Something to Talk About

[Riamah]

There was one good thing about Ra. When she was upset, it was usually very momentary and she quickly got over it. On the rare times something lasted, it meant it was going to be there for a very long time. Her only expression of the irritation was in how she took the bottle from him, but it was enough to get the message across to Josh. The fact she gently applied the lotion would hopefully tell him something else. This was something passing and she would think on what he said.

"I'm sorry. You're right. There are some things I need to figure out."

Leaning in just enough for that to be whispered in his ear, Ra patted his shoulder with a hand and handed the bottle back to him. When Jason answered, she lifted an eyebrow slightly and laughed with Josh.

"We'll have to see if we can help you with that."

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

Josh would laugh a bit when Ra would answer that she'd help Jason out with becoming a porg. Somehow, anyway. As she finished, he heard her apology. He would lean over to give her a light peck on the cheek when he saw Jason looking the other way.

"We'll figure it out. Somehow" He spoke, giving her a gentle smile.

With that, and their lotion applied, he decided to just relax back on the towel for a bit. It wasn't often he got to relax... Well, at all really. He just wanted to close his eyes for a few... Appreciate what he had here while it lasted.

[member="Riamah"]

 

[Riamah]

It wasn't that Ra could actually help Jason become a porg, but she could help him be more in touch with the wildlife. He could not be one, but he could work with them. Become some sort of beastmaster if that was a route he choose to take. So for now, that would be what Ra helped with.

Nodding when Josh accepted her apology with his light kiss. What was natural to her was going to be difficult for her not do. Normally she was calm and easy going, until something within her triggered. It was then she acted out with some attack of some kind normally. Having been pushed into a corner more than once in her life had brought that about.

She remained sitting up and stretched her legs out in front of her. This way while Josh was laying down she could keep an eye on Jason in case he tried to wander off. It was something kids liked to do...so somebody needed to watch him.

As Ra sat there, she though on different ways to better control. A few came to mind, but she would talk to Josh about them later.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

Josh doubted she could help him actually become a porg… He hoped. That would be very problematic, after all. A kid turning into a porg usually wasn’t the best course of action. Luckily nobody had told Jason that and hopefully the kid would just grow out of it before long.

Josh didn’t like pestering Ra about the whole control thing, but he was a teacher. He was used to nailing this sort of thing into their heads when they needed it. Especially in a case like Ra’s, where he’d already seen the consequences of what would happen if he didn’t. He had a student named Seskel who had issues with control. And everytime he left the Temple, it seemed to be as if he came back with more darkness in his heart and even less control. Josh had been changing his tactics best he could, but it was almost like the kid actually wanted to be a Sith and got the wrong directions when looking for the Sith Temple. In Ra’s case though, she was fine until she was pushed. Once she was pushed, well… That was why they were here. She was capable, she just… Needed a bit of help. But like with Seskel, he needed to figure out how.

And with Jyoti no longer on the project, that left that task to him.

Jason meanwhile had become distracted when several birds flew overhead. Josh watched him from the corner of his eye, always aware even if he didn’t seem to be. Dad instincts were always in play. Taking a deep breath, he thought a bit on the matter.

“When things push on me, and things start to flare up… I think about what I do have in my life. Jason, the Order, the people I’ve met. The people I’ve grown to care for. And how fortunate I’ve been to have them. If I were to let all of that get to me, change who I am, dictate who I am and what I do… I don’t know if the me then would be the kind of person who’d deserve those things. I know that feeling emotions, feeling… Things, and getting angry even, are normal. Normal human things. I’m not a droid, and I understand that. But it’s what you do with those feelings that dictates who you are and what you do with your life, right?”

He shrugged his shoulders in turn.

“But that’s just me. That’s what helps me keep my calm and keep from acting out. It doesn’t work 100% of the time, I don’t think there’s a natural cure all. We’re not droids, like I said. You can’t just… Omit it out. Can’t program it out. You’re a person and it’s part of you. And even if one could… Would you really? I feel like that’d kill the point of being yourself.”

He let out a deep breath, seeming content enough to just take everything in for a moment.

“I know you’ll find your way though. I’m confident you can.”

[member="Riamah"]

 

[Riamah]

Running her finger tips through the sand next to the blanket they were sitting on, Ra grew a slightly distant look on her face. Listening to what Josh was saying about his own issues and how he dealt with them, it gave her something to think on.

“It is hard to think like that when the urge hits. It’s like a fight or flight and I am not going to run. So I pick to fight.”

Shrugging her shoulders slightly, her look came back into focus as he finished speaking.

“Working with droids for so long maybe helped teach me some control. Not totally though as it has been shown. Maybe I should take more lessons from them, but as you said it wouldn’t be me any longer.”

Giving him a small half smile, her eyes looked to Jason again for a moment and then back to Josh.

“Just need to keep me away from situations where I am likely to lash out.”

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

“Well… I actually work with droids as a hobby” Josh would reveal after Ra finished, looking toward her and shooting her a smile. It seemed that with every talk they had, at least one of them found out something new about the other. It was a cool thing, he thought. He hoped it continued.

“You’ve met HK, who I built from scratch without manuals, just completely used it to distract myself during a really rough time in my life when I had a lot of time. Salvaged the parts myself, built him myself, really did a ton of trial and error and learned how to build droids properly then.

I bought R4, but I’ve been learning to maintenance him and even at one point disassembled him with his permission to really get an idea when putting him back together how his model works. I can maintenance him far better now. Even if I can hear his annoyed beeping from here over said re-assembling” He cracked, laughing in turn.

“While I’ve been working more with manuals lately as a guideline, I’ve still in building other droids have been working a lot with my own intuition and just… Kind of learning how to do it by heart. I really enjoy working on them. And working with my creations as well.”

He thought it over a moment.

“Interesting that you feel working with droids has helped you though. Care to elaborate on that a bit?”

[member="Riamah"]

 

[Riamah]

“Droids don’t have any emotions of their own that aren’t in their programming. Not even those that are Free Droids. That would be those of the Metal Lords who I have worked with since before we met.”

Contact with them now was rare, but just knowing they were still around made her happy. They were essentially immortal beings, even if most of the population didn’t see them as equals to organics.

His comments brought to her mind something she had meant to ask.
“Are any of your droids, Free Droids or programmed to perform simple duties and emulate emotions?”

That was most common for droidkind. If they were Free Droids though, she had some strong words for him.

“Working along side them taught me a great deal as well, Josh. In some ways they are better than humans. We have prejudices, opinions and emotions. Most are nothing but logic and coding. A few, like my Metal Lord companions are Free Droids.”

It was good to know he was open to working with droidkind, even if it was nothing more than a hobby for him.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

Ra made some points, and he nodded his head along with them. But he did have some thoughts of his own when she asked a question or so. He thought it over a moment, scratching his beard in turn, looking over first to see Jason digging through the sand. Chuckling a bit, he took a moment to form an answer.

“Hmm… Droids. It’s true, yet it’s not I suppose. Droids, especially AI that’s had time to develop without being memory wiped every little bit… They tend to develop something that could be constituted similar to emotions, and feelings. We’ve seen droids rebel before, as you know… But we’ve also seen them do things beyond their programming. Things they decide to do not due to anything programmed in… But because for one reason or another, they want to. I’ve seen it in the Metal Lords, and… I’ve even seen it in my own droids. None of them have had a memory wipe since they came into my life. In a way, I treat them kind of like people… And they end up acting as such in turn.”

He tapped his fingers on the sands a bit.

“I haven’t ever programmed them to emulate emotions. I gave them the basics, and they’ve done with them as they will. Some might call that a malfunction… I call that a capability beyond our understanding. Which is why I’ve never memory wiped them. It tells me that their loyalty is there because they want it to be.

Free Droids though… What would you consider to be Free Droids?” He would inquire. He hadn’t heard the term as an actual thing, besides maybe for droids that had no masters. His droids were known to be owned by him and they accepted that… But they didn’t seem to mind it either. But Josh hadn’t ever not said they could leave if they wanted to. They very much could if they liked.

“It’s true though, some may consider those with only logic and practicality to be better… But I disagree. I suppose it depends on who you are, what you do. Sometimes the practical thing, sometimes the logical thing… Isn’t the right thing. That was a problem the Galactic Republic’s Jedi had… They separated feelings and emotion, repeating the mistakes of the past. And people got hurt as a result. Sometimes… The methods in your head that seem logical are not actually the ones that yield the best outcome. The same could be said for the other way around, though, so… Would you rather fight purely with your mind, or have heart and mind work together?”

It was an interesting debate to consider. There were positives and negatives to both sides of the ideal. But Josh knew firsthand from his tenure as Grandmaster what sticking purely to one could do… And after his breakdown, he learned firsthand what sticking to just the other of the two would do.

Heart and mind together. That in his mind was the best way to go. It had it’s issues, yes, there were biases… But even a droid had a bias in mind. Even a droid would in most cases consider self preservation, or their immediate goal first.

And even droids could develop further biases. Further things that were similar to feelings, emotions. Was anyone truly not biased in some way?

[member="Riamah"]

 

[Riamah]

When Josh was speaking of droids that hadn’t had their memories wiped, she started laughing and it was a true, full laugh.

“Yes, they do at that sometimes. They can also become twitchy and erratic. While I don’t feel they should be wiped any longer, routine maintenance is needed. What makes a Free Droid are a few things.”

Lifting a hand up to tick off her points, she started a small list of those she knew.

“No masters, free will and not for sale on any shelf or auction block.”

The last one was a bit of a joke, but still was accurate to a degree. Most droids weren’t Free Droids, but any had the ability to become one. It was up to them to rock the boat and break away. Ra nodded when he mentioned rebellions and such. Having witnessed one or two, she understood what he meant.

“I try to rely on logic for most problems and issues. Weighing the pros and cons of my actions, sometimes that knee gut jerk kicks in though. With me that is very rare and I’m glad for that.

“When we have been on missions, I have thought through my actions with logic and acted on that. Not caring what the outcome might be...wrong or right, it didn’t matter. We learned the outcome of that willing choice. To be honest, something like that had never happened before. So their reaction was unexpected.”

It didn’t make her choice any less right or wrong in her mind and she probably would have done the same thing again. More than likely Ra would fall back on that same skill again. It was a habit, but she didn’t think she was addicted to the feeling it gave her.

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

That was a free droid, then? Hmmm…

“Hmmmm…” He mused aloud. “Well, I guess my droids wouldn’t qualify. But… It’s complicated. Like any droid, they are built for a purpose. I am more or less their master and they serve me, yes. But after a few years, they tend to grow to realize that “servant” may be too general a term and tend to ask questions. Like why I haven’t memory wiped them, only maintenanced them and keep them in good working order. The two examples so far have asked why they’ve been able to get away with saying or doing as they do so long as it is reasonable. I have allowed free will with no limitation, and eventually they have grown to ask why. And I tell them the truth. They are part of the family, droid or not. And should they wish to explore their horizons as, as you call it, a free droid… They have my blessing to leave if they wish.

But so far neither HK or R4 have taken that offer. And even I don’t entirely know why. Do they feel safer with me, knowing they are taken care of? Or do they simply prefer my company and their role with me over the alternative? I don’t know. The only ones who know the answer to that is they. They are here because they choose to be. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“Their reactions were different though” He revealed. “R4 took it in stride. He’s been with me since I was a youngling like I said. I don’t think I told him anything he didn’t already know. I think he just likes that I tolerate his sass” Josh remarked, smirking lightly.

“If he does it too much though, I threaten to turn him into one of those cute little ball droids. Not that I would.”

He scratched his beard a moment. “Would improve his mobility though… At the cost of durability and I’d need a step stool for him to co-pilot.”

“HK… He took it interestingly. See, he watches Jason because… He asked to” He revealed. “Whatever I said to him spoke to him, and his little voice told him to seek out the most important part of me and make it part of his programming. He identified priority number one as Jason and requested AI programming so he’d focus once on the job.”

It was not something he had expected the droid to do, but there it was.

“R4 treated it like a Sunday, HK took it as reason to want to serve in a more important role than just as my bodyguard, while still sticking with me. They both want to be here. Time will only tell if the other droids I’ve built become the same way.”

He shrugged in turn. “But I’m glad they’re here. Even if I argue with the both of them a bit. Sometimes threaten to turn R4 into one of those cute little ball droids, as I said” He cracked, chuckling a bit.

Ra elaborated on her preferred use of logic, and he nodded his head in turn. And did so again when she referenced their mission that had gone wrong. He took a good while to consider what to say. It was a… Difficult topic to really figure out what to advise her on. But he tried his best.

“It sounds like the logical side of things is the only thing running in your mind on missions” He suggested. “It’s a lesson I had to learn too. Heart and mind should work together, I mentioned before. And logic by itself can only go so far. Logic’s meant to take what’s in your mind, what’s in your heart… Make sense of it, and direct you to a best course of action. By itself, it just doesn’t have the range it needs.”

He looked toward Jason for a moment, checking up on him, watching as the child would throw his arms up over and over to try and catch Porgbert who’d begun skimming the sands. He then looked toward Ra and pointed toward her heart. “You have a good heart. I know you do. You just gotta use it… Even when they don’t deserve it. I knew they didn’t, but… Unless they’re a target where I 100% have to eliminate them, I always look for another way. Sometimes the best way is a simpler one, too. Heart and mind cook things up… Logic tells me what’s necessary and what’s not. And heart tells me what parts of logic might not be worth it in regards to humanity. As the inhumane especially… Can have unintended consequences, no matter the intention. Sometimes there’s just poodoo you don’t mess with. I’ve learned that one the hard way.”

He smiled after a moment though, as a thought seemed to come to him. "But heart and mind..." He spoke as he clasped his hands together. "They work best together. They complete each other. Just as you complete me."

[member="Riamah"]

 

[Riamah]

The way she described Free Droids and how he talked about his...when he died and they had no master, they would then be free. As such, they were technically already that way but chose to remain with him. When he said his HK had requested child care programming, she couldn't help but mentally laugh at that. Trying to imagine a Hunter Killer taking care of Jason was a picture that she found funny.

"I think that banter between master and droid is pretty normal."

Shrugging slightly, the only droids Ra had of her own were more drones than something with any true sentience. She worked with many Free Droids and a few she even called friends.

"It is usually the only thing running through my mind on missions. This way my emotions don't cloud my choices or judgment in things. So it appears I need to learn how to bring both my heart and mind into the mix together."

Falling silent to allow Josh to finish what he was saying, it was clear they were thinking alike. What he said last brought a smile to her face, eyes and probably a bit of color to her cheeks. Letting out a small breath it took her a moment or several to think of what to say...

"I love you too."

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

Indeed, should Josh perish... They had the choice of where to go next. They could easily leave. Though knowing HK and R4, there was a good chance they would wish to stay behind to watch Jason. They were loyal to the core, he knew, and he doubted that his death would end their duty if they could help it. As for the other droids... Who knows? But he did know at least where two of the droids in his retinue would end up most likely, so it was a start. A droid programmed for combat now being a glorified babysitter... It was a bit of a funny thing to think of, but Josh still did take HK on missions with him to keep HK sharp. It would do no good to let the droid get rusty. And he knew that it enjoyed combat too, so it was a way to keep HK happy. Which he knew that while it didn't say so, the droid appreciated it.

"Banter is basically droid 101 when it comes to mine. At least for those two" Josh spoke with a laugh in turn. Ra would go on to explain that she was fairly one-track minded on missions... Something she'd need to cover later, and he nodded his head.

Her reaction to what he said last surprised him, and it took him a moment to register. Closing his eyes a moment, he seemed to ponder on it before giving his own answer.

"I truly do" He spoke, in response to her "I love you", giving a bright smile. In a way, it was their mutual cementing he knew of what they were. They hadn't really talked about "them" before. It'd just... Happened. And now it was cemented, he supposed. A bit unorthodox but... So was their entire relationship. He could live with that. He just hoped she could live with him as a partner. He had his quirks, after all.

"Why don't we take Jason into the water?" He would ask. "I have a floatie for him. And a lifejacket"

[member="Riamah"]

 

[Riamah]

"I think you and banter just go hand in hand. Something that makes you...you. I wouldn't have you any other way, Josh."

Giving him a large and open smile. His return smile from her words made her grin happily. It was true when they had met, she had felt love was a myth and not real. Time had changed that and now Ra what it was. Love wasn't painless and carefree. It contained pretty much every emotion all in one package. Before she had met Josh, she had taken a lesson or two on how to be more empathic.

Some things came easily to her, this was one that did not. Even now, Ra had a very difficult time putting herself in another person's shoes, so to speak. That was something she was improving on though. Josh's role in her life had grown and now he included her in so much of it. Now it was spoken, she didn't think there was any going back and she didn't want to.

Each of them had their quirks and they each had to live with them. As long as they continued on the path they were, things would work out.

Looking at Josh when he spoke of a floatie and lifejacket, she shook her head slightly. Keeping her mouth shut, she decided it best to keep her thought of him being over-protective to herself. Jason was his only son and he needed protection. However, one or the other should be enough to keep him safe.

"Ready when you are."

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

"Well, generally people don't tend to change too much until they get married. Since I've already done it once, odds are I'm staying the way I am so you're probably in luck" Josh would joke in turn, shooting Ra a cheeky grin. Josh was a little hesitant to love again, he could admit. It was hardly a year ago that he'd been in what he thought to be forever, before he'd found himself abandoned. He wasn't exactly planning to jump into possibly being abandoned again. But... Ra was just... Different. He couldn't explain it, but he could trust Ra. She helped his stresses and worries just fade away just from being around her. And she hadn't done him wrong yet. He supposed he would just have to ride this one out, wouldn't he?

What he did know was he felt very strongly for her. It'd just taken him this long to admit to it.

He would fish out the life jacket and "floatie", which was actually an inner tube. "Huh, did I say floatie?" He inquired. "I misspoke, whoops."

Shrugging it off as no big deal, he would help Jason get the life jacket on and get into the inner tube. The tube was for fun, the life jacket was in case he fell out. Considering Jason was a bit of a jittery child who liked to move about, this was a calculated move on his part. With that, the Jedi Master would lean back, hands digging into the sand before he would tuck his legs and promptly spring to his feet. With that, he took the giggling child by the hand as Porgbert flew over their heads and the two would run into the water.

"Come on, Ra! The water's great!" Josh called out to her with a laugh.

[member="Riamah"]

 

[Riamah]

When Josh mentioned people changing when they got married, he got a surprised look from her. Lifting an eyebrow, she shook her head in an attempt to deny that would happen to her.

"How does that happen? Like you fall in the love with the person before you get married and then change after? It doesn't make sense. But I'm glad you'll be like you are now, I just hope I can stay the same too."

She said this pretty much without thinking on what was actually being spoken. After a moment or two though, her face turned as bright as her hair. Maybe Josh wouldn't notice, but she assumed he most likely would...

Clearing her throat as he dug around in the bag and brought out the items for Jason, she gave a half-hearted chuckle at what he said. Setting her towel down on the mat they had, she followed them into the water.

"You're right, it is great in here."

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

"Hmmm... How do I describe it..." He would trail off as the two would get into the water. "Married life... There's something about it. Something that makes you more appreciate what you have. It's a weird thing... It's just a legally binding aspect to an already existing relationship, and yet that verification on it, how real it feels... Something about it just makes your mind less clouded on it. For me, it's helped me see more clearly what's most important to me. It's also led to it's own share of stresses, as a marriage is a partnership and all that, and a partnership has it's ups and downs... But it's a small price to pay for what's been a good set of changes, I think. Marriage helps you see just how important this family you are creating is.

And that's what's changed me. Being married at one point... Having Jason... It changed everything about me. It told me where my priorities are... And where my heart is. That doesn't sound like much but..."

He smiled lightly.

"You'll understand one day."

[member="Riamah"]

 

[Riamah]

"With everything that has happened to me in my life...I do appreciate what I have. Maybe more than you think."

She did listen to what Josh was saying and thought about it. It was an aspect of life and change Ra had not thought of very strongly in the past other than thinking it would never happen to her. What she assumed love would feel like was nothing like what she expected. Instead of being struck by lightning, it was just something she knew. The fear she had in the past, had almost faded away and she trusted Josh to not go away.

If that happened, there would be no full recovery for her and she would probably just go into hiding. Not wanting to face the pain of losing another person that was close to her, she would take herself away. Not get close to anybody ever again and fade away.

Looking at Josh when he said she would understand one day, Ra nodded and smiled at him.

"I just want it to be with you."

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

Love was never what one thought it would be. It certainly wasn't what he'd thought... And still wasn't, really. The definition of love seemed to constantly change the more that things changed as well. Luckily for Ra, Josh had no intention of leaving anytime soon, if at all. He just wasn't the type to leave without something extreme being the cause. She'd find out in time that he valued her deeply, and would give the world for her and Jason if he could.

Jason would giggle loudly and squeal as he splashed around. "It's so cold!" Jason called out, but didn't seem bothered by it. "It'll warm up!" Josh called to Jason, who, seeming to know this already, would start kicking water around as he maneuvered the inner tube around. It was getting colder, and Josh knew that before long they wouldn't be able to use the beach for some time once winter hit. Though the Maekrix plans were well underway and he was considering a swimming pool... Perhaps a heated pool would be good. It'd let Jason get some exercise, at least.

Josh would smile brightly though at Ra's words, and he would lean in to press his nose to hers.

"It will be" He promised. "I'm not going anywhere."

[member="Riamah"]

 

[Riamah]

Dipping her toes into the water, a small shiver went through her. What Josh said though made her feel warm, wanted and loved. For one of the first times in her life, Ra truly felt needed and this was exactly what she needed to know. Looking between the two of them, she smiled and didn't hold anything back. A day of fun at the beach with two of the most important people in her life was something she wasn't going to let pass up.

With a slight Force enhanced jump, she vaulted up into the air to fly over their heads and into the deeper water. Coming up a few moments later, she was soaked from head to toe. Her tail was a weight, but she quickly wrapped it around her waist to keep it from dragging her down. With a gasp, she went under the water again to reappear next to Jason and tickle his toes slightly.

"I hope I won't be going anywhere either. However, there is something coming up that will be taking me away from you for a short time."

Chewing on her lip for a moment, Ra didn't look him in the eyes. Taking a breath, she watched Jason splash around as she put her thoughts into words.

"The Sith Empire plans an attack against other sith. Not at all abnormal if you ask me. But, this is going to be one of the chances I have at making a strike against those that already destroyed my life once. I hope to prevent them from doing the same to others..."

[member="Josh DragonsFlame"]

 

[Josh Dragovalor]

Josh couldn't help but burst out laughing when Ra would go for a leap and splash into the water, getting both he and Jason wet. Shrugging his shoulders, Josh would stand full height, take a running start and do the same, using the Force to enhance his jump as he leaped through the air, throwing in a frontflip before splashing into the water. His larger size created a fairly large splash, and the display caused Jason to start giggling loudly. When Josh's head came up from the water, his hair tie had come off, though he would manage to fish it out and use the Force to move it back to their beach towels. Long blonde hair would unfurl down, covering him as it went past his shoulders. Moving his hair out of his face and wiping the water from his eyes, Josh would shoot the both of them a cheeky grin, just in time for Jason to begin laughing spastically when Ra began tickling him.

Josh couldn't help but smile. It brought back a lot of memories, this did. Happy memories.

Ra would note she'd be gone for awhile though, which caused him to quirk a brow as he would swim over to them. Ra would explain she intended to strike at the Sith Empire while another Sith faction was engaging them.

"I see" He spoke softly, pondering it over for a moment. The fact she wouldn't look him in the eyes when she stated it worried him, made him wonder of her intentions. "I assume this is just a hit and run, then? I didn't think you would willingly work with a group that's basically the same as the ones who wronged you" He would admit. It seemed out of character for Ra. But if she was willing to help one Sith faction, even just by a hit and run, to hurt another... It spoke volumes about her hatred of the Sith Empire.

"Would you elaborate a bit on this whole thing with the Sith Empire? I know they betrayed you, ended your faction, but little else. You've clearly taken it very, very personally" Josh would inquire then. "I feel like you're holding back how you really feel on the matter, but that could be just me."

Destroyed her life, she said... There was clearly more to it than just a faction.

[member="Riamah"]