The Mystery within the Mists

[Darth Ren Malgus]

[member="Seydon of Arda"]

Who would have ever thought that Serena the scientist would be sitting on a planet in the wilds eating caviar, drinking tea, and talking with one of the galaxy's most reknown monster hunters. Life was pretty good right now. Sitting on the floor looking around for a moment moon light was seeping through the cracks of the hut, the breeze from the bay rustled the roof, and somewhere just off in the distance a song could be heard from the local tavern.

At the moment life and all its troubles were far away, she was willing to accept that if she had done something wrong and was willing to make amends that she couldn't be 100% evil and in need of a blade to the throat. She looked over at Seydon who provided a rendition of what he had been doing. She for a moment played with her food at least there was some usefulness in what he had been doing.

"You know I actually have quite the career as someone who in a way researches the dead and sometimes long forgotten things and people" Serena shook her head for a minute, "I've only seen battle a few times. I'm not very good with a light saber I never was. Jedi supposed to be an extension of our arm, I feel like I'm constantly stabbing myself in the foot." She laughed at herself. "I'm heading off to find a planet I'm not sure even exists anymore. I'll be leaving tomorrow the Captain has cargo he's dropping out in the sector of space." Serena would be on her own working her way across the galaxy again but this time with purpose.

"OH and speaking of eating whatever is on hand. I dug up some clams earlier I've got them living in a bucket, have you eaten them before?" She had left them alive since she enjoyed them raw with a touch of some spice which she didn't have but a fresh clam was heaven on any planet. But then Seydon might like his cooked.

She realized that this man sitting here keeping her company for a night least till the sky began to turn from night to dawn probably had more interesting things to do than shoot the breeze. She was thankful for his company. In a galaxy where one did not know what tomorrow held it was good to live today to the fullest. Seydon's company gave her comfort she hoped in some way she made him laugh.

"Seydon how old do I look to you?" There was purpose to her question.

 

[Seydon of Arda]

He paused, with the waterskin perched just a thumb ‘inch’ from his lips.

“Um...” Seydon set his drink aside, accepting her proffered clams, levering one open with his skinning knife. With the same blade, he collected a mouthful of salty flesh out of the cupping shell, chewing on rubbery tendons. Buying time, and glancing from their low, fitful cobblestone fire up into Serena’s pretty blue eyes. The Dunaan marked the skin about her lips and eyelids, looking over the skin on her knuckles, over her elbows, concentrating on assessing.

“Best guess?” He said, leaning forward. “...Mid-twenties or thereabouts. Why? Your mirror telling you different?”

[member="Serena Bouie"]

 

[Darth Ren Malgus]

She laughed, "Yes think about this Seydon" She moved closer she was guarding a secret and did not want anyone who happened to get close enough to hear them talking. She looked up at him with her eyes as blue as the waters of Spira, her hair the color of honey suckles found on Naboo, and her skin clear with no signs of age.

"There was a son named Adas James a teenager, which would make me more like 40 and yet you see me as twenty something. While I am deeply appreciative that is what you see I can't help but ask myself how is it so." Then the uncertainty showed as she considered all the thoughts once again, "Perhaps the axe provided soemthing or the Cortana Blade but what is in the mirror cannot be." She shrugged her shoulders trying not to care, "Will you still think my eyes pretty at 40?" Was that a thought she picked up, or something she hoped he would think, she didn't know. She hoped she did not say anything that would offend him.

She did not hear anyone near she did not feel anyone near she only felt Seydon his emotions and presence around her. She was safe she had to remember that.

"When I was younger as child playing in my father's study. I accidentally knocked over a sample. It contained a single black shard that seemed to move" Serena looked at the fire remembering again the contain and the wonder of what was inside. "I opened the container....touched it....I think but the next thing I knew it was gone." She tilted her head in thought staring deep into the embers of the fire. Fire and element all consuming it left nothing behind, Serena leaned a little closer staring deep.

Her voice was soft she reached out with her hand only to feel the heat. "For years I always felt..conflicted, out of sorts...on the wrong path. Until Venris and I went to Mustafar to look at the ancient temple ruins of the Blackguard. There was one chamber still there or reconstructed and for the first time in a long time I felt like I was where I belonged." Serena sighed again as she frowned.

The night was closing she hated the nights, the darkness that seemed to consume her. At least tonight she would not face the darkness alone what would she do if Ren wiggled out.

[member="Seydon of Arda"]

 

[Seydon of Arda]

Seydon finished off his waterskin, buying time for rumination. His temples pounded from effort trying and failing to plumb his experiences for the kind of wisdom Serena was asking for. Maybe, a proper Jedi Knight or a vetted Master could comfort her woes with cut-and-dry answers. Some Force platitudes concerning destiny, the Living and Cosmic variances of that power, where she settled on the spectrum and perhaps advice on where to go, what do when she got there, and how to draw strength from the sum of all her traumas.

Haltingly, he started: “...I dunno what to tell you. Sounds to me like you want something concrete but I don’t know if I can give you that. I’ve met monstrous things with so much humanity. Encountered ordinary men without a bit of morality. It’s not the face but maybe the heart that determines whether or not you are... or can be... evil.

“...Darkness can be warm. Light, cold. I don’t know where the truth lies in all of it, because I honestly don’t know myself. Its... It’s all complicated, Serena. I don’t want to sell you something that’ll take you someplace you didn’t want to end up. I guess... Spast, wish Jorus was here...”

He scratched a spot on his brow. “...Fine, feth it. You gotta make the truth your own, girl. You gotta understand who and what you are, how that fits against the grand scheme of things, and that kind of searching will drag you down scary places. Push you up against uncomfortable opinions, worlds of existence you’d no idea about. Maybe you’ll find yourself feeling compromised, or maybe it’ll just reinforce your ideals. Somewhere in all of that is where you, where [member="Serena Bouie"], resides.

“I’m no one to judge character. Things happen. We do our best. We fall short so much but all we can do is try again. Keep going. If it’s any consolation... I’m still looking too.”

 

[Darth Ren Malgus]

She listened there at his side the words were not lost upon the soft breezes coming through no his words stuck with her. He had been kind enough not to mention anything about her age, least she would take it as a kindness.

She could tell he was being honest the force for all its mystery always told her the truth. "I guess in some ways I do. I" She struggled with the words trying to sound like the adult that she was supposed to be all while feeling like a child lost in the dark. "I need to know that I can be a good person, that my intent is not evil. And all of what has happened with me while I was running around calling myself Ren." She shook her head she did not want to cry.

Tears of frustration were building. She clenched her teeth willing the tears back not a drop would fall she wouldn't allow it. Or was not showing it also a sign..."Gahhhd" Her shoulders shook as she tried to let go of all the emotions that were dragging her down that held her to a single spot in time not allowing herself to really feel it, or move through it.

Make the truth her own. Form her own life. Form herself into what she wanted to be, and what she wanted others to see in her. If Seydon did not see evil was it completely possible that....she wasn't evil? Was it possible that she had thoughts of conflict and concern because she still chose the light over a life of darkness. She sat up just a little contemplating the words.

She turned her guidance to the force knowing that words did not come from it. She looked to see was it still the bright white tendrils that bound her to worlds around her, to others. She would have to drop her hesitation and find her own voice. Her own voice. Who was she? Was she Serena who loved art, and history. Serena who saw life and living in all things around her. Or was she Ren who craved power and used her position to get what she wanted.

The comfort though came when he stopped talking when he said he was looking too. That meant one thing to her, she wasn't alone in her quest. This made her smile those few little words gave her the hope

"You're looking too?" she said in the softest of voices he might not have heard her or her surprise. She thought him so confident in all things. She knew it was not words that he said lightly he said them with purpose, and strength.

She giggled and without a thought she was on her knees throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him tightly, "thank you...you don't know how what you've said has helped me." She started to cry, "I'm not alone." She didn't know if she was evil but she knew that if she was so concerned about it she needed to take control and not let the galaxy dictate who and what she was.

She needed to be Serena as she saw herself.

[member="Seydon of Arda"]

 

[Seydon of Arda]

“C’mere...”

Gently, the Dunaan pulled the geologist onto his lap and cradle her teary face against the bar of his shoulder. His boot toed a bit more firewood into their makeshift pit and lent a little improved light and heat to the hovel. Midnight breezes creaked the iron-corrugate ceiling, mingling with Serena’s breathy exhales, shuddering against Seydon’s frame. His fingers, strong as they were, rubbed diligently against her nape and between her shoulder blades, relaxing tension and slackening the muscle. Comfort was outside his pay grade. But, he recalled what Rosa liked at times, returning home from some disheartening or maddening mission out in the Wilds.

“Shh...” He hushed. “You had a bad time... Bad time doesn’t mean a bad life... You’re gonna be okay. Gonna be just fine...”

[member="Serena Bouie"]

 

[Darth Ren Malgus]

[member="Seydon of Arda"]

"I hope you're right Seydon." She reached up to rub her eyes wiping the tears away. She kept her head on his chest hearing the steady beat of his heart. Thump thump thump it seemed to be music to Serena slowly the crying stopped she felt herself becoming lighter as if each beat managed to pull away the stress and concern that had been ravaging her mind for the last few weeks.

She no longer thought that he would come for her and that gave her peace of mind. The words that he had spoken though those she clung to with renewed hope. She remembered though the force on Dagobah she still had a journey to make there was a long way to go before she could sleep, and she had made promises which she intended to keep.

This comfort that Seydon offered renewed her faith in others for in truth she barely knew him but yet called upon him for help. She had been presumptuous in thinking she could find him. But that was done now.

"My father would have liked you. You have a good heart." She quietly asked, "always follow your instincts I am told they do people justice." Serena rubbed her face again making sure the tears were gone and that once more she was in control.

"Thank you for being here." She had felt all alone right now she knew she had at least one person in the galaxy, well maybe two if she counted [member="HK-36"] who believed she could be the good person she envisioned without the shadows of Ren.

 

[Seydon of Arda]

Tears were always a mess of emotional release and Seydon observed his temporary charge scrub down her face with the heels of her palms and a bit of shirt-end pulled up from her waist. The moment was close, certainly intimate, emphasized with firelight and tropical warmth gently wafting through the meagre drift wood partitions and ventilation drafts in the corrugate ceiling. Seydon kept his peace. The woman had chanced on him amidst a soul-search, questing for answers regarding concepts of relative morality, personal identity, asking if he possessed any expertise on the minutiae of right and wrong.

Scale-gulls and little shoal owls winged by and regaled them with moonlight birdsong. Seydon kicked the last of the firewood against the embers, brewing up a little heat with concentrated pyromancy; clenching his fingers in an old noetic sign, pulsing a waft of ignition into the kindling. Heat danced shadow up the walls, a sweet, thin smoke filling the rafters. He declined levity. Serena deserved her moment’s weight, somehow entangled with a cheerless bounty killer in an ad-hoc fishing hovel, just beyond Kyrikal 9’s best shoreline. At times, he half-wondered whatever came of that young geologist who joined him for a brief afternoon tea, following an animal run out to a hidden cliff face.

“Just doing my bit. Helping out on the Path,” Seydon tried shrugging. “Just hope things turn out for you. I really do. You’re not bad, Serena. You’ll figure it out.”

[member="Serena Bouie"]

 

[Darth Ren Malgus]

[member="Seydon of Arda"]

Serena finally warm and safe fell asleep within the circle of Seydon's arms. It was the first time she felt safe in a long time. The dreams did not come and she did not chase them as she often did for once nothing came. Perhaps even the dreams were afraid of Seydon's ability to hunt monsters. She would not ever know but she knew she would never forget.

The dawn broke over the horizon at first the light slowly chased the darkness the dull hues of blue turned to brilliant oranges and yellows. Serena blinked as a stream of yellow light filled the room where they will sat, Seydon's back against the chair she laying comfortably. She did not know what to say as she looked up into the passive face of Seydon. He had stayed all night.

She did not really want to move in case he was still sleeping. He must feel terrible to be sitting up all night. His body would surely give him grievance later. She would have to break this wonderful silence.

"Morning Seydon" she whispered, "ready for some tea?" Her journey would take her further from here and from anything she had ever known but now she had this one perfect night to look back on with her friend. Someone who understood what she was seeking.

 

[Seydon of Arda]

“Mmn...” Seydon mumbled out of light sleep, knocking overnight sleet out of his eyes and rising. The chair left a hanging knot in the back of one leg and a twinge just under a hip. While Serena readied their morning discourse, tea with just a handful of evening leftovers, he borrowed a shack corner and stretched until the muscle, ligament, and tendons relaxed and slackened. Sunrise heat was cooking up the shoreline, filtering a muggy, salty heat through cracks in the driftwood hut partitions. The Dunaan relieved dry thirst under his tongue with a waterskin swig, accepting a shell-cup of tea from Miss Bouie as he sat opposite her round the makeshift firepit.

A shuttle passed overhead. Engine roar and wind wash briefly rattled in the corrugated ceiling and shook sand and dried sea-salt from the kelp bindings knotting the walls together. Quietly sipping, Seydon looked across at Serena. She was busied with inventory, puttering over her travel kit, checking and rechecking her travel purse. Kyrikal 9 had been brief preview or, at the very least, some respite for her. Perchance, he hoped, her voyages forwarded wouldn’t look so dark. He listened against ember crackle, the wash of the far surf, scented grease pressure cookers firing up on the city tourist strip a kilometre away, a chic spritz of perfume from an aging debutante readying on a private yacht another twenty kilometres out at sea, tracking the pin-prick vibrations of small hermit crabs scrabbling outside the hut through the sandy flooring. His focus, sharpened, divided between the environ and the young geologist.

He prayed his loose pieces of advice had formed a cohesive answer. Seydon didn’t know what else to tell her. Ultimately, she’d have to figure some bits out for herself. Therein lied terror, change, elation, and truth. Not everyone was cutout for the journey. ...But if there was anyone with the spirit to do it and make it, [member="Serena Bouie"] was such.

“Tea’s good,” Seydon said, voice husky before he ‘arrumphed’ to clear it. “Tea’s very good. ...You got everything in order? Planning on vacationing here a while still?”

 

[Darth Ren Malgus]

[member="Seydon of Arda"]

She was putting the last of her things into the pack she turned to look at Seydon. She could see in this light a bit of age, wisdom in his eyes as he looked at her but aside from all the physical attributes he possessed it was as usual his aura that drew her in the way it changed an dhow darkness mixed with light reminding her that he was complicated.

"No I'll be moving on I've taken a job on a ship they'll get me closer to my destination in the Outer Rim." She held her own cup now, "My journey" how could she say this, "I'll be back for another visit Seydon. So if someone tells you there's a woman asking about you..it's probably me." She really did not know any other way to get in touch with him other than word of mouth. Now if he left this world she wouldn't know where to even start looking.

Eyes as blue as the ocean beyond looked at Seydon. Her only friend.

"Would that be ok?"

 

[Seydon of Arda]

“Word’s got a way of finding me. All else fails?” Seydon finished his cup, washing it with a spare swig of warm water, glancing across at Serena over the campfire. “Ask around for the Wretched Hive. And when you find it, ask for the captain or get a crewman to pass your word on. They’ll forward your mail my way. They have their ways.”

He stood and collected his rucksack, taking care with his blades when he noted the doctor watching after them intently. They slid down his backbone and buckled into place with a set of well-gnawed straps, slinging the sack over a shoulder before he moved to peek out the shack door. Aching light, bright off the azure coral bay and straw-gold sun, baked into his cheeks. The door peeled open, Seydon stepping out down the short stair flight onto patchy micro-gravel and stringy surf grass. The inclement heat was gorgeous.

“Decent day for a send off. Can’t ask for better...”
[member="Serena Bouie"]

 

[Darth Ren Malgus]

"The Wretched Hive, I'll remember." She prepared to pack the rest of her gear looking outside it was a great day wasn't it. So pretty. She couldn't help but smile. Once everything was put in its place she slipped it on like a warm comfortable friend.

She nodded, "Time to go my friend." Serena headed for the door looking back for a moment it really wasn't bad for a fishing hut, maybe next time she could do some fishing. She shook her head and started to walk the familiar path.

She looked at Seydon once more to memorize his face, to embed his words on her memory Important to remember. She sighed heavily parting with a friend was always hard. Serena looked ahead though there were more things to come, more choices, and hopefully more friends to find.

There was a comfortable silence now as they walked on the beach Serena could see where she needed to, "[member="Seydon of Arda"] I wish you well on your journeys and wherever your path may take you I hope there is someone waiting with a warm cup of tea" She pat his arm, "Until we meet again Seydon"

 

[Darth Ren Malgus]

Serena met up with the ship and her new ship mates. They gave her a quick once over again making sure she wasn't going to rob them or lead them into harm. Once they were again satisfied that all she really wanted was a lift to her next stop. They were all friends and on their way.

Serena looked back once more not sure what she expected to see the water once again called to her the waves gently lapping at the sandy shores, the sun rising high in the sky filling everything with a pure light. At least she could see that now. There were not familiar faces on the flight deck shrugging her shoulders she headed inside to her bunk.

Serena was looking ahead the next stop and what was there who would she see, who would she meet just a bit more in her journey to the place she believed she was to go.

 

[Darth Ren Malgus]

The ship was quiet it was time for everyone to rest. She couldn't rest her mind was already in a whirl about what was ahead of her, and bit a on what she had left behind.

Her son was somewhere and yet she could not feel him, her mate was dead and yet his voice was whispering in her ear this night, and her only friend left in the galaxy was getting further and further away. It was an odd feeling. She pulled her knees to her chest grateful for the comfort and warmth it gave. She could feel the cold of space around her and like she had been taught long ago she closed her eyes to sense what was around the ship she navigated cautiously.

The Navcomp was sufficient right now but further ahead it would great tricky. The first stop required her to go to the museum and research the trade lanes around them. It did not sound difficult but only once she saw the data would she know.

She missed her mother right now the gentle touch of her fingers to Serena;s brow offering strength and an ear for listening. She needed that strength right now for ahead was a trial harder than anything she faced as a padawan.

She sighed focusing on the hum of the engines to lull her to sleep

 

[Darth Ren Malgus]

Breakfast much like dinner is ration bars, the problem with living on a ship fresh foods are a rarity. It isn't the best meal of the day but it filled them up and gave the the nutrition they needed, she hoped. She often pictured it becoming this large gummy ball in her stomach just making her think she's full and eating. She was losing weight had to be the tea.

It would get her through the morning.

The undecorated halls of the ship the muted green that was everywhere was a bit like living in a cave each day. "We have a busy morning Serena" Serena's newest comrade in arms, Rana came up. "if you're finished its your turn to help in the med bay." Now this might sound like easy duty on the ship but no it meant putting away things, labeling things, dealing with injuries as they occurred, lots of stooping and bending by the end of the day she'd need a doctor.

There was a benefit though in between Serena could use the holonet for a little research on the random tidbits of information she had. She was studying what information she could about caves. She in her previous life was a cave diver taking people with her to...a place she couldn't remember. But she remembered jumping into the darkness with her parachute and landing among luminous rocks. She would have to find that place again.

But the caves she was looking at now had little information where she was headed was secret, or not often visited.

Work was first, she headed off with Rana. Rana's brilliant blue eyes seemed to stare holes through her. She wondered if Rana was trying to piece together her life, or story. Would Rana treat her different if she knew? hard to tell, everyone on the ship seemed to running from something, headed no where, and cautious about newcomers.

 

[Darth Ren Malgus]

It started slowly she would show up to work with Rana for the day she would remember talking but then nothing else till Rana shook her, "hey, Rana to Serena you home?"

She laughed nervously, "yeah." She couldn't figure out what had happened. She thought about contacting someone, like [member="Seydon"] or [member="HK-36"] but she was too far from them here in the outer rim. She would have to handle what was happening herself, somehow. She started trying to make notes when she got up, when she worked. She hoped they would make it to her transfer point soon. Before Ren slipped out and did something that Serena would live to forget.

Each evening she sat down and wrote in the journal, 'Today I felt as if I were being watched when I looked up no one was there. So odd. My Jedi skills though rusty should be able to tell me about life around me, and danger. Would you know danger Serena?" Serena looked at the words had she just written them? It wasn't but a blink that she started to write a few moments ago. If this continued she might have to get off the ship.

She walked back to the medbay to put the supplies away. For a moment she caught a glimpse of herself she smiled and blinked. Staring a little closer at her reflection in one of the cabinets doors wondering if she could see Ren there. What did Ren look like? Serena leaned closer her eyes were still blue, her hair still blonde nothing looked changed. A slight shrug of her shoulders Serena went back to work.

She would have to be careful, mindful she would hate it if Ren escaped and hurt someone.

 

[Darth Ren Malgus]

Personal Journal Entry

I'm not sure what is happening to me. More and more the dreams that feel so real haunt me in my waking hours. I wake up my hands dirty like I've been crawling through the dirt. There are smudges on my face and the smell is awful.

HK had said the efforts of his weapon were temporary and it would seem that my mind was unable to hang onto it, I fear that Ren is awake. Rana keeps asking me if everything is alright I can't help but smile and nod that it is.

I don't want to hurt anyone. there is a growing longing inside me though something lonely cries out. Pain and anger feel like they are lingering waiting and I don't know why.

I'm scared. I keep holding onto hope holding onto my courage to move forward. I'll be off the ship in a week, maybe two I hope I'm closer to my destination. I can't help but wonder what if I am wrong? What if what really waits out there consumes all there is of me? So many questions, and the answers just laugh in my dreams.

end

 

[Darth Ren Malgus]

She's out I feel myself slipping slowly into the darkness, WHAT CAN I DO?? How do I fight myself? She did something Rana wouldn't even look at me today. Did she hurt someone...how do I stop her?

Oh goddess I'm so far out of my own understanding. The more she comes out the weaker I get. She's going to take over again, my only hope is I have to tell Rana what's wrong with me. Maybe she can help

Serena stood in the doorway of the medbay looking at Rana as the other woman's gaze set upon her she could feel her fear, could see it in her eyes. Unsure how to act all Serena thought to do was talk from where she stood.

"I've done something haven't I, something terrible?" More a question looking for confirmation than an admission.

Rana stood up straight crossing her arms staring at Serena, "Like you don't know what you did"

Serena shook her head, "no. I don't. I." she stopped would Rana believe her? "My mind is...split I think. I lost. I lost my memories a long time ago, and I've spent the last 14 years in a dark nexus which seems to have split my personality" There she said it, "I was told I call myself by another name but I don't remember it...I thought that"

Rana shook her head, "You didn't say anything this before." There was a hint of disbelief in her voice.

"I know, I was afraid that the Captain wouldn't hire me. I really need to get further into the outer rim."

Rana gave a nervous laugh, "Yeah imagine that. How do I know you're alright right now?"

Serena shrugged, "I don't know. I'm not sure what she is like I only know me."

Rana motioned for Serena to come over, "Sit, I'll examine you."

Serena immediately crossed the room and sat on the exam table.