Tefka
Its a pity that in all the time that you have led, you lost the time to be able to write and be more than a spectator to the story. I think what has me sad the most is that in all this time I have never had the chance to make a story with you. I remember when I had first joined, I remember how hard this site was to follow, how everything was learning to grow into itself. Upon return I got to see a different chaos and never got embroiled in the things that have left so so many hearts soured against their peers.
Tef to me you have always had my respect. You gave me a place to write that frankly, has always been vastly different from all the places I have gone to write. Not a single star wars fansite is like what you created. Chaos has inspired a lot from me, because of what it is. You gave us a home. You gave us friend. You gave us enemies. Everything that stands right now, you gave to us and for that I adore you.
I don't care that you and others see some kind of failure. Failure is part of life. Though I don't know you, I would still like to. You offer us an ear if we need it, but I offer the same to you. I try to stay out of the rampant pettiness and frankly bizarre drama that crops up. I am not oblivious, I hear things and unfortunately I get an earful of peoples grievances, but never do I let that color my personal feelings over others.
You cannot know how much the people around me mean to me, even those who hate me, I still love them all. I hope that with this change you get some much needed rest. That with this change you are able to find a new kindle for your fires. You deserve to have a chance to just slip in and be a player, not the beacon to reach for in times of crisis.
Being a leader is a lonesome thing, even when you have others standing with you. More often than not people fail to give you the thanks for the great things and instead try to drown you with the litany of perceived and honest mistakes. Its easy to villainize the person above, so easy to ignore that you yourself may be the villain in the narrative you so gleefully try to coat another with. All of us want to be the shiny heroes instead of the less than stellar mortals that we are. I just wish that you weren't left with so much regret and heartache, I feel like you've always done what you thought best and whatever you didn't act on, who can say doing so would have been as wise a choice? Its easy to clamor for action, but sometimes inaction, though it still leaves a mess, does
less harm than the action you could have taken.
Its so easy to think otherwise. Hate flows far too easily, its an easy path to take. So much pain and regret comes from taking that easy path and in all the time I have watched, listened or played, never have I seen a thing that came to pass that was ever easy. I adore all those who stand above us masses and take charge because too too often that m is silent.
So, maybe one of these days if you ever slip in to write, should you have the desire, I hope you think of me. Because at the end of the day even a simple uncomplicated story and person who just enjoys the company of a fellow writer can be a balm to long raw wounds. Whether one sees me as a friend or enemy, as long as the words flow, I am always happy to write.
Good luck Tef and I hope the path ahead for you brings you great joy and light.
