Private Points of View

[Ishani Dinn]

As Caedyn went into detail on his beliefs, Ishani took a bite out of her pastry, chewing thoughtfully. There was a time when she would’ve been too self-conscious to eat in front of others; even now, she seemed to eat daintily, like a bird.

Swallowing, she remarked, “The Sith—um, the Sith I was taught by, at least—believe that the Force robs people of agency and free will. They consider it… evil, in a way? But they try to subdue it, make it submit to their will.”

Darth Maliphant’s books had also implied that the Force was made up of the souls of dead Celestials that were trying to control the fate of the universe, or something like that. It had sounded like a bunch of baloney to her from the very beginning, but then Maliphant wasn’t her teacher, so it wasn’t her problem. Except it was very much her problem now, because he was Arcturus’ master and the closest thing he had to a father...

“Yeah, I’m a cynic.” She smirked to herself. “Can you really blame me? It seems like there’s always a war going on somewhere, people killing each other, but I guess that’s just the will of the Force, trying to achieve balance or something by pitting people against one another. Evil so that good may come.”

Caedyn Arenais​

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"No, that's people's free will and behaviour acting against the Will of the Force" Caedyn responded abruptly, his brow furrowing at the remark. He did not blame her for being cynical, not all were people of faith as he was, yet the ongoing war was something of a touchy subject. It had come up very recently in fact, with another.

"What you must understand is that while the Force may guide us, people have free will, the ability to choose to listen to it or otherwise act out in their own desire or goals. The Jedi seek to protect life, but so often get caught up in these wars whether due to politics or wanting to do some good in our Galaxy. They are taken up in the violence just as the Sith are, for their various points of view" he sought to explain, pointing out that in this sense, the Jedi were as equally fallible as the Sith in the sense of causing harm and taking lives. Everyone had a reason to fight, and depending upon what side one was fighting for, a justification for being there. Not all were right, not all were moral but at the end of the day, the act of taking a life was all the same to the nature of the Force from what Caedyn had learned. A travesty.

"Take me for example. I've participated in countless wars over my short lifespan. Naturally, I seek to stop the oppression and loss of innocent life, so I'll step into the field and try to help fend off the invading party. The problem is that for every life I may have to take, the damage to the Force is dealt all the same. We feel this when life is cut short of its natural cycle, taken too early or by unnatural circumstance such as another's hand. The air hollows out as though the veil of energy has been pierced and replaced by an emptiness that can't be explained without truly experiencing it for yourself".

"This isn't the Will of the Force. It's the fallacy of sentient life, the only true result of anything hoped to be obtained through the act of violence".

Ishani Dinn

 

[Ishani Dinn]

“Countless wars,” she echoed quietly, her smirk growing grim. Nobody had ever said that these weren't, uh, trying times they were living in, but for the love of all that's good and holy, didn't it ever stop?

As Caedyn spoke about death, she thought of a scene emblazoned forever in her memory.

... she was confronted with the sight of the mermaid on the other side of him. Blood still leaked from the redhead’s eyes, nose, and mouth, mingling with wet sand and sea foam. Ishani grimaced, fighting the urge to turn away again. She understood why this had happened and didn't necessarily resent Arcturus for killing her, but the sight of a dead mermaid made her feel some type of way. As if they had violated something sacred.

Yet she had been quick to ask if Arcturus could teach her how to use blood magic like that, her sadness and revulsion fading within a few minutes. How could she talk about how she was afraid to die, afraid of her life being wasted, when it was clear she couldn't even comprehend the magnitude of taking another being's life? Or was that just human nature, to lack empathy for those outside her inner circle of loved ones? Why didn't she mourn any loss of life, even that of a stranger? Why couldn't she feel anything? Why, why, why?

"I have all these desires that I can't seem to satisfy." She stared down at her food, finding that her appetite had ironically dwindled. "And I have a lot of questions without answers. Even something as selfless as wanting peace, or asking why people have to die, it's all out of my reach. So..." She sighed. "Maybe I'm meant for another world, y'know? And the only way to get there is to die."

Quickly she added, "Not that I want to kill myself or anything. It's just a feeling I have, a sense of longing for something better. I think that's what I was looking for with the Sith, something that would satisfy that longing. But of course, I couldn't find it." She shrugged, meeting Caedyn's eyes. "I didn't seek you out because I think being a Jedi would solve all my problems. I can't help wanting things I can't have, or which don't really exist. But I do think it would be better if I wasn't so fixated on these things."

Caedyn Arenais​

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

I didn't seek you out because I think being a Jedi would solve all my problems.

Caedyn nodded in understanding, giving Ishani Dinn a smile and seeking to reassure her of his reasons and hopes for their time together, as well as her future's sake; "Whether you choose to follow the Jedi Path is entirely up to you, but my guiding you along the way is not dependant upon that choice. I will do all that I can to offer you the best training and guidance that is within me to offer, regardless of whether you decide to become a Jedi or otherwise simply seek to distance yourself from the following that is the Sith Order" he informed her, seeing the darkness that surrounded her as the one true motivation for their pairing. To bring her across into a life of serenity and purpose, where she might attain some form of happiness and fulfilment that the Sith could not offer her.

"You will never find satisfaction with the Sith. The Darkside is fueled by your ambitions, your emotions such as fear or inadequacy, confusion and emptiness. In order for you to find some sense of fulfilment in life, you need to free yourself of its hold. The Darkness will cloud your mind, blind you to what is attainable through patience, self-discipline and perseverance" he continued, speaking entirely from his own experience on the subject. There was a time, a year where Caedyn had wandered without knowing his purpose. He too had searched for answers, however, it was the Force that eventually led him to discover his role in the Galaxy.

"You're not meant for another World, let me assure you" he added with a soft chuckle, "The Force has led you to this place, the here and now. Perhaps you are exactly where you need to be. At least, that is my hope, that we may be able to seek the answers to your feelings together, over time".