Private Rest & Reprieve [Nouqai Veil]

[Balun Dashiell]

Location: Balun Dashiell's Quarters, "The Nest".
Present Company: Nouqai Veil .

​

Nouqai Veil and Balun Dashiell had travelled to The Nest together in his S-91x Pegasus, now docked within the underground superstructures hangar. From there, Balun brought his friend to his quarters on Level B2 so that they could speak freely, and Nouqai was given time to relax and try to take stock of herself after all that had occurred over the last few months.

Balun's quarters were quite extravagant for someone of his age, although the mess certainly resembled the lax of youth. The first and largest room was a massive living space combining a lounge area, an open kitchen and a work station, while conjoining rooms would lead to the wash-room and Balun's own bedroom. It was a simple layout, and it was more than Balun really felt he required, given he was just as comfortable living aboard the Liberty's Edge. Still, The Nest provided heightened security and the promise of Nouqai's safety so that she could figure out what her next moves were to be.

Returning from the Kitchen, Balun tossed a bottle of hydro over to her before seating himself upon one of the couches and kicking his feet up atop the caf table, looking across at Nouqai Veil who sat on the other couch. They had spoken casually as friends always had, but the conversation of her time with the Lightsworn, and her captivity was going to come up sooner or later. Now seemed as a good a time as any.

"So...-You going to tell me what happened with the Lightsworn or what?".

 

[Nouqai Veil]

So this was what her best-friend was getting up to for the past months, whilst she was within the possession of the Lightsworn. When Balun had first brought her here, she was apprehensive that the others within the coalition would not take well to her, a sithspawn and a former sith apprentice in their space. But she was thankful to have Balun vouching for her, she was also once a padawan. They now found themselves in his quarters, an entire apartment of his own.

Nouqai had told him that her stay here was likely temporary and that she was to return to the Lightsworn. The Jedi group was expecting her back, and her rehabilitation plan they had for her was still ongoing, it would be terrible to stop now after all the work she put into it. However, now that she was here, away from them and within the safety of the Nest, Nouqai was having second thoughts. She felt more at ease with the company of her bestfriend then the Lightsworn who kept a close eye on her at all times.

There she sat on the couch. Like on his ship, Balun would once again ask about the group. Nouqai sighed, "Balun, what more can I say. I know it doesn't seem like it, but they were helping me. " Subsconciously, her hand came up to fiddle with truth hanging on her neck, feeling the cold metal against her fingers. She was entirely used to its effects now, but yet she felt disconnected in a way. Yet, it was a good thing to keep the darkness away. "I never wanted to fall. You wouldn't understand. It seems like the darkness was always a part of me, but they told me they could fix me."

Balun Dashiell

 

[Balun Dashiell]

"Balun, what more can I say. I know it doesn't seem like it, but they were helping me. I never wanted to fall. You wouldn't understand. It seems like the darkness was always a part of me, but they told me they could fix me."

Balun listened to Nouqai Veil speak while watching as her hand fidgeted with the necklace she wore. Frowning to himself, he noted that this wasn't the first time he had seen her playing with it, yet he also didn't recognise it from before her time with the Lightsworn and the Sith Order. Perhaps it was a gift from Darth Malum of House Marr , or maybe she had acquired it from the Jedi cultists, these Lightsworn.

"I'm sorry, Nouqai, but every gut instinct I have about them tells me they're not to be trusted. I don't mean to imply anything of you, but they are not the Jedi we once aspired to become," he answered her, glancing briefly to make eye contact before gesturing to the pendant around her neck. "What is that?" he asked curiously, wishing for a closer look at the necklace.

When he had first found her in the company of the Lightsworn, following her leave of the Sith, Balun had been unable but to notice the absence of the dark side as she had once held. This, of course, wasn't a bad thing, but it was increasingly strange to him as he hadn't expected that she would so easily shed its influence. Especially, as she had admitted, was a Sithspawn.

"Mind if I take a closure peak at what you got there?".

 

[Nouqai Veil]

There were those she trusted and those she had grown to trust within the Lightsworn. Her former master Grrwunhoool and Rik who was her counsellor while she was in the Jedi rehabilitation facility. There were also a few friends she made in her time there. "My former Master was a part of the Lightsworn." She'd interjected. He had saved her in Myrkr, he was the Jedi she aspired to become, yet could not.

Balun shifted nearer, his curiousity drawn to the pendant. Nouqai nodded. "Its called Saarai or truth. Its supposed to purify one of the darkside. Its been helping me a lot." She explained. It had done a lot to her mind, now unable to read or write the sith language no matter how hard she tried. It disconnected her from the dark, while she felt weaker from its absence, it was something she felt was a worth sacrifice.

 

[Balun Dashiell]

Balun pointed out, speaking carefully so as not to encourage her temper, "Your former Master also lied to the Jedi Council, claiming you were dead and, in doing so, lying to all of your friends in the New Jedi Order. That was not the Jedi way, Nouqai. You know that," he reminded her. The Jedi that they had been raised to be in the Temple of Coruscant were people of truth and transparency, not deceit and negligence.

"This Saarai...-Is it a crystal of some sort?" he soon asked, wondering if perhaps it worked as some Kyber Crystals did. Sometimes the Jedi would use specialised crystals for the rarer attributes that could enhance their skill and prowess in combat. The Saarai sounded rather similar, although that was by assumption.

"What exactly happened there, with the Lightsworn?" He asked, resting his elbows against his knees as he leaned forward with intrigue, trying to understand what Nouqai Veil had experienced within their custody; "How exactly did they rehabilitate you? The change in your presence in the Force was faster than I'd imagined. I'm not an expert on these things, but when Cordelia Dimitte eventually turned away from the Sith, she still held darkness in her for the rest of our time together. Probably after we broke up, too, But I remember seeing you before the Lightsworn and then again afterwards, and there wasn't a trace of Darkness in you. It was like black and white," he expressed, voicing his feelings.

"And then there's the fact that you're a Sithspawn" " he brought up, gesturing to her once more, "Something you told me yourself. Shouldn't that have made it all the more difficult to remove yourself of the Darkside's influence?".

 

[Nouqai Veil]

"I told him to lie. I was ashamed, but I couldn't go back with him. And he would have died if he tried taking me back." Nouqai felt that it was all her fault for the trouble she put her former master through. How much scorn he must have faced when the Jedi found out she was alive. "I wanted to make it up to him." She explained.

Nouqai had not asked what saarai was made of. Although she was now curious herself. "It does feel like the energy of a crystal." She noted.

There was a slight vexation that he was prodding so much into her time with the Lightsworn, but given that he was her bestfriend and merely curious, Nouqai would allow it. "Truth purifies. Its incredibly effective. I was on the other side of a warfront, the sith side. I lost a fight and was taken to an NJO rehabilition facility. Nothing they did worked to change how I viewed things - how the sith taught me to view things. I was never getting out. Until a member of the Lightsworn got me out, said they could help me get better."

"They helped me discover what I was. I'm not natural and shouldn't even be in existence, the Jedi should have killed me when they found me in a lab. Its impossible to remove the darkside from a sithspawn, let alone try to make one a jedi. Its also why I should always have Truth on me."

 

[Balun Dashiell]

"Yeah, but you were his Padawan; he was a Jedi Knight. He should have known better," Balun exclaimed, knowing that ranking Jedi had a role to play regarding their influence over Padawan and other younger members of the New Jedi Order.

"-And yeah, maybe you are a Sithspawn. If you were created like that, that does suck, but it doesn't change the fact that you've got your own free will and can decide for yourself what to do with your life. It doesn't make you good or evil; your choices and actions do," he told her confidently, firmly believing this of Nouqai Veil .

"It's possible that the New Jedi Order was aware of your being a Sithspawn and didn't tell you because they figured it might disappoint you or encourage you to turn away from the Jedi?" he suggested, trying to think of a reason why the New Jedi Order hadn't offered their assistance in this regard.

"You know what it was like living in the Temple. When it came to potentially dangerous information, they'd always been careful with how much they told us. Anything that puts their students at risk, they'll try to protect us from it," he continued, reflecting on their shared upbringing on Coruscant. The ranking members of the New Jedi Order were always protective of Jedi Initiates and Padawan; it was part of their obligation and mandate as Jedi Knights or Jedi Masters to keep watch over the young.

"Your creation may have been by sentient design, but the fact that the Force flows through you is proof enough that your living and being here is natural. The Force binds all living things together, and life in turn fuels the Force. I know what you've heard is depressing, but I choose to believe that there is a purpose for you, just as there is for me out there somewhere. Your life isn't forfeit just because someone made you".

 

[Nouqai Veil]

While separated, Nouqai still shared a bond with her former master - wherever he was now, she would not stop defending him. It was an entire dilemma she put Grrwunhoool through when she fell that she felt it was almost selfish. "I should have sought you out and told you that I was at least alive. Its my fault not his. " Of course, Balun must have been distraught then, but it was not fair that his vexation was directed on her Master and not herself.

To know she was a Sithspawn troubled her greatly, her sense of self and worth diminished by the knowledge. To know somewhere out there, her creator, whatever mad scientist that created her likely had more devious purposes for her. Where there even others like her out there? "It is strange. Maybe who ever made me designed me to be force sensitive." She would always have questions that would never be answered unless she truly went digging.

"It seems like you've found your purpose here already with the Tingel Arm," she commented. Once she had thought she had found hers, training and serving under a Sith Lord. But what the Lightsworn told her could not be closer to the truth, she had been abandoned by her master. He would have found her now would he? Now she was lost.

Balun Dashiell

 

[Balun Dashiell]

"I am glad to be working with them", Balun agreed, speaking of the Tingel Arm Coalition, "Although whether this is what I am meant for is hard to say. We're still young and while I believe in what we're doing, it has very little to do with the Force. I'm definitely where I want to be, but I always thought that when the time came that I had 'Made It', I would be doing something relating to our ability to wield the Force". Having said this, it sounded like he was speaking of aspirations to become a Jedi Master, but this wasn't the case. More, it was that he would do something truly remarkable with the skills that he had learned along the way. To have made an undeniable difference in the lives of others.

"I'm sure that whoever made you had ideas of their own, but in having free will, your life is your own now, and the Force is your guide," He told her, his hands coming to meet in the centre, fingers lacing together; "I know it's chit, and I don't expect it will be easy but the way I see it, you can choose to let the past eat away at you, or you can work towards making a real future for yourself. No one owns you, no one has any say over your life but yourself...-And I know I'm not going to be satisfied until I know that, wherever you wind up, you're happy".

"For now though..." Balun paused for a moment, looking to Nouqai Veil to see whether she would be open to the suggestion he would make, "I think you should stick around here for a while. You and I can train together down on Level Five. I suggested the Tingel Arm Coalition make this place as much for the military as it is for its Force Users. We have training and educational facilities, even our own Archive. We can get back into our regular practice with the Force and sparring, try and get you back to your A-Game".

 

[Nouqai Veil]

Free will. The Lightsworn had told her about her inclination to darkness as a Sithspawn and that exercising her free will meant that others around her were bound to get hurt. Like how she hurt Grrwunhoool, and then her friend Raphael. She hated that she caused them harm. The method s of the Lightsworn were extreme, but she'd rather lose a part of herself than cause harm to those she cared about. There was always both sides of the Force, where there was light, darkness wasn't too far away.

"I don't know what future there is for me if its not with the Lightsworn. They were helping me connect with the light again. And I don't know if what Revna said was true... that Darth Malum was looking for me. He should have found me by now right?" Nouqai pondered. Yet there was also a question on what would make her happy, and deep down she knew, it was not with the Lightsworn. Once she was happy and content with her new life as a sith apprentice.

Although being in the company of her bestfriend was never dull. Whatever it was with the force, she was more at ease with him in the vicinity. "I'm worried." She admitted. "The Lightsworn or Darth Strosius for that matter, would be searching for me. I don't want to put you or anyone here in danger if I stay. I don't belong here. "

 

[Balun Dashiell]

"I've only brought you and one other person here. Aside from that, everyone in this facility is Coalition Military or Aquilian Rangers. This place is secure—safer than anywhere else we could possibly go," Balun told Nouqai Veil , confident in this fact.

"I don't know what this Darth Malum of House Marr is like. I've never met him, but you have a better idea of who he is. How likely is it that he would have been searching for you?" Balun asked curiously. It didn't seem a far stretch for her Sith Master to seek her out, especially as Balun himself had been doing the same thing.

"You don't need the Lightsworn to reconnect with the Lightside of the Force. We can do that here, on our own," Balun told her, gesturing to both of them; "We can train together. Meditate together. Seek answers in the Force and try to guide one another. You don't need a Master to listen to the Force; you need patience and support. The latter that I will always provide you with, s'long as I breathe." He smiled warmly to her.

Nouqai was his closest friend. There was no one else who Balun trusted more so than he did her. Though he now had a father and brother, he had not spent enough time with them to bridge the distance that an isolated life had created between them. Nouqai was the one person that had always been there, and that he would ensure he did the same for her.

"But if you would be happier, and feel you belong more with the Sith Order, then I would take you to them" He offered once more. Something that no other Jedi would likely do, yet he believed that her happiness and fulfilment in life was more important. Whether Jedi or Sith, her life was her choice, just as he had told her moments prior. He would not seek to steer her against where she felt she belonged.

 

[Nouqai Veil]

Despite her friend's reassurance, it did not placate her worries. She knew how the Lightsworn were like, and with the last encounter with the sith Lord Strosius, she as particularly worried about Balun safety. The lightsworn had convinced her that Darth Malum of House Marr had abandoned her, no sith lord would want a weak apprentice. Even if Nouqai wanted to believe otherwise, it had gotten into her head, she was weak having lost a battle and taken by the Jedi. Besides, Malum had three more apprentices. It was more reason to believe that he had decided not to go looking for her.

Balun's next words brough her much comfort. He was one she would always trust with her life, but so was she more than inclined to jump the bullet for him. While she had made some close aquaintances with the lightsworn, most of her time was spent in a cell on going her rehabilitation. "I like how that sounds, " She said gently. They almost did everything together when they were young padawans in the NJO, they were also sprring partners, in fact, she was interested to see how he had improved all these years in combat.

"I don't know if the sith is where I belong... I used to feel that way - was content training under my master, but I don't know,,, it seems like I've got a target on my back now."

 

[Balun Dashiell]

"Welcome to the life of a Force User", Balun chuckled after remarking. "Most of us feel compelled to do something bigger than ourselves, particularly those trained by the Jedi", he added softly. Even the Sith sought means to further their strength, which often led to confrontation with others, intentionally or otherwise. Once the mind had been awakened to the nature of the force and the potential within their ability to use it, it was difficult for force users to live a simpler, quieter life.

"Honestly, I wasn't sure where I truly belonged either. It could have been meant to be with the Jedi, but I took them for granted because I was resentful that my Mom left me there and didn't let me know who my parents were. The Tingel Arm Coalition fell into my lap. I heard about them and reached out, and they offered me an opportunity. I didn't think I'd make something of it until I committed myself," Balun explained his place with the Tingel Arm Coalition today. "The Aquilian Rangers are their version of Force Users. Jedi without actually being Jedi. It suited me pretty well, so I ran with it".

"But like I said, who's to say where I'll have wound up within another twenty years? In the worst-case scenario, the Imperials beat the Coalition, forcing us to retreat or hide and find new lives elsewhere. It's a reality with the kind of enemy we're facing now. We're young still right? We're not meant to have our whole lives figured out. Just go with what feels right, right now".

Nouqai Veil

 

[Nouqai Veil]

Here they were sharing their experiences. It had been a bumpy road for Nouqai, the future still all a blur. "Would you think I'll be a good aquillian ranger?" She asked with a bit of a chuckle, as if she was lightly joking. Although it would give her something more to do while she was here figuring things out. If they'd let her at all. With her ties to the sith and lightsworn, it might be more complicated.

"By the way, what happened to you and Cordelia anyway? I never got a chance to ask." Back then, she had met Cordellia while Balun first founded the clan. It had been a while since then, but she had thought them pretty close.

 

[Balun Dashiell]

"Yeah, I think so", Balun answered, "Providing you act as you did as a Jedi, protect civilian life and uphold the law of every world you step on in the Outer Rim", he elaborated some. Balun himself hadn't always run along the same line as the law; this was something Nouqai Veil knew well about him, yet if they were discussing the possibility, then an introduction to such a prospect couldn't be afforded the blurring of ethical lines.

When Cordelia Dimitte was brought up in conversation, Balun grinned warily. "Ah", he murmured, more of a sound escaping him than an intelligible word; "Yeah, I figured this would come up sooner or later. You're the first to ask," he replied softly.

"You know we were together for a bit. She was a Sith, and I had just left the New Jedi Order. Quite the pair," he remarked, leaning back into the sofa and allowing his head to fall back against the couch's support, looking up to the roof as he reflected on their shared past. "I found it exciting to be with her, and there was definitely a feeling of playing with fire, given what the Jedi taught us about the Sith, but it only added to the fun in the thing we had going", he smirked briefly to himself.

"We had this sort of game going between us—an inside bet or joke, I suppose. The deal was that I would try to encourage her towards the light while she encouraged me towards the Darkside, understanding why she lived as she did and vice versa. The only rule was that we couldn't betray each others trust" he informed Nouqai, remaining laid back against the comfort of the couch, his gaze keeping to the ceiling above.

"I was shocked when she told me she was turning her back on the Darkside. Maybe I'd helped her in a way I thought I could never. She started to take towards the Jedi life....-But then....-Something I didn't expect," his voice trailed, Balun's words faltering as he struggled to explain the situation.

Eventually, he just spoke as he felt in his heart. "She turned to the light and looked to those who practised the Darkside with a sudden violence and hatred. She started to hunt them down, to kill them....". Balun had learned at that point, that despite the achievement that Jedi saw in redeeming a fallen Force User, there was far more too it than just helping them to see the light. The Recovery no doubt continued long after they had turned away from the teachings of the Sith. His inexperience and lack of foresight had cost him greatly.

"It was a path that I couldn't agree with. We argued about it frequently and eventually, it got too much. We realized we couldn't continue like we had been" he concluded, only now returning his gaze back down and across to look to his friend, giving a slightly defeated shrug of his left shoulder.

 

[Nouqai Veil]

They deal they made was interesting, a chance to learn about different worlds, it did not sound too bad. Of course, things usually didn't go smoothly. Nouqai remembered Balun and her own deal when she had recently turned to the dark. Never to kill, only unless in self-defense. For him to know that another person he cared about would go out of their way to harm just out of hatred must have been terrible. And if her bestfriend's partner was hunting down those within in the darkside, what would that make of her?

"I don't think she turned to the light, honestly. Darkness can manifest in many ways." Nouqai noted. "I am sorry it didn't work out for both of you. You seemed to be really fond of her."

While Balun had his relationship then, so did Nouqai, although she wasn't too open about its details. "A while after I fell, I met this guy Koto Demascón of House Marr . I found him trapped in a carbonite cell in an abandoned space station. We sort of gotten attached after I freed him and took him to Alvaria. " She explained.

"Although its been months with everything that has happened. And things were already a little rocky between us before I was taken by the Jedi. " Even as she said that, she didn't feel sadness or longing. They were perhaps feelings that were temporarily or already fleeting then.

 

[Balun Dashiell]

Nouqai Veil had briefly mentioned having a relationship with another, although she certainly hadn't used that label or mentioned the guy's name before. Koto Demascón wasn't at all a familiar name, nor did it bear any images to mind when she had spoken of him, yet he was gladdened all the same to hear Nouqai speak of having someone else who had been close to her heart. Even if she did speak of him so...Impersonally, now.

"You're probably right. I was probably being vain in believing I had helped to redeem her," Balun responded, offering a curt nod in his agreement. Given the way Cordelia had dealt with those she deemed irredeemable, he couldn't argue with Nouqai's suggestion.

"It does feel good to have someone like that, though, doesn't it?" he asked, his smile broadening as he looked across the cafe table to her. "Someone to make you feel cared for, despite all the terrible things we have to see in the Galaxy. And the things we do to get by," he spoke some more.

Incidentally, Iona Starchaser would come to mind, having said as much. She and Balun were still getting to know one another, but it couldn't be helped, the feeling of hope that surfaced from within. Hope that perhaps she cared for him in a way that sparked brighter than merely being acquaintances and crewmen together aboard the Liberty's Edge.

"I've got a couple things to fill you in on actually" he said, realising that he hadn't given Nouqai the update on his current personal life. "You won't believe it, but I've discovered who my Father is, and I have a brother out there, too. I've met them a couple of times over the last month" he grinned, proud to be able to confide in her once more. It hadn't been the same without Nouqai around. The two had always been as thick as thieves in a Cantina of loose pockets, back in the New Jedi Order.

 

[Nouqai Veil]

She knew Balun being quite selfless, the darkside was an enigmatic thing. In fact, she could say that some of the lightsworn shared the same views as what Balun said Cordelia harboured. Some of them had told her she was fortunate that they had chose to rehabilitate her back towards the light than execute her. She had thought them merciful.

Nouqai nodded. She had enjoyed her time with Koto, even if some of it was less than pleasant, they were in a worlds both new to them, with Koto fresh out of carbonite and her new to the darkside. There was also her master, Darth Malum of House Marr , who had saved her, made her feel cared for and that she was worth living even after she had thought to have abandon the light.

What Balun said next sparked a feeling of envy. There was a short pause, her trying to figure out what to say. While she had found out that she was a sithspawn, he had found his family, a father and a brother, had reconnected with them. But she managed a smile, feelings conflicted. "I am happy for you, Balun." Part of her was, but part of her wanted the same, to find a family.

 

[Balun Dashiell]

"I am happy for you, Balun."

Though Balun trusted Nouqai Veil 's sincerity, it wasn't hard to sense the conflict in her emotions. Her situation, along with the knowledge of her creation, stirred a mix of feelings within her, and in shifting the conversation, Balun had inadvertently touched a sensitive nerve. "Thanks," he murmured, offering a faint smile in gratitude. It was generous of her to stay engaged, even when her heart and mind were divided.

Instead of skirting around the topic, Balun chose his typical approach—direct and unflinching. "Did you ever figure out who created you?" he asked bluntly, cutting to the core of the matter. "Or where they come from? Anything that could give you a clue as to where they might be now?" His words, though straightforward, were laced with genuine curiosity, and he dived headfirst into the conversation without hesitation.

 

[Nouqai Veil]

Nouqai didn't like thinking about how she came to be. Someone created her with a purpose in mind, and from what she knew, it was likely sinister. There was the time where she encountered the cipher of kaine, Phaelissia , years ago on Myrkr. The elfish lady who gave her a lead to where she came from in the form of a scar now brandished on her wrist.

In a sigh, she'd turn over her wrist, pulling up her sleeve to reveal just that scar, now pale lines and shapes over her blue skin. "The Kainite. It is a sith order. Incredibly dark and ruthless. They've done terrible things from what I know, rules through fear and power. " She told Balun. "A cipher of Kaine gave me this scar when I was on the trip in Myrkr as a padawan. I assume she knew what I didn't."