The 30 Year Old Apprentice

[Cedric Dorn]

“Volatility is not control.” Diana said having issues with anger herself. It was all well and good to have controlled rage, but it was still that, rage. To have full control over oneself, to stop that rage from happening. That was the peace that most Jedi sought, that was the control they needed in order to fully access the force. Anger, Rage, Hatred, these were the enemies of that control. “I have...issues with my anger as well.”

“About a year ago, I fought a Sith name Velok. The man stabbed me with a weapon known as the Darkstaff, a powerful darkside artifact.” Diana shivered slightly at the memory of the darkstaff.

The weapon had been cold and powerful, and her psychometry had picked up its very core. “Since then...Sometimes I can't control it. The anger. I can control myself fine within it, I know what i'm doing when it happens, but at the same time...i don't.”

She paused for a few moments.

“That's part of the reason for the spikes on my lightsaber. It is a method of control. When I get too angry I grip the spikes tighter, thus alerting me to my own anger. Its a subtle push in the other direction.” Diana had absolutely no idea what she was getting at, but as a teacher she thought it might have helped Preacher to hear about her own problems on the same subject.

 

[Sarge Potteiger]

"I don't think you and I quite have the same idea of volatility." The man chuckled, shaking his head. "Volatility is not something you control - typically. Nine times out of ten, it's a learned behavior that becomes ingrained in your psychological core. It's as near impossible to change as it is to get my real name from me."

Snorting a little, he fiddles more with his gauntlet. "You cannot control when you get angry, but you can control the anger. That, to me, is control. People will always make you feel things you don't want to, but if you can control how those emotions affect you, then you're in a good place."

 

[Cedric Dorn]

“I'm not sure I agree with that.” Diana said the words as though they were mater of fact. Anger to her was a controllable thing. She had been taught since childhood that she could and should control her anger, that she could reign it in and stop it from ever surfacing. This was her way of dealing with rage, and it had always worked, it had helped her overcome her issues, and now she no longer became angry...or not so much anyway.

She frowned slightly, wanting to say something wise and meaningful to preacher. She realized however that she didn't know him that well, and that likely he was much older and more experienced in the world that she was.

Thoughts weighed heavily on her, and suddenly she blurted out some words “Will you tell me about your past?”

It was sudden, and unexpected, and as she said the words a look of horror crossed Diana's face, as if she had done something terrible emberassing.

 

[Sarge Potteiger]

"Of course you don't. You're a Jedi." He remarks, and on some level, he didn't agree with himself. But everyone reached a point where they were on an edge, no matter how hard they tried.

At that point, it was out of your hands. Everyone had a breaking point, sooner or later. "No." He adds, rather bluntly and abruptly.

"But I will tell you that I'm 29 and I killed people for a living." Still, he laughed at the look of shock on her face, like her mouth was going faster than her brain... which evidently it was.