Satellites

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

Was it weird to be standing here in Asmus' bedroom? Yeah, it was. It had almost a surreal tinge about it. Everything seemed to have a touch of fantasy to it; as if caught in a veil between the worlds of fantasy and reality. Even the luxury of the home, this room, everything, seemed just a little out of reach for Kaile to grasp.

Almost as much as Asmus did at time, despite the fact that Kaile could very well remember the lingering warmth his embrace had brought with it not minutes ago while they stood in his kitchen. Anxious hands went from crossing over her chest to hooking her thumbs on the belt loops of her pants. The Lorrdian as always, unable to keep the communicative gestures from her body language.

Chocolate brown eyes went tracing over Asmus' form, watching him tidy up behind himself as if embarrassed by the slight mess. Not that Kaile minded. Of course, it was the bit about him saying about paying it off and the bank that drew her attention. Had he not bought it on his own?

"The bank?" almost said as an echo, her confusion went bathing across her features. Of course, that was soon replaced by the slight reddening across her cheeks at the mention of the beds and how they've been sharing one. Eyes went flickering over to the large bed, sweeping over its size. To be fair, she hadn't ever really slept in something as large. Kurt and she had shared accommodations before when they visited Bazaar and other worlds, but even then, the rooms were tiny and cramped. At the very least the bed wasn't as large, certainly the room Kurt and she shared at Bazaar was at least a quarter of this size of this room.

"Oh," she began, unsure for a moment. The jumble of thoughts revolving around bed accommodations, sleeping with Asmus, and how weak he made her feel along with that tiny unnerving wonder of who else had slept with him came to a halt. Her attention swung over towards the windows and to the beach. There the waves crashed and ocean mist rose. A little flutter of her heart warmed her chest.

"We can go now." Kaile replied. Truth be told, it had been a long while since she'd been at any beach. Felt the water splash against her feet. A thought that made her glance down at her boots. Tendrils of hair once again fell over her brow.

"Reckon these better come off first."

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

Both were dedicating most of their thoughts to the other. For Asmus' part he was trying to pretend not to be watching her carefully. He wanted to do a thousand different things at once but knew that he had to follow the course he had set. Long walk, space and time to breathe.

"Yeah," he said with a quick tilt of his head to one side and back. "The beach is fairly sandy unless you go right to the water at low tide. They'd just get full of sand. And yes, the bank."

He moved up to the glass and peered either direction down the waterfront. To the left he could see tiny dark figures in the sand. The quick movements suggested it was children at play. The view was nicer to the right where the shore gently arced around and met some low cliffs.

"It's not like I could afford this outright, but I've got nothing else to spend my pay on whilst I'm on a ship really. I figure that by the time it's paid off I might want a desk job. Can sell this and get something a little more sensible."

For Asmus it was remarkable forward thinking. "It's also really nice to unwind after a tough tour. Or have a beach party." Mostly it had been forward thinking. But he was still Asmus. With a smile and a shrug he made for the stairs. "Might still be a chill wind. It will be warming up out there for a little longer."

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


[SIZE=9pt]Not like he could afford it outright? Part of Kaile was a bit confused. He was home, from a well to do family. Wouldn’t they want to make sure that he was in a nice place? As soon as that thought came another joined it; flash back to the Quin where Asmus had gone on to say that he wanted to be free of his family’s plans for him. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]“Don’t reckon I really see you as one wantin’ a desk job,” not with how restless he always seemed to be. A bundle of energy, going from one thing to the next. It was his natural state really. Going where the wind pushed his sails from one adventure to the next. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]For a moment Kaile stood shifting her weight from one foot to the next. Chocolate brown eyes went following Asmus’ path to the window. The mention of a party made her consider her surroundings again. Bending down, she began to unlace her boots. He would enjoy parties here. Kaile could see that. See him smiling and laughing and wandering from one little group to the next, chatting away like a social butterfly. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Just like at the Alliance Ball. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]That had been the first time that Kaile had been close enough to the pilot to see him for herself. At least, the closest she’d come to it. Seeing him there in his uniform, watching him smile -- her throat gave a small bob. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]“Yeah, reckon it would be nice.” [/SIZE]

 

[Asmus Janes]

She was being thoughtful. Kaile normally was when she kept her replies to short, quiet observations. It couldnt be unexpected. Not after she'd been overcome just moments ago downstairs. If he had gone to where she lived now and seen all the little pieces of her past, pieces of her, would he have been the same? He imagined it would be. Just having her here was hard to deal with in some ways.

If this was all one long dream he was going to kick his subconscious to death.

He wanted to ask about that now. Where she lived these days. How much time she had off. A million other things as well. But she was processing, thinking. He also knew he could talk too much.

"No, I'm not sure I could either. Maybe I'll put it towards my own ship. Or just rent it out for some income." Those seemed like innocuous enough truths.

He walked into the wardrobe. There was the sound of a plastic zip and some rustling. Asmus emerged with two wool jumpers. A green and blue. Just in case the wind picked up. At least it was sunny.

"Good thing about the coast of Eriadu is the rain is fairly pure and doesn't sting your eyes," he said. They still had some nasty acid rain in the biggest cities. "Come on then..."

He stood there with the jumpers tucked under one arm and the other hand held out towards her. A million and one thoughts were running through his head. It only one thing mattered. Kaile taking that hand.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


[SIZE=9pt]For a moment, Kaile struggled with where to place her boots. It was a comical thing, the woman straightening only to shuffle her boots from one hand to the next. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]“Any place in particular I should --” her query faded when Kaile noticed Asmus extending his hand out to her. She felt foolish for that brief second. “Guess I can place them right here for the moment…” bare toes gave a slight wiggle on the rich carpet. Everything was a sensory delight. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Bending down, Kaile set her boots neatly beside the bed. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Coming back up, the Lorrdian’s eyes latched onto the jade green gold flecked ones that had become a constant the past few weeks. Weeks. It had been weeks. Such a strange contrast from their time before. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]They were coming back to that pregnant silence. Full with anxiety, hesitant excitement, and warriness. Ever so carefully, bare feet closed the distance. A gingerly slip of Kaile’s cool hand came to rest right on top of Asmus’s own. Once could practically hear the release of breath. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]See the sudden brightness of his smile. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]“Okay.”[/SIZE]

 

[Asmus Janes]

"Okay." he said with a firm nod. It was amnesty. Come with me and go absolutely nowhere and do nothing. Just be for as long as you want before coming back and dealing with reality head on. He didn't even care where the boots were.

He could her hand and led her back through the house. It wasn't a home. The Quintessence had been a home. This didn't have that same lived in feel despite clearly holding an aspect of Asmus' personality.

He let go only to take the handle of the sliding doors that led right onto the beach. If he had seen her home and there had been a clear sign of himself she had kept would he have broken down? Almost certainly, he decided.

Asmus was different in some ways to the boy she had known. In several ways she was responsible. Whether it was because she didn't come back and he has to think of why, or because of the interest he had shown in her for those days, he had started to change. He had never been selfish. He just had not always taken the time to think beyond what he wanted. That journey had continued as he had become responsible for more lives than his own.

Asmus was a more rounded person now. He felt he knew who he was. He doubted many twenty year old did, not truly. What if things had been different. If they'd spent a night karking silly to ease her suffering for a few hours and then never seen each other again?

Don't think of the what-ifs he told himself. Sand felt smooth between his toys. The sea air came in a gentle breeze. Breath, just breath. Asmus kept her hand and led her along the sands down to the right.

He didn't say a word.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

Kaile could feel the grains of sand under her bare toes with every step, sand shifting in their wake. The crashing sound of waves and the quiet caws of seabirds slowly began increasing in volume. Taking a breath, Kaile could smell the salt in the air. That alkaline scent that mixed with the earthy undertones of the expanse of sand ahead of them. The moment was held in suspension. Ethereal like a dream.

There wasn't much of a walkway towards the shore as just a method of forging one's path towards the goal. There, where the open ocean embraced the sea, wedded by the planet's force.

Every second was a heightened recording of memory. From the warmth of Asmus' fingers as they clung to her own, to the way that he would measure his stride to match with hers. Following, honing in, observing her for any indication or preference towards the direction she would want to go. The sea air was brisk, short gusts would send both of theirs dancing in the breeze. It would tangle along her eyes, tickling her cheeks and neck before releasing their confines to sail along the air.

Even in the morning light, the way that the sun's rays would paint the blue ocean with coral and orange highlights framed it with such beauty. It was breathtaking. Off in the distance, the cry and laughter of children caught Kaile's attention. Swinging her quiet gaze about, large chocolate brown eyes traced their jovial path. Neighbors likely. A knot rose in her throat again. Swallowing hard, the Lorrdian drew her attention from them back towards the open water.

She didn't say a word.

 

[Asmus Janes]

They saw the same things through different lenses, from different perspectives. The difference between considering what could be and what could have been. There were few distractions to hide behind here. There were no mission details that could be discussed, no threats to worry about. Asmus had never had anything to hide from her. He didn't now. When they had first met he had pretended to be an entirely different person, but it had not taken her long to see straight through that.

He was perceptive enough to know that she was afraid. Right now she almost had to be here. If she was still afraid when open ground was put before her he imagined she would bolt like a startled lepi. She would bury herself so deep he would never find her.

Asmus paid more attention to Kaile watching the scenery than he did to their surroundings. He knew this place well; he had yet to fully understand what might have changed for Kaile in this time.

He wasn't quite the same, he thought to himself. She had fallen for a younger version of himself. And then only known him for four days. Regardless of what she thought of him now he needed her settled enough that when the time came to ask her to stay she was settled and confident enough to answer properly.

It wouldn't be a question of staying another few hours, another night. It would be an agreement to stay until one of them wanted to part ways.

There was no point, he told himself, both worrying about what there was between them. This moment was a vision of perfection if only it could have been entirely real. Perhaps taking time out from city jobs, or travelling on their own ship. Taking time for each other to talk and walk, to eat and make jokes, to fuck and to make love.

It was real enough. She was here, even if her mind didn't seem to be able to quite hold on to this moment without reservation.

They meandered closer to the water. Close enough that the sand became damp between his toes. A wave lapped across his feet.

“Not too cold,” he remarked, though he did alter their course a little further from the waves. The water would seem pleasant enough after midday, even if this wasn't a summer heatwave.

He turned to see her looking out to the horizon. The wind caught wisps of her hair and sent them in all directions. She didn't look scared to him right then. Those wide hazel eyes saw everything and hid such great burdens. That could show him everything she couldn't say. Full lips that spoke only the promises he was desperate to hear in the most heightened throes of pleasure.

She was a waking dream made real and he could not stop the grin that spread across his face. Her eyes darted towards him and he realised he'd drawn her attention from the view by watching her so closely.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]


[SIZE=9pt]It would have been a lie to say that Kaile did not notice the twitch at the corner of the Wraith Commander’s eyes. Not when the Lorrdian’s abilities lay on reading the most subtle of nuances a body could make. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]That broad grin split his angular face in two, the dark shadow of scruff crinkling as growing delight spread across his expression. It was infectious. Asmus could always brighten up a room with that smile. It was genuine, igniting the gold flecks of his green eyes, the emotion fully saturating his visage. A brief gust of wind blew those dark forelocks around his head, giving him an almost childish appearance. Little boy grin and a shuffle of his free hand went dipping into his pocket. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]“What’s so funny?’ Kaile managed to ask, arching a brow, for the moment the somberness of the moment left behind. She gave a tentative wiggle of her toes, feeling the damp grit of the sand under her feet and squishing between the crevasses there. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]A couple of caws of the seabirds drew her attention back to the sky. There they circled, black and white feathers fluttering before a quick dive into the blue sea. It came right back up, the spoils of its attack quickly gobbled up before any other would try to steal it. [/SIZE]

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

“Nothing is funny, nothing at all,” he replied earnestly. Asmus had a tended to speak too much, to elaborate his point at length. Right now he did not. Those words were all he needed. If nothing was funny, then there was nothing left but simple joy.

He lifted her free hand and kissed the backs of her fingers just once. He nodded to a spot beyond her. Where the sand was dry and the dunes sloped up towards the point where the long fronds of grass started to poke through.

“We could sit up by there for a while and watch them dive. Or carry on down the beach. Whichever you would like?”

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

[SIZE=9pt]Kaile gave a turn of her head, following the slight gesture by the pilot towards the low sand dune he proposed to perch on for a while. She mused over the options for a few seconds, deciding to pass on sitting and instead walk. Sitting down invited a stillness and a quiet wake she wasn’t comfortable exploring just yet. It created an intimate setting, where two bodies sat in close proximity to each other, drawing an increasing awareness that fueled the mind with questions. Questions that often demanded to be asked. Inquiries that might fall and be birthed to life if given the chance to. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]“Been sitting down too much on the ship. Stretchin’ of the legs might do us both some good.” It was true, but also a defense mechanism to invite action in their motions. An amble down the beach meant that she could instead focus forward, watch her steps, observe the draw and withdraw of each cresting wave. It meant she was constantly moving forward instead of standing still. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Standing still made her mind wander. So would his. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]A hand came up, slender fingers reaching to run her hands through her strawberry blonde hair. It held only a few dark strands from the black dye, ones that would be replaced by a shade of pale blonde in the coming days. Another role another name. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Chocolate brown eyes went darting back to Asmus, resting on his joyful expression, breathing it in. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]“Maybe just for a little bit.” But was that in response to his inquiry or something more?[/SIZE]

 

[Asmus Janes]

This was real, but it wasn't.

She was here, but she wasn't.

He pondered this and more as they meandered further down the beach, passing the house he assumed the children were from and approaching another that seemed empty.

Every time she drew too close she hesitated. As if she knew that letting gravity draw her in too far would get her burned. He would burn for her. Did that make him brave and romantic or stupid and short sighted?

Above the dunes cliffs started to appear. The rock was a dull ochre, topped with deep green and violet grasses. He knew that soon they would reach a point where the rocks jutted out into the sea and the way would be blocked at high tide. He hadn't thought to check. The tide was around half way but he didn't know if it was coming or going.

He thought of one particular moment that gave him hope. He thought of the time he had desperately pleaded for her to stay that morning. Instead of sneaking away she had and when he had returned from his briefing she had still been there, nestled in his sheets.

The wind kept up, but with each minute the sun seemed to shield them from its chill. By the time it reached its apex he imagined it would actually be quite warm.

“We should turn back before we reach those cliffs,” he said quietly. They could have gone inland, but not without any footwear.

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

[SIZE=9pt]It was a relative short walk. One might even say it wasn’t that spectacular of a view. Just the ocean and the shore. Yet for a spacer who spent the bulk of their time on a ship and not planet side, it was a welcomed reprieve. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]Kaile slowed her jaunt, giving a slight frown behind the tangle of hair that would blow against her eyes. Off in the distance were the sandstone colored cliffs Asmus mentioned. The landmark that would signify their time to return. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]A nod was her answer, despite the internal struggle that battled wanting to continue and keep her attention elsewhere. He’d been right, the walk was calming, soothing in a way that allowed her mind to blank out. Yet it also tempted other thoughts to come to the fore. A rock and a hard place. Just another kettle of Giju.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]The sudden onslaught of water from an ambitious wave came in, tickling her toes. It prompted a sudden smirk over Kaile’s lips, resulting in a half snort. Since she didnt roll up the hem of her pants, the edges became damp, soaking in the salt water that had just as quickly receded as it came. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]“A bit cold.” She added, half kicking at the wet sand enough to send a clump of it away. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=9pt]“I haven’t been on a beach in a long while.” Came that admission, digging her toes into the wet sand, almost childlike in her manner. [/SIZE]

 

[Asmus Janes]

Some of his worries had drifted away on the breeze. They would return, just as the tide would. There was only so far they could go away without being addressed. It was better, he had found, to try and treat each moment as it came. It wasn’t always easy to let go. That was especially true when it came to Kaile.

Right now they were two people who’d been in cramped accommodations for too long, enjoying the feel of sand between their toys. He could work with that.

“Been under a long time I guess,” he said. It wasn’t a question. She could have been under her imperial guise for a year as far as he knew. “It will feel warmer later,” he said. As the next wave lapped towards them he chuckled and leaned his shoulder into hers. With her hand still in his he gently veered them away from the surf as it rolled towards their feet. They didn’t move quickly enough and it lapped across his toes once more.

“It’s peaceful here, isn’t it?” he asked. He never really liked going from the wet sand to the dry. With wet feet the grainy, dry sand always seemed to stick uncomfortably. There was no real choice in the matter now. Just needed to wash them before heading back inside.

Asmus thought of the most mundane thing in the world. He thought of doing the basic checks for hairline cracks in the Quintessence maintenance bay. He thought of doing it whilst singing along to a tune with Kaile.

A walk on a beach could be its own little moment. But in the right circumstances it could be one that would stick with him forever.

“Fresh air is nice too.”

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

Too long.

The words went drifting across Kaile’s mind without prompting. So much so that the agent didn’t notice that she actually said them aloud, her voice a quiet whisper amidst the crashing waves and the caws of seabirds over head.

The past few years had Kaile hell bent on throwing herself into her work. Mission after mission. Role after role. There was a near endless list of aliases, disguises, personalities, and lives. More often than naught they all bled into one another, swallowing Kaile in that deep sea of oblivion that could bury her thoughts and feelings into a cold abyss. A place where Kaile could forget she is Kaile, and what that meant in regards to Quin, Kurt, and even Asmus.

Kaile became so adept at play pretending that it was hard to focus on what it meant to be herself. Maybe, that was a blessing in disguise. There was too much hurt there. A wound that festered and could never truly heal, nurtured close to her chest so as to prevent anything from agitating it even more.

Asmus made that harder now. He was the salt that could bring a whole wave of hurt as well as the cleanser for those same wounds. Funny how in different quantities the very same material could be a blessing as much of a curse.

What would Asmus be?

Swallowing hard, Kaile tried to push that from her mind. Stop it. Just don’t think about it. Yet the comforting warmth in the tangle of his hand within hers was a constant reminder. A temptation of things she shouldn't set her eyes on but wanted so desperately.

“Beats the recycled air conditioning.” Kaile added, trying to fill the silence. A silence that she needed to realize didn’t need filling.

 

[Asmus Janes]

[member="Kaileann Vera"]

“Coming up for air,” he murmured softly. There was always that threat of her diving back under never to be seen again. It was almost a constant effort to keep those worries from pushing their way into his mind. For the Rogue that tried to look ahead it was strange to have concerns so rooted in the past.

They had come out here to step away from the house. Away from everything. For Kaile he imagined this was just too much to take on at once. It had to be broken down into small chunks, small steps. Damn his mouth for saying too much. He just wanted to shout the truth until she saw through his eyes. Until she asked him to be hers so he could yell out 'yes.’

Instead he just slowed up as they approached the sliding doors. His hand slipped from hers to unlock it and slide it open. The warm jumpers they hadn't needed were thrown inside onto the back of a sofa.

There was a tap outside the house that cleaners used for the outside of the windows. He used it to wash the sand from his feet so he could pad across the tiles and inside. He hadn't thought to being a towel down.

He turned around and there she was again. Taken from the past and planted into a scene from the present. Her hair still bound but with strands of strawberry blonde free, wide eyes and full lips. His stomach fluttered but he tried not to let himself focus too intently on how surreal it all still was. Step by step, he told himself, don't overwhelm her.

“Food will be here soon, might be some snacks in a cupboard if you want though?” He asked.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

[SIZE=11pt]“[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt]Okay,”[/SIZE][SIZE=11pt] a wealth of meaning behind a single syllable. Deep brown pools met gold flecked green. It was almost as if golden lightning went flickering across a jungle backdrop, every bit as turbulent and necessary for the undergrowth below. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]Kaile didn’t feel particularly hungry. Within her warred the need to keep herself busy as the desire to lay down and sleep this anxiety away. Careful to ensure that she didn’t track any remaining water inside, the Lorrdian took to checking up behind them both. Sure enough, there were a few spray spots of water. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=11pt]“You got a towel or something to clean this up?” Much like she had back in the Quintessence, Kaile still had a tendency to want to not make herself a bother, looking to clean up after herself and keep things clean. Her stints as a waitress and the set of cleaning duties that came after were still very much ingrained within her. Perhaps a bit comical to think that a secret agent had an organizing and cleaning compulsion. It was every bit endearing as it was a singular unique Kaile characteristic. [/SIZE]

 

[Asmus Janes]

“Mmmno…” went Asmus as he finished washing the sticky sand from his feet under the tap. He certainly wasn't going to use those soft, expensive jumpers to dry off feet. Then again he didn't want to go leaving wet footprints in the carpet. His cabin on the Quintessence had never been especially neat but he was quite particular about looking after his nice things. Than extended to his house, it's upholstery and his favourite clothes.

“Let your feet dry for a minute,” he offered with a shrug. On the tiles outside the back door were a couple of chairs and small table. Sometimes it was nice to eat just outside in the evening, but that was during the peak of summer. This time of year would be good to set down a fire further out into the beach to sit around as night crept in. There were so many things that he wanted to experience with her, instead of just carrying a memory of her through.

Asmus took a seat and pointed his toes up to keep just his heels on the ground. The sun was coming around now and it wasn't too uncomfortable to be wet in the sea breeze. Another few hours and it would be pleasantly warm.

“Almost certainly warm enough enough for a swim later, but it isn't morning to evening tanning season. A shame, as you pointed out I do need a little sun! Could probably snooze out on the beach just after midday if we can take the time.”

There actually wasn't a huge amount of planning to do. It was more about following his regular routine ahead of the first opportunity to start observing the community with their guard down.

 

[Kaile Vera]

[member="Asmus Janes"]

Asmus doing his best to keep the conversation neutral. Kaile could read that much from him. In the way he would watch her only to minutely tense, adjusting the topic, his body movements, and his manner. It came and went as if he was struggling against forces outside of his control as much as himself.

The guilt came back. Kaile bit her lower lip, gnawing on the full flesh as her eyes went tracing over where the pilot sat. The morning light was glinting off his dark hair, casting in a complimentary glow that made her belly flutter just looking at him. There was a longing there that made her fingers itch to run through his dark forelocks, to feel the silk of their short length only to come to rest at the nape of his neck.

“Reckon so,” Kaile replied, dragging her gaze from Asmus back over to the ocean. A safer alternative than finding herself crossing the distance to sate that earlier temptation.

“I still have to set up the electronics,” while important it didn’t have to b done right away, “Dye my hair.” And start building up the blocks that would allow her to play her part. Just another way for the Kaile he knew that was barely visible to be hidden away again.

 

[Asmus Janes]

Asmus smiled and passed his eyes over her bound hair. Having seen it in two different colours now he was curious.

“I can help you dye it,” he offered. That was dangerous. Too many memories. A confused and pained Kaile trying to relax as he ran his fingers through her hair. That must have been before she slept on his floor. The night before they had first made love.

He wanted to see that more relaxed side of her that had finally broken free on the Quintessence. He had seen glimpses of her on the Subversion and by night she had stopped trying to hide how she felt for him. Perhaps here, without the spies and the pilots around them it could happen, he hoped. Not until this anxiety had subsided. That was his fault. He shouldn't have let it slip. But it wasn't easy.

“What colour?” He asked.