Private Tension

[Sylvia Virtos]

With a questioning look Sylvia complied to the request, setting down the now-empty glass down onto the floor. Elle wasn't shy about getting a little cheeky from time to time so when the blonde scooted up to her and give her that mischievous grin, there was no doubt she was in one of those moods again. Sylvia always enjoyed those moments, where her friend was so unabashedly herself and she herself was kept on her toes. This time, she didn't have to wait for long to see what Elle had up her sleeve.

When the blonde laid down on her lap Sylvia couldn't help but giggle as her cheeks heated up a little, something she tried to hide by bringing a hand to her face. This was certainly a new way to eat her food, though she couldn't complain. "Well, if you insist," she replied amusedly, snapping her finger to unpause the holo player. The open box contained a small variety of seafood prepared to be eaten as finger food. Elle's warning caused to grin mischievously herself as she picked up a piece and held it in her hand for a moment.

"Is this okay, though?" Instead of putting it into her own mouth, Sylvia brought it to Elle's. She'd wait until the blonde opened her mouth to carefully place it on her tongue before pulling her hand back to get a piece for herself. With a smirk she bit down on her own piece as she looked up to quickly catch up on what was happening in the movie, though Elle was still a bit too distracting for her to properly follow it. Sylvia would alternate between feeding Elle a piece and eating one herself until she noticed Elle had drifted off.

A musical crescendo drew Sylvia's attention back to the movie. The spy stood at a crossroads- a choice had to be made. Either they left to join back up with the rebels to plan their assault, or stay with the admiral. A side had to be chosen. With tears in her eyes she stood at the boarding ramp of her shuttle, when the earlier scene played out in a flashback, the two embracing each other. The spy turned around and made her decision. They returned to the admiral and their mutual promise was kept as the spy made the choice to join the imperial side.

The magenta-haired woman wanted to feel good about the ending, but she couldn't. Something felt off and she couldn't place it, and instead she turned the player and screen off with a frustrated wave of her hand. She wanted to be the spy in that scene, admitting to herself that her feelings were stronger than everything else, but she couldn't. With a defeated sigh she looked down to the sleeping Elle. She really didn't want her to go, even if it was the right thing. Fighting back tears of conflict, she set down her box of food on the ground and let her back fall onto the bed. She dozed off minutes later.

Elle Mors ​

 

[Elle Mors]

Morning came earlier than Elle had expected, though waking up before Sylvia was a given. She couldn't quite place what had happened in the moments leading up to falling asleep, only that it'd been sometime during the course of the movie and it'd been next to Sylv. Blurry eyes opening, blinking to clear away the difficulty of early morning vision, a slightly uncomfortable feeling poked at her back, and after coming largely to her senses she realized just where she had nodded off. Sitting up, a small hand rubbing at her lower back, Ellie couldn't help but steal a small smile, she had fallen asleep laying back on Sylvia's lap, and Sylv herself had passed out laying back - presumably after the movie had ended.

A few minutes of cleaning later, and the leftovers from the night before were discarded and she'd hefted Sylvia back up onto her back and covered her a little with a bed sheet. Moving along, and keeping to her word, the indeterminate time between waking Sylvia up and then was filled with making breakfast. Elle wasn't by any means an excellent cook, but she did make a habit of making herself breakfast rather than eating something pre-made, some skill was carried over in that respect. A few plates filled with vegetables, eggs, and a slice of toasted bread later, and Ellie was back at the bedside, only now she was gently shaking her friend awake.

"Wake up, Sylv, I made breakfast. There's a stimcaf on the stove just for you, if you get up now."

Sylvia Virtos

 

[Sylvia Virtos]

A weak grunt was the first answer Elle would get from Sylvia, though her eyes remained closed for a moment. Using her friend's voice she waded through the place between asleep and awake, struggling against her heavy eyelids as she tried to return to reality. Mornings often went like this for Sylvia, she was hardly a morning person and her sleep schedule had been shot to the nether a very long time ago. Elle had commented on her less-than-healthy sleeping habits before, and she admitted that it was a bad habit, but she still hadn't come around to doing anything about it.

Eventually Sylvia's light blue eyes revealed themselves to the light and after a hearty yawn she turned her head towards Elle. "Mornin'," she replied with her trademark creaky morning voice as she went to sit up straight, then ran a hand through her hair to get it out of her face. The sight and smell of the plates of food Elle had brought with her was more than enough of a reason to smile, and as she took the bedsheet off of herself she gratefully took hold of one of the plates. "You are literally the best," Sylvia stated as she got to her feet and sauntered over to the stove to fetch the cup of caf. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

Saying that, though, reminded her of the night before and the talk they were about to have now. That moment together began to feel like a last meal more and more and now that Elle was likely to leave, the fear of losing her for good crept back into her consciousness. She didn't feel panic anymore, though. Instead her walk back to the bed felt like one to the gallows, knowing full well what was about to happen, though she was beginning to accept what was to come. The prospect didn't hurt any less, but there wasn't much to be done about it.

Sylvia remained strangely silent for a while after sitting back down next to Elle, only really focused on taking a bite of her toast and a sip of her stimcaf. In that time she worked up the strength to get to the topic that was to be addressed.

"So," the woman said, fighting back a sigh, "we would talk in the morning."

Elle Mors ​

 

[Elle Mors]

'Oh, right.' She thought.

It wasn't quite that she'd forgotten, the subject of the talk had been looming over her head ever since she realized the gravity of their talk the day before, it was just that, with the ways things had turned around last night and continued to remain good into the morning, it felt like this talk might just never happen - as if the moment before it would stretch on into infinity, and time would stand still. She sunk down into her chair, barely able to look up from her plate - she knew if she looked up at Sylvia now she wouldn't be able to be the strong friend that she'd always been, and somehow that felt worse than the talk itself.

"Yeah.." Elle said, her voice trailing off as her voice broke. This wasn't what she had wanted to talk about, this was supposed to be something completely different, but she had tested the waters yesterday and found herself unable to do much more than stick a toe in. 'Coward.' She thought to herself, almost angry with the fear of rejection she had expected would have followed if she had said what she'd wanted to initially. "I'm going to see the overseer after we finish breakfast, to tell them I am ready to move on." She said, explaining her plans as though changing them were now out of the question. She visibly winced at her own words, she hadn't expected to sound so.. sterile, careless even. 'Move on? Great choice of words, queen!' Her inner monologue shouted, to which she shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

"I.." She started, pausing to control her breathing - which had started to pivot towards a more erratic pace, and she didn't want to sound as vulnerable as she was. She needed to sound confident, strong, and her eyes stayed locked onto her plate, her food still untouched. Appetite gone. "I told them that that if.. that when I thought over their offer that I would be ready to leave the moment I came back to them, so I.. I won't be in my room.. I won't be back to say goodbye." Ellie forced out, her cheeks turning some shades of pink. Reaching for her fork with her right hand, she forced herself to spear a forkful of food. "So I guess this is goodbye." She offered weakly, her voice small.

She shifted her gaze up, looking right into Sylvia's eyes, and felt every bit of air leave her lungs as she forced herself to stay calm. Opening her mouth felt like one of the twelve labors, and then forcing herself to eat was like holding up the world - but none of it compared to the strength of will it took to keep herself together.

'I wanted to tell her I had turned them down for her.' She thought to herself, offering up an excuse to make herself feel better. 'But you didn't.' Returned her own voice, refusing to let her brush over the fact that she'd trampled over her own feelings for someone else because she was too afraid of what the answer would have been if she'd said anything.

Sylvia Virtos

 

[Sylvia Virtos]

Nothing Lasts​

"I'm going to see the overseer after we finish breakfast, to tell them I am ready to move on."

Move on.

Move on.

Sylvia had been lined up before the firing squad since the night before, but the bolt that pierced her heart was utterly devastating all the same. An insurmountable wave of sadness, anger, and despair was on the verge of crashing into her while time stood still, but as she found herself bracing for impact nothing happened. Instead, she felt numb and hollow, like her very humanity had been ripped out of her body, leaving nothing but a soulless husk. She wasn't even sure if she was actually awake anymore.

Glassy eyes looked down to the floor as Sylvia continued to listen in silence. They wouldn't even have a proper goodbye, just whatever the feth this mess of a moment was, and that was it. Her entire life the woman had managed to push everyone away except for Elle, but now she had managed to get her to leave too. Sylvia once again convinced herself that Elle would be better off this way in some vain attempt to make peace with it, but it did nothing. She had done what was right for the blonde, but in the process she had lost the only friend she ever had. Someone who she had wanted to be more than friends with, but every time she had tried to take the leap fear held her back. Perhaps it was for the better. She knew she was nothing but trouble anyway.

"So I guess this is goodbye."

The magenta-haired woman took a deep breath, her eyes still cast downwards. She couldn't bear to look at Elle again, knowing the pain it would cause. "I guess so," Sylvia said, her voice trembling, nearly giving away the fact she was on the verge of breaking into tears. She wanted to hug Elle one last time, one last bit of warmth for her soul, but her body was frozen in place.

"I'll-" miss you, Sylvia wanted to say, but she stopped herself. She didn't want to make it any harder than it already was. Despite that her thoughts cried out, begging her to tell her how she truly felt before it was too late. This was her very last chance to open up about the feelings she carried. How much she meant to her. How she wanted to be with her, until the very end. How she didn't want her to leave. Never before had Sylvia begged for anything in her life, but now she wanted to beg for Elle to stay.

"I'll manage."

She didn't even dare to try.

"I'm proud of you. You'll do great things." Now that you're freed from me.

Elle Mors ​

 

[Elle Mors]

She set her fork down, unable to bring herself to eat anymore, and stood. She had wanted to say something, anything - sorry was a word scattered throughout her mind, certainly, but there was some frustration in there, too. Like always, she waited, waiting for Sylv to make her stop, to be the ironic voice of reason in any emotional gamble she'd ever found herself in, but those words never came, and so she remained silent as Sylvia speared her through the heart. "I'll manage." She had said. Quietly she discarded her food, washing her plate and utensils, and then came to a stop at the edge of the counter as she stared at her friend. She opened her mouth to speak, but shut it again as she realized she'd already made the bed she would have to sleep in.

'She'll be fine without me.' Her voice said, drifting through the silence of her thoughts. "I'm proud of you. You'll do great things." Sylv added, a consolatory offering for their split. Looking away, towards the door, her feet moved as if willed by a force that wasn't her own, and before she knew it she was down the hall. She blinked, unable to process the passage of time or the world around her, and suddenly she was waiting in the office of the overseer. "I'm ready to go." She said, her tone dull now that she'd lost her edge. "There has been a change of plans, you will begin your apprenticeship after triumphing over other acolyte hopefuls on the Dubrillion front. Collect your things, you will be leaving in the hour to join the Imperial defensive." The man she'd come to know as a father figure instructed. She shook her head, her expression turning bitter, though directed toward herself for her silence, at the thought of returning to those dorms.

"There's nothing for me here, now."

Sylvia Virtos

 

[Sylvia Virtos]

The door shutting made a sound that reverberated through Sylvia's ears, getting louder and louder until she promptly bursted out in the ugliest cry she had ever let out. Tears began to stream down her face like waterfalls, all the pent-up emotion bursting out of their constraints in explosive fashion. She fell sideways, her face landing into her pillow while her feet were still planted on the ground, muffling her crying as she let out a agonized scream. There were so many chances to convince Elle to stay, and she had systematically screwed every single one up.

Rage overcame Sylvia and she gripped the pillow as tightly as she could with both hands before lifting it up and throwing it across her dorm with a loud growl. There was nobody left who cared about her now, and it was all her fault. She had done this to herself and there was no fixing it anymore. Everything had slipped through her hands until there was nothing left.

The rage subsided, but the overwhelming sadness remained. Sylvia concluded that this was what she deserved, because of her actions and simply because of who she was. She had dragged Elle down and took her friendship for granted, but now that the blonde was free, there was nothing that Sylvia could do but drown. The tears refused to stop, even if her body had nothing left to give.

If this was how things ended, then perhaps Sylvia had no reason to worry about failure anymore. It was coming regardless- and it was better to go out in a blaze of glory.

Elle Mors ​