So Close; So Apart {Nima Tann}

[Connor Harrison]

As Nima spoke, a swell of emotion rose in him and he had to look down to collect himself, exhaling slightly after her touch.

”Nima, you’ll reduce me to a wreck here, damn you. You more than anyone speaks directly to my core, and always will.”

With a forced smile, his eyes glassy, he looked up and chuckled a little, hand still tight in hers.

”I’m sorry for the hurt I’ve caused you and the uncertainty I made you feel about yourself. If there’s one thing I’ve seen true, it’s your path as a Jedi is solid and strong. Silver Jedi or not, you are one of the ones who will do great things for the good of this galaxy and I know…I know you will come out of this strong.”

He pulled her hand closer, in turn her arm and he offered a warm embrace.

”Nobody deserves the love I give, because I don’t know how to love. Not yet. I’d just hurt them. I’m better off alone, and you were better off without me. I love you, Nima. I always will. Please don’t let this be the end.”

Worried for her? Always.

For the Silver Jedi? No.

For himself? Not as much.

She deserved so much more than what the Silvers had given her, including himself, and it would be his duty as a Master and friend to make sure she got where she needed to be.

[member="Nima Tann"]

 

[Nima Tann]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkvVr6n1cGk​

“That makes two of us. You are the only one, that would listen to me and not judge me for my feelings. I am happy that you are here.” She could only say with a slight forced smile on her face, she was all emotional, looking into the eyes of the man she loved for a long time, and she saw care, happiness, and regrets. They never were like this before, speaking their true intentions, feelings with each other, telling each other their regrets, and just having a “good” time. “Stop being sorry, please. I am strong because of you, I am strong because you are a good person, and I knew it and believed it with my all heart. I’ve never doubted you, not for a second, no matter how much angry I was with you.” And just as she finished her words, the one sentence, made her all frozen... I love you.

“Connor...” The only word that could escape her mouth. She felt the warmth of a single tear slowly moving down her cheek. Connor had just said that he loved her, just when she already decided to stop loving him, for both of their sakes. As he embraced her, told her not to end this, all the thoughts in her mind was now mixed, feeling all kinds of emotions, fear for hurting him the most. “I would give my life... to hear that words from you...” She forced herself to talk, trying to conceal her sobbing from this sudden emotional shock, tears moving down to his chest from her cheeks. “But I can’t. I can’t do this to you. Not anymore” Hardest words that have ever been spoken.

“Love hurts, Connor... Believe me, it does. Even if this means that I won’t ever get your love, that I will miss you forever, I want to protect you from myself... I don’t want to be the one that hurts you. I am not the one that... deserves your love. There are a lot of women better than me, that you would be happier than being with me. I won’t let myself ever hurt you again... I owe you that much. ” The longer it took, she knew that it would be harder to leave him ever again. “Don’t make this difficult for me please... I just want to do this for you. This is the least I could do, after what you have done for me.” She talked, with a sound quiet like a whisper.

Then, she pulled his head gently towards hers, as their lips met once again, that’s when her emotions just broke like a mirror. The kiss she slowly placed on his lips, made the past come up again. She’d felt the same passion, same happiness, only it included sadness this time. That, was their last first kiss. The last signature of their love together. And after they get separated from each others lips, the last first kiss had been done, she had only the eyes of a loving woman. Then she slowly pushed him away, leaving his gentle touch, as she looked at him, with a hope for him to say something. The waiting of a lifetime.

“Goodbye.”​

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Goodbye, [member="Connor Harrison"].​

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Goodbye, the man I loved.​

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I will miss you.​

 

[Connor Harrison]

Spoiler

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJn54TRZrXE

Their last first kiss meant so much – it was one of friendship, of love, of forgiveness, of sadness.

A thousand words wanted to come out from Connor’s mouth when Nima pulled back; he had done so much to push her away without thinking, and now when wanting simply to make up for the past, it was too late. He never would love her the way he would have been able to, but he would have been there to protect her –

- protect her from what? Himself? He was the one who had turned his hand on her, beaten her and bullied her. Tainted by the Taung and then tainted by the Dark Side to push an unbreakable ego to breaking point, and she bore the bruises of his arrogance.

Her hand pushed against his chest plates, but she would his heart beating within. She had proven at that moment she was a true Master; of her own heart, and the Silver Jedi. Nima was a woman, thinking for herself, and Connor did nothing by respect that.

”Goodbye, Nima.”

The words were built on positivity, but the dewy eyes said otherwise. He held it together for her and let her know he accepted his doing in this heart-breaking acceptance of their tragedy. Connor moved slowly around the pillar, giving her a slow, meaningful lowering of the head, before turning to move from the overhang they were under and around the corner to traverse back through the gardens.

It was then he tears came and the pain hit. Connor Harrison had systematically destroyed all hopes of being happy through the years gone by. First with Corvus by being selfish and not thinking about the greater picture, and now with Nima by simply being a tortured soul and not being strong enough to battle it.

He pushed back his face with his hands, tearing away the tears as he sighed to compose himself. For the first time, Connor felt genuinely lost and alone – he was a guardian of the Light and a defender of those unable to defend themselves, but he saw now the damage left in his wake whilst walking this path as Nima had tried so hard to offer him a lifeline.

”I am..so sorry.”

He continued walking, to go back to his quarters and finally pay the price for his crimes committed years before.

Emptiness and being alone.

[member="Nima Tann"]

 

[Nima Tann]

Goodbye...

One word he was going to say would make her emotions shatter like a mirror and leave everything for him, and he chose to say goodbye. As the one part of her was happy that she wasn't going to be the one to ever hurt him and in her head it was the right thing to do, but another side of her just wanted to run to him, tell him that she loved him and hug... Just like a fairy tale, they would talk and solve the problems, and live happily ever after. She wished that the life was a fairy tale, but the reality was not fair, not one bit.

Her back was turned to him, didn't want to see him suffering like this. What she was doing was maybe cruel, rejecting a man who just confessed his love... But she was doing for their own good. She was doing it because of him, she knew, no matter how hard they tried the past would always come to the surface and make them sad. The life wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. No matter how they tried, they wouldn't be happy. He... wouldn't be happy. And that would make her unhappy.

For all those years she always thought about the ones she cared about, she always acted towards their needs, she never thought about herself, and it was one of those moments. This was the first time she's listened her brain instead of her heart. And now, she was watching him go away, and this time it was her fault. She remembered what he said before moving away. I am sorry.

"Me too..." She answered, but he was already away. Cleaning her tears, she started to move in the opposite direction. The one farewell you could see in movies... But this farewell had the bit of happiness in it. Or was it happiness, or was it the emotion she was repeating over and over and over again just to feel better of her decisions...

If she was the one protecting the others, who was the one protecting her?

The life... was unfair. Full of disappointments and sadness.

Goodbye...

--THE END--​

[member="Connor Harrison"]