Private Stomachs A-Growlin'

[Colette]

Shan Pavond

"Most would argue it's a good thing to be a bad liar…" Colette said and scrunched her nose with a happy little smile.

She took a seat on the couch again and wrapped an arm around Shan again. It was still early in the day all things considered. Waking up to a burst pipe was an experience, but understandably something that also made you a little more tired than usual.

Especially if you had to redirect a violent burst of water back into the sink.

Maybe a nap wasn't such a bad idea.

The vid came up on the screen and Colette's eyes widened at the sight of the big, bulky, placid giants. The waters around them were so blissfully blue and the ice was nearly teal instead of merely white. A sense of wonder booted Colette right up as she leaned forward to get a better look.

No, a nap was a bad idea. At least before this hour-long documentary on sperm whales had ended.

"They are so beautiful." Colette whispered. "Like big nerfs of the sea."

"I love nerfs, they are so cuddly."

 

[Shan Pavond]

Shan grinned at the little nose scrunch, before snuggling into Colette to watch the film together. Though he couldn't expect them to be getting to sleep anytime soon, since it seemed like Colette was getting ready to get properly into the documentary. A small grin on Shan's face at the talk of nerfs, rolling his eyes slightly as he put his arm around Colette.

He let his mind wander for a moment. He wasn't as fascinated by the documentary as Colette was, but it was still quite nice. Resting his head against Colette, letting his thoughts wander away.

"...I guess the idea of living by the water would appeal to you huh?...I wonder how many rooms would be perfect..."

He mumbled, mostly to himself, rubbing his chin before shaking his head to try and turn his attention back over towards Colette instead, giving his partner a bright grin.

Colette

 

[Colette]

Shan Pavond

"Wreeeeeeeeee!~~"

"But their solitary nature does not mean that they are alone. The Manaanian sperm whale is known for their frequent shouts for-"

"-how many rooms would be perfect…"

Wait, that wasn't part of the show, that was Shan. Colette shook herself out of the show and turned to look at him and then the whale before giving a lazy point at the screen.

"I mean, it's a whale. You can't fit that in a room, Shan." The girl had entirely missed what and why Shan was musing about. He had officially been placed in the backseat for this one. Nature was talking, and Colette was as ever unwilling to not listen.

 

[Shan Pavond]

"...I meant for us, silly. For the...future. Probably won't be able to get any place by a lake..."

But getting it near nature probably wouldn't be too out of the way...He rubbed his chin in thought for a moment. He also ignored the fact you technically could fit a whale into a room. It just had to be a big enough room to get them to fit. Instead he was going into his own little world again, trying to focus on the future.

In SHan's mind, focusing on the Future, meant focusing on hope. Focusing on happiness and that was everything he wanted to do right now. He wanted to focus on his and Colette's future, and not on any of the...well, battles that were definitely going to be coming up in the war.

Colette

 

[Colette]

Shan Pavond

"... Oh…" Colette whispered as she leaned back in the seat. Part of her was scared of the coming change, she supposed. It was a very basic and irrational fear of loss, but it was still there and it worried her just the same as it always did when she felt these emotions and realized that she had something to lose.

"D-don't uh," She cleared her throat and fell back into the better vibes again. "Don't suppose there's nomadic doctor colleges?"

 

[Shan Pavond]

"...I don't mean for my doctorate Colette. I mean for us. Sure. The Jedi Order will always be our home...but I want us to have our own home. Just for us. And all the animals we're going to have. It won't be used in the immediate future but...afterwards. Give it five years or so. Our own place, with as many animals as you could possibly want."

Shan wrapped his arms around Colette, trying to comfort her. It was clear to him that Colette obviously didn't like the idea of settling down in one place and if she was really determined in not doing that...Well, they didn't a home. As long as they had each other.

Colette

 

[Colette]

Shan Pavond

Five years weren't a very long time. In five years, Colette would be in the middle of her twenties. Her attention was broken away from the whale songs wailing from the screen.

"I don't want animals in my home. Other than Nibbles, at least." She frowned. "Animals belong in the wild, where they can do their part for the world."

"And five years is a really short time. We'll both still be twenty by then." Oh boy, now she wasn't quite sure what she meant by that. "Which- I mean, that's-"

"It's really young, and I just don't see right now that I'd-" She exhaled, very clearly panicked. "I don't want to settle down yet."

 

[Shan Pavond]

"I...don't mean in the house. I meant...having our house in nature. Away from people. Away from the cities. The pollution. Having a farm that we can both just work on..."

Shan sighed, seeing how panicked Colette was getting and just wrapped his arms around her softly, giving her space to leave if she wanted to. He didn't want her to feel all backed into a corner.

"That's fine...We don't...We don't need to settle down yet. We can do what you're comfortable with Colette. Don't worry."

Colette

 

[Colette]

Shan Pavond

"I'm sorry." Colette frowned. "I know I'm annoying."

She leaned into Shan again and slowly let herself look back at the documentary again. An uneasy sigh blew from her nose and she swore she could feel the way Shan was churning it all over in his head. Well no, he was probably being too kind again, but that didn't make Colette's mind assume anything less.

"I miss being on the road, not sure when I would see civilization again. Life was… Simpler. I hunted when hungry, or foraged, and slept beneath a sea of a thousand stars."

"I starved, I was dehydrated, but I felt…"

"At ease."

 

[Shan Pavond]

"I'm...the opposite. Life has never been simple for me. I've never really felt like I belong anywhere. Everywhere I went, I felt like people looked at me differently because I didn't want to fight...because I believe in people...but I don't feel like that anymore. I feel at ease when I'm with you. I just...want us to have a place to call our own. We don't have to stay there but..."

Shan bit his tongue for a moment. Was the idea of just living on a ship so wrong?...yes. Yes it was. The idea of being stuck in a metal container wasn't going to appeal to him no matter what. He just wanted nature. Fresh air. The stuff that he didn't have back on Nar Shaddaa.

"...Also you might be annoying, but you're my annoying partner. And that makes you perfect to me, no matter what Colette. And if you don't believe that...Well, no Ko movies for you."

Colette

 

[Colette]

Shan Pavond

No words, just snuggles. Colette shuffled around against Shan's arm for a moment as he spoke before eventually letting out an amused 'tsk' at his threat. No more Ko vids?

"Fine, more sperm whales and megacreatures for me then…" She teased him back. "Anyway, it's just… I don't want to define who or what we are on something like a house. Or a temple, or an order."

"They are all things. Things that can and will be destroyed."

"And honestly, claiming ownership over something like that is bad for the soul. Everything should just be free to exist as it is. There is no need to have these… Things in place, you know? Life finds a way with or without being tucked into one folder or the other."

 

[Shan Pavond]

"So, having a place to finally call my own, is bad for my soul? Having a place I feel like I can belong and don't have to worry about other people, is bad for my soul?"

Shan raised an eyebrow at that comment. It was a comment that rubbed him the wrong way if he was being honest. He wanted a house, because he had never had his own place. Even his own childhood home, never felt like a home. Especially since he found out his dad never wanted him in there in the first place. Of course, Colette probably didn't mean anything but it...but it just felt strange to Shan. Even wild animals would have a place of their own in a way, so what was wrong with him wanting to have one of his own?

"...Forget it. I spoke out of line. Let's just watch the sperm creatures and the mega whales."

He waved his hand dismissively, turning his attention over towards the TV, even if he wasn't actually watching it. He was just letting his mind wander onto different thoughts instead.

Colette

 

[Colette]

Shan Pavond

Sigh.

"No. I won't" Colette muttered and pushed herself upright to look at Shan. "It's bad to claim ownership over something like territory or a building because it means you have something to lose."

Well, not quite, but the girl didn't exactly have the words she needed to truly express what she meant. Ownership was a territorial thing, a line in the sand that said that 'this is mine, and mine only' which was a mindset Colette herself had never really adapted. It was to withhold something at the cost of potentially helping someone else.

There was no I or me in doing the right thing for yourself, only us and we.

"A house is your house until it's taken by someone else. A memory of an experience is always going to be yours no matter what."

"... Does any of that make sense to you?"

"I feel like I'm not explaining this in a good way."

 

[Shan Pavond]

"We always have something to lose. Our ideals. Our lives. Ourselves. Nothing is truly yours permanently. Even a Sith could steal your memories. Life is like...an ocean. At least to me Colette. And a home is just a place to let us stay. Let us relax and recover before heading back out into the eventual storm."

Shan didn't know quite how to explain it himself. He didn't see it as himself just owning something and not letting anyone else use it. In fact, he was going ot open up the house to anyone he could. Friends, refugees. He wanted this, so that anyone who came would be able to have a place to stay at the end of the day.

"We should...just change the subject, I guess. I was planning on surprising you with our own place...but...well...you clearly aren't too receptive to the idea of having our own place. Which is fine. Don't worry about it."

It wasn't fine. Not to Shan. As much as he liked being part of the Jedi Order, he wanted a place that was his. The Temple wasn't going to be the home of the Jedi for much longer and it was part of what had sparked Shan's interest in finding a place to call his own that wouldn't move...but if Colette wasn't willing to the idea, then he was content with dropping it. It was a selfish thing he wanted. And he was used to not being selfish.

Colette

 

[Colette]

Shan Pavond

"Okay." Colette said. It was an unusually meager response for someone that seemed to have no issue otherwise in voicing her opinion, but just this once it would seem that she didn't want to let her voice be heard anymore.

She raised opened her mouth, gently twisted to her side so that she could face Shan again before she gave up and just leaned back in her seat with a dejected frown. She hadn't meant it like that, or had she? It was just a big deal to claim ownership of nature when…

No, it wasn't worth thinking on it. She shook her head, crossed her arms and hugged her knees to look at the documentary again.

 

[Shan Pavond]

As Colette hugged her knees, Shan just reached over, wrapping his arms around Colette in response. Watching the documentary in silence for now whilst also making sure that Colette didn't think Shan was mad at her. He wasn't. He was mad at himself.

The Mirialan rested his head atop of Colette's for a moment, watching away. Letting the sound of the documentary fill the silence in the room before Shan cleared his throat to speak.

"...I love you Colette. I hope you know that."

Colette

 

[Colette]

Shan Pavond

"I know, it's just…" She sighed and unwrapped herself from her safety cocoon and leaned her head against his shoulder. "I don't know how to word what I want to say."

"You should have a home if that's what you want, but I don't— Hmm…" No, that wasn't quite it either. "I want—" What, exactly? "It's just that…"

"I don't want a place of my own. I like not having a place like that. But if you do, then that's okay."

 

[Shan Pavond]

"Oh. I see. Okay. I'll get the place, and not let you live there then, since that's clearly what you want."

Shan tried to tease Colette slightly, just holding her in his arms. Teasing might not have been the best course of action but...he was just trying to get a laugh or something out of her instead of them having to dwell on being all moody.

Colette

 

[Colette]

Shan Pavond

Really? Now? Colette raised her brow to question Shan's comedic timing for a moment before she leaned back in again. Still, she could see what he was getting at. It sucked to be moody, but sometimes that was a necessary feeling to feel as well.

Not now though.

She sighed. Took a deep breath and let it out through her nose.

"Brave of you to assume I'd miss you before you miss me." She fired back. "You'd be begging me to come over after a week at most."

 

[Shan Pavond]

"Oh, is that a bet, Miss Noble? Because I must assure you. You should never make bets with me. No-one has ever beaten me at one."

Mostly because Shan never made bets in the first place. You can't beat someone at something they've never done before. A grin spreading across his face. They could be moody and have a serious talk about everything later. Not tonight. They were both stressed enough as it was. They were meant to help each other relax, not make it even worse.

"I'll just fill the house with dozens of animals so that I'll never have to think about you. It'll be like a farm. Old Mc'Shanle had a farm."

Colette