Location: Taanab
Objective: BYOO: Hope against hope
Tagging: [member="Gianna Aegis"]
The world seemed to blur around John as he walked, if you could call the hurried pace he set really a walk. He knew the likelihood of anything was small, fleetingly so, but still...but still/ He'd thought that the last few days had inured him against it, that he'd stop seeing her all around him, a flash or red hair rounding the corner, the sound of her voice. time was supposed to cure all things right? If not the walls of despair that had erected themselves around his heart. He wasn't supposed to feel right? He didn't want to, to feel, to open himself up like that was to invite the pain. Each breath, each thought, was like a jagged edge cutting through him, as if they were tearing him asunder. So he'd tried to stop, to wall himself away, to not feel anything was better than the subject himself to that pain again and again.
Yet that overheard sentence, the question it had raised, the little seed of hope had acted like none of that was there, that it wasn't important. He'd tried to protect himself in the only way he knew how but there it was, that question burning in the back of his mind.
'What if?' What if he'd been mistaken, what if she was still alive. John knew it was a fools hope, that he was just setting himself up for a fall, letting the gates to the world of pain waiting for him swing open again...but he couldn't stop himself. That was the irony of it, he was walking upto the edge because, maybe, maybe there was some chance, and he'd never forgive himself if he didn't go, he'd never forgive himself if he went.
It was the same dilemma that had ever existed, dare you go, dare you not? Only John wasn't even thinking about that, the words wrapping around his head didn't let him, nothing else existed just that small hope that seemed to drive him on. He heard his comm unit buzzing in his pocket, the sound of greetings but none of them really registered with the man in his quest. It was only when he arrived at the hospital that he was forced to stop, the sheer amount of humanity around the hospital stopping him short. He'd been avoiding the hospital, afraid that the memory, the accusation would be too high here. He'd been afraid that the they'd all be staring at him with an accusing eye but there was none of that here.
There was barely a glance spared his way, the majority of the patients the nurse all focused on their lives, on the new opportunities available to them. There were even a few who asked him if he needed help, an old man who actually approached to offer him a blanket and to take him to the doctor. In the end he'd just needed directions to teh Jedi, the one thing that the man seemed happy to provide, his eyes practically sparkling as he talked about how she'd saved his grandson.
So it was John found himself standing in front of a tent, just one tent like so many that had been thrown up around the hospital. This one was special though, this was the tent of the Jedi...a Jedi. He was right infront of hte flap but...it felt like he was miles away, having to remind himself not to give in, not to let himself get too much hope built up.
He'd built gigantic star ships and the most delicate of micro-electronics before, but the hand that pushed aside the flap had none of the usual surety and security that he displayed, they were actually trembling as he pushed back the flap of cloth to slip inside. The tent looked like any other, a bed, chairs, some books and a table and a shock of red hair. A breath he hadn't known he was holding flowed out of his lungs as John took a step forward, his hand reaching out as he swallowed nervously. She wasn't real...it was just a ghost, but no ghost ever looked so real, could capture the little murmur in her voice, that small twitch of her lips.
A hand fell on her should, so softly, ever so gently as the cyborg blinked away tears from his one real eye. It was...he didn't know how to describe it, had never experienced anything like it before. The wreck of walls surrounded his heart, not gone, not vanished but blow asunder by the sight of the woman slumbering in front of him. The pain, the scars weren't gone, weren't banished entirely but they weren't so pressing on him either. For a moment the world outside, all that pain and suffering, none of it matter, the past few days seemed like a bad dream.
"You just had to fall asleep didn't you," the man's voice was soft, fond as he reached forward, his other hand slipping under Gianna's legs, lifting her out of her chair as he turned to the bed crossing the room to stand next to the small camp bed she'd been using.
He'd put her down in a moment, let her get some proper sleep. Only he wasn't sure he wanted to let her go, not just yet. There was a part of him that couldn't believe this wasn't a dream but...she was warm, she felt real and...she was alive. Nothing else mattered.
His voice was broken, barely above a whisper as John closed his eyes, tears still falling unheeded down his cheek,
"I thought I'd lost you."