Preservation

[Allyson Locke]

[SIZE=10pt]The Rest – Kashyyyk[/SIZE]

[SIZE=10pt]It seemed most Jedi Temples favored the long hallways. Was it because Jedi liked to ponder things? Like the way of life? Allyson would never know, but she found her mind wandering to where she was now. Her move had become official a few weeks ago, all of her things now packed into a dorm room on the capital planet. It was different, but she would get used to it. It wasn’t a hard transition, she had been practically living on Kashyyyk with the Silver Jedi for some time now, making it a more frequented destination because of her healing treatments. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=10pt]Her wandering lead her to a specific Jedi Master’s room. Staring at it the door she hesitated. The request she was going to make was a difficult one, but with recent events she knew it had to be done. Allyson never wanted to experience the type of mental torture the Sith had used on her. Knowing that she had no control over those she put into danger because someone peered into her deepest thoughts. It made her shudder and that alone was enough to make her knock on the door. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=10pt]The nerves the Corellian felt wasn’t because of who’s door she was knocking on, it was because of what she was going to ask of the woman. Ideally, she would have preferred to be visiting on better terms, but for now it is what it is. At least she had some freshly baked cookies in a small bag for Jyoti. A small smile crept upon her face as she knocked lightly on the door. “[member="Jyoti Nooran"] you there?" [/SIZE]

 

[Eugen Aker]

Jyoti was sprawled out on her bed, enjoying a Seoulian drama over a bowl of chocolate mint ice cream. She was off duty, so she had traded in her Jedi robes for a loose black tunic and shorts. Her long silver mane was smoothed over the left side of her shoulder.

In a relaxed state, consumed by the program she was watching, she didn't notice Allyson's approach until she rapped softly on the door while calling her name.

"Allyson?" she answered, sitting up with an eyebrow raised.

The arrival of the Corellian to the Silver Temple proper was surprising but welcome. With the grace of a gazelle, she bounced off her bed, then skipped her way to the door within a couple bounds.

She cracked the door open, brows furrowed.

"You..." she began, tone low and threatening. "You...took your sweet time getting here. Do Jedi Temples spook you so?"

Her dear Corellian was almost hilariously stubborn about maintaining her neutrality and independence as a Force User, but it didn't deter Jyoti.

[member="Allyson Locke"]

 

[Allyson Locke]

The door creaked open and Allyson was greeted by a silver haired woman who had her hair down. A small smile on her face and she thought quietly about something along the lines of jedi and their days off. Half expecting an excited welcome, Allyson was greeted with the low tone and the comment about being spooked by Jedi temples. A nervous chuckle and presentation of the cookies ensued soon after Jyoti's greeting.

“I'm not spooked by them as much as confused at the reasoning for them to have so many really long hallways.” Another chuckle from the Corellian as she leaned closer to the door and looked her casually dressed Echani.

A hand rested on the door as she put a bit of pressure on it, trying to open it enough for her to enter the Jedi Master's room. She did miss the Jedi and she was the reason why Allyson had ventured into the temple like this. It was also a nice sight to see Jyoti with her hair down.

“Going to invite me in? I came all this way and faced my fears of the great Jedi Temples to come see your face.” Allyson spoke in a hushed tone only intended for Jyoti to hear along with her attempt at a pouting face. [member="Jyoti Nooran"]

 

[Eugen Aker]

Her eyes from Allyson's face to a container of cookies in her raised hand. They smelled strongly of cinnamon - snickerdoodles.

"What are the odds..." she mused to herself while meeting Allyson's hazel eyes once more. She had never met anyone else with a taste for the uncommon cookies.

"Long winding halls are a nice defensive measure," she informed the Corellian. "You never know when some Sith or brigands will make an attempt to storm the temple, better to make them work for Jedi heads."

Allyson started to pout and ask to finally be let in. Her pouting face was cute, but nowhere near as adorable as Charlie. Jyoti finally dropped the stern facade and started to smirk, tapping the Corellian right on the tip of the nose.

"I appreciate you overcoming your fears, now please come in."

She swung open the door and made a motion for Allyson. Inside, it was a fairly large room with a small workbench set in the corner. The room was neat but sparse, lacking many personal artifacts. However, the walls were lined with several pots of plants, all meticulously maintained. Some of the flowering plants were blooming, leaving her quarters with sweet and citrusy scents.

"It's not much, but this is my home away from home."

[member="Allyson Locke"]

 

[Allyson Locke]

The top on her nose made the Corellian blush lightly. It was a gesture that made her smile as she shook her head lightly trying to avoid doing something in the open like this. Slipping into the room, Allyson looked around at the room and noticed all the planets. If they weren't there - the room would look as if no one lived there or someone was just borrowing the room. Seeing the plants made Allyson smile along with enjoy the soft scent of citrus something that she identified with the Echani.

“Took a lot to brave my fears, but it was easier to do for you.” Ally gave the other woman a cheesy grin while the cookies found their way onto the work bench. She assumed they would get eaten fairly quickly.

“I'd like to see your real home one if these days, pretty sure you promised me at one point.” Allyson glanced around and wandered slightly taking in where Jyoti resided at the temple. She pressed her lips together and figured the woman's room was bigger than hers.

After some examination, Allyson turned back to the Echani and reached out for her. Arms wrapped around the other woman's waist pulling her in close. The Corellian's face nuzzles into Jyoti's shoulder before sighing and confessing,

“I’ve missed you.”

[member="Jyoti Nooran"]

 

[Eugen Aker]

She gave Allyson a chance to nuzzle against her a bit before pulling away to gently cup her face. Her smile faded as she looked down at the Corellian, but her eyes remained crinkled with mirth.

"And I missed you."

She leaned in to kiss Allyson while she still held her, then murmured with content as she touched foreheads.

"You should have told me if you had plans to stop by. It's just fortunate I was free now, or I might have missed those snickerdoodles."

She glanced over at her workbench, then chuckled. Finally, she loosened herself from Allyson's grip, the plopped down at the edge of her bed.

"Though why are you being so brave at the moment? Did you just miss me that much?"

[member="Allyson Locke"]

 

[Allyson Locke]

The kiss that followed the embrace made the brunette woman smile warmly. Moments like this had been a long time coming. Reminders of how lucky she was that her lover had still been there and had always been there. Allyson softly sighed as Jyoti pulled away and sat at the edge of her bed. Nothing got past her and Allyson nodded.

“Of course I missed you that much and any other day that would be the only reason I make these random visits.” Allyson mused over the Echani’s comment about making sure to let her know about these visits.

“I'll work on that, but sometimes you just pop into my head and I need to see you. Seeing if you're here or not is a fun gamble.” Chuckling, Allyson felt like she was avoiding the the reason why she came here besides missing Jyoti.

Her weight shifted where she stood as her arms folded loosely in front of her chest. “I have a favor to ask you. With all that is happening, especially with us. I am reminded of Bastion. I know you're not a China doll, but still.” The smile on her face faded as she shook her head.

“Is there something I could do...something you could do to fix this,” Allyson motioned towards her head, “I want to block off that part of my mind. Same with my bond with Kaili. Just I don't want anyone in there.”

[member="Jyoti Nooran"]

 

[Eugen Aker]

The conversation turned serious at the mention of Bastion, Jyoti's expression becoming somber. The question about psychic blocks took her off guard, though the concepts weren't foreign to her. She personally used a few techniques as camouflage.

"Mmm, so this wasn't just a friendly visit after all," she noted. Now she had an idea of why Allyson had just shown up out of the blue - the fear of denial in an arranged meeting.

"This is tricky. I could show you how to resist mental probing being influenced by your Force bonds with others, but only as an NFU due to your limitations. Teräs Käsi and the like."

That probably wasn't the answer that Allyson wanted - Teräs Käsi was the go-to technique with all the FU running around across the galaxy - but she was in the bind with the savant.

"Now, there were other methods I could use on you," she admitted, "But they can be pretty invasive. Do you think you would be comfortable with me poking around in your head like that?"

[member="Allyson Locke"]

 

[Allyson Locke]

Allyson's smile frowned as Jyoti made note that this wasn't a friendly visit. There was a reason she came, but it wasn't the only reason why she came to visit. The Pilot was off duty, she would have been hunting for the Jedi and her whereabouts no matter what the situation. A hand ran through her chestnut hair as she sighed and moved towards the bed.

“Don't say that. It's just part of why I came. I only trust you with this stuff. I also came because it's you.” The frown faded and she patted Jyoti's thigh with a smile. “This is just something I need to handle.”

Jyoti went on about the types of things that she could do. The answers weren't something she wanted to hear, mostly because Allyson didn't know if she possessed the capacity within the force to do so. Pinching the bridge of her nose she tried to register everything and not internally chastise herself for her shortcomings.

“Invasive?” Allyson pondered and nodded.” You've been in my head before, I trust you in my head.” Allyson knew the risks of having the Jedi in her head, something went wrong it could be amnesia city all over again. Biting on her lip she nodded again confirming her decision. “Yeah, I think this might be the only way.”

Looking around the room, she took in again everything. “After can we just spend time together. I don't really care what we do - well as long as we eat the cookies.” Allyson found Jyoti's hand and patted it, giving it a gentle squeeze.

[member="Jyoti Nooran"]

 

[Eugen Aker]

She ignored Allyson's attempts to comfort her, all serious now.

"Even if I have probed your mind once, that was still a passive reading of your thoughts. What you want would require manipulation on the neurological level. The mind is a delicate thing, and there's always a risk when tampering."

As she considered all the risks of establishing mental blocks and cutting of Force bonds, she was convincing herself not to do it on Allyson.

"You still have brain damage from your (first) trip to Anoat. There's much about your physiology that still requires study...I don't think I can do what you want at this time."

[member="Allyson Locke"]

 

[Allyson Locke]

Picking up on the hints, Allyson pulled her hand back and rested it in her own lap. She had made her bed now she had to sleep in it. A hand rested on her chin and lips, doing her best to listen and not argue what Jyoti was pointing out.

Brows showed her frustration at being told no, but she couldn't force this on Jyoti. If something went wrong it wouldn't be fair. Frowning, she remembered what happened on Bastion, how he was able to find Kaili. It was a good thing he was happy sith just that.

Shaking her head, Allyson spoke softly. “Jyoti I need this. I don't care about the risks. I know things are still messed up in there.” Her leg bounced, shaking in a quick rhythm as she thought about this. She wanted to back down, knowing that it could mess her up more, but the benefit would make those around her safer.

“I need you to do this Jyoti, please. If studying my brain is necessary then do it. The reward outweighs the risk.” Sighing heavily, her leg stopped shaking as a small nervous tick.” No one else can do this for me but you. I have your secrets in here as well and I want them protected. I want us protected. So please do this for me, you're good at what you do, even if it was a passive look into my mind you know how to get in there.”

A fists formed on her legs, gripping at the fabric, she didn't know what else to do to try and convince the Jedi this was for the best.

[member="Jyoti Nooran"]

 

[Eugen Aker]

As expected from the stubborn Corellian, Allyson didn't back down, pressing for Jyoti to act.

She sighed. "I know how much this means to you, but I don't think I can. Sometimes I --"

She started to say something more, but stopped herself before she let it slip out. There was something wrong with her that made her hesitant meld with Allyson once more. Something about herself she really couldn't control, but she couldn't put her finger on what it was.

She closed her eyes and sucked in her breath, then exhaled softly. "Allyson...I know how you still feel violated by that...monster. I know how you feel burdened by your literal ties to Kaili. I'm sorry but, there is no easy fix. I could do something, but that wouldn't get rid of the memories. You do understand?"

It was hard to just tell her no outright because she knew how Allyson thought. Eventually, she would find someone else to do what she wanted without any qualms about the risks involved.

"Just give me a minute, I'll think of something."

Telepathy was out of the question at the moment, but she could forge something for Allyson to use. She imagined there were more conventional alternatives out there, too.

[member="Allyson Locke"]

 

[Allyson Locke]

Jyoti tried to explain herself out of it again and Allyson’s grip on the pair of pants tightened. The whites of her knuckles contrasted with the slight redness that was building in her forehead. Finally breathing, Allyson nodded and then shook her head. She could understand what Jyoti was saying, but none of it made sense. Maybe this was a bad idea, but Allyson needed some sort of security measure in her brain.

Looking towards the Jedi, she did her best not to let her stubbornness get the best of her. This was something that needed to happen and if Jyoti could figure out a way to do it that doesn’t scramble the Corellian’s brains that would be great. Though Allyson wanted everything cut from the source. She did research it and knew that the memories wouldn’t be gone, that too would be something someone could use against her.

“Please think of something. The memories I don’t want to lose – I had some happy moments, but I want them to be locked away and hidden from others. Just thinking about if I mess up again, if I manage to dive head first into something I shouldn’t. It’s something that comes up here and there, but the thoughts are still there.” Allyson hunched over in her seat, as her hands moved through her long brown hair. She gave her head a squeeze in some attempt to make it work faster and help Jyoti think of something.

Allyson didn’t want to pry into Jyoti cutting herself off, but curiosity got the best of her -especially if it would end up helping Jyoti feel better about doing this through a meld. Looking up towards the Echani woman, hazel eyes met silver and Allyson sat up straight. “Jyoti what were you going to say? Don’t hide things from me – tell me please.”

[member="Jyoti Nooran"]

 

[Eugen Aker]

"It was nothing," she replied with a small wave of her hand. "I was just thinking aloud, though I find it funny that you're the one asking that I spill the beans."

Even when they were together in private like this, Allyson usually kept her true feelings closely guarded. Jyoti couldn't think of Allyson ever crying or breaking down over what had happened to her on Bastion, until now.

She shifted closer, then reached out to hold Allyson against her chest.

"I appreciate you coming to me about this. Maybe I can't do things the way you want, but I'll figure it out. Please be patient. Right now, you're safe with me, you don't have to worry about anything...just let it out."

[member="Allyson Locke"]

 

[Allyson Locke]

A soft smile pulled at the corners of her lips as Jyoti waved off the comment. It could be nothing or maybe something more, but it was obvious the Jedi wasn’t going to talk about it. Looking over at the Echani, she gave the woman a look of confusion, not understanding what she meant about spilling the beans. Allyson was usually pretty honest with the woman, but when she was pulled into an embrace she figured she knew what was meant.

She was safe, something she thought she felt before, but she was the one trying to keep someone safe. Allyson relaxed against the Echani and remained silent as she thought about basically everything. Was she wanting this to forget that ordeal or was she really trying to protect the people she cared for? No one had seen her cry after Bastion, only had done so in private scared to show that it really affected her. She could still hear his voice from time to time, she could feel the phantom pain against her back of the knife, and there was nothing really she could do.

“I’m scared.” Arms wrapped around Jyoti the best she could as she hugged the woman tightly. Allyson did feel safe here, she always felt safe with her. Tears welled in her eyes, but she continued to hold it back, still trying to keep her front. “No one came to help me, no matter how much pain I was in. No one came. I hate feeling like this.”

Her grip tightened and her face buried into Jyoti’s chest, “Please. Don’t leave me alone.”

[member="Jyoti Nooran"]

 

[Eugen Aker]

She remained quiet as Allyson confided in her, sounding like she was on the verge of tears. Slowly, she began to sway Allyson while rubbing her back.

"What I said in the hospital, those words still stand. I would have burned Bastion to the ground for you..."

Her peers would have probably been horrified to hear that, but it was the truth. The Corellian meant everything to her. Many Jedi could act upon abstract motivations for their mission, but Jyoti wasn't one of them. Her purpose in life came from strong personal bonds.

"But what's important is that you're free now. SIS were morons for putting you in that situation in the first place with no backup. That will never happen while you're with me and the Silver Order. We care deeply about our people."

She started guide Allyson off the chair so that she could join her on the bed for comfort. It was clear to the Echani that for the moment, what Allyson needed was a shoulder to cry on.

[member="Allyson Locke"]

 

[Allyson Locke]

Being pulled to the bed, Allyson didn’t fight against it. She began to spiral down into her own doubts and fears again, until Jyoti brought up the hospital. Looking up from where she had buried her head, she blinked. The hospital meeting had felt like forever ago and she nodded remembering what Jyoti had said back then. There was never a question to the sincerity, especially after what else was revealed during that visit. Remembering it, Allyson clung onto Jyoti a little tighter and then released the woman, but still remained close needing the comfort that only the other woman could give.

“It was a stupid mission, parts of me wonder if it was given to me because it was suicidal. I was trying to get out - you know how some of those government branches function.” Allyson wondered if the SIS was like that as well - once your in youre in for life and the only way out was to die. The thought bothered Allyson to her core as she wondered whatever happened to the others.

“Just like you would burn Bastion, I would…” Allyson paused and decided to not bring that up. She closed her eyes and sighed. “I would do the same for you.” Coming to the Silver Order had been life changing, not only for her healing progress, but emotionally as well. Everything seemed to be falling into its place now, but still Bastion remained a stain on the perfect picture.

“Could you make it so I don’t remember any of it? Should I keep the memories of what happened? I’m terrified that I’m going to lose you, that I’m going to end up alone.” She had lost her once before and knowing that it could happen again. Allyson felt her hands clench tightly to Jyoti’s black tunic. Allyson began to feel pathetic, clinging to the Jedi like this, but it was comforting and she fought her urge to pull away and hide behind her mask.

[member="Jyoti Nooran"]

 

[Eugen Aker]

Allyson didn't fight her pulling her on the bed, so she did and then wrapped her arms around the Corellian as the now both lay on their sides.

"I don't think there was any malicious intent behind your deployment. Sith would rather turn Force Users than kill them if they can, anyway."

That was honestly her biggest fear with Allyson, not being executed, but being turned against her. It certainly wasn't the first time it had happened, creating sleeper agents from POWs.

"I honestly believe that SIS underestimated the opposition. The agency is a mess - you could say that about the GA as a whole. The Triumvirate presides over the largest and most powerful collection of planets in the galaxy, but the organization is still run like like it's a provisional government rather than as a superpower."

"Allyson, whatever I came up with, that's not going to fix the real problem at hand. I think it's fair to say that you used to go around thinking you're untouchable, but now you understand that it isn't the case. You have limits. You are vulnerable. I understand that can be scary, but fear isn't all a bad thing. It keeps you honest and makes you think. It gives you a much-needed edge."

[member="Allyson Locke"]

 

[Allyson Locke]

Allyson knew Jyoti was right. The SIS despite being a mess wouldn’t outright put their limited number of agents out in the field in dangerous situations on purpose. Her body stiffened at the mention of the Sith turning Force users. From her understanding, she knew that a lot of Jedi and other Force users had fallen. It was easier to fall to the dark side, to fulfill one's own personal desires than looking at the greater picture. Allyson was determined to keep her neutrality and not to sway either way. Though, her morals forced her into groups like the Silver Order.

“You’re right. The Alliance and the SIS aren’t doing too well. The Empire and the First Order are breathing down their backs. As much as I hate abandoning the Rogue Squadron, I had to.” She took her discharge and transferred without a hesitation.

Jyoti didn’t waste time beating around the bush. They both knew what was wrong with the Corellian, her ego was shattered, her invincible hero complex was destroyed and she was shown her mortality. The thought forced her to hide her face in Jyoti’s chest as they laid there. Allyson knew that was the real issue that was going on with her. She consistently hid behind the bravado she showed the galaxy, but Jyoti knew better.

“I-” She paused and knew that it was time to be honest. “I thought Anoat was a fluke. For some reason things didn’t work out like they were supposed to.” Pulling away slightly mostly to be able to breath and not sound muffled. Allyson didn’t look at Jyoti as she spoke, her voice low as she played with the fabric of the woman’s tunic in an attempt to keep some sort of focus. “Even then it worked out for me. I was found pretty quickly, head trauma and respiratory stuff, but I was still alive.”

A smile pulled partially at her lips as she remembered running back into Arisa during that time, but now wasn’t the time to think of fond memories such as that. “On Bastion, the mission was routine like I said. It was just surveillance, not a big deal, but being in that crypt - smelling the decay that was around me all day and night...it made me think that I could really die.”

“Anoat I thought I was going to die, but I was so delusional that it didn’t feel real. Bastion though, I felt everything, the only thing I thought about was how I was going to die and how I had hoped that it was that day just so it could all be over, but I didn’t want to die. After what I think was the first few days, I knew no one was coming for me. It would have been risky for the Alliance to come fetch me, because I wasn’t supposed to be there.”

Shaking her head, she finally felt the tears that had been hanging onto her eyes finally fall. They continued as her body shook and she clung as tight as she could to the Jedi. “I never want to feel that way again, but I get angry feeling like this. I don’t know what to do. I want to find that monster and kill him, but then I wonder if I could.”

[member="Jyoti Nooran"]

 

[Eugen Aker]

There were a lot of things she could say about the GA, not having much sympathy for their plight for various reasons, but she held her tongue and tried to keep the focus on Allyson.

She finally burst into tears, and for the longest time, Jyoti just hung onto her as she bawled. One part hated seeing Allyson in such a dire state, but another was relieved that she was finally dropping her walls and confronting the real issues that plagued her.

After a while, Jyoti finally broke her silence to offer another piece of advice. "The object shouldn't be to try to avoid experiencing negative emotions. They have a purpose in ensuring your survival. What you need to focus on is acknowledging these fears and learning to work through them - that is courage. You should that at Bastion when you didn't let the fear stop you from orchestrating your escape."

[member="Allyson Locke"]