Faction That first morning... (Kahne/RNR)

[Michael Angellus]

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Journal Entry:

Have you ever felt unwanted?

I do right now.

My father was killed thinking I hate him. You can’t tell me otherwise. He died thinking I hated him. My mom, she hates me for letting him die. Of course she does, that’s why she won’t let me live at the new house Uncle Caltin got us.

Speaking of Uncle Caltin, and even cousin Connel. Doesn’t he run a Temple? He runs a Temple and sends me here? To be alone? Well, it worked. I am alone. Never been so alone in my entire life. Connel choked me out, but I get it, he is busy, always out working. I get it. Uncle Caltin just completely blew me off.

Am I that much of a burden? I must be.

I shouldn’t complain about this place, this “Sanctuary”? Is that what they call it? They’ve been nice here, but they’re always watching me. I feel like I’m under a microscope. I just want to be left alone. I don’t know why I’m here. I just want out. I can’t find a way out. It’s not a prison, but I just feel like I’m stuck.

My first morning has been a quiet one. People point when they see me, but when I see them they force out a smile. I know what they’re thinking, I don’t care at this point. I just want to go home.. I take a deep breath and step out the door. I close my eyes and keep walking. It won’t happen though. I know it because I tried it overnight.

So here I sit, at the end of the longest table, no one near me, or probably even trying to be near me as I sit here and cry into my cereal. I get it, people lose loved ones, but not the way I did. My world was turned upside down in an instant, and I don't know how to pick up the pieces. I'm lost, and I'm alone, and I don't know how to move forward.

I wish I could turn back the clock right now.

Kahne Porte | Open

 

[Syd Celsius]

Wearing: 451 Suit

Syd knew what it was like to be under a microscope.

To be studied. Feared. Avoided.

Such was the life of a Force Spawn.

Especially one of the most powerful.

She walked the halls of this sanctuary, her ultra skintight red and gold catsuit with its chromium sheen reflecting everything and everyone around it gave her body the optical effect of being a kaleidoscope. It was quite unnatural and unsettling to look upon, despite the curved, athletic frame it covered. All who knew what a Force Spawn was knew her by the catsuit alone, for the catsuit is the traditional garb of almost all modern Force Spawn.

They avoided her like the Gulag Plague, and averted their eyes.

She had visited this world to try and shake the dust of apathy off. She was whole again. She wanted to start over. Wanted to make a difference again.

Wanted to make her former student, Starlin Rand , proud .

So she walked the halls, exploring, uncertainty of this new faction she had joined crossing her exotic, fiery red headed features.

As she wandered into one area she spied a young man crying. He was in distress. In pain from something.

More than that...he sort of plucked at her oldest memories of training Starlin. How he had his moments before and after her, where he had broken.

She could sense his pain. It incensed her that no one was doing anything about it.

So she decided to.

Fetching a bowl of cereal herself, she sat down close by.

"I hope I am not disturbing you too much..." Syd said, suit glittering from the faint light around the room. "I don't mean to be rude. It's just...I saw you sitting there all sad...I thought it wouldn't hurt to try and lift your spirits slightly." she said as softly and politely as she could.

"I'm Syd... what's your name?" she asked Michael Angellus

 

[Michael Angellus]

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Journal Entry:

Huh?

I guess I was distracted. This woman just walked up on me and called me out.

Oh, Sorry. So, I wipe my eyes to mask my processing of what she means. Is she just finding a seat and trying to be nice? No, it doesn't matter. Mom taught me better than that, so I’ll just play this out.

Syd? That’s a cool name. Sorry, I’m just having a bad day. Bad life is more like it. My name is Michael. Her cereal looks better than mine, maybe I’ll try that tomorrow.

I’m new here. Are you one of the teachers? Of course she is, stupid! Why would I ask a question like that?

Kahne Porte | Syd Celsius | Open

 

[Syd Celsius]

"Im hoping to be one of the Teachers ..." Syd answered. "If they'll have me, of course...and it's nice to meet you, Michael..."

He definitely reminded her of Starlin Rand . Lost. Needing the guidance of the Light.

"So, Michael...may I ask what's causing your bad day?" Syd asked, taking a bite of her cereal.

"I know something about bad days."

(Cutaway of J. Jonah Jameson laughing Uncontrollably )

"I know about having worse days, too."

(Cutaway of J. Jonah Jameson and Nathan Bloodscrawl laughing Uncontrollably )

"There are bad days..."

(Cutaway of Nathan violently strangling Syd)

"...and then there are legendary bad days..." Syd added . "You don't have to talk about it. But I'm willing to listen if you are. So, what are you studying?" she asked, taking another bite, doing her best to keep him from being dragged down by his negative emotions. He needed compassion and someone willing to listen without judging.

Because Syd was the least fit of all to judge ANYONE.

She had learned that the hard way.

 

[Michael Angellus]

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Journal Entry:

That’s cool.

They do seem nice enough at this place, and if she was nice enough to sit down with me, the only one so far, then she’ll probably be looked at. I just want to make sure I'm doing the right thing. I don't want to risk making a bad impression or coming off as too eager. I'll just have to wait and see how it goes.

Uhhh I’m not sure I want to talk about this right now. The way she approached it was nice enough but she kept talking about knowing about bad days. Either she’s crazy, a vigilante, or she’s a counselor.

The last words I said(wrote) to my father was how I thought he loved me but didn’t like me. Then he was shot like a criminal in front of me and died in my arms. Wow, I said it all outright. This is crazy. That should have driven her away, but it didn't.

I don’t know what I’m studying. I honestly don’t know why I’m here. I have to eat something, so a few bites should work.


Kahne Porte | Syd Celsius | Open

 

[Syd Celsius]

Syd listened as Michael Angellus at first hesitated...and then told her what had happened...

Her heart broke for him hearing that.

"...I'm terribly sorry for your loss..." Syd said quietly. "No wonder I could feel the core of pain from you at a distance..."

She set aside her cereal.

"The next few months will likely be difficult..." she told him. "But if you know your father loved you...try and take strength from that. If your father loved you, then you know he wouldn't want you to hold on to the last argument you had. He would want you to look at the lifetime before that argument. Don't let that be the capstone to your memory of him, Michael..." she cautioned sincerely.

"As for why you are here. I think you are looking to heal, personally..."

 

[Michael Angellus]

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Journal Entry:

Thank you.

She seems nice enough, maybe she is a counselor. I should talk to her soon. She might be able to help me. I'll ask her about it tomorrow. I hope she's willing to help me. I'm a little nervous, but I'm looking forward to possibly talking to her.

I get that. She’s not wrong. Dad did love me and I know it, it just always seemed like he didn’t like me. Maybe it’s just me. I don’t know.

It’s just… difficult. I mean I know I’m not some great hero Jedi, but my cousin is out there making a difference… my uncle… he’s like “Super Jedi Guardian Man”... he taught me some skills… I could have helped. I wish I would stop talking sometimes. I just keep blabbering on.

It’s just that I wanted to help him. I could have and he just waved me off all mad like… Why didn’t he let me? I’m fast enough, I know I am. The water works came again. I am such a wuss sometimes.


Kahne Porte | Syd Celsius | Open

 

[Syd Celsius]

Syd listened to him, how he felt like he wasn't changing the world for the better around him. This inferred a background of family that took to duty seriously and with pride .

"Trying to make a difference the way your cousin and Uncle make their own contributions will only frustrate you in the long run. You will always be comparing yourself to them instead of trying to make a difference the way you can make a difference." Syd stated. "And when you do that, you will always find a reason to judge yourself short, and so will begin a vicious cycle."

When he started crying again, Syd covered her mouth. She felt an incredible wave of sorrow radiating from him. The nest of minds she was composed of collectively reeled at the grief.

"What do you mean?" Syd asked. "Would you be alright talking about it further?"

Michael Angellus

 

[Michael Angellus]

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Journal Entry:

I...

I have said too much already at this point. I hate that this happened, it’s not Syd’s fault, it’s mine. The first thing I have to do is take a breath and wipe my eyes again. I’m clearly not ready to talk about this. I need to take some time to process this. I’ll go home and come back tomorrow. I need to think this through with a clear head. Heh “home”

I am sorry. I can’t talk any more about this right now.. I pushed my bowl of cereal away a little too hard.

Can we talk about anything else? I could see it in her face that she was feeling terrible. This really sucks, I don’t want to bring others down.


Kahne Porte | Syd Celsius | Open

 

[Syd Celsius]

Syd nodded.

"Alright then..." she said, dropping the subject. He wasn't a parent.

Some day, he would understand why his father had kept him back. Had pushed him away.

But not now. Not with that much grief coursing through him.

"You like fixing ships? I myself have developed a hobby at restoring starfighters. I used to design them too. Made an X-Wing design for Incom." She said, taking another bite of cereal.

"Thought about getting into designing Speeder Bikes also...." she continued. "Anything with speed, really. Fighters, bikes ziplines..."

She shrugged, taking another bite. Inwardly, all the other minds she was composed of were still worried about his emotional state. She herself knew she would go to pieces if anything happened to Starlin...she could imagine the kind of pain he he felt.


Michael Angellus

 

[Michael Angellus]

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Journal Entry:

The last thing I want to do is upset people and I’ve clearly done so to Syd. If I was trying to figure out how to feel worse, I’ve done so. She’s just trying to help and I shut her down and now I feel like a heel. I don't know what to do to make it up to her. I need to find a way to apologize and show her that I understand. I just need to find the right words.

I am sorry. I’m just… I appreciate the effort, but it all happened not two days ago. It’s no excuse but I guess I’m still in shock. That wasn’t going to help, but it was true… at least the subject changed.

Yeah? That’s cool. I’m decent at it. Still learning. I’m a wannabe pilot My father was an Admiral in the Navy but his love was starfighters. He taught me everything I knew.


Kahne Porte | Syd Celsius | Open