The cynical are unlikely to change.

[AshleePerson]

The bartender slid a drink over to Ravona. "On the house sweetheart..." His tone carried a hint of pity for the Twi'lek. It was obvious he was fond of her, and She was a regular.

She took the drink without a sound, downing it in one gulp. She shuddered slightly, before setting the glass down, nearly missing the edge of the bar.

"Thanks man..." Her voice was harsh and thick. Her head kept bobbing down before she yanked up straight again, a look of euphoric happiness in her glazed over eyes.

 

[Harrip]

Harrip looked at the bar tender for a moment. At least not everybody here was out to get profit. He hoped that the man would have success in his life. Unfortunately, Harrip feared that the woman would find success very difficult to attain. He didn't even know her name and yet here he was trying to figure out how to help her.

Could he even accomplish that goal? Was it a waste of time? He couldn't answer those questions, he couldn't even face them. He had to believe that this was worth while. He had to believe that it was possible. Otherwise he was no better than others who simply went on with their life not caring at all about those around them. Those who suffered needed help and those who did not try to give that help were hardly good people.

"What did you get?" He sounded somewhat surprised, whatever the substance was it was very potent. He had seen the effects of pure Glitterstim and that had been interesting, this was more pitiful than anything else.

[member="AshleePerson"]

 

[AshleePerson]

"Glitterstim, Deathstick, and something synthesized that I don't know the name of." She said this completely deadpan. Her head was propped up with her hand, her eyes half closed.

"Its a marvelous combination you know." She smiled very briefly, looking over at the guy talking to her. "I could hook you up."

 

[Harrip]

"Thank you, but no... You do know that that stuff is bad for you right?" He asked, he looked her over. He wondered how long she had been taking this stuff. Probably long enough that it would have permanent effects.

[member="AshleePerson"]

 

[AshleePerson]

"I know... I only do it occasionally." She rubbed her eyes, her lekku twitching slightly as she went to stand.

"Its not polite to linger once you get your fix here. Makes people nervous once it starts to wear off."She started to walk toward the door, a slight stumble in her walk occasionally.

 

[Harrip]

Harrip stood and tried to gently help Ravona out the door. Once outside he spoke, "Is that how you forget about your past?" It was a logical assumption, people had done that before, Harrip knew. Though it may or may not be correct, Harrip did not know so he asked.

[member="AshleePerson"]

 

[AshleePerson]

"Yeah... Makes me forget everything for a little while..." She sighed, leaning onto him as they walked out the door, her eyes still glazed over.

"Makes me forget my past failures and present inadequacies." She nodded thoughtfully, nearly tripping over her own feet in the process.

 

[Harrip]

"What makes you feel inadequate?" He tried to control his surprise. He hadn't thought of inadequacy when he thought of the present.

[member="AshleePerson"]

 

[AshleePerson]

"I'm female. And was a slave. Nothing is left." She hiccuped, her head spinning from the illigal narcotics. "Yep..."

 

[Harrip]

"What is wrong with being female? What makes being a slave take away everything? Is your past what makes you?" He felt something, his questions were for Ravona. Somehow though, they seemed to get to him. What was it about himself that was taken away because of his monstrous state? What in his past forced him to act in the way he did? He had answers, but he bet that most of them were simply the ones that he had been telling himself for far too long.

He looked at this little one, a mere child to him. He did not feel that he was talking to a child, in fact he felt more like he was speaking to a fellow that needed guidance or support. It was a feeling that he had little experience with and one that he hoped to learn more of as this talk went on.

[member="AshleePerson"]

 

[AshleePerson]

"I was a child surrounded by grown men, perverted men who didn't give a damn about the pain they caused others. Being female made the pain so much worse. Nobody cared. Nobody cared about the dancers. I tried to escape, Punishment awaited. I danced wrong, more pain around the corner. And when somebody who truly loved me got me out of there alive, I slit their throat like a pig."

She pulled away from him, walking down an alleyway by herself now, tears shining in her eyes. They remained unshed however, as she made her way to an elevator leading deeper into the planet.

 

[Harrip]

Harrip thought on that. The similarity was fairly close. Not literally, since Harrip had been an experiment not a dancer, but figuratively. He had been controlled and used by a man who cared none whatsoever about those he hurt. He was to be used as the man's personal killer, when the training didn't work out right, Harrip would be punished. That punishment had been incredibly painful, but he was willing to bet that Ravona had been through a more mental and physical trauma. Harrip had been able to deal with his pain simply by slipping into his own mind and forgetting what was going on around him. Ravona could not do that, at least that is what Harrip thought.


He followed her into the elevator, he wasn't going to give up yet. He spoke quietly, "I can empathize with some of your pain, but I think you have been through much worse than I. Would you be willing to help me understand?"

He asked because in truth for her to help him understand, and thereby hopefully help her, would be for her to open herself to the pains of the past. He did not know how she would respond to dealing with the past, he only knew his own response, which had him on the run avoiding most people in general.

[member="AshleePerson"]

 

[AshleePerson]

"Imagine. Your home being destroyed, burned before your eyes. Parents killed in front of you before your dragged off planets and sold to a vilr Hutt. Twi'leks like me are prized dancers. So thats what happened. I was trained. I didn't work hard enough, I was punished. Either whip, fist, or given as a gift to a man in the court at the time. I couldn't retreat into myself. I had to learn to survuve. Then the Jedi came. Gave me a ray of hope before leaving and breaking their promise to save me. Years of this. Over and over and over. Until a bounty hunter helped me escape. And you know what happened next? I sliced his throat while he slept and robbed him blind. I act no better than the brutes back at the palace."

She doesn't face him this entire time she says her speech. It would explain why her body is so lithe and graceful. Why she was untrusting and cynical. It was how she learned to survive. She wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her attitude.

 

[Harrip]

Harrip listened intently, he knew that she had been through what could have been much worse than him. Of course, he had been through thousands of years with his cursed state, but she had had to live with the scarring nature of her past and had been unable to run from it. He was able to hide, contemplating what made him think and work the way he did. She did not seem to do that. Whether or not it would be helpful Harrip did not know, so he would not bring up that as a suggestion.

"What was this bounty hunter like? Do you think he would forgive you, or understand?" He asked, trying to separate his thoughts from hers. Right now it mattered more what she thought than what he did. Once he understood her, then he could go about trying to help her understand. He had the feeling that she didn't fully understand herself or the life that she was leading. He felt that she was avoiding having to answer the questions that she had asked herself. He didn't know, he was simply stabbing in the dark.

[member="AshleePerson"]