Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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E T E R N A L - E M P R E S S
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  • Name: The Death's Claws
  • Designation: Sentient
  • Origins: Ingrid L’lerim | The Devil’s Claws | HPI Consortium
  • Average Lifespan: Because they have already become one with the Force and are dead, they do not actually grow old, nor can they die naturally again. Because of this, it is not possible to know how long they will live before someone permanently destroys them. They can be destroyed with Light Force abilities, for example, if someone expels the Dark Side from them in this case as well, or a Dark Side power user achieves some similar effect, they drain the Force out of them. However forcibly returning them to the Netherworld is a much easier feat than their permanent destruction; as Ingrid L’lerim is their anchor to the mortal world, they would not be able to return if she were to die.
  • Estimated Population: Semi-Unique (Only five members)
  • Description: Once upon a time, they were all people who died in a special experiment. They had been experimenting with transferring the affinity to wield the Force from one individual to another. It was one of the most closely guarded secrets of the Wardens of the Shroud, part of theirs and Tacitus' secret plan to eventually strip the Jedi and the Sith of their powers and ultimately remove the Force from the galaxy and extinguish it forever. The experiment slipped aside and caused their deaths. This failed ritual hit Ingrid L’lerim and awakened the dormant Force Sensitivity in her. It was not possible to know for a very long time, but it also connected them to the woman, because a small part of their essence was stuck in the woman. The five of them, that is, their souls, went to the Netherworld, where they retained their own identities and, over the past few years, took on the look they now have.
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  • Breathes: N/A
  • Average Height of Adults: 2 meters
  • Average Length of Adults: N/A
  • Skin color: They are mostly immaterial, although where they have a skin-like part like the arms or the top of the head, there is a greyish "skin" colour. In addition, there is golden light inside between their ribs, under their dress, and in the head cavity and at the throat.
  • Hair color: N/A
  • Distinctions: They all look perfectly alike, the spoiled ritual and Netherworld have distorted them into such. They are two meters tall, have a semi-physical, semi-spiritual figure in the world of the living. Where they look like they have a completely solid look, such as arms, they have gray skin, this is also true for the upper part of their head. The lower part of their skull has changed, the mouth and teeth have completely disappeared. An orange light illuminates their chest, throat, and skull. The lower part of their spine is missing from the pelvic bone, so they have no legs, they can only float. Their bodies are such that they can be touched by living beings, they are able to affect them, but they are not capable of the same thing, only through the Force. Because they are incapable of influencing others, they are able to pass through walls with strong concentration. However, they are not harmed by space vacuum or deep sea pressure.
  • Races: N/A; It has no subspecies, they are all the same.
  • Force Sensitivity: All
Strengths:
  • Sith Alchemy (master): Chosen from amongst the best alchemists amongst the Wardens of the Shroud, the Death's Claws (formerly Devil’s Claws) are skilled alchemists who's foul sorceries can create horrific Sithspawn abominations and powerful Darkside artefacts.
  • Sith Sorcery/Necromancy (master): Powerful, highly skilled sorcerers, the Death's Claws are trained in the mysteries of ancient Sith sorcery which gives them the power to raise the dead and summon demonic abominations from the Netherworld and other creature what the Sith sorcerers are capable of. They are also highly trained in the Force, so they are thoroughly familiar with the Force and can use the dark side Force abilities. Such as Foce lighting, Illusions, Tutaminis, etc.
  • Hard to kill: Because they have almost essentially no physical form, no physical form in this world, it is difficult to actually destroy them. The best method against them is probably banish, but with that you can get them back to the Netherworld, from where they can be summoned again later. This does not mean that they are immortal, because a very strong Force User may be able to permanently destroy them.
Weaknesses:
  • Irreplaceable: Since they were the five who tried to perform that ritual, and thus the five of them are connected to Ingrid L'lerim, the circumstances that created their species cannot be re-created. Thus, if one of them dies, its death is forever, for there will be no successor, no one to take its place.
  • Dark Side influence: Because of this, the Light Side Force effects have a greater effect on them, making them more sensitive to them. They can be banished by the Light side, but to destroy them permanently they first have to be entrapped them in some manner. Doesn't have to be rituals, necessarily, could be a powerful Jedi Master keeping them from escaping (back to the Netherworld) as the Light purges them.
  • Tacitus’ will: Since the last command remained in their minds is that the Force must be destroyed, this affects them even now. In the world of the living, they would do the same, so the current Devil’s Claws and Ingrid L’lerim were forced to deprive them of their own volition, and the woman could control them altogether because of the link between them. They have their own thoughts, of course, but the commands they receive from the woman must obey in all circumstances. If this were not the case, they would be constantly trying to obey Tacitus' last command to destroy the Force itself.
  • Semi-physical body: Because they have almost essentially no physical form, no physical form in this world, that is why they are incapable of making a physical impact on the world. They are unable to grasp, touch anything and anyone physically. However, their bodies are partly physical, so they are also physically vulnerable. If this semi-physical body is destroyed, the soul is returned to the Netherworld, from where it must be summoned again, after which they are again placed in such a semi-physical body.
  • Slow summon: Summoning them basically requires a long ritual of at least an hour. Thus, if one can banish them in a fight, it is impossible to summon them again in the midst of war or situations where there is no opportunity to perform a long ritual.
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  • Diet: Vitaevore; although they are dead, they are forced to feed on life force or negative, Dark Side energies. If they don’t, they will weaken and then no longer be able to stay in the world of the living, and they will be returned to the Netherworld from where they will have to be summoned again. With an ability similar to the Drain Force, they absorb life force from others or negative emotions. It is not necessary for both to "survive", enough either life force or negative emotions and Dark Side energies. It is precisely because of this, they can't use the emotions and energies of the Light side, and those act as poison to them.
  • Communication: They are only able to communicate with others in a telepathic way. They understand when someone speaks to them out loud, but they can no longer speak, only telepathically.
  • Technology level: N/A; Eternal Empire standard; but in their present form they are incapable of using technology because they are incapable of physically touching or grasping anything.
  • Religion/Beliefs: Since all five were once members of the Wardens of the Shroud, they continue to keep in mind what they learned there. This, of course, includes wanting to destroy the Force itself.
  • General behavior: Their past and present goals are to serve the Eternal Empire and Ingrid L’lerim. Their task remains similar to that of their lifetime, designing Sithspawns, relics and teaching the woman the teachings of sorcery and alchemy. Because of the failed ritual, there is a connection between them through which a woman can command them at any time, anything, so they have to perform it, even if it costs their lives. In most cases, they don’t communicate with anyone but the woman, or the current five Devil’s Claws, they ignore everyone else. Most of their days consist of bodyguard duties as they strive to invent and create new alchemist and sorcery knowledge. And since they are dead, they do not need any rest.
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Members of Death's Claws were previously members of the Devil’s Claws. They are all very strong Force Users who have been trained specifically for Sith practices. The best of the Wardens of the Shroud who are familiar with Sith Alchemy, Sorcery, and Necromancy. This group helped the Emperor, Kainan Wolfe Kainan Wolfe , in many ways, who entrusted them with a very important task one day. But on that day, however, fate, or the Force, had different ideas than the Emperor.

On that particular day, the Emperor received Ingrid L’lerim, to reward the woman, thanks to this the House L’lerim was also founded on this day. In the basement of the palace, members of Devil’s Claws performed a ritual at the behest of the Emperor. They had been experimenting with transferring the affinity to wield the Force from one individual to another. It was one of the most closely guarded secrets of the Wardens of the Shroud, part of theirs and Tacitus' secret plan to eventually strip the Jedi and the Sith of their powers and ultimately remove the Force from the galaxy and extinguish it forever.

The experiment slipped aside and caused their deaths. This failed ritual hit Ingrid L’lerim and awakened the dormant Force Sensitivity in her. It was not possible to know for a very long time, but it also connected them to the woman, because a small part of their essence was stuck in the woman. The five members died in the event, their physical bodies were also completely destroyed, their souls were distorted, deformed, but with the connection and the fact that some of their essence merge into Ingrid, they stay connected with the world of the living.

The five of them, that is, their souls, went to the Netherworld, where, as they were very strong Force Users, they were able to preserve their identity and were able to retain their power. Over the years, while they were only forced to exist in the Netherworld, they have changed. All five “inherited” the same appearance, became the same, and their power became the same, although mind-hive did not develop between them. They “lived” here just like any other spirit.

The change came about in their “lives” when Ingrid L’lerim’s power grew due to her inheriting the abilities of the Night Spirit. While learning necromancy, the woman successfully reached the members of Death’s Claws and felt the connection between them. The woman turned to the current Devil’s Claw and the HPI Consortium’s sorcerers. Together, they worked out a ritual that enabled Ingrid to recall and summon the members of the Death’s Claws into the world of the living.

It soon became apparent that Tacitus ’will and command were still alive in the members of the Death’s Claws, so they created another ritual with the Devil’s Claw that deprived the members of the Death’s Claws of their free will. And from now until the end of time, that is, as long as they exist, like L’lerim, they are forced to obey the woman’s commands. Now, if the woman, or Devil’s Claw, summons them, they can be in the world of the living with the constraints that the boundaries of their new species now allow them.​
 
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ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴏꜱᴛ ʟɪɢʜᴛ
Hey Ingrid L'lerim Ingrid L'lerim !

The Death’s Claws seem like a truly terrifying sub, I’d hate to come across them IC! It’s clear you’ve put a lot of work into this. I just have a few comments to pass on, then we can start looking at approving this species.

  • Average Lifespan | I was really torn on this one. To me, it reads like the Death’s Claws are immortal, which is against the rules. However, I was totally thrown off by the last sentence because it reads as though they can in fact be destroyed. I would ask for a little further clarification here regarding their destructibility. They’re undead, so they obviously can’t die from natural causes, but if you could make it clearer that they can actually be destroyed I think it would go a long way to helping readers understand the Death’s Claw lifespan a little better. I can see you’ve already outlined this a little bit in your Strengths section, but it would be good to add further detail here too.
  • Breathes | Again, this is just for clarification more than anything else. I understand that because they are technically dead, they don’t really breathe anything at all, which is just fine on its own. However, I would suggest writing a little bit about that in this section instead of just having N/A.
I think that is everything covered. The Death's Claws are truly fear inspiriing. When these relatively minor changes have been made, I’ll be more than happy to pass this up for approval!
 
E T E R N A L - E M P R E S S
Moderator
Hello Andromeda Malvern Andromeda Malvern !

I edited the lifespan part. But I have question about the second part.

I don't really understand this. Before I posted the submission I looked/cheked at several undead species, among the accepted submissions, each had enough N/A. Like a few days ago, in the Shroud thread you judged.

I don't really know how should I write more about it. Because are they literally dead, they are also nearly fully bodiless spirits with no biological functions. They aren't breath.
 
Ingrid L'lerim Ingrid L'lerim | Andromeda Malvern Andromeda Malvern

Keep in mind that we do not operate on precedent from other submissions. If a Judge makes a suggestion, it is merely that, and nothing more. It may or may not come up in other submissions. Especially, because Judging is often a learning process that adjusts as we go.

Before I get too far - I would like to clarify this submission at its base level.

Is this a Species or An NPC Unit?​

To me, this seems to read like a newly written/expanded version of the The Devil's Claws. This submission was an NPC Sub and it seems that this one should be too - Based on their creation, attributes, and purpose.

Species Info:

Species possessing extreme/unique powers, abilities, or attributes are advised to be balanced with suitable strengths and weaknesses. When creating your species consider actionable PvP related weaknesses to balance PvP related strengths.

Completely Force-sensitive species may not start off with fully developed Force Powers. That is a matter of the individual, not the race. They are born force sensitive, but that is a potential, rather than an absolute. All Force-sensitive species may have passive abilities that do not require training (improved reflexes, low grade pre-cog, etc), but are prohibited from having active abilities (force lightning, telekinesis, etc). Exceptions are made for artificially engineered species (Sithspawn, etc), if they have been tailored for specific abilities. Racial abilities that are not affiliated with the Force (Ex. Zeltron Empathy/Pheromones) are exempted from this. These species should include appropriate weaknesses, such as difficulties with Force Null fields.
Force Dead species are not immune to the Force- they simply cannot be affected by most abilities directly. Force Dead species should include appropriate weaknesses related to that trait, such as an inability to benefit from positive Force powers like healing or battle meditation.

Keep in mind that Custom Species that have been submitted can be utilized by other writers. It is suggested that members discuss their intent with the original author, however, it is not required.

While these are definitely artificially engineered; It reads like an NPC Sub. Do you intend them to be used by everyone?

You can make a Species submission for them if you choose - But that should focus on the species itself, not so much, on the unit.

Please think that over and let me know.
 
E T E R N A L - E M P R E S S
Moderator
Srina Talon Srina Talon

I didn’t intend to hurt or offend anyone or break the rules, I just wanted to know for sure because I didn’t understand why, since I could not have explained this in more than a short sentence, which would have remained essentially the same as N/A. I'm sorry, really.

I chose the race instead of NPCs (Unit) because as a species I could write more about them.And it’s essentially a really new species since they’re dead.
But no, I'm not intend them to be used by everyone.

Then I think if they are more appropriate for a NPC than species, I will rewrite it there and please archive this thread.
 
Ingrid L'lerim Ingrid L'lerim

Not a problem. It's a good submission - I just really do think it's in the wrong section. Keep in mind that it is a GOOD submission and that you can add as many fields as you need to in the NPC section to keep all of the details you've created. You can write as much or as little as you like for any submission.

Please feel free to ask if you need help

[Archiving Per OP]
 
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