Private Still Feels Like a Maze

[Oraada Laabre]

Oraada Laabre, Ashlan Crusader

Jedi Knight​

Objective: Meet with Heinrich Faust
Location: Ession
Thread Partners: Heinrich Faust

​

Ession. Home of the Ashlan Crusade. The seat of the Light Side in all its purity and glory. A place where Oraada wasn't sure she belonged, though not because of a difference in ideology. Rather, it was a question of herself and her purpose. What she could provide for the sake of the Ashla to help purify it. After the battle against the Maw, she was beginning to build confidence, but also doubt. There was one place that she knew she could refer to, even if they'd only met and fought side-by-side once.

Heinrich Faust, by all reasonable logic, was far above Oraada's station as an unassigned Jedi Knight learning the ropes. There were plenty of other newcomers like her, but it seemed as though those newcomers were finding there way much sooner than she was. Still, the ideology of the Ashlans dictated that no one act as though they were superior to another. At first, she'd assumed this excluded the leadership, much like the place she came from, but she realized she was... wrong. The human male had treated her no different because of her species, gender, or rank. It made her feel like, perhaps, abandoning Coruscant wasn't such a bad idea for the first time in a while.

As she wandered about the Jedi Temple here, which was being rebuilt, she wondered about her plan. Oraada wasn't sure what it was, honestly. Perhaps it was to find guidance on what to do next, or perhaps it was to find solace in someone she felt comfortable talking to. Besides, he would need to know about the sins of her past sooner or later. No matter how imagined or real they were, she did not want to be culled as though she were some animal afflicted by the Bogan. Nonetheless, before she could quit her plan before even beginning it, there he was. Grand Marshall Heinrich Faust. A breath held itself fast in her throat while she tried to find words that sounded casual and far from forced.

"Good afternoon," Oraada said softly, much like a diminutive creature. "I do not mean to bother you, however, I was wondering if you might have some wisdom to share?"

 

[Heinrich Faust]

Tags: Oraada Laabre

The halls of temple were alive with the sound of countless workers and droids, each doing their part to the restoration of the ruins of what was once the Grand Jedi Temple of Ession. Heinrich had taken a personal interest in the rebuilding of the structure in recent months. He let others chalk it up to his Essonian heritage, but it went much deeper than that. The Grand Jedi Temple was where he was taught as a child... where he took his first steps as a Jedi. It was here that the Dark Voice had found him half dead, and more recently, where the two of them clashed in battle. So many memories were etched into the very walls of the structure, each a defining moment in the Grand Marshal's life.

Heinrich found himself snapping back to the present as Oraada approached him, asking for his wisdom. Though he hadn't known her for very long, Heinrich had grown to trust her. Battle has a way of doing that to people, and the two had fought side by side during the attack on Odessan. As she made herself known, he offered a smile and a bow.

"Hello Oraada. It's not a bother, we all need counsel from time to time. I was heading to the upper levels of the temple, if you'd care to join me."

As he began to make his way toward the stairs, he took a moment to point out the many workers scurrying about.

"This temple was once a shining beacon of the light on Ession. The Sith reduced it to little more than a ruin. Soon, it will be returned to its former glory."

A brief pause followed, accompanied by a turn of the head.

"But you didn't come here for a history lesson. What's troubling you?"

 

[Oraada Laabre]

Oraada Laabre, Ashlan Crusader

Jedi Knight​

Objective: Meet with Heinrich Faust
Location: Ession
Thread Partners: Heinrich Faust

​

It felt out of place to be approaching the Grand Marshal like so. Putting aside rank or whatever other excuse she could drum up at a moment's notice, they were practically strangers. They'd met on Odessan right as the battle against the Maw struck up once more. As only Jedi could, they fought off the invaders. Oraada could only hope that she was trusted as much as she trusted him.

Noticing his slightly distant look, jolted all so suddenly back to reality, Oraada wondered what could possibly have been going on in his head. There was an ephemeral smile and a nod. "Of course. If that's where you wish to go, I will follow. It'd be rude not to, considering I came to you."

Turning her eyes to the workers doing their best effort for this sacred place, it made her consider what the place had looked like before the Sith. And, of course, what it would look like once the Ashlans reclaimed it properly. Then she turned back to Heinrich, tilting her head a sliver of an inch. It was a habit to adjust the hearing organs on her head and a sign that she really was listening.

"Hm... I pray we can not only restore it, but raise it to new greatness."

When she realized he was looking right at her, Oraada straightened. "Oh, it was... nothing too taxing, but... I was thinking about where it would be best to place myself and my efforts for Ashla. I merely came here, originally, seeking the truth of the Force. Now that such is clearer than before, I think it's wise to... give back, in a sense."

 

[Heinrich Faust]

Tags: Oraada Laabre

As they made their way up the stairs, Heinrich continued to listen attentively. He found Oraada's voice to be rather grounding... calming, even. In all of his time with the Crusade, Heinrich had often forgotten that these moments were able to happen. Perhaps there was a part of him that didn't want them to; having been in his own thoughts for so long had left him isolating himself more often than not. His smile grew as she mentioned the temple, his demeanor growing a little more lax as they continued upward.

"One can only hope. It will take time to heal the wounds left here by the Sith. You see, I was here when they came. I was only a student, then, but I fought them all the same. It was devastating to the planet, but in time it will heal, as all things do."

The statement felt more true than he even realized, a reflection of his own state of being. His own inner healing had been progressing, but there was certainly more to be done on that front. But that would have to wait for another day. For now, Heinrich was simply enjoying her company.

"There are many ways one may serve the Light, even more so for someone such as yourself. We don't hold ourselves to the same restrictions as some of our brethren. Jedi are welcome in many positions within the Crusade."

As they continued, they passed through a large hallway, turning toward the end as they passed several more workers. Soon, they would find themselves on a balcony, overlooking Ession from high above. The ecumenopolis sprawled across the horizon, its glowing lights creating a gorgeous display, as if they were staring at the stars above.

"You know, sometimes I forget just how beautiful this place can be..."

He was drifting for a moment, before catching himself.

"Ashla will make things clear to you, as she always does. That being said... we'll have plenty of space in the temple. There will be much to do around here, even after it is rebuilt. I for one would be happy to have you here."

 

[Oraada Laabre]

Oraada Laabre, Ashlan Crusader

Jedi Knight​

Objective: Meet with Heinrich Faust
Location: Ession
Thread Partners: Heinrich Faust

​

It was strange how things were panning out. Fleeing from the Galactic Alliance's space to the Ashlan Crusade's, Oraada hadn't expected to feel as she did now. The expectation, perhaps, even desire, had been to fall with nobility in combat. To make a flashy difference by stemming the tide of darkness. But as she stood and walked alongside Heinrich, there was a realization that making a difference didn't have to mean throwing one's life away. It didn't even mean commanding the greatest of nations, nor preparing for war. It could be as small as talking to a single person. And that was comforting.

Curtly, she nodded, taking in that little piece of his history as if it were the most sacred of jewels. The little decorations on her montrals swayed with the motion, although they hardly distracted her. "How old were you, if it's alright that I ask?" Oraada questioned gingerly.

In her life, she had seen quite a deal as well. The New Jedi Order, while neutral as best it could be, had its obligations to the Galactic Alliance and other forms of Jedi. They had internal strife, external conflict, and all sorts of shades of both. And despite it all, Oraada survived. She was alive and made it into the company of people she found herself trusting more and more. Perhaps she'd nearly fallen into darkness once, but never again.

"That is the question, then, isn't it? With many choices, there is usually a decision between them. But I understand what you mean. I suppose I just want to do something more. Nothing too lofty, but enough that it makes a difference."

This temple was something that Oraada had not had the opportunity to explore. So, it was like a loyal creature that she followed Heinrich around the corner at the end of a grand hallway. She reminded herself that he knew the place very well, so it was likely that he chose the balcony to overlook Ession. Still, that did nothing to stem her surprise at being alone at such a breathtaking locale.

In all honesty, she'd never seen this particular view before. It had her crystalline eyes sparkling in the glow of the city below. When he spoke to her, she managed to wrest back some control in order to speak.

"Are you sure?" was the first thing that came out of her mouth. Then, as soon as she realized what she'd said, she attempted to smooth it over. "I would be honored to remain here. N-not just for you, but for everyone who will need extra hands." Oh. Oh goodness. Her face was probably going rosy from the embarrassing word vomit.

 

[Heinrich Faust]

Tags: Oraada Laabre

Heinrich dodged the question as best as he could; he found himself strangely caught off guard by Oraada, Was this comfort? Was it solace? He couldn't put it into words. He didn't expect her to understand... after all, how could she? How could anyone know anything about what he had dealt with. Yet, somehow, things clicked around her.

"Old enough..."

It was all he could offer her. He was largely a youngling when the initial assault happened, a simple student... and yet, he felt all of the burdens of a master. He had spent too many years.... even as a student... everything had added to this moment. Perhaps his own duties were drawing him here...

"Yes, I am sure..."

His words echoed across the Ession sky as he took her by the hand.

"Trust me... your presence will be greatly needed here."

Was it him ignoring what she thought? Maybe. Was it how he felt? Absolutely. All Heinrich knew was that maybe, somewhere deep down, she understood. Nonetheless, he couldn't help but to address the darkness inside her...

"What is this darkness inside you?"

 

[Oraada Laabre]

Oraada Laabre, Ashlan Crusader

Jedi Knight​

Objective: Survive with dignity in tact
Location: Ession
Thread Partners: Heinrich Faust

​

There was a certain unreadable expression. It looked like a plain face, but there were so many minute details. A slight indentation here, a miniscule tilt there. If there was anything she wished she could do, it was to make the pain cease. Oraada knew that wasn't realistic or feasible, but Heinrich didn't deserve whatever made him so distant here. Nonetheless, she respected his answer.

It wasn't her place to know anything. It wasn't her place to intrude on his life. Oraada had lived like a shadow for so long, yet only because of the brightness of those around her. It wasn't a true darkness... more of a penumbra created by obfuscation by a moon. A light sorrow that drove her to seek better for others.

A questioning look was quelled by the certainty of his actions. HIs hand holding hers as if there were nothing more casual or normal. Yet it was firm and certain. "I..." she breathed, unable to quite put anything into actual words, Basic or otherwise.

Then it came. The crashing, inescapable weight of what she had dreaded. Her eyes darted anywhere except his face, as if ashamed. But she couldn't lie to him. Heinrich had to know what Oraada was hiding.

"It's many things. Regret, shame... remorse. I was tempted, once, by someone I knew and trusted. I don't think it's ever fully gone away. I convince myself that she's out there, somewhere, waiting for the guidance back to the Light..."

Her breath caught.

"Her name was Remelle. And because of her, I doubt my ability to stay pure and true in the face of... feelings. I worry that, if such a horrible thing happens and I cannot remain strong, not only will the Ashlans be disgusted... but you will be most of all."

 

[Heinrich Faust]

Tags: Oraada Laabre

He once again placed a hand on her shoulder, his own mind racing with years upon years of self-struggle.

"Regret is something we all feel... I... I..."

His voice broke. Heinrich Faust, Grand Marshal of the Ashlan Crusade, leader of countless knights... and he still broke. Something about her calming voice made him feel more comfortable, in ways he hadn't felt since communing with his good friend Eina,

"I was mislead, myself. Perhaps by the most nefarious human..."

He was still holding the full weight of it back, or at least, as much as he could. Should Oraada understand even the slightest piece of his struggle, it would all come apart. Yet, he would not give her that moment. His own internal struggle forced him to push for more.... to feel more...

"Oraada, I have only said this to one other... but I want.... no, I need someone to understand... that darkness is hard to avoid."

He was stumbling over his own words. Why did it all seem so difficult around her? A mystery yet to be discovered, but one he most wanted to uncover.

 

[Oraada Laabre]

Oraada Laabre, Ashlan Crusader

Jedi Knight​

Objective: Survive with dignity in tact
Location: Ession
Thread Partners: Heinrich Faust

​

Was it possible that a touch could feel like fire, yet so cold at the same time? It was contradictory, but the simple contact conveyed so much. The faux brows above her eyes knitted together.

"Shh... it's okay," she murmured as though she were trying to soothe the most inconsolable of individuals. It was like the brush of downy feathers in the form of only a few words. With a ghost-light touch, her hands went up to where his rested on her shoulder and rested upon it. It was meant to be a calming gesture, but she had no idea what it might inspire. It was impossible to say where this moment would lead.

Something felt different about this, however. Even the way he admitted to a sliver of his past... it put the whole of it into a perspective that she hadn't realized before. Heinrich wasn't some perfect, impassible monolith. Nobody was. There were cracks and chips where careless individuals had attempted to scour the stone of his strength in character. Like anyone, he did his best to hide them... but that did little to repair the damages in any meaningful way.

A sympathetic look was what he got in return. She dared not say a single thing to upset the sincerity of the moment. It wasn't fear. At least not the kind that would harm an individual. It was an odd form of respect to his feelings that was so fragile in its being, sound itself could shatter it. As he said the most secret of all things, there was a spark of realization. Of what? She had yet to perceive.

"If that is what you need, I believe you already have it," she said in her own cryptic way. "I know an excess of emotion is the way of the darkness, but it's so hard not to feel anything. We are of gracious spirit, yet... the heart holds so many mysteries, doesn't it?" Oraada questioned, smiling in a way mismatched to her voice.

"I don't know what you are feeling deep within, but perhaps we can try to understand and move forward together."

 

[Heinrich Faust]

Tags: Oraada Laabre

The response from her was... unexpected, perhaps. Then again, the Grand Marshal didn't really know what to expect, if anything. Words had spewed forth in a jumbled mess, leaving him feeling more vulnerable than he was used to. Heinrich stood there in silence, his gaze meeting that of Oraada as she placed her hand on his shoulder. Her touch felt as soft as her smile, causing the Essonian knight to let out a deep exhale.

"I apologize. You came here to receive guidance, not give it."

There was a bit of his usually calm tone in the words as the Grand Marshal attempted to compose himself. This time, however, there was a more relaxed air about the way he carried himself. His posture loosened a bit as he placed his own hand on her shoulder. There was no judgment in her voice, instead flowing with an air of sincerity and understanding. Heinrich couldn't quite pinpoint it, but he felt that perhaps she understood his struggle more than she cared to admit. He wouldn't press the matter directly, for now, instead opting to dance around the topic a bit as he spoke.

"Though Ashla smiles upon piety, it is understood that we can't completely lock our emotions away."

He returned her smile with one of his own. The thought of understanding together was an inviting one. Heinrich had his share of friends, of course. People he considered to be family. Yet, something was different about Oraada... the way he felt about her was... anomalous? No, that wouldn't be the word. Kindred spirits, maybe. No... that wasn't quite it either. Why was it so difficult for him to pin down?

"Perhaps we can."

Though the air was heavy with their emotions, Heinrich somehow felt lighter, as if he were floating in place. Perhaps there was a reason they had met, some cosmic act of Ashla that caused Oraada to bump into him on Odessan. Maybe... just maybe... this was all part of the will of the Light.

 

[Oraada Laabre]

Oraada Laabre, Ashlan Crusader

Jedi Knight​

Objective: Survive with dignity in tact
Location: Ession
Thread Partners: Heinrich Faust

​

If she were to be completely, utterly honest and laid bare for all to see, then it would be known that she didn't know where these words were coming from. She was just following the flow of what felt right. Even if neither of them had any experience showing their vulnerability to anyone else, she knew just how important it was not to frighten him back into the depths of his shell. As their eyes held each other, she wondered how often it was that Heinrich actually showed this side of himself.

"You do not need to apologize. Sometimes, when one gives advice, you... realize you needed to hear it too."

And that was the truth. Now that they had each shared a bit of the ice lurking beneath the tip of the monolith floating on water, there was a little more freedom with which she even existed. Someone knew about the temptation of the Bogan. Someone knew and he did not judge. For the love of everything good, he had even faced it too. If she were less in control of herself, she might have cried. If she were any less certain of herself, she might have fled from that lonely balcony. This time, when he spoke, there was a little hint of strength in her reply. A forwardness that wasn't there before.

"That's true. They have to exist for a reason... not to overwhelm, but to give color to life. Happiness and love, especially... it makes it all worthwhile after the dust has settled."

That was a simple musing, but it was how she rationalized this. It wasn't care for a fellow living being that was the evil, but it was the extreme action taken in the name of selfishness or greed. Still, there was that spark that went beyond just caring about the other Crusaders. Heinrich was different. It was a familiar feeling, but... no. It would be too soon, too out of place... wouldn't it? Even so, nothing could dash that optimism.

"I think... I will take your offer and remain here. It may give us the opportunity to work towards our goals of understanding and control." A simple reason. The truth may have been more complex.

But there was more to it. "And I do not know if it is too soon or wrong to say, but you look wonderful when you smile. Ession may be beautiful in its own right... but you shine brighter to me."

 

[Heinrich Faust]

Tags: Oraada Laabre

His instinct told him to cut off, shut out... to deny any form of interaction beyond what his station meant of him. And why shouldn't he? He was the Grand Marshal, a man that countless lives depended on day by day. Yet, there it was, with that ever nagging tug at the back of his neck. Was this something more? Did he really find someone that understood? Heinrich did what he could to push the feelings back, despite every inch of his body that urged to push forward. Yet, he could not. Every inch of him wanted her touch, her voice, her presence...

His hand moved toward her cheek, his gaze still meeting hers as he spoke.

"Yes, love, happiness... these things are not of the Bogan. One can not deny themselves of such bliss, as in such denial, one only invites the darkness."

Heinrich's words felt hypocritical, as he had spent so many countless years trying to beat his own internal emotions. Yet there was something about her... something that... threw him off guard? Perhaps. Made him feel vulnerable? Absolutely. Whatever it was, Heinrich continued to press forward, sojourning forth into the unknown realms of truly feeling.

"I'm glad that you've chosen to stay, Oraada."

Her next comment caused his smile to widen, though he certainly tried to hide it. There was much that had yet to be said, though in time, he believed it could be. He drew himself closer to her, his gaze never leaving hers as he ran his hand along her montrals as he looked into her eyes.

"Only second to you, Oraada... only second to you..."

 

[Oraada Laabre]

Oraada Laabre, Ashlan Crusader

Jedi Knight​

Objective: Survive with dignity in tact
Location: Ession
Thread Partners: Heinrich Faust

​

It was a pleasant surprise to have Heinrich's hand brush against her cheek. His fingers danced over the line where the white splotch covering most of her face danced along the bone and down to her upper lip, almost too perfect to exist. He even brushed against the little dots at the corners of her eyes, almost like constant tears of joy or sorrow. Yet today, it was the greatest joy imaginable. There was no fleeing from this. If she was reading this right, this wasn't a denial or anything close to such. Rather, it was a confirmation. Of what? She couldn't be sure at the current moment. All she could do was ride the wave.

There was a quiet smile before she found her witty, playful retort. "Are you only just now realizing that? I can't say I know what you were like before we met... but... hm... smiling more is good for you, you know?"

And her little teardrops framing her eyes crinkled as her smile widened. She had her hunches about the kind of person Heinrich was. The short answers about his distant past, as well as the way he carried himself... it all led to the conclusion that this moment they were having wasn't normal for him. To be fair, it wasn't normal for her either. Only, her defense mechanism was to seem smaller and inconspicuous. Opening up wasn't something she did. Pleasantries were. And yet... and yet...

"It just... seems right, at this point. There's so much to do. And you're here."

Oraada was about to poke playfully at his hesitance to smile so deeply when his hand drifted along the equivalent of human ears, causing a shiver. They weren't deeply sensitive or soft of flesh like the lekku further down, but it didn't mean she couldn't feel it. It stirred a reaction that she couldn't quite explain or stop in time. Even as they grew too close, she held firm. Only a brief moment fluttered by before she gingerly proceeded. It was slow and careful, giving ample time for Heinrich to stop it all if he did not want it.

"You are such a charmer," she breathed.

 

[Heinrich Faust]

Tags: Oraada Laabre

Her playful response caused him to laugh once again. Laughter... something Heinrich didn't do much of in recent years. So much time spent brooding... thinking... planning the Crusade's next move with the others. So many years lost in his own head, as if he were a caged bird. Yet somehow, in the presence of her, he flew among the stars themselves.

"Lets just say that I haven't allowed myself that luxury in a very, very long time."

He probably still came across as guarded, and usually he would think that to be a problem. Yet, she seemed somewhat guarded as well, which provided a strange sense of comfort. Understanding, perhaps. A kindred spirit in a way. Heinrich felt more comfortable in his skin, as if he could really be himself.

"Yes... there is much to do..."

Heinrich was beginning to realize just how much he had sacrificed in the name of the Ashlan cause. Though he didn't regret a second of it, the Grand Marshal had buried himself in the work. Perhaps too much. It felt like a breath of fresh air to have this moment, with the pair of them standing among the dancing lights of his homeworld's skyline. He had spent too much time bogged down by his own past failures, lost within his own head as he replayed them time and again. Now... it was time to take his life back. It was time to allow himself to feel once again.

He pulled her closer, his lips meeting hers as the sound of the workers in the temple echoed in the distance. It would be his first since he was a young man, before he even left Ession for the first time. All these years... and he finally allowed himself to simply... just... be. Time stopped as if Ashla herself were telling him to remember this moment, and to hold onto it with all of his might. Heinrich didn't know what the future would bring, but in this moment, it did not matter. For now, he was simply glad that she had found her way here.