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Location: Alvaria
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Even if he couldn't see them mourn, suffer, and cry to the moon for absolution that would never come. He let the words settle into the empty space between them and the Echani did the same. She half expected to be berated, for drawing breath, mostly, but it never came. Her eyes slipped from his face to his hands again, noting, how he held the satchel he'd snapped up from the floor. Srina had been trained since infancy to notice what others wanted to hide. It was why she so swiftly saw to the heart of things, regardless, of her lack of social graces…And for that, she couldn't ignore what mattered to him.
Her training didn't allow it.
No Empress or Emperor of the Sith Order in any history would have been caught dead sitting on the floor of a proverbial dungeon with a self-professed traitor to the crown. Her posture was strangely perfect despite her relaxed position. She seemed to have been draped where she sat with her legs crossed, arranged, in such a fashion that it appeared both elegant and haphazard.
She looked away from him when Alisteri spoke of his own perceived failings and read between the lines. Claiming that he should have done more. How much more? How much more could they stretch themselves thin before they broke? What use would they be to anyone if they fell apart because they hadn't known when to stop? What wars would they lose? How many more would die because the heart won out over the mind and they were led into oblivion by sentiment? "You cannot do all…You cannot be all. No one can. Were that the case, no Empire, would ever fall."
Her eyes rose and fixated upon him once more, golden orbs reflecting the muted light with an almost ethereal glow. There were secrets in her. A galaxy full of them that swirled to life when looked at closely enough. "You believe that you should have done more. I've often thought the same as it is a question that haunts all who survive…But the past is immutable. We can lament it, or we can learn from it."
That wasn't to say she didn't agree with remembering those who had fallen. There was just a fine line between preservation and becoming paralyzed by it. Her voice was measured, and calm, but beneath it all lay a line of strength that could only be likened to durasteel. It was the indomitable will that kept her standing despite the overwhelming ruins of all she had known. Alisteri might not have lived through the fall of the Confederacy—But he knew her anguish all the same.
Even if she could not express it properly.
"Sometimes…. We only see what we've lost or what we've failed to achieve. But even in failure, there is purpose. Even in loss, there is a lesson. Remembering this is how I honor those I have failed, those, who have suffered for my ineptitude. My mistakes."
It was about that time that the reason for her visit in the dead of night came to a head. The ivory-haired woman rested her cheek back in her hand for a long moment while feathery lashes slid back to the floor when he finally asked. Why had she come? What did she want? They were all valid concerns but she wasn't certain any answer she had would be sufficient. Possibly, because the question was incorrect. Her head lifted, tilting, while she observed him. It was inhuman, almost hawkish.
"I want many things. Only…Not from you. For you."
She paused, her gaze softening just a fraction, though her composure remained intact. He didn't know her well enough to know that she didn't lie, even, when it would be safer. Easier. It was the one thing that truly made her ineffective in a world of political nightmares. "You claim not to be a loyal subject and yet, I suspect, you have done very little without the betterment of the Sith Order in mind. I know very few men more loyal to the cause. Why would I knowingly leave someone who gave their life to rot and wither away?"
"I want to understand, you. I want you to understand. Not just me, not just the throne you revile, but the world as it is. I told you before…We are not gods. We cannot fix everything. But, we can strive to be more, for ourselves, and our people.", her tone grew more introspective, reflective of the immense thought, and effort, that she had placed into this conversation. It would show in the way she had to occasionally search for the word. As if speaking this way, this much, was almost uncomfortable for her. In some ways it was…Echani, preferred body language over all. "I did not…Come to gloat, nor, to force any misbegotten vow of fealty. I came because you are still here. That means, you have a choice."
"I am common…", she trailed off, soft, while her eyebrows drew together just slightly in thought. "I am not of noble blood or bearing…I am not the Empress that many wish for, but for the moment, I am the one the Sith Order requires. I do not feel hatred, nor anger, for you. I do not feel betrayed. I do not see a traitor. I came because, despite everything, I see in you a struggle that so many face. The struggle to find meaning beyond pain, to choose a path forward, when all roads seem blocked."
It had been foolish of her not to prepare something ahead of time so that she could recite it from memory but the words hadn't come. There had only been the feeling, the need, to seek him out from wherever it was that Malum had hidden him away. "You can disappear into the shadows and nurse your wounds until the Empire forgets your name…Or you can take my hand. Let me, help you."
"Allow me to bring you in from the cold so that you can start anew…I can feel that you've the strength to endure, but endurance and stubbornness won't be enough to undo what has been done. Like me, hate me, it matters not, but I am a resource that few have access to. We differ in how things should be done but…We have the same goals."
She drew a soft breath, letting that silence linger, offering him space to think. Or rage at her audacity. Srina had weathered countless insults, criticisms, and blame for all she had and hadn't done. Many people blamed the current throne for things they hadn't even been involved with. They were entirely different, inside, and out, but most could only feel the boot on their neck.
Even if it was only a memory.
It never occurred to them to look up.
"I am asking you above all…To swallow your defeat. To stow your pride. To fight."