Pain Demands to Be Felt

[Joza Perl]

A cheesy grin stretched her face as he complimented her gyrations. “Thank you. I usually don’t fall onto the guy until later on, though.” Even though it hurt both of them, it made her feel a little lighter. A little less worried. Though as always, reality loomed a little ways back. “Guess you just got lucky.”

At his comment about the natives of Lianna, Joza shrugged. She didn’t have much of an issue starting up her business, and was generally quiet and kept to herself. As quiet as one could manage with a dance studio. Still, she managed to keep eyes on the city. The Sith were largely quiet too, but that was what worried her. Always the calm before the storm. They were milling around close to Silver space ever since they’d recaptured some of the old Sith worlds from them, and some sort of struggle was obviously imminent. She wouldn’t imagined they’d keep to themselves with a major Jedi power right there, especially given how inert the Silvers started to appear after Korriban.

A backwater agricultural world. There was something that Joza had seen plenty of times in her travels and Jedi-esque missions, but had never experienced herself. Life for her, especially as a child, was all neon lights and tall, dingy structures. It was spice and smoke and women giggling, men fighting, always loud.

But now she found herself curious about his origins. As friendly and lax as he was right now, there was still an aura of mystery. Not the intentional kind that would make you roll your eyes, but the kind out of necessity. “What made you join the Alliance?” Her question was light, curious.

[member="Elliot Locke"]

 

[Kenth Typho]

[member="Joza Perl"]

Locke closed his eyes, but instinctively he pulled her a little bit closer.

It hurt, but the pain seemed to dull with her presence. It was basic psychology, of course, when there was something else to focus on your mind simply ignored the background signals being send to your brain. But that course of biology wasn't important right now, what was important was the silence in the breathing.

Just the moment, peaceful for now.

"Mmhm." He mumbled as he thought about her question. Why did Locke go out there and into the Galaxy? Why hadn't he stayed on the farm as a little boy and simply enjoyed the simple life?

Wasn't like anyone would ever had thought worse of him for it.

But here he was, two decades later, hundred of scars and stories and pain added to the mix, what drove him all those years?

"Sense of adventure first, I reckon. See something of the Galaxy. But then it ended with a keen sense that someone needed to stick up for the little guy, was so long one of 'em that I figured... why not me?"

Elly nuzzled her head, gently, before catching himself in it. They weren't that close, were they? Not close enough for that.

"What about you, party animal? Why made you leave the pink planet behind and venture into the Galaxy."

 

[Joza Perl]

Her breathing steadied, perhaps a bit forcibly, in and out through the nose. It was easier on the lungs when you didn’t have to swell them with every breath. Less movement meant less pain.

It started to matter less with how close they were. Any good Zeltron would tell you that physical contact was a good thing, helped boost your mood and all that. They sought good feelings and shunned things like depression and anxiety. In that vein, Joza hadn’t made a very good Zeltron. But her people as a whole weren’t that one dimensional, nor did they lack the depth of other species.

Her head tilted upwards in order to get a better look at Locke’s face as he spoke, matching the words with his expression. He reminded her, perhaps inadvertently, that it wasn’t just them in this war. In any war, for that matter. The military would suffer losses no matter what, but civilian populations were often caught in the crossfire of any conflict.

The nuzzling was a welcome gesture, she wouldn’t deny that. Joza was an intimate creature by nature, and at least in private she didn’t mind. Her fingers would curl into the side of his robe idly after he stopped, but she wouldn’t reprimand him.

“Mmm…” She hummed, digging through her memory banks to her time on Zeltros and realizing just how far away it seemed. “Never felt quite comfortable there. They knew I was Force sensitive from an early age, but my mother wouldn’t let me leave.” She frowned, now knowing that things were a little deeper than that. Yula Perl had been left by the only man she loved, a man who disliked Force users. Her daughter was the only thing she had left, at that point.

“I guess I could say that I sort of had the same reason for leaving. Teenage girl bored with her life in a ‘woe-is-me’ state. Joined up with the New Jedi Order, first time off of Zeltros.” One corner of her mouth tilted upwards in a depreciating smile. “Didn’t realize that after living on a planet covered in pheromones all my life, that I’d experience some withdrawal. Made me super anxious, ended up getting sick after my first real battle.”

There was a lot that had gone on after that. The Sith, her lover, the slavery, the wars. It turned her from a naïve youth with grandiose dreams of being special into a more humbled, albeit occasionally paranoid and anxious woman. She stood out where she needed to in order to cover whatever her interests were behind the scenes. So far, nobody seemed to give a damn about Igor’s. Maybe she had more of her father’s smuggling blood in her than she’d anticipated.

“Never felt that I could cut it as one of them, though. So I drifted over to the Silvers, stayed mostly with them until recently.” Maybe she shouldn’t have said that, but she didn’t particularly care right now. It felt good to get that out. Joza had it in her mind that she’d never embody the issues of a perfect Jedi, so she’d let it go and concentrated on doing what she could in her own way. “I keep doing what I’m doing because I’ve felt the some of the awful that the galaxy could do. Nobody should have to go through that.” She shrugged, exhaling sharply through her nose. The more she did though, the less of an impact she felt like she was making. Was it worth it? Was she arrogant enough to believe that she was actually doing anything?

[member="Elliot Locke"]

 

[Kenth Typho]

[member="Joza Perl"]

Locke hummed softly to the tune of his mind as he listened.

Same old story, same old history, same old concepts and ideas, but always a new angle to be had. It surprised him how similar they were and yet how different, but perhaps that was life for you. Lots of similarities, but the attention went into the details. But there was an edge to her tone there at the end.

Like she did not quite believe in her own words anymore. As if life had showed her that no matter what she did, it didn't matter in the end, because worse crap happened every day.

Why did he recognize it? Because it was a feeling shared by him on a bad to worse day.

"What I noticed." Locke grumbled softly, his voice vibrating through his body to her. "Was that the more I did and accomplished, the less it seemed to matter."

"Always another bad guy, another genocide, another travesty waiting to happen."

He opened his eyes and looked down at her.

"Thing is, we might not be able to save everyone, but we are saving some and that's better than nothing. Means that some of the little people survive and manage to dig out an existence for themselves. Means that some little babies grow up to be big people with bright ideas for a better world."

No cigarette to pull at, but he shrugged - gently guarding against the pain.

"Good enough for me. What about you?"

 

[Joza Perl]

The tremor of his voice was surprisingly comfortable, inciting the same response from her as a purring cat would. Joza moved closer, curling her body more into his side, head tilting upwards to look at him when he peered down at her. Her eyes were wide, earnest as if she were a child listening to an important lesson from a parent or teacher.

She thought about it for a moment.

“I don’t want to get complacent.” She mumbled, moreso to herself than to him. “Don’t think that’ll happen anyhow…”

Sometimes, Joza forgot that she wasn’t the only one in this. There were others who had it worse, far worse. And there were people who’d been through similar things, who’d experienced what it was like to feel like you were barely keeping your head above water in this mess of a galaxy. From the way he spoke, Locke was one of them. Someone trying to do some good, caught up in an eternal conflict. Nothing could ever be simple, nothing ever would be simple.

Even if you got rid of the major galactic powers, the Jedi and the Sith, something else would rise to power and the cycle would start all over again.

Even if the difference you made was small, miniscule, minute even—it was still a difference.

She inhaled deeply to the point where her lungs hurt, letting the breath out quickly through her nose.

Joza nodded slowly against his shoulder, fighting the urge to bury her face there. “It is. Sometimes, I—“ She paused, running a hand through her hair and pushing it back and out of her eyes. “Sometimes I feel like I think too much, you know? Get caught up in all of the thoughts that I don’t even remember what I’m supposed to be doing anymore. Until something grounds me again.” There was the implication that he’d done so for her.

He’d seen a lot, hadn’t he?

[member="Elliot Locke"]

 

[Kenth Typho]

[member="Joza Perl"]

"Mmhm." Locke hummed in acknowledgement, before closing his eyes again and letting himself relax in the moment. It was instinct for his hand to start brushing her hair, just to put her at ease and make her worry less about her perceived faults.

Be in this Galaxy for long enough and you realize that everyone had their flaws.

No one was perfect. More often than not, people were more flawed than they let on and that was something to be weary of.

"So many things to do, not enough time to do them all." He agreed softly. "Just gotta put one foot after the other and remind yourself that there are others."

"Who also fight the good fight."

This time he didnt shrug, this time he carefully, gently, turned on his side. Grunted in the pain, before finding an angle that didn't hurt. Eyes opened, hand stopped brushing.

"Reminds ya self that they, without knowing it, are pick up your slack when you stumble. Just as you do for them, when they stumble."

Then Elly pulled her in for a kiss. A gentle one, no hunger behind it, just a peaceful sense of belonging and wanting to share that.

 

[Joza Perl]

It felt right.

She wasn’t used to this sort of intimacy, even without the foundation of love or a monogamous relationship. It was rare for her, to be seen as something more than a means to an end. More than a good time or a broken little girl who needed to be fixed. In that way, she liked to think that Locke liked her as a person and not a Zeltron. A person who had their lows along with their high moments.

Elliot didn’t try to assert himself with her. There was no need. They’d made some sort of connection, and he reminded her that no matter how much she tried to isolate herself for fear of failure, she wouldn’t be alone in her endeavors.

There was more to him than she anticipated. But that’s how it went—you saw a glimmer of who person was like on the surface, and assumed the rest. Delve any deeper, and you’d start to learn what made them tick, the little details and nuances that made them who they were.

Their lips pressed and there was no urgency, no tension, so they took their time. It made her heart flutter for the briefest of moments, and she let the sensation take its course instead of trying to smother it. She was tired of fighting, and she felt strangely peaceful in the arms of [member="Elliot Locke"].

When the kiss ghosted apart, she rested her forehead against his own and just immersed herself in the silence, the gentle, rhythmic sound of breathing and the beating of her heart. “I miss them,” Whispering, her voice hitched suddenly and she let out a shallow breath. “So many, just…comrades, friends. The girls on Kaeshana…” You didn’t do their sort of work and not suffer any losses. Survivor’s guilt was rife, and her stomach twisted as she remembered Nikias—her closest friend, killed by her then-lover.

Her organic hand drifted upwards to weave into his hair, the tips of her fingers rubbing against his scalp. “But they wouldn’t want us to feel sorry for ourselves, would they? They’d want us to keep going.”

 

[Kenth Typho]

[member="Joza Perl"]

Locke thought about that for a moment.

What would the dead want? Nothing, they were dead and that was the end of that.

Nobody looking over their shoulder with either approval or disappointment, just the endless peace for them, where they could lose themselves. Instead of having to keep worrying about the affairs of the Galaxy. Peaceful. At least that was how Elly liked to think about it- until, he realized that he had misinterpreted the question. What would they have wanted if they were still here.

Easier to answer that.

"They'd want us to be strong and find happiness in the little things." He stroked her hair gently again, letting a strand curl around his finger before letting it go. "To keep fighting the good fight, so they didn't fight theirs in vain."

Locke kissed her forehead and then rolled back on his back, finally allowing himself to gasp out in pain.

"Worth it, but let's not allow me to roll on my side again, yeah?"

 

[Joza Perl]

“Easy,” She murmured as he rolled onto his back, assuming a more comfortable position. Her hand was still in his hair, idly rubbing small patterns against his scalp with her fingertips. “We’ll be needing you back in fighting condition soon, Agent Locke.”

She had to wonder what exactly it was that his work entailed, but she wouldn’t push. Maybe in time—if they kept having these fated meetings—she’d find out. Perhaps he’d find out what she spent her time doing as well.

They were good kids, the ones who didn’t make it back from Kaeshana. Joza had been, and still was proud of them. The dark thoughts that edged into the back of her mind would linger, mixing with the comfort to make her current situation bittersweet. She glanced up at Locke, figuring it was probably the same for him.

Shifting her weight onto her elbow, she shifted upwards enough to press a soft kiss to his cheek. “You know, you’re actually pretty nice to be around when you’re not making me go for six rounds.” She mused gently against the side of his face, a bit of a wicked smirk pulling at the corners of her lips. “Of course, I didn’t mind that either.”

[member="Elliot Locke"]

 

[Kenth Typho]

[member="Joza Perl"]

Would he ever tell her the full truth?

Probably not.

It was nice... this, what they had right now. But somehow Locke doubted she would be so close to him, stroke his hair and nuzzle his cheek, if she knew half the things he had done. The things he had to do, so little babies like hers had a real chance out there.

Or so he told himself when the blood on his hands started itching.

"Hey, all you had to do was say you were exhausted and were throwing in the towel." Elly smirked, depressing thoughts pushed away again.

"Can't all have my stamina. I would have understood."

Now he was just teasing her.

 

[Joza Perl]

It wasn’t difficult to sense the inklings of doubt coming from him. Empaths picked up on things like that naturally, but Joza was more attentive that often given credit for. She didn’t call attention to it, but moved to nuzzle her head into the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent. With how close they were and the ambient silence around them, she could feel his heartbeat, steady vibrations pulsing through his body.

“See, I couldn’t do that.” A smile tugged at her lips, felt against his neck. “I’ve got that Zeltron pride as a lover. Can’t admit when I’m worn out from the act or else I won’t be doing my people justice.”

Half. She had to remind herself. You’re only half. But she’d been raised as one, the Mandalorian part of her heritage falling by the wayside. By the time she’d found out, the warring glory-hound culture seemed too foreign to be a part of her. As far as she was concerned, it didn’t exist.

“I’ll get you back next time, Locke.”

[member="Elliot Locke"]

 

[Kenth Typho]

[member="Joza Perl"]

Locke snorted, but that only hurt him.

"Girl, please don't make me laugh, it hurts."

Grin tugged at the corner of his mouth, but the empath would feel the pain being very legitimate. Broken ribs were the gorram worst, not comparable to anything else, because laughing was just a reflexive thing that there wasn't much to do about that either. With an arm you could at least bind it to a cast like his was doing right now, legs same business, but what was there to do with ribs?

Not breathe?

Yeah, right.

"I am glad we met again though." Now there was some genuine stuff to his voice. "Don't know why, but for some reason this is really easy."

The talk, the huggle, the nuzzling and the kissing.

There did not seem to be much complicated about it. Just gentle moving around in the moment.... then again, she was probably a little bit tipsy on the drugs and the alcohol, while he was high of the pain, so maybe it had to do with that. Mostly that was Locke being an ass to himself, this time around, trying to ignore anything resembling legit feelings and the sort.

They only complicated things.

 

[Joza Perl]

"Mhm," A murmur of agreement tickled her lips. "This is nice." Even with them both aching and injured, it was. It had been too long since she'd fallen into something so in the moment and natural without feeding into her more wicked instincts. "Feels good."

There was an inkling in the back of her mind that worried her. Was she only doing this as a measure of comfort, reaching out to someone even vaguely familiar? Locke didn't know her story, and she didn't know his.

Well, he'd learned a little bit of it today. She hadn't become a broken down sobbing mess of a woman, but she'd been (and still was) emotionally vulnerable. Still, Joza wondered if he'd shift his perspective on her for that.

Wasn't really sure what he thought of her to begin with, but she shunted the thought from her mind. Wasn't use worrying over.

Hadn't her heart fluttered before though?

Biological reaction, right. Right?

Best not to over-think these things. But 'easy' typically went two ways. You either parted on your own terms and never saw each other again, or feelings started to develop. The third option was to stay the course of whatever this was, and if she was being honest, Joza wasn't sure she exactly what it was she wanted.

But here in the now, it was nice.

"We'll have to make good on that lap dance rain check at some point." She raised a brow, looking up at him. "When we're both not getting our asses kicked, that is."

[member="Elliot Locke"]

 

[Kenth Typho]

[member="Joza Perl"]

Locke snorted.

Like that was ever in the cards for either of them. Both of them were far too interested in sticking their noses into crap that didn't need to concern them. They attracted and loved problems (and danger) like an alcoholic moved towards the bottle, but that didn't mean they couldn't make time for... other things, he supposed.

"Not likely, but I will try to save you again next time." Wicked grin sharpened. "Was a bit too busy this time around."

He knew how infuriating she found it every time he saved her pretty ass, but it only served to amuse him, every time Perl tried to claim otherwise.

Very amusing.

Maybe it was just a tinsy tiny bit petty of him, but a man had to have his moments.

"Do you... want to stay here?" Careful question, posed guarded against possible negative replies. Locke was ready for it, of course, he was always ready to retreat back into the shell.

 

[Joza Perl]

Despite the fact that exhaustion was beginning to set in, Joza found it in her to lift her head warily, spurred on by the teasing.

“For the last time, you didn’t save me.” She ground out, meeting his cocky smirk with a heavy glare. He was baiting her, that much was obvious, but she eagerly took said bait. “I was handling things just fine when you jumped in.”

Okay, yeah, he’d done her a solid on Atrisia. She’d thanked him for his help, but she would have found a way out of that tight spot if he hadn’t showed up. Right? Right.

“And I managed just fine until he ran away.” Dropping her head back down to his shoulder, she grumbled to herself for a few moments, a frown making its way onto her face. She was still bitter about the Sith getting away with his prize. “Don’t make me kick your ass for being cheeky, Elliot.” Her words were muffled, fading against his neck as she contemplated his question.

“I’d like that.” She answered softly, her voice losing its edge. “Can’t promise it’ll be as fun as the last time we spent the night together.” There was a tickle of humor in her tone, but they both knew that getting down and dirty would be difficult in their respective states. Joza doubted she’d be able to get up either, considering how comfortable she was next to him. Her hand would idly run though his hair, toying with it gently as her breathing steadied out. How she could go from irritated to calm in a matter of seconds, she did not know. But she wasn’t about to question it.

[member="Elliot Locke"]