https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWK7L-XzRcY
This was it then.
There was no turning back. He held back tears as best as he could, but he couldn't help but begin to sniffle just a bit as she brought her hand to his cheek. He was fighting it, but it was getting more and more difficult. And yet, he knew he had to stay strong. For one reason. He knew it was time. He would slowly close his eyes, and nod his head...
"... Okay."
He hoped she was right. But all he could do was pull her close in a tight embrace, burying his face in his best friend's shoulder as he finally let the tears streak down his face. He couldn't hold it anymore. He couldn't. He knew he had to stay strong, but he knew what had to be done. He would move to stare at her then, as though he were looking at her, looking at Tallia... The Tallia he knew... For the last time.
"I sure hope you're right..." He whispered.
"Force, you're killing me here..." He managed to joke lightly with a small smile.
"There's so much I want to talk to you about, so much that's happened, so many stories I want to tell, so much time that I've been away from you that I want to make back. But... I guess we don't have much time left, do we? Heh... Fate sucks for me that way, doesn't it?"
He took a deep breath then as he would take her hands and hold them one last time, giving them an encouraging squeeze.
"It's only goodbye for now... I hope. But..." He trailed off, his eyes not able to meet hers for a moment. He didn't want to do this, this was the last thing he wanted. He wanted with every inch of his being to grab her and run, to defy her and take her away, to try and find another way to make this work. And yet, he knew that if he did that... Odds are, she'd be gone forever. The dark side would take her, and he'd be forced to kill her.
Yet, was what he was about to do any better than killing her?
Yet it was what she wanted. She trusted him... Perhaps it was his turn...
"... I trust you, Tallia."
He paused, as he stared into her eyes, tears trailing down his face as he would squeeze her hands again, not wanting to let go but knowing he had to. He had to let go. He had to let go and start this process before it was too late. Yet his hands were shaking, he couldn't find it in him to let go. He didn't want to let her go... Odds are when he did, and started... She'd be gone forever. But she said this wasn't that, right? She'd be back, somehow...
This was just goodbye for now... Not forever... It had to be, right? She'd never lie...
"... Goodbye, for now... Tallia..."
He finally let go. He placed a hand gently on her head, and his hand began to glow. His hand was shaky, it was easy to see even in his expression, and how shaky his hand was, just how much he didn't want to do this. His motions threatened to be torn away at any moment, like he'd change his mind, and run as fast as he could so he didn't have to do this.
The White Current would serve as a companion for what he was about to do. Slowly, sleep would begin to take Tallia as the sleeping powers of the Current would take effect. As her consciousness began to fade, he would help lower her down onto her back as he would begin to talk, just... Talk. He didn't know if she could hear him or not, he didn't know if her consciousness had fully gone. But it wouldn't matter after this... All he could do was pour his heart out, and admit what he'd hidden all along.
This would be his last chance.
"I... Agh..." He breathed out, waiting a moment more, but it really didn't matter if she was still somewhat conscious or not... It wouldn't matter now. It was best he spoke now.
"Force, why do you have to do this to me..." He would complain softly, trying to hold back the tears. No, if he began to cry again, he'd lose the will to continue. He had to do this. Tallia was trusting him. She was trusting him to do this... He couldn't go back on it now. And with it, he finally felt it time to divulge the one secret he'd kept with him all this time. One he thought he'd take to the grave.
"... I loved you, once."
And thence, it all began to spill out, as he began the process. All he could do was talk, to keep himself on the path. It was unknown if she was fully unconscious yet, or how much she'd hear, but it didn't matter.
"I loved you. All that time we spent together, I never told you, I... I didn't have the courage to. I didn't have it like I do now. But... I loved you, Tallia. I loved you more than anything beyond my wildest dreams. I loved you and I wanted so much for you to be happy. You talked so much about this... This whole Hapan deal, and how it'd take away from doing what you wanted to do, and I just wanted you to have it. I wanted to help in some way, but I didn't know how. The Jedi Order... Tallia, the Jedi Order was my life, it was everything I had and yet... Had you asked, I would have left. I would have left the Jedi Order at a moment's notice if that made you happy. I would have given it all up, I would have given up everything I ever lived for, ever worked for, to see you smile.
I would have moved mountains for you, if I could. And then the Sith took you away from me, and... I couldn't take it. I couldn't imagine this life without you, I had to find you. I had to tell you how I felt. But...
I never found you.
I gave it all up. I gave up the Jedi Order, I gave up the Republic, I gave up all of it so I could find you. I wanted to tell you that I loved you. I wanted to tell you that whatever you wanted to do, to make your dreams come true... You'd have me by your side. I never got to say that. And I guess it's too late now, but I suppose it's better late than never...
All I can hope, Tallia... Is.... Is...
That however you end up now...
After all this...
You're happy.
That's all I ever wanted. Was for you to be happy. If this is what needs to be done, you're putting a hell of a lot on me, but...
... I did promise I'd move mountains if I had to."
At some point, the process had been complete. Her memory was gone.
Tallia was gone.
At some point he stopped talking as he realized the process was complete. It'd taken him so long to realize it, and when he did, he just sat there, just... Staring at her. Staring emptily. She was gone, and with her, so was a part of him. And as the realization of what had happened... He had done, washed over him... He finally broke down.
Tears streaked down his cheeks as he would stare down at the ground, breaking down in heavy sobs as he lamented the loss of his best friend. He'd done it. He'd removed her memory. In a way, he'd killed her. She was dead, the Tallia he knew was dead, she was gone, and he'd done it! What he'd done, he'd basically killed her! His calm, confident exterior was gone, replaced with nothing but sheer agony. He couldn't stop himself, he found himself bellowing a scream of pain, of anguish, untold agony at what had happened, what he'd done. He'd failed again. He'd failed to protect someone close to him. His hands radiated those black flames again, a reminder of the darkness in her, in him, in all people... And then it faded away as his hands fell to his sides once again.
Why did this have to keep happening? Why couldn't he protect his brother, why couldn't he protect Tallia? Why did this have to happen? He broke down until there were no tears left... And all he could do was stare at the body that might as well have been lifeless.
This was something he wouldn't ever be able to forget.
At some point, he'd found himself back on the Final Dragon and had R4 chart a course before they had lifted off. He wandered the ship a lifeless husk, stripped free of the confident swagger he generally possessed. His heart, his soul, it was all gone in that moment. When he finally did come to his senses, he felt as though he'd woken from a terrible dream. And in that moment, he wished it was a dream. He would slowly reach back to his belt, his movements slow and he gritted his teeth, hesitant... He didn't want to know. He didn't want to know if it was there. It would prove if all of that had been real...
His hand clasped around Tallia's lightsaber, and it all hit him, all over again... His body began to shake as he could feel tears beginning to flow again. Tallia had been placed in a bed in a guest room of sorts he had for temporary crew members, if anyone came aboard. For now, he decided, he'd retire to his own chambers...
A thought went through his head of erasing all of this from his memory. Erase it all, erase the agony of it all... He'd done it to her, couldn't he do it to himself?
No... He had to bear this burden, so he could guide Tallia through the one she now had to bear.
He couldn't be there for the Tallia he had once loved. But he could be here for whoever Tallia may become now.
[member="Tallia Farn"]
