Shattered Expectatons.

[Felicity Mason]

The 'blushing bride' comment received a very dirty look from the blond. As if. But she didn't want to have to hike her skirt up just so he could grab hold of her and carry her either. Still, it didn't seem like she had much of a choice. She sighed, wrapping her arms around his neck, resisting as best she could, the urge to strangle him. This was so humiliating. She may not be a bride, but she was certainly blushing.

"Sleep is the last thing I want to do..."

She didn't like what she saw when she slept. Not anymore. All lined up in rows. All the people. All the dead. She shook her head, unconsciously squeezing him from behind.

[member="Owain"]

 

[Owain]

Owain sniggered at that. Honestly, it was too perfect. "Why, Princess, are you flirting with me?" he asked her innocently, reaching behind him to grip her legs as he stood up. Don't think about it, don't think about it...

Chanting in his own head, the youth began climbing the stairs. It wasn't as bad as he feared. The girl wasn't as heavy as he had thought, and in this position the weight was distributed over his back rather than his arms. having lugged heavy military equipment around before, he certainly knew he could take this waif of a girl to her room. He shifted slightly as they ascended, getting a better grip on her smooth legs-

Aaaand he thought about it. Dammit. He felt his face heat up as he hung his head. Oh this was going to be awkward now.

[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

"D-don't be stupid," she responded, clinging ever tighter to him as he began his ascent.

He didn't smell like she thought a boy would. And he felt somehow softer too. She had thought his body might feel hard, like armor. It was certainly an interesting discovery. Turns out, he was human like her after all. No feathers either.
His hands on her thighs felt way too warm though. She hadn't expected him to feel warm too. Or maybe that was her that was warm? Her face was certainly on fire. She knew she should say something, anything. He was an easy target now. She could just lean right up against his ear and whisper something truly awful, just to see him react. But then again, she also did not like the idea of him dropping her. She was still in enough pain as it was.

Just the thought of being dropped made her press her body closer and cling even tighter.

Don't drop me. Don't drop me. Don't drop me.


[member="Owain"]

 

[Owain]

Don't press closer, don't press closer...

Aaaan she was pressing closer. Dammit. Now apart from her legs he had to deal with the sensation of her...chest...pressing against his back. Oh, he was glowing now, he was sure. Coughing slightly as they continued upwards, he stayed quiet, not trusting his voice to come out as normal. Just a little bit further. Think of something, anything. Korriban. Rocks! Uhm...sabers! Gah NO! Too phallic! Er...stars! Space! Howling windstorms! Training! Getting thrown around and injured! Fire! Pain!

Alright, that was working. He felt the heat die down from his body as he cleared his mind. Down the corridor now...their destination. Oh sweet Force spirits they had made it. Now, just to drop her off and then to enjoy a nice cold shower. "uhm, mind opening the door?" he asked. The girl would ahve ot reach out and type in her code to unlock the door and let them in.

[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

He was so quiet on the way up. Not like him at all. Somehow, she'd expected to have to direct him to her room from here, but she supposed he'd been here long enough to have figured it out. She wondered what sort of state her room was in. When she left, she'd been less than careful about keeping it clean, but maybe a droid had been in to clean it up for her. She could only hope.

"Look away. I don't want you knowing how to sneak into my room at night."

She reached out as much as she could, but this only pressed her chest closer to him. He was going to have to deal with it for now. 4-8-1-4. The door slid open and Felicity let out a sigh of relief. A cleaning droid had been though here. It was spotless. Thank the Force.

[member="Owain"]

 

[Owain]

"Why would I want to sneak into your room?" Owain replied, but still averted his eyes. Besides, if he wanted to sneak in, he'd enjoy the challenge of hacking the lock. "Besides, you keep inviting me in," the youth added as they entered, making his way over to the bed and lowering himself to one knee to let the girl off. Finally. "There. Now get some rest or read or whatever it is you want, I'll fetch your chair before my uncle goes off on me about leaving stuff lying about."

[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

Once she was sitting up on the bed, she relaxed. That was over now. She could feel her body cooling instantly.

"You are coming back up though, right?" she asked, surprising herself, "I mean, you aren't just thinking of abandoning me here, are you?"

She lay back until her head hit the pillow, staring up at him. She probably looked more pathetic than pretty at the moment. She had bruises more places than she could even remember. And then there were the scratches. No. She didn't think she looked very pretty, but she wondered if Owain thought differently.

[member="Owain"]

 

[Owain]

He jerked as if hit, looking at her. "You want me to come back?" he asked simply. Sure, she'd gone through something major, but she was taking it all pretty well all things considered. Lying on the bed, just resting, at peace...well, he could admit he could see the allure of a little domesticity.

[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

"I can't be alone right now."

It was a weird reply, but she didn't think it needed explaining. The truth was, she wasn't fine. She wasn't her usual catty self. She was too quiet. And the worse part? She actually wanted Owain to stay with her. That was the weirdest thing. She was typically nothing but disgusted by him. He was selfish, rude, annoying. But he was still here. Celeste was nowhere to be seen. Uncle Barny wouldn't know how to handle her. Mom couldn't talk to her. And Dad wasn't here.

He was literally the only one on the planet she could talk to now. Even if they didn't talk. Even if they just exchanged insults. It was still better than sitting in her room alone with her thoughts.

[member="Owain"]

 

[Owain]

Well...that was a worrying statement. "Alright," he sighed, though he couldn't resist throwing another jibe at her, "only because the precious princess is afraid of the dark." He turned his back on her and left, walking swiflty back the way he had come and fetching the wheelchair. The thing was awkward to hold and carry. Why didn't this place have any lifts? Muttering under his breath and glad ofr the distraction, he wrestled the damn thing upstairs and wheeled it back to Felicity's room. "So now what Princess? Want me to read you a bedtime story too?"

Pfft. Yeah, right.

[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

She lay staring up at the ceiling while she waited. The power of the Authority was terrifying. The destruction they had managed in only a few hours. If they had come with more soldiers...
When Owain came back, felicity hardly noticed. At least until he spoke. She ignored it. There was something else on her mind now.

"Owain? " She asked suddenly, "how many dead people have you seen? "

[member="Owain"]

 

[Owain]

Her question made him pause. Oh. It was going to be one of those phases. He sighed as he rolled the chair to one side and sat down on the floor, leaning against her bed. "People? Lots. You see them often on the holonet news reports. In person? A fair few. I even knew a few of them," he said with a shrug. He just didn't see it as such a big deal anymore. Training had been brutal and had seen him inured to the effects of war. "Who did you lose?" he asked in the same tone of voice he'd ask after the weather.

[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

Oh. So he really did know what it was like. Would he talk to her? Would he be able to sympathize? Or would he just laugh at how weak she was being about it? For so many of the Protectorate people she knew, they were soldiers. They'd seen all this before. They were used to it. But up until a few days ago, Felicity had thought that war and death was just something that happened far away. This was not what she was prepared for.

"Two of my body guards, a class mate lost his father, The nice man who delivered food to the palace, the lady who does my hair in the morning..."

All in all, one would see her losses as silly and trivial. But they were still people she had known who were gone. Forever. This wasn't something she could just ignore. She'd never really had to deal with death before. Not really. Mom was the one who had to feel things. Not her. Never her.

"This is going to sound stupid, but I also kinda lost some of me too."

Literally. She reached up with one hand, running a single finger across where her ear was still healing. The pain hadn't died yet. Just the slightest touch made her eyes water.
No. It wasn't the pain. Something else was making them water. She turned her head away from him. If she cried in front of him, he'd never let her forget it.

[member="Owain"]

 

[Owain]

"And you feel guilty," Owain summarized. "You keep thinking of ways they could have been saved." Oh yeah, he knew about those thoughts. He knew how to deal with them too. "Sorry, but everyone did their best, and there was nothing else to be done. What's done is done. What about all those who lived, who survived? Are they not worthy of your thoughts and worries? Thinking only about the dead is kind of selfish after all," he shrugged, still staring at the door. Urgh, his uncle should have been doing this, not him. He wasn't the consoling type. Wait, he was being too friendly. Quick, throw in an insult!

"Lost a part of yourself? What, your hair?" the boy snorted. "I wasn't aware it was that important to you."

[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

"It's not that," she said, thinking for a moment before adding, rather forcefully, "Idiot."

She still was very busy looking at the other side of her room, at the bookshelves, the wardrobe, the nightstand... anything else but him.

"It's not that I feel guilty. I feel different. Like I'm not the same person anymore. And I hate it."

She really had to take a deep breath now. Her eyes were so watery now that she couldn't see.

"How many people have you killed? Has it been very many?"

[member="Owain"]

 

[Owain]

Heh. She was going to be fine. "So you've finally grown up, eh Princess? It was bound to happen sooner or later," Owain said with a shrug. "People change. It's kind of a given. You grow and you learn and you experience. Honestly, I thought you'd know that much at least." He glanced over his shoulder at her. "More than you, certainly. I don't keep count." He wouldn't keep count. War was glorious yes, but the dead were dead and should be left alone. Only victory is to be celebrated. Defeat is to be forgotten.

[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

"I don't know if I killed someone. I hurt her really bad though. She might of died. She was bleeding a lot..."

Truth was, She never bothered to ask if they had found her body in the sewers. She hadn't wanted to know. If she was dead, that made the princess a murderer. If she was alive, then that meant she had an enemy out there. Either way, She felt doomed. Owain would still think her very stupid. No matter what she said, he wouldn't understand. She was prepared for that. But after being so silent for so long, She had to say something to someone.

"I thought I was going to die. I didn't want to. Nobody wants to die. But it was me or her. I'm not mom. I can't just talk my way out of everything."

She was talking quickly now. Saying more than she meant to. Her voice felt stronger now, but there was something like panic in her tone.

"Owain, I was really proud of myself after. I kept thinking about how uncle b would be so proud too. And daddy. I even thought you might be impressed. Now I'm not so sure. I barely made it out. I didn't survive because I was better than her. I wasn't even that much stronger. I think I just wanted to survive more than she did. "

[member="Owain"]

 

[Owain]

"You survived. That's a win in my book," Owain replied, staading up and stretching. "I'm sure uncle will approve. And I'm sure your father would too. I mean, what was the alternative? Getting killed? Who would want that result?" he added. Seriously, what was the girls problem, she should have been celebrating surviving, not moping about in her room. "And hey, I got through mostly on luck myself. The methods don't matter, just the results," the boy continued, glancing down at the girl. He was struck by the mental image of a cracked porcelain doll. An image he swiftly banished with a shake of his head. He should leave. This whole conversation was getting far too intimate for his liking. Still, if he just left she'd report him to uncle Elliot and he'd never hear the end of it. So, hesitatingly, he slowly reached out and gently patted her on the shoulder in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. "You'll be fine Songbird."

[member="Felicity Mason"]

 

[Felicity Mason]

He wasn't Calling her stupid or useless? Was he sick? Maybe he was more disturbed than she was. She wanted to say so much more. She wanted to confess every desperate thing she did to make it through. She even wanted to tell him she was glad she survived to tell him how much of a jerk he was. But shockingly enough, he wasn't being a jerk. Sure. He was uncomfortable. Felicity was uncomfortable too. But he could have made fun of her relentlessly. He could torment her until she was in tears.

And simply the fact that he wasn't actually doing that, was enough to bring her to that point anyway. A sharp intake of breath was how she responded to his touch. She would have smacked him before. She still had to stop herself. No matter how much she was starting to actually like his stupid face and stupid voice, She was still young.

"O-owain..."

She immediately burst into tears. She would never live this down. She didn't care.

[member="Owain"]

 

[Owain]

Gah! Crying girl alert! Code Red! Code Red!

Owain yanked his hand back as if he had been burnt. Right, wrong move. "Uh, uh..." Well dammit, he had no idea what to do here. Comforting wasn't something actually taught to the recruits. Snapping people out of their thoughts to focus on the matter at hand, sure. He douvted his uncle would appreciate him slapping the girl though. He took a half step back, lost. Fall back on what you know! So he'd triggered this, it was down to him to fix this. How? Urgh, talking to people was hard. "S-sorry, I'll go," he said, turning to the door. A good retreat would be his win in this situation.

[member="Felicity Mason"]