Reminiscence Therapy

[Tallia Farn]

Tallia listened to Josh half-heartedly. He was kind and gentle, but her nerves overpowered his reassurances. She still wasn't convinced that this was the right thing to do, that she was ready for this. Something deep inside her told her this was a huge mistake.

But she'd said yes to this already, and she could tell Josh wanted to get it off his chest. She let him take her hand in his, and then the floodgates opened. It was more vivid than any dream she'd ever had, even more so than the vision she'd had of her own memory. The mission on Kashyyyk played out in full, just as he'd described to her. Countless missions followed after, even brief glimpses of the war. They'd met on Ossus, that was the most clear of the battlefields. It was so much to take in all at once, but it was happy at least. She'd smiled so much more than she did now.

None of her own memories sparked from any of it though. It was almost like watching a whole other person that happened to have her face. That was her though. The more she watched, the more it set in. She finally got to see what Jedi Knight Tallia Farn had really been like. There was plenty of value in that, she started to think that maybe she'd misread the situation. She was finally starting to understand who she'd been, and her close friendship with Josh. It was good to see it all finally, even if it wasn't the same as recovering her own memories.

Then the voice came, clawing up from the depths of her soul, and her sense of security shattered. Her fears had not been for nothing.

I told you you couldn't be rid of me.

The happy images continued to flash in her mind, but all she felt now was dread. She was frozen in fear, trapped in the vision with the voice. Outside her mind, she began to tense up and shiver. Josh was there, but she couldn't feel his presence anymore, only the darkness inside her.

How blissfully ignorant you were. You thought you were serving the Will of the Force on your vacuous little missions. Could you stop the death of your friends in the Order? The rise of the Sith? Not with the limitations of a Jedi. You realized that once.

The visions changed. They were no longer happy. Josh had left the Order for her, he'd scoured the galaxy for her. But Tallia had been gone, and she saw nothing in the vision to indicate where. She could feel the old pain Josh had felt, years ago now. He'd moved on, but the pain had lingered until that fateful night. The night she'd tried to kill him.

Josh had thought she was a slave, or a puppet, but Tallia saw something different. It was the same woman who'd laughed at Josh's corny jokes, and grinned at his attempts to flirt. Those eyes were broken, but the same. She'd not been a prisoner. It had been her choice from the beginning. That made it so much worse than anything she could have expected.

You saw the truth, but you were too weak. You strayed from your course. Be patient, in time you will realize the error of your ways.

This was horrible. She needed to get out. She tried to struggle away from the vision, but she was stuck in place. She had to watch herself attack Josh over and over, her anger overtaking her. How had she become this way? Was this voice the old Tallia coming back to haunt her?

Tallia had broken down eventually, and that was when the moment Josh most feared to relive was revealed. She'd begged him to wipe her mind, and he'd done it. He was wracked with guilt, but he'd done it.

He lied to you to protect his own image. So much for the selfless Jedi Master he so desperately wants you to think he is.

The voice poisoned her mind. Her thoughts were already all over the place from the flood of information, she was afraid what it said about this might be right. He had lied to her, why? Tallia couldn't help feeling a bit of anger rise to the surface.

And then he told her he'd loved her. She'd said it back too. That only served to further addle her mind. Did he feel that way still? Was that why he was doing this? To try to make her be the woman he loved again? He'd grown depressed after her mind had been wiped, in anguish over what he'd lost. Was showing her this a desperate attempt to get her to reconnect with her past? The good memories, of when they were friends in the Jedi Order, were quickly overshadowed by these last few moments of the vision. She didn't know it, but she was reacting exactly the way the voice wanted her to.

He's using you, Tallia. Think for yourself. Continue to play your little Jedi games if you wish, but never forget the truth you glimpsed here.

And then the vision was gone. She could hear Josh apologizing, crying out to her that he was sorry. All she could do was stare at the ground. She'd been crying during the vision. Her eyes were red and puffy, and there were teardrops resting on the blades of grass below her.

"I need air." She whispered. She stood up and walked away. She didn't know where she was going, just that she needed to get away, to let her emotions rest. Right now she couldn't think clearly.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

He could sense her emotions and feelings the moment that the vision ended. And he knew that he had made a mistake. He finally managed to meet her eyes, and he seemed to see it then. He seemed to sense those little glimpses of the voice in her head. His pupils shrank as it had sunk in just what had returned. But what concerned him even more was how Tallia was feeling in that moment. He'd made a mistake. He'd shown her these things, perhaps even before she was ready.

"I... I..."

He didn't know where to begin. As he finally seemed to find something, though, Tallia would note needing air and walk off. He held out a hand for a moment, reaching out for her, but he would put it down. She needed air. She needed space. He let out an exhale then as he would nod his head. And for the longest time, he just sat there. He unconsciously found himself tracking her through her movements and his senses, but did not go after her for a long while.

Eventually, though, he would slowly drag himself to his feet and seek her out. When he did find her, he once again lost his will to speak. He didn't say anything, as he approached. Instead, he reached out through the Force, tried to touch her mind, and speak that way. Perhaps he would speak after, but for now he needed to find the will.

"I'm sorry" He found himself repeating in her mind. "I was a fool. You were seeking answers, and I narrow-mindedly threw what I had, without thinking."

The truth hurt. But it was out there now. He'd just wanted to help. He knew it could have made her worse, but he didn't think for a moment that perhaps she was better off not knowing. That was another mistake he would have to live with.

"If you have any questions, I will answer them. I have nothing to hide. I made you a promise."

[member="Tallia Farn"]

 

[Tallia Farn]

"I don't have any questions." Tallia snapped, out loud. She had finally stopped at a bridge, extending over a small stream. She'd been watching the current flow past. It was funny, she finally felt her mind was clear enough to meditate, staring into that water. She felt as if she could reach out, lose herself in its flow, find peace. She'd do anything to escape the thoughts in her mind. Josh had showed up before she could try.

"You lied to me. I trusted you blindly..." She'd been happy to see Josh this morning, it had been good to catch up finally. She hadn't expected to be betrayed. Tallia would not realize it, perhaps Josh would if he could see her eyes, but the vision he'd shown had changed her after all. There was no longer a look of innocent wonder in them, whether that was good or bad, Josh would be unlikely to know.

"I don't know why you did it. I would rather you had said nothing at all, I could have waited. I don't care you wiped my mind. I care that you lied straight to my face. How am I supposed to trust you now?" Another errant tear fell from her face, slipping down her chin, getting lost in the stream below. She had planned to be calm, rational. That wasn't really her style though. Her emotions always used to get the best of her, and they still did even without her past experiences restored in full.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

Josh would wince when she would snap at him as he approached. He allowed himself to take a deep breath as he would try to formulate what to say, as he let her talk. As she did, he would allow himself to keep as calm as he could while he would gingerly step onto the bridge and sit down beside her, cross-legged as he would close his eyes. Lead by example, he had always been told. It was something he hadn't been doing a whole lot of lately.

"Lying isn't the word you're looking for. I didn't lie" He spoke softly. "I said that you wiped your memory. That you had it wiped. That was true. You wanted your memory wiped... I did not. You made that decision. I aided because you physically could not, even if I did not want to.

What I did do... Was withhold the how. Which was wrong of me" He would admit. "I withheld it for a few reasons. One of which you already know, seeing as you feel I should have waited. The second being because I knew that if I told you that bit right away, while you were still trying to get your head straight and find your way, you would never trust me, nor the Silver Jedi... The latter of which is innocent in all of this. They don't know. I haven't seen Valae since I brought you here, she's super busy so we've never yet sat down and talked about it and I didn't feel comfortable talking to someone else about it that wasn't there to see and feel everything for themselves when you first came here. But I knew that the Silver Jedi could help you far better than I ever could.

That's why I brought you here. If you mistrusted them, which no doubt you would have if I'd told you when you were still trying to get your head together, they wouldn't have been able to help you, and Force knows what would have happened to you. They heal. That's what they do. You needed healers.

The last reason is…”

He let out a sigh.

“... I was being selfish.”

After a silence, he would continue.

“I wanted so badly to help. It killed me that I couldn’t help you myself. I wanted to be there, I wanted to be involved as much as I could, even if I’d brought you to them. I let my personal feelings on the matter get in the way. I wanted to help you heal, wanted to be there to walk with you. If I told you about the mind wipe before you were ready, you wouldn’t have trusted me, and… I was scared. I was scared that would be it, I’d be helpless to watch as you lost trust in myself and the Order and tried to do this on your own without help.

I… I was helpless to do anything to help you before. You had to walk your path alone after what had happened with the Sith, and despite all I’d done to search for you, you still had to suffer through that alone. I couldn’t stand letting you walk it alone again… But I was just being selfish. And for that, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for withholding information from you. I thought I was doing right, but… I don’t know anymore.”

An argument could be made for “what did you expect me to do?” when she was both mad at him for withholding info but also mad at him for not withholding it longer. But he tried to address it as he could.

When tears started to fall, he wanted to reach out, he wanted to wipe them away. He wanted to hug her tight and tell her that it was going to be okay. But he had lost that right. He almost did. His hands moved just a bit, but he would force himself to place them back down.

"But... You're absolutely right. I should have waited" He would admit, shaking his head as he struggled a bit to keep his calm, but did his best. "I made a mistake. It's as simple as that. I won't make excuses, I won't defend against it... I made a mistake."

She said she couldn't trust him. He understood, of course. But he did one thing in response, and that was show that he trusted her. He opened his mind to her. He let her in. She would be able to sense his thoughts, everything he was thinking. And the first thing she would be able to tell was that he never did this. He never let anyone into his head... He never trusted anyone fully. Not like he was now with her.

The truth was that he had never expected, no matter what memories that brought back, for the Tallia he knew to return. He had taken time away to recover after the ordeal. He had time to realize that. He had time to accept it. He had to accept that she wasn’t coming back. He had told her that her as she was now now, was someone he had grown to care for. Regardless of the past, regardless of what we were, that was not something he had lied about. It was never a lie, none of it. He had wanted to help Tallia, the Tallia in front of him. And did so more and more as he grew to know her as she was now.

"I wanted to help you. All I could think of was to help you. You were trying to find yourself and I wanted to be there to help you see it through. You wanted answers… And I’ll admit, I’m not... Good at withholding information."

He looked away a bit, as his more formal tone faded. No, she deserved better. She deserved him as he was.

"... No. I suck at withholding information. Especially when it comes to someone I deeply care about."

He let that sit for a moment before he continued.

"It took more patience than I thought myself capable of to not try to spill it all right away. I knew that if I did right away, it would be too much. You needed time. You needed to heal, otherwise it would only do you harm. So I waited. I tried to give you bits and pieces here and there to help you find what you sought, hoping it wouldn’t be too much. And yet despite that... I got overeager. The moment that you seemed to be ready, the moment that I realized I could help with that power I discovered not long ago, I did it."

He shook his head. "I didn't have this... Ability, the last time we met. I couldn't do that last time. But the moment I had what I thought was a means to help you, I threw it the second I thought you were ready. And it was foolish of me. I should have known better. I couldn’t keep it from you, I knew. I just didn’t have the capability to. But maybe I should have. Maybe I should have gone one memory at a time, worked up over time.

But I just… I couldn’t. It wouldn’t be fair to you. That’s what my heart told me, when you indicated you were ready. That’s why I brought it up. It wasn’t right to hold it from you when it seemed like there was a good chance it wouldn’t do you harm. You are you as you are now, but your past is still your past and your memories were still your memories. If I had a way to help you, and I knew it had a good chance of working safely… I had to do it. I had no right to hold that from you any longer. It’s one thing to withhold what might cause you immeasurable damage until you’re ready… It’s another entirely to withhold it when you seem to be. I thought that time had come.

But... I was wrong. It was too soon. I should have waited. I should have talked to you more about about your readiness before I even brought up the idea. And I'm sorry for that too. I hurt you. I hurt you and I can't take that back. I made a mistake and I can't take it back, and I just... I don't know what to do. You're upset, and rightly so, and I want to make it better, I want to fix everything... But I just..."

He growled low and shook his head, uttering curses under his breath. "I'm a karking idiot. I acted in haste. You're strong, you're one of the strongest people I know, but I should have handled this better. I should have been better."

His hands fell to his sides, as he just stared at the stream for a little while.

"What I do know is... What you’re going through right now… Whatever that may be… I know you don’t trust me anymore. I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t trust myself either after I held that truth from you, no matter my reason. But if you’ll have me, I want to walk this path with you" He would admit softly. "I don't want you to walk alone again. You shouldn't have had to back then... I could never forgive myself if you did now. If it's the last thing I ever ask you... Please let me walk with you. You don't have to trust me again if you don't wish to... But let me walk your road with you.

No more secrets, no more hiding. If there is a battle you need to fight… Let me fight it with you."

Josh was a warrior. He was Echani. He was born into a race of fighters, and raised to be a warrior under the Jedi. He was the Order's Battlemaster... Fighting, combat, battle... It was much of who he was. He was a fighter. A warrior. For a warrior to say what he did... It was important to him. He said he would fight her battle with her if she let him, and that expression carried great weight. Though it was unknown if she would understand that, even with what she knew about him.

But there was another option. He knew there had to be. As much as he didn't want to say it.

"But if you don't want me involved anymore... I understand. If you wish to have nothing to do with me after this, I will walk away. I don't want to, and would never give up on you unless it was what you desired most... But I will not burden you any longer if you wish me not to" He spoke softly, but his soft tone held back what was going on in his head. Everything within him screaming not to, screaming not to even bring it up. But knowing that it was the right thing to do. He had thought before that what he was doing was the right thing... It was not. But now... He knew. He knew the right thing to do was to give Tallia the choice.

"If you wish for that... My last piece of advice is this. Stick with Valae. She is innocent in all this, as is the rest of the Order. She will help you find your way. She's better than I am, and... She's better than I'll ever be."

[member="Tallia Farn"]

 

[Tallia Farn]

She listened to him explain himself, tell his side of the story, for a long time. She cooled down as best she could in the meantime. She still couldn't really figure out why he'd twisted the story in the first place. He said he was afraid she would have never trusted him to bring her to the Jedi. It was ironic then that the path he'd chosen was the one that had actually caused her distrust.

His admission that he hadn't had the patience to hold back in telling her what he knew made sense to her. He'd been overeager, he thought he'd be helping by unveiling her past. Maybe she should have made it more clear to him that she was terrified of it. Tallia had been so focused on the future in the past couple months, so careful not to let her past define her. A fresh start had been what she'd wanted. The vision had confirmed that. That's what she had told Josh. But the past kept coming back to bite her.

If she kept following her current course, she was afraid that voice in her head was going to start making too much sense...

"I'm not going to get a restraining order against you or anything." Tallia snarked. She still sounded grumpy, but the anger in her voice had mostly faded. "I can't give you my full trust again, not yet, but I can forgive you at least."

She looked up from the stream and turned around, leaning her back against the railing. She looked at him now, and he would be able to see how she'd changed. Her eyes looked heavy, tired. It was subtle, but she definitely looked liked she'd lost some innocence, woken up to a harsh reality.

"Here's what I really want you to do, if you want to help me. I need you to treat me like a new person, leave all the old baggage behind. Even though I saw everything from your perspective, I didn't gain any of my own memories back." She didn't mention the voice that had spoken to her though. Tallia would keep that to herself.

"I know I told you before you wiped that it wouldn't be goodbye, but I'm not that person right now. I don't know when or if I ever will be. You have to accept that." It was all out on the table now, the only thing she hadn't really addressed was him telling her he loved her. She'd said it back even, which only complicated the issue in her mind. Josh had been like a mentor to her since she'd woken up. He was handsome sure, but she hadn't thought of him in the romantic sense. Apparently the old Tallia had, although, unless Josh was holding something back, she'd never acted on it.

"So I don't want you to stay away, but I want you to accept me as I am. I don't want you to twist the truth because you're afraid of how I'll react. If you need to tell me something, just tell me how it is. I can make my own decisions. I feel like you only told me what you wanted to when I woke up so that I would follow a certain path, like you were manipulating me."

She stared him dead in the eyes at that. She still wasn't angry, but her voice took on a new tone. Tallia hadn't talked to him on equal terms since she'd woke, she always been questioning, learning. Now her mind was set.

"I'm sorry though... I know you didn't want this to happen in the first place. You respected my decision back then, when I decided to wipe my mind, and I appreciate it."

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

It was a bit quaint. Her decision back then had mentally and emotionally destroyed him to the point that he couldn't work for several weeks, left him distraught and distressed and helped build to what was likely going to be some kind of mental breakdown at some point between everything that was happening to him. Which of course was something he was holding back, but... Not just from Tallia. Nobody knew. He was a mess of bottling up every problem he had and trying to hold it in himself and move past so as not to be a burden to others.

But he hadn't thought of it one bit. He hadn't called her out on getting mad at him like he'd been some terrible liar, when her decision had caused him damage as well. He hadn't even thought about it. That was just the way he was. Instead, all he seemed to be thinking about was what he'd done, the damage he'd done to Tallia by acting too hastily. The fact she wouldn't trust him fully anymore for withholding the particulars about her memory loss from her. The fear that he'd lose someone he cared about, regardless of whether she was the old Tallia or new Tallia, for his actions.

He listened to what she had to say, and at the end of it, just nodded his head, taking a deep breath. He shook his head a moment, seeming to be about to correct something real quick that had caught his attention.

"The truth is... I never expected, no matter what memories that brought back, for the Tallia I knew to return. I took time away to recover after the ordeal. I had time to realize that. I had time to accept it. I had to accept that she wasn’t coming back. The Tallia I knew... And..." He trailed off. She knew now. He couldn't lie about it now. "... The woman that I loved with everything that I was. She's gone. I get that. Odds are she's not coming back, and... That's okay. I told you that you as you are now, are someone I’ve grown to care for deeply. Regardless of the past, regardless of what we were, that was not something I lied about. I withheld the particulars on the memory wipe, and... That's basically it. Anything I was capable of telling you at the time that you woke up, I did. Everything else, I did my best to fill you in as I went, when I had my head back on straight. Now that you have that last detail... There's nothing left. At least as far as I know."

He pondered a moment if he'd forgotten anything. He felt like he was, but he wasn't sure what it could be. As she was still able to see into his mind, she'd know he was being sincere.

At her last statement, he took a deep breath, and nodded his head.

"I told you before I wiped your memory I'd do everything I could to help you. I did it then, whether I wanted to do it that way or not... I had a promise to keep. I promised you again when you woke up. I'll continue to keep that promise if you'll have me. Don't feel bad about what's happened... It is what it is. It's like you said. It's not who you are now."

Perhaps deep down he still loved the old Tallia. Perhaps deep down he still missed her. But that no longer mattered. He had a friend who needed him to be honest with her and help her find her path. Whatever it might be.

[member="Tallia Farn"]

 

[Tallia Farn]

"Josh..." She could feel his presence, and he was being honest according to her limited experience sensing people. "I guess I just didn't expect the deceit, the lie, the half-truth, whatever you want to call it." Tallia's voice was softer now, reflective. She hadn't meant to twist the knife in an already old wound for Josh, she'd just reacted without thinking.

"When I woke up and I sensed you were upset I threw all of the blame onto myself. I had no idea you felt guilty too, and that you'd make mistakes because of it. I think I put an unfair amount of faith in you." She shrugged.

"What's done is done now though. I know what happened, at least between us. Still don't know why I turned though..." That was a half-truth of her own. The voice had given her a small glimpse at possible reasons, but those thoughts had once again faded back into the deep recesses of her mind. She would be unlikely to entertain any of them in the near future.

"We're still friends though, as long as you'll put up with me. I won't turn my back on you over something like this." And then she hugged him.

Really? Hugs? She thought to herself. This was significant though. Josh was the touchy-feely one normally, hand holding and all that. It wasn't often that Tallia was the instigator.

Hey, it worked for Cale. She bantered back to herself as she patted his back. Josh had to be hiding the pain he felt behind a curtain, only giving small glimpses of his true sorrow. Not just about her, but everything he'd lost. In that moment she also remembered what he'd said about his wife walking out. Another fresh wound.

That caused her to hug him a little tighter. He'd constantly mentioned how strong he thought she was. She'd been sitting around the Jedi Temple for far too long. Now was the time to show how strong she really could be.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

"Let's call it a mis-wording" He joked lightly. The only difference between "You did it" and "You did it and I helped" was the way he worded it, after all.

Though hearing the equivalent to "I shouldn't have had faith in you" in some juncture got a frown out of him. But he didn't say anything, just let it go. It was fine, whatever, it didn't bother him, it didn't bother him... Okay, it definitely bothered him, but considering the circumstances... He was just gonna let it go.

When she would bring up not knowing why she turned though, deep down he felt like she was hiding something... But didn't call on it. He had no proof of such. "I do have a few ideas" He would admit. "I've had time to think on that too. At the time, I'd just lost my brother, so I solely attributed it to the Sith. I think there were other factors, and I have some guesses, but... By what you've indicated, any guesses I had are no longer factors, and you don't remember them anyway" Josh explained, with a shrug. With one of his guesses, wondered if it was her seeing what he had seen, the Order changing around them to be something that wasn't too far from the Sith, that did it. The politics, the corruption. An Order that honestly needed to fall, needed to be destroyed. It gave the Jedi a horrible representation. It wasn't even how militant they were, how quick they were to look at anything with "Dark side" on it and destroy it. It was the manipulation, the politics, the lows they were willing to sink to. If seeing that had changed Tallia... It wouldn't surprise him at all. It had changed him. But things were different now. The Silver Jedi Order, thus far, had been a shining example of what the Jedi were meant to be. If they stopped doing so... He'd probably walk away. He wouldn't go through this again.

Josh nodded his head when she reassured that they were still friends. Though he was surprised when she hugged him. It wasn't what he expected... Especially now. He found himself wrapping his arms around her into a tight hug. And in that moment... It just all came out. It was all laid out there in his mind for her to see. It all washed to the surface - the pain of losing her the first time, the pain of searching for her to no avail, the pain of seeing her as she was and wishing he could have prevented it and saved her from that pain, the pain of having to wipe her memory and in a way destroy the woman that he loved, the pain of wanting to tell all right away but feeling it would only hurt her, the pain of finally telling her only to realize he had hurt her, the guilt and pain of realizing she no longer trusted him for what she felt was lying to her, the fear of losing her again, and the continued fear of losing her again at that as if he was still unsure if she wouldn't just change her mind at some point and walk away... And the continued guilt that despite it being unintentional... He had hurt her. He had hurt her and he couldn't take it back.

Despite his own pains, the agony of all that had happened, the most painful thing of all to him was that he had hurt Tallia. It all came crashing down in that moment, and Josh couldn't stop himself. He found himself burying his face in her shoulder as he broke down into uncontrollable sobs.

[member="Tallia Farn"]

 

[Tallia Farn]

For once she was able to hold the tears back. She could feel Josh's distress wash over her, but Tallia stayed strong and continued to try to comfort him. She stayed quiet for a long time, unable to think of anything appropriate to say.

She simply continued to pat his back, hold him as he sobbed into her shoulder. She did her best to project a serene and compassionate presence, a calm in the storm. It wasn't easy. She had her own, newly-discovered pains to deal with, but she felt better about it for holding it in. The pain didn't feel so bad while she was comforting someone else. She'd probably find herself in tears that night, all alone in her bunk as the things Josh had shown her finally started to settle in.

She cared dearly for Josh, that she was sure of. Yes, she'd been mad a him, furious perhaps. But she'd applied motive without proof, thought the worst of him. It had all made so much sense in the moments after the vision, but now she couldn't help but feel like his crying was her fault. She wasn't guilty enough to regret her decisions, but hated herself all the same for putting him through this.

It will be alright. Tallia thought to herself. All wounds heal with time.

She understood he had been impatient, hoping his abilities could help. She didn't think he had any hidden intent after all, as her paranoid side had feared. From her point of view he'd still lied to her, but she would be able to look past it. Would she have known how to handle a friend's amnesia if she had been in his position? No, doubtful. He deserved a good sob, after everything he'd done for her. She wasn't going to spoil it until she was sure he was done.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

To say he was distressed was an understatement. Josh was in agony. So much flooding through him at once. Years of this entire situation had come to a head here and now, and the result had been... Well, it had been stressful, to say the least. So for a good while he just sat there, uncontrollably crying and sobbing into her shoulder, his entire being radiating every bit of pain he was feeling. Not just from the situation with her, but from everything. For the first time with her, he let her in to a degree that truly indicated that he was in great pain deep down, from a variety of things, and that it was mounting, escalating by the day. He was hurting, and hurting bad. From the trauma with his brother, to losing Shmi, to worries about Jason, to the loss of his father, everything was coming together and creating his own personal hell.

He finally let out an exhale, picking himself up and wiping his eyes. He didn't mean to do this, this wasn't about him right now, this was about Tallia. He didn't fully realize it yet, but this was the first real sign that he was breaking.

"Sorry."

[member="Tallia Farn"]