First Reply Second Thoughts

[Aadihr Lidos]

Outfit: Clothes, Earring, Bangle
Weapons: Walking stick / Lightsaber Pike

Aadihr sat alone, lost in thought. His mind was distant. His Sight was cast far from himself; the anchor of his perception wandered the night sky while his corporeal form sat to the side of the street below, blindfolded and cross-legged.

Doubt and insecurity had overwhelmed him once again. He had lost his center again. Why was peace so hard to find lately? A twinge in his arm reminded him of the external factors at play.

It seemed every lesson he attended or taught went catastrophic, every conflict a fight for his life. He couldn't keep up with the other Jedi. He toyed with the idea of leaving everything behind again - the freedom of wandering where his whims took him, helping those in his power. That would mean abandoning those he cared about, however. He had ties that bound him to the Order, unlike before. He had ties that bound his heart.

He was tired. Of struggling to keep up. Of failing to understand others. Mostly, he was tired of being himself. He could run from everything, but he would always catch up to himself.

So he cast his sight from himself, watching the galaxy go by, watching strangers in the next city go about their lives, insects flying in the night sky, ships exiting and entering atmosphere.

Anywhere but here.

Anything but himself.

Tomorrow, he would wake up and return to his duties as best he could. Tonight, he gave up and watched the world as an observer. As if he did not exist.

OPEN (First Reply)​

 

[Azurine Varek]

Watch the Stars, Together

Outfit: Clothing/Armor | Glove | Right Arm | Talisman
Companion: Cinnamon
Weapons: Lightsaber 1 | Lightsaber 2 | Hook Swords

Azzie watched the knight from a distance, arms folded, the weight of her talisman a familiar comfort against her chest. She hadn't expected to find him here, sitting in the quiet darkness like some lost soul caught between the stars and the ground beneath his feet. Aadihr sat utterly still, his presence bright as ever yet stretching beyond himself. She couldn't feel his thoughts—wouldn't try even if she could—but she could see the subtle shifts in his aura, like ripples across still water, brisk and jagged. It was all too familiar, like staring into the reflection she knew far too well within herself.

Cinnamon, the tiny raccoon kit nestled against her shoulder, let out a soft chitter and twitched her nose, sensing her hesitation. Azzie exhaled sharply. "Yeah, yeah, I know," she muttered, ruffling the kit's russet and cream fur before stepping forward.

She dropped down beside him, her knees drawn up as she rested her arms over them. She didn't speak right away. Instead, she followed the direction his head was tilted—not with the Force, but with her own gaze, lifting her violet eyes to the sky where he had lost himself. The stars blinked overhead, distant and unbothered, their cold light spilling across the city below.

They sat in silence for a moment that felt like an eternity. It wasn't uncomfortable. The quiet wasn't something Azzie often sought, but when it came naturally, she didn't fight it. Cinnamon adjusted on her shoulder, curling her tiny paws into her collar.

Finally, she glanced at Aadihr, her gaze tracing the tension in his posture. She saw the exhaustion there, the way it clung to him like a second skin. He was unraveling, thread by thread, pulled too thin by the weight of everything he continued to keep behind that wall he refused to let her into, no matter how much she asked.

"You know," she said at last, voice lighter than the weight in her chest, "Someone wise once told me that if you gaze at the stars like that for long enough, then someday they're going to start staring back." She nudged him slightly with her elbow. "And, no, I can't tell if that was meant to be a word of encouragement or an ominous warning. Maybe both."

Azzie didn't expect a laugh, not really. She wasn't sure if Aadihr heard her— or even wanted to listen—but for now, that didn't matter. The quiet of the night had its own way of speaking. But maybe, just maybe, it would pull him back to the present.

Aadihr Lidos​

 

[Aadihr Lidos]

Outfit: Clothes, Earring, Bangle
Weapons: Walking stick / Lightsaber Pike

"You know," she said at last, voice lighter than the weight in her chest, "Someone wise once told me that if you gaze at the stars like that for long enough, then someday they're going to start staring back." She nudged him slightly with her elbow. "And, no, I can't tell if that was meant to be a word of encouragement or an ominous warning. Maybe both."

If Aadihr was surprised, his aura didn't reflect it. Exhausted was right.

"What would they see?" Aadihr asked, voice still distant.

He sighed, reluctantly anchoring his senses back to himself.

"Would they even care about the squabbling of the souls across the myriad spinning rocks of the galaxy?"

Aadihr didn't know what he was on about. Just talking for the sake of it. A habit he seemed to have taken to.

"I sometimes wonder if my words make any sense after they've left my mouth, or if I ramble like a madman and everyone is too polite to inform me."

He was surrounded by people that cared, and that he cared for, but regardless he still felt isolated. Perhaps it was a byproduct of seeing the galaxy differently, or constant alienation of his past, self inflicted or otherwise.

Azzie of course wouldn't be satisfied with self pitying drivel. She would want to know what was bothering him.

Aadihr had to take a moment to put his feelings into thoughts, and those thoughts into words.

"I can't seem to do the right thing. I can't seem to do things right. I don't know if I'm cut out for all this. I shouldn't have made it this far."

He was a sheep in wolf's clothing, an imposter of a Jedi, fumbling through his responsibilities.

Azurine Varek​

 

[Azurine Varek]

Watch the Stars, Together

Outfit: Clothing/Armor | Glove | Right Arm | Talisman
Companion: Cinnamon
Weapons: Lightsaber 1 | Lightsaber 2 | Hook Swords

"I like to think that they care about the fate of the people who spend entire lifetimes in their light." Azzie said, her eyes tracing different patterns that certain beautiful specks made as she watched them. "Sometimes, it can be hard to see it, but a sun doesn't stop burning during an eclipse, right? So why should we?"

Cinnamon chittered softly on her shoulder, tiny claws kneading into the fabric of her cloak. Azzie reached up and scratched the kit's ears, mulling over Aadihr's words. He wasn't just talking to talk. He thought he was, but she knew better. This was what happened when the doubts festered too long, coiling tight in someone's chest like a live wire.

Her lips twitched despite the heaviness of the moment. "If it's any consolation, I'm not the polite-just-for-the-sake-of-it type," she said dryly, letting her words cut through the stillness. "And I think everyone rambles occasionally, but not in a bad way. It's more like... you're trying to make sense of the mess inside your head." She shrugged, giving a chuckle as if it was the most obvious thing in the galaxy. "But I get it. Sometimes, you just need to say the things that don't make sense out loud to see if they sound as dumb as you think they do. I have absolutely no room to judge; I do it way more than you ever could, and I regret none of it."

Azzie turned her head slightly, just enough to look at him without fully facing him. "If you were actually an imposter, you wouldn't be worried about it. You'd be too busy twirling your mustache and cackling about fooling the whole Order." She smirked, but it softened almost immediately. "You made it this far because you should be here, Aadihr. Not because of luck, not because someone made a mistake. Because you fought for it, even when you shouldn't have had to."

To Azzie, Aadihr embodied so much of what a Jedi was supposed to be, even if he couldn't see it. It was in the way he carried himself and the way he never hesitated to offer help. His gentle demeanor, his compassion for those in need. No matter how far he let his sight wander, no matter how lost he felt in himself, he wasn't alone. Not while she was still here. She turned to look at him fully now, a steady, glittering aurora twisting through the purples of her eyes. "You think you shouldn't have made it this far? Well, you did because you're stronger than you give yourself credit for. And you're still here. So either accept that or start twirling the ugly mustache."

Aadihr Lidos​

 

[Aadihr Lidos]

The Mustache Arc

Outfit: Clothes, Earring, Bangle
Weapons: Walking stick / Lightsaber Pike

Azzie meant what she said, but her words rang hollow for Aadihr. She responded to his his concerns but he couldn't just accept them - Mustache or not. Azzie seemed to have kept a sense of humor through everything, still cheerful with Cinnamon grasping for attention.

She had the spirit of a Jedi - the will to confront darkness and keep hope in her heart. Not like Aadihr in this moment, just wishing for a fleeting moment free of despair.

Yet, not too long ago, he remembered wandering relatively carefree. Was this a consequence of forming attachments? The weight of each?

He did not want to burden Azzie. Even now, her kindhearted humor, her feather-light and warm aura was precious. If he allowed himself to burden it with his own weight it would be unforgivable.

Aadihr was in no condition to fake a quick morale boost for her benefit. He let his face lower and shoulders slump.

Aadihr said nothing for a while. Even thinking of a mustache quip to return seemed dishonest.

"I'm tired of having to fight for every inch just to stumble alongside those whom things come naturally to." There was no resentment or jealousy in his voice, having long since accepted the fact. Just resignation, defeat.

"I'm not giving up. Not yet. I just... I don't know. I just need to forget about everything for a while."

He couldn't think of what to say. He just wanted to be. Like a tree in the forest, or a bird overhead - a thing that knew it's place in the Force and was simply content. If ignorance was truly bliss, to be blissfully ignorant seemed the greatest kindness the Force could bestow upon all non-sentient life.

To be born a person, to be a Jedi, seemed a burden he had been guided to without ever truly being prepared for it. What would life have been like, had he never left Alpheridies, if he had stayed with his family?

If he was never sent to Coruscant, or Naboo after.

"I think I need to visit my parents."
Aadihr finally said, breaking the silence.

Azurine Varek​