before, something he had been ready to kill if needed, was now a thing of awe and beauty. The creature had been naturally curious, and it had been that curiosity which kept it from seeing them as its next meal. It was an odd thing to think Gerwald had made friends with such a thing, but there were those who would say it was not normal for a man to become a wolf. The thought made Gerwald smirk.

“You can eat my portion today… we,” he looked back to the skelmorn, “ate last night. It insisted.”

She would not need Gerwald to tell her what that meant. Even though Palm had seen the wolf, Gerwald had not hunted with her, nor had she met the predator. She had accepted who and what he was, but there were times Gerwald wondered what her reaction would be when the time came that she would witness the wolf kill. That was for another time. If they were going to climb, then Palm would need the extra portion.

Gerwald shook his head when she inquired about his free climbing. Stewjon had mountains, but nothing Geminidae, and when Gerwald had been about exploring them it had been as a wolf. Climbing was not something he did often, and never free. This would be a first for him, but that would not stop him from conquering the challenge. It would be a test of his strength. If Palm had done it as a child, then Gerwald could do it now. His ego would not allow him to think otherwise.

“We should bring the rebreather in case. My feet usually stay planted as close to the ground as they can. While I would like to think I won’t need it, I do not want to take that chance.”

His eyes fell back to the Skelmorn. It was a nocturnal creature, and it would sleep while they were gone. There was a small twinge of guilt for leaving it behind, but they would make their way back to the cave, or it would find them come nightfall. If what Palm had said was true, the beast would sniff them out, and know exactly where to find them when the time came. It was comforting to know there was one of the creatures of this wondrous planet that would protect them, her, if it was needed. It’s presence helped shoulder a burden that Palm would never be able to help Gerwald carry.

When it seemed they were ready to leave, Gerwald walked to the edge of the water. With his pack secure, and lightsabers in place, blue eyes looked at the pool of water. It was going to be cold. Diving in, the lupine swam to the other end where he waited for Palm to join him. She would be their guide today as they looked to retrieve something she had left behind. There was little about Gerwald’s appearance that was different than the day before. The clothes were the same, his hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail, even the pack hung where it did the day before. The only difference was a subtle one. Around Gerwald’s left wrist the bracelets which Palm had given him the day before could be seen. It would be noticeable to those who knew to look for them, nothing more than an ornate decoration to those who did not.

“I am ready whenever you are,” he said as the woman approached.

His icy gaze took her in once more before they would move on. There was something about today that felt different. It was special, weighty. He did not know what it was they were looking for, but Gerwald knew they needed to find it. Whatever it was they were about to do, the lupine knew they could not delay, nor could they allow themselves to be distracted. Today, Gerwald would have to fight every feeling and push it down. They could not be allowed to see the light of day.
​

 

[Palm-Imer]

Wearing: XxX.
Weapons: The Wraith Blades ~ Vibroknives ~ Blasters
Equipment: Survival Gear ~ Climbing Gear
Tagging: Gerwald Lechner

​

A small laugh came from the geminaie, a look of surprise crossing her features. She had heard many things about the Skelmorn, but never about someone hunting with one and surviving. The fact that Gerwald killed and fed as a wolf didn't seem to be anything but an accepted fact, much like the mountains were tall and the skies were blue. It was him, and Palm was not sure if there was anything she could not accept if it was a part of him. "Well, that is good to know. Her kind gets volatile when their stomachs are empty."

Then she nodded, agreeing with his decision. It wouldn't hurt to bring the rebreather with them, and they could not risk him needing it and not having access to it. The geminaie finished her rations and continued to move about the cave, making sure her backpack was reduced to the essentials. Climbing was easy to her, but this would be a long and hard climb and she was no longer as light as she had been in the past before her body was done growing. Any excess weight needed to be left behind. Her eyes would move to him every now and then, a knot tightening in her chest as her thoughts inevitably drifted to the moment when she had awakened earlier that morning, creating a dull ache that she knew would not go away...

...because she would not give in or seek the closeness that would alleviate it.

Discipline had always been one of her strengths - but now Palm couldn't help but feel like she was burning the end of her rope. First there had been longing and guilt, and then they had begun to push the physical boundaries that had kept them apart and it brought relief. For a time. Now that was no longer enough, and whenever she ventured too close to Gerwald the fire raged, and it became a guessing game. Would she be able to stop it? How much longer until the resolve she had crumbled?

After all, even if the fire burned hotter and brighter, so did the guilt. Her feelings had already become a burden and a conflict to him the moment she thought she had nothing else to give up but her truth. Now that truth haunted her, and Palm would not forgive herself for letting it weight him down. They had a silent pact, even if it scorched her heart she had to keep it. She would. If not for herself then for him.

As she finished readying herself, swinging the backpack onto her shoulders and fastening the safety straps, her amber gaze returned to him. The onyx beads on his wrist caught her eyes, causing a smile to stretch her lips. The inner conflict would keep it from properly reaching her eyes, but that did not make it any less honest. "Brace yourself, it is a hard climb." They first had to hike to the foot of the mountain, but the geminaie knew it was wise to begin steeling their minds for the task ahead. Climbing was not just about the physical capacity to do it - one's mind could become a powerful enemy when faced with the cold, exhaustion, and a waiting death drop.

Soon enough they had reached their destination, and it did not take long for the geminaie to find a suitable place to begin their ascent after inspecting the mountain walls. Palm looked at him, the need to step closer increasing as a tinge of worry rose within her. No one who did not share her species blood had ever attempted this climb. "I will go first. Try to follow the path I take and double check your grip before moving up." She held his gaze for a moment, wrestling the pull and its incessant demand. Keeping her distance had become hardship. "Please be careful."

Not long after the geminaie would begin her ascent. In truth, her hands did not need to find a proper place to grip for they could simply adhere to the surface of the rock, but she was climbing the conventional way if only to make sure she could map out a safer route for Gerwald to follow. If a rock gave in, she had much higher chances of securing herself and avoiding a fall than he did. The process would go on for several hours, the ache of exhaustion beginning to overtake her body the more they neared their goal. It was a good thing she did not mind heights, for every her eyes would look below her quite frequently - making sure the lupine was fairing well.

The sun had began its slow climb down the sky by the time they were reaching the edge of the rocky wall, lines with roots and greenery from the forest that awaited on top of it. That uncomfortable sensation settled within her chest once again, thinking about him and about what they were after. There was a reason why she hadn't told him exactly what it was yet, and it was because she did not know how to explain. Palm knew he would feel it when he neared the valley, there was no way he could not.

For it was her own presence the one that would call out to him. Pure and strong in a way he would have never experienced before for he had met her when the taint of the dark had already taken root. It was like a shining beacon in the middle of the night... but it was not coming from her.

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

E X P L O R E​

WEARING: xxx
TAG: Palm-Imer

“I saw,” Gerwald replied without giving word to what the woman said about how the skelmorn could be when hungry. “We were fortunate its curiosity was greater than its hunger last night.”

There was nothing more to be said about that. Both of them knew it was the case, and he would not be able to say anymore about the subject because of what he could feel from the woman. She did not need to use the force to project the ache and conflict which was inside of her. The guilt was the same as his, even if it was not for the same reason his weighed heavy on him. Gerwald wanted to tell her that he knew it was not fair of him, but he could not. Their climb, whatever it was she needed to find was too important for the lupine to allow the truth to be a distraction.

His heart on the matter was divided, but he would hold his course. There were those who said that truth would set one free, that if Gerwald would speak his truth then it would relieve them both of the burden keeping it quiet had placed on them. How could it? Gerwald only saw giving voice to his truth creating another burden for them both to shoulder. Knowing a thing did not mean acting on a thing, and the wolf knew that Palm had already risked her life for what she felt, for the truth of her own feelings. He would not be the reason anyone risked their lives again. He was tired of people dying for him.

Another nod came as Palm spoke of the climb. Gerwald found that as they grew closer to the mountain, his resolve to remain indifferent began to crumble. Yet the lupine pushed his thoughts, forced them to something else. The climb ahead of them was going to be hard, of that there was no doubt. He had never attempted a free climb, and for his first this would be daunting. They pushed themselves through the foothills at a pace which was quick but steady. Their energy was being reserved for the climb ahead of them.

When they reached the peak, Gerwald knew why. Blue eyes studied the mountain. It was much taller than he had prepared himself for. There was a small amount of fear as he took it in. This was not a climb he was going to make easily, if he did. His eyes closed, hoping Palm had not seen the fear in his eyes. It was not something he liked to display to anyone. It would only take one look and she would know it. Gerwald had to keep it buried, for her sake. Only one other had known his fear, had looked into his eyes and seen it, and it had not brought either of them satisfaction. There was a mountain top to reach.

Perhaps his resolve would have remained, but one last look from Palm before they began their climb came with words that conveyed feeling, concern.

“Please be careful.”​

It should have been a simple statement. One which was taken at surface value. Had it not been for what Palm had already shown him, Gerwald would have taken it as such. Yet, in the moment he knew what she had meant. Her words may have been, “I do not want to lose you…” He stood there for a moment as he watched Palm take the path ahead of him. She moved slow, ensuring that each hold and footing would be secure enough for him to grab. The thought occurred to him several times she could have moved faster without him, and she likely knew it too.

Gerwald could not say when he first felt it, only that he did. Even though exhaustion had set in, the thing they had come to find was calling to him. Its song motivated him to find his way to the top as soon as he could. He did not understand how Palm could be on the cliff with him and yet her presence was further up the mountain. His pace quickened as he used the force to give him the energy he did not have. There was no denying what he felt, the sensation, the presence was as intimate to him as it had been on Naboo, and as it had been that night on Roon as they killed the beast.

It was Palm-Imer.

His boots finally reached the peak, and for a moment Gerwald collapsed on the rock. The air was thin, and a tired finger pointed toward the rebreather. He would need it to breath this high. A weak smile pulled at his lips as the device floated his way, and as soon as he had several solid breaths of air in his lungs, his blue eyes turned to the woman.

Standing on his feet, he walked toward the source of what he could feel. Seeking her attention, ice searched for fiery gold as the only question which was on his mind was finally uttered.

“How?”
​

 

[Palm-Imer]

Wearing: XxX.
Weapons: The Wraith Blades ~ Vibroknives ~ Blasters
Equipment: Survival Gear ~ Climbing Gear
Tagging: Gerwald Lechner

​

Throughout the climb her focus had not been on speed or efficiency, but instead on making sure Gerwald made it through. With every minute that passed, bringing them closer to the valley, the wound in her heart teared and bled. It felt as though she was wading in an ocean that was going to drown her at any given second, no hope of opposing the currents that pulled her into its depths. The fight her feelings for him were giving to be let free, the worry that he might fall, the last betrayal to her people and her previous beliefs - bringing her own darkness to witness something that had remained untouched, that had not yet been marred by the unfairness of the galaxy nor the demons of her soul.

Palm had made the decision to come back here having turned her back on what this place once meant. The fear that she could come to regret this was unavoidable, yet so was the voice that told her she would not every time her golden eyes reached the lupine. Love. She refused to call it such, the word banned from her thoughts simply because of the power those four letters together could hold. There was such an irony to it. It had started a war within her as she tried to keep it at arms length, to not let it interfere and burden them more. At the same time, it was the only reason Palm-Imer had managed to gather the courage to retrace her steps here. Because he was with her.

Now she'd have to gather it again, to answer the questions that would soon come.

Her arms pulled her over the edge of the cliff and back onto flat ground, the shade of the trees immediately stopping the onslaught of the sun rays - although the air was impossibly cold despite them. Altitude did not care for daylight, and as soon as they both made it up Gerwald would see the blanket of snow resting above the greenery. The first time she had been here the Force kept her warm, that would not happen now. Her skin would have to endure.

Already finding her footing on the edge of the valley, her eyes returned to Gerwald as he caught up with her. He let himself fall on the rock and reached for the rebreather, there was no way the geminaie could have repressed the need to walk up to him to make sure he was alright. He was fine, nothing but tired muscles, air hungry lungs and weathered hands. Palm tried to offer a small smile to honor the relief this brought, but it wouldn't quite appear in her features, and she soon put some distance between them again. He could feel the presence, and even though she could not in the same way as he did - Palm knew it was there. One look at his eyes was enough to see it.

Gerwald got back on his feet, and the geminaie tried to steel what she could of her emotions as she began walking too. Her feet knew the way, she would never forget it. She crossed her arms, making sure to keep as much heat from escaping her body as she could. But the cold was nothing but something on the background of her mind, too focused on the memories, the feelings, the struggles. "They did teach me balance, once upon a time. When I still listened." That was all she could answer for now as they made their way deeper into the valley. There was a truth hidden in those words that she had not wanted to see. The soll'nav were not wrong about their teachings - but they were just meant for certain people. In those days she had been one of those people, and then she changed.

As a child she had known peace, they had guided her to it. It was her the one who later renounced it. The more her mind settled on this reality, the more she began to embrace the things she had purposefully ignored for so long. The soll'nav had always known that she would stray from their path, that she would fall. That it was not meant for her. And still they had cared for her, gifted her that peace for as long as they could. For as long as she let them.

With every step the presence that was unmistakably her own grew stronger, clearer. There was no blinding light nor hiding darkness, only the deepest and most essential aspects of her being singing their echoes into the Force. The wind bit at her skin, as though the elements agreed with the punishment she was inflicting on her own self, and she allowed it. The sharpness of the cold was preferable to the conflicts that nearing this place created.

The snow grew deeper, they were perhaps the first to walk on this land in years - for very few creatures ventured this high up into the mountains. The ground began to slope beneath their feet, in a soft descent towards the heart of the valley where there were no trees. A large, white clearing, and standing at its center rose tall pillars, some of them were broken and fell on the snow alongside the pieces of a crumbled roof laying about. Resting at the very center there was a stone table. There was no one there, but it was the source of the force presence he could feel.

Her eyes sought his when the softness of the snow was replaced by the hardness of stone floor, when they approached the table. There was more emotion in her gaze than he had ever seen before. This place was so close to her, that for a second Palm believed she could fool herself into believing she could still feel it. The Force swaying about her, but as it had done before the darkness took over. When she still trusted it, and herself, completely. Now there was only one being left that held her trust in that same measure. He was standing before her.

Her hand reached for the table, arms finally unwrapping themselves from her form, to clear the snow away. Carefully, as though the hard stone could crumble beneath her touch. Once she was done he would see them. Forming a circle there were six or seven beads seemingly embedded into the stone. It was these spheres the ones that emanated a force presence that did not truly belong to them. "Geminian Marble. I did not know they were here when I came to this place - I meditated in these ruins and they retained the imprint of the Force as it flowed through me." The presence they created was bright and it was powerful, pure. It was one with the Force and it spread far into its tethers, united with all around it.

Ignoring the pain that the cold had instilled in her, Palm finally broke the distance she had been trying to keep between them and walked up to him. The geminaie could no longer put her memories into his mind, but he could access hers. Amber met ice, knowing he would understand what she was offering - for him to see. If he did he would learn what these ruins were to her. He would see her younger self, alone. No struggles and no fears. There was nothing but peace. Completion. There was only one other place in the whole galaxy where she had felt that way, where there had been nothing but the truth of her soul and acceptance of all that came from it.

The memories from Naboo breached her thoughts like an unstoppable river. The second she first welcomed him into her mind, the sounds of the cave, the moment when he gave in to the pull and held her close, and how her very being fell back into this peace it had not known for so long. Her heart picked up its pace within her chest, a part of her wanting to stop those memories from surfacing, keep them away from both of them, but she could not. The fire roared to life, but it did not hurt. It didn't with this memory, not when he was close. Palm closed her eyes, the guilt for exposing him once more to that which they wanted to silence wrapping her heart like a thorny chain. She couldn't stop it. Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"I'm sorry."​

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

E X P L O R E​

WEARING: xxx
TAG: Palm-Imer

The cold weather matched the color of Gerwald’s eyes. As he lay in the snow for a time, he did not care that the air bit or that the ground was freezing. He was tired, and the snow numbed the ache which screamed from every muscle in his body. The lupine had survived the climb by sheer will and a reliance on the force. Had it not been for either, he would have certainly collapsed. Every fiber of his being warned him about what was going to happen, but the pull was too strong. Even as he lay in the snow, the force essence which was still some distance away called to him.​

For the moment there were trees. When the lupine was finally back on his feet he would see where the treeline ended. They still had further to climb. Gerwald let his eyes fall on the woman as she came to check up on him. He signaled that he was fine. Her concern tore at the guilt that weighed him down. The more she acted in a way that was driven by her feelings for him the more Gerwald felt the weight of what he knew. It only grew heavier with the knowledge she would have never shown him her feelings had she thought she would survive the fall.​

The knowledge he had was the one thing which forced Gerwald to keep his own feelings pressed down. He cared for her, and the lupine refused to allow himself to ponder the implications of that. Gerwald carried with him the constant reminder that duty demanded great sacrifice. Never would he have thought himself capable of destroying the ring which the woman he loved had been bound to. So many questions ran through his mind, the most pressing as should he have told her sooner. Gerwald often wondered what could have been had he told Naedira how he felt before it had been too late. The hope she would be free one day, it was something he had held onto for so long. To feel something for another felt like a betrayal, and yet…​

Gerwald pushed the thoughts from his mind. They were not here to answer the questions which they both had. The wolf had agreed to help Palm rid herself of the darkness which she had embraced on Roon, or at least control it. His promise to her was to teach her, be her mentor, a master. This was simply part of that journey. Was there conflict because of what she asked, and knowing what he knew, yes. However, Gerwald knew they were both strong enough to deal with it.​

They had to be.​

She was cold, and Gerwald could see it. The fact pained him, knowing that just a few short months ago she could have remedied that. Palm could now, if she trusted herself with the force, but she did not. Her heart believed the darkness was stronger than she was, that fact also brought the wolf pain. There were few Gerwald knew that could match her strength, and fewer still that surpassed it. This journey was necessary for its own reasons, but one of them was her confidence. Palm had to believe, she had to know, she was better and stronger than the thing she feared.​

Palm had to find her peace.​

What Gerwald had not been prepared for was the revelation of where she would find it. Memories flooded his mind of a younger version of Palm. Her gaze invited him to accept them, to wander about them as the story of how the stones had captured the part of her which had known perfect peace.​

At first, the wolf was jealous. Peace was not something he had known, not in the way Palm had let him see it. Gerwald had always felt conflict inside of him. He was both man and beast, two things that should not exist as one, and yet did. The lupine had taken solace in the fact they were one in the same and no longer viewed them as two parts of a whole. As Katrine had helped him to understand, he was the wolf, and the wolf was the man.​

The jealousy shifted. Every step though her memory led somewhere else, to another moment, one they had shared. Snow melted to water, the mountain opened into a cave. A young teenager grew to a full woman, and moved about the water. She was moving toward someone that had been moving toward her. The moment of their first embrace played in Gerwald’s mind as he recalled every sensation and feeling he had felt in that moment. This time he knew hers. She had found her peace there.​

Her words were soft, but they were also unbearably loud.​

“I’m sorry.”​

Gerwald closed his eyes as his head fell toward the ground.​

“Don’t be.”​

His words were as soft as hers, soaked in the same measure of guilt with which hers were given.​

“Do not apologize.”​

She would not be able to stop what happened next. As long as she refused to connect with the force, Gerwald would have his way with her mind. Her memories of Naboo were replaced with his. She would feel the thing that drew him to her, a curiosity and something else he could not name. The struggle he felt as her forehead pressed against his, whether he should pull away or kiss her. The desire to do the latter as his nose brushed against hers had been overwhelming, and how duty and the fear of losing another held him at bay.​

His memories shifted to the first moment where Naedira had entered his mind, and the piece of her that remained after she left it. The bond was not supposed to have been made, but it was there. Palm would see the woman in a champagne colored dress, and feel the turmoil he felt as he watched from a balcony as the rest of the Confederacy enjoyed a party. He had avoided it because Scherezade was there. He let Palm see the night he had recognized his feeling for the auburn haired woman, and the devastation he felt when that thought faded to her charred remains that were found after her battle with Darth Prazutis.​

Palm was allowed to see everything the Mountain had put him through when he sought revenge. Every twisted and morbid thing that the Sith could think to do to him, and the words he had used to taunt him. The image of what she had seen on Roon was nothing compared to the broken body that lay in a pile of rubble when Srina Talon had found him.​

Then there was Naalol. Palm had seen this already, on Naboo. It had led them to the cave, her concern over the rumors that her friend had been hurting led them to sharing what Gerwald had not included in the report. Everything fell back to Naboo once more. That moment in the cave. The one time that despite the conflict, Gerwald felt that everything could be right, that it would be.​

“Just don’t make my mistake. Do not find your peace in a person, not even me. Find it in yourself. You can see where my mistakes have led.”​

She needed to hear those words because of what came next. Even though he still would not put his feelings to words, and while he had yet to act on them, Gerwald let Palm see them, he let her feel them. When they left the mountain, Palm-Imer would have no doubts as to how deep they ran, and she would know why, for now, he kept them at bay.​

Then, he took one step closer. His forehead found hers as it had on Naboo.​

“Do what you came here to do.”​

 

[Palm-Imer]

Wearing: XxX.
Weapons: The Wraith Blades ~ Vibroknives ~ Blasters
Equipment: Survival Gear ~ Climbing Gear
Tagging: Gerwald Lechner

​

Vulnerable.

There was nothing the geminaie could have done against his influence in her mind, no doors she could close or resistance to offer. Nor would she have if any of that had been a possibility. Since the moment the Force was pushed away from her, Gerwald has respected the spaces of a mind that could not establish the same connection with his, even if it would have been well within his power to seize those spaces. So it was her the one to invite him in with one look, given him free reign of her thoughts, of the things that had made her whole and the ones that had broken her.

What she had not been expecting was for him to do the same.

Suddenly her own thoughts disappeared and she was plunged into the depths of a mind that was not her own, into his memories. They washed over her like a tidal wave, crashing against her soul. Every feeling that had grasped his heart, every wound that had broken his body, every face he had seen - they were seared into her own mind. There was love and there was aching, suffering and strife. She revisited images she had already seen before, Naalol, and all over again she shared his pain. A tear ran down her cheek. He had lost so much.

Then there was Naboo, and the maelstrom quieted, if only for a moment. There was them, and no struggles - a peace that had only lasted until the moment they pulled away.

Palm did not open her eyes when he heard his voice. The meaning behind the words was already heavy even before what would come next. A lesson. One Gerwald had paid a price too great to learn. He was right, there was no arguing with it - not after what she had just been shown. She would have to find the kind of peace she had had on this valley, but that did not make the one he created any less real. Not even a geminaie could choose where their heart was placed. Her brow furrowed slightly as some word or the other began to form, though they would never get the chance to be spoken.

This time their roles were reversed. Gerwald had never truly hidden it from her, neither of them had ever lied or veiled their hearts. They had simply chosen silence, but sometimes silence could sing too - and that was what it had done for them. In their moments of closeness, in the shine of their gazes, in the pull that drew them together. Still none of it could have prepared her for baring witness to what his heart held in this way. Her breath caught in her throat, her feelings unravelling themselves and catching fire as they were met by their match. Palm had tried to uncover that which he did not show, knowing that the only reason her own truth was bared was because it had been in the face of death. But now there could be no more blinding herself to it. She loved him. Her voice would not utter it, but her thoughts would not let go of that word any longer.

She felt his forehead meet hers, her body immediately pressing into the gesture. Her arms rose to wrap around his neck, holding him close as the tempest of emotions finished passing through her. The couldn't say it, nor could they act, but they knew. Both of them. Palm had never believed that a place where pain and relief met could exist. This was it. They were part of each other's ruin, they were also their only respite. One day they would only have one or the other, but until it came they had this. There was no asking for more.

The golden gaze was bared once again when he reminded them of the true reason they were here. Glossed over, carrying a weight that seemed too immense. Do what you came here to do. Her arms let go of him and slid back to her side, forcing herself to take a step back and then to pull his eyes away from him and towards the stone table.

The geminaie moved towards the surface, and her hands did quick work of pulling out the marbles that rested encrusted on it. The day she faced the darkness, she would do so surrounded by what she had been before she had lost balance. Before peace became nothing but a passing illusion. Her mind was restless as she worked, a worn out heart struggling to put sentiment into words. Not long after she had finished retrieving the spheres, and their time in the valley would begin to near its end. They both knew they'd have to go back at some point. There was one more thing to say before that moment came, one more truth that was unshakeable, and so her eyes met his.

"I can't know if we'll ever have true peace....But I know it feels closer when I'm by your side."​

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

E X P L O R E​

WEARING: xxx
TAG: Palm-Imer

Peace.

It was a notion Gerwald had hoped for since he learned the truth that had turned his world upside down. Every day since he left Stewjon there was a pursuit of that peace, a peace he though could be brought through knowledge, a closeness to someone like him. Katrine had been like him. A lupine told the same things, that there were not others like them aside from her family. Leaving with her had not brought the peace Gerwald had hoped for, rather it began something, a journey that had been filled with chaos, loss, abandonment, and questions to which there were no answers.

The one question which haunted him the most was why. Why had something which seemed so right led to so much pain? It was not just his pain that had been the result of his decision. Alwine and Varick felt betrayed, his parents died, other lives had been lost because of the choice he had made to leave. Yet others had lived. Gerwald had saved lives, helped to free countless worlds. So why did something so right lead to so much pain?

As Gerwald stood with his forehead pressed to Palm’s all he could think was this was a respite from everything which haunted him. Would he regret showing her what he carried? More than likely. Every time he let someone close there was tragedy. He was always waiting for it to come, and so far it had not. That did not mean it would not. She knew that fear now. The geminae had been allowed access to everything Gerwald felt, the conflict, the fear, worry, and the… care. Even in his own mind Gerwald refused to allow the word to surface. It was one word he did not use lightly, and even now that did not change.

He retreated from her mind and watched as she gathered the stones. She had come for them. Had Vytal been with them, the Nightmother would have found a use for them. She would want to study them. Perhaps that opportunity would come. Palm would be among the Knights, she would meet Vytal soon enough. For now, Gerwald knew why she wanted them. This was the purest form of herself, and it would give her strength for what she needed to do.

So why not here? Why not now?

The question was not one Gerwald was going to ask. They had to train, there was more for Palm to learn, and it would begin with a subject the wolf despised more than any, philosophy. They would have to share the burden of the stones when it came time for the descent, and if they were going to do so before nightfall, then they could not linger. Her words kept him from making his way back.

“And yet…”

What was there to say? She knew that he felt the same. However, they both felt a measure of guilt when it came to the other. He felt guilty for putting her in a situation which was unfair, asking her to make promises that he would not have asked of himself. She felt guilty for adding to his burden.

Gerwald swallowed as he looked away from her. There was no reason to finish what he was going to say. He had faced his past on Stewjon, and she had been there for it. Now she faced hers, and shared that with him as well. Perhaps this journey would leave them both in a place of peace. The lupine had to choose to see it that way. If she was going to find the balance and peace she was looking for, he had to accept that they could find it.

“The sun will be setting soon, and the only Skelmorn I wish to run into is our friend from last night.”

He turned and began to walk toward the edge of the cliff. The descent would be harder than their climb. Gerwald was already steeling his mind for it. His muscles ached, forearms tired from the earlier ascent. It would be slow, and yet the lupine knew it would also seem faster. With the thing they came to find in their possession, the steps taken now would be new, different. It was time for Palm to discover who she truly was, not the person she believed herself to be. As he looked at the edge and stared down, the wolf knew the next steps would be important.

<<“Together, then…”>>

Together, they would find her peace.
​

 

[Palm-Imer]

Wearing: XxX.
Weapons: The Wraith Blades ~ Vibroknives ~ Blasters
Equipment: Survival Gear ~ Climbing Gear
Tagging: Gerwald Lechner

​

Everything was still too raw, and at the same time there was the feeling of comfort in the knowing that none of it was new. These feelings they shared had been with them all this time. Secret, shown, or silent. In the end it was still the same, they could admit it to themselves but there would be no steps forward. Their confessions, rather than clear their view of the paths they could take, often made them more obscure. They were stubborn, and tired of being hurt - so much so that hurting themselves seemed like a kinder fate than risking the chance of life doing it for them. A bittersweet smile curved her lips, her eyebrows raising slightly as her head gave a soft nod.

"And yet..."

Palm repeated his words. The agonizing irony of it all. Palm had found a kind of peace in his presence, one that demanded a price of guilt and pain that they were not ready to pay. His earlier words would remain with her, as she was reminded that even if her heart was bruised there was so much more to their bond besides the feelings that consumed them. Before her heart created the feelings that had made everything so much more burdensome, he had been a friend and a mentor. A guide. Even if the thought caused pain, there was something the geminaie was certain about, and certainty always brought relief.

In the end, the fate of the feelings they held for each other wouldn't matter. She would always care for him, she'd always trust his lead.

A shiver had already began to settle on her limbs, made light only because of her battling it. As soon as they were back moving, and particularly once they began climbing down, and blood was forced to rush again through her body, she would be fine. "I'd prepare for a bit of a rowdy greeting, she'll already be looking for us by the time we make it back into the forest." The skelmorn had fixated on them, she had seen this behavior before. They would be to it what a favorite toy was to a little kid, it would be happy to see them. Then, there would be the matter of figuring out how exactly they were going to make it out of the Consors System without getting caught while carrying a full grown Hungerer in the cargo bay.

They reached the edge of the valley and prepared to begin their descent, then he pushed into her thoughts again. The geminaie smiled, golden eyes meeting icy blue ones. No matter where it lead, they were walking this journey alongside each other. Both struggle and support, shattered to pieces and complete. There was a long way to go ahead of them, and she knew in her heart that someday they'd see what waited for them at the end.

"Together."​