What started as a lucrative venture to Ord Radama had turned into a nightmare. I had been in the process of selling certain, ah, merchandise to the Sith, when klaxons started blaring. The noise was insufferable. My buyers informed me that the planet was under attack from the Mandalorians and that our deal was off. Mandalorians, horrid barbarians, I tell you.
Being careful not to drop my crate full of merchandise, lest I and the entire block go up in flames, I was on my way back to my average looking light freighter, when I rounded the corner and nearly bumped into a cadre of soldiers armored head-to-toe in beskar and equipped with enough weapons to supply a small army.
My eyes must have become large as dinner plates, because one of the Mandalorians uttered a chuckle. Nothing about this situation seemed funny to me. Even so, I smiled big as I could and laughed along, pretending I didn't feel my knees go from bone to rubber. You see, in my rather long lifespan - by human standards - I'd come across Mandos before. I did not like them the first time I had encountered them and I doubted this would go any differently. I wanted to run, but running would mean they would shoot. Mandos like to shoot first, then kick the corpse and say things like "I thought I saw him pull a knife."
The lead Mando stepped forward. And I looked up at the T-shaped visor. He was tall, very tall.
"Where do you think you're goin', schutta?"
Maintaining a smile, my mind raced through options and my mouth started talking of its own accord. It does that sometimes. "Who me? Oh, here and there. I like to take a little pre-planetary invasion stroll every once in a while you see, just to do my job and scout out the area. You know."
Another chuckle. "Is that right?"
The Mando reached down and grabbed my crate, pulling off the lid. "What do we have here? Detonite? Nasty stuff. Now what would a pedestrian like yourself want with a bunch of explosives like these?"
I glanced down the street. I'd never make it in time. Mandos might not be accurate, but they didn't have to be. Mandalorian weapons are notoriously overzealous. So instead, I told the Mando my storyl, with some edits and embellishment of facts, of course.
Abruptly, the smuggler for the Sith became the Mandalorian's newest recruit, who was brazenly on his way to blow up the government capital and take all the Sith with him. I might have also added a little telepathic pressure on his mind. Unfortunately, it worked a little too well. They made me set down the crate.
"Oya! You'll come with us then to take down the Sith!" The squad leader grabbed me and turned me around to face the combat zone.
"Uhm, well I'm afraid I don't have any weapons, you see, so I'll just be on my wa-" He slapped a blaster pistol the size of a mini-cannon into my hand.
"There ya' are, now let's go an' kill some Sith, eh. Oya!"
I started walking in the other direction. Immediately, blaster rifles were leveled at me. My eyes met the t-shaped visor. Oh, so the telepathy hadn't worked quite as well as I'd assumed. I was to be cannon fodder. My lips curled into a smile. Well, we would see where this led. Likely, I'd have an opportunity to slip away before the battle started and leave this planet. Or... or maybe I could just go along with the whole thing. Not fighting, of course, but pretending to be a Mandalorian. A cowardly one, but still... yes, this could work. Their armor was certainly intimidating enough. Hmm, I think I shall be a Mando.
I started walking toward the battle zone. The commander chuckled and slapped me on the back again. "Good choice, laddie boy. What's yer name anyway?"
"Sasha."
"Sasha? Isn't that a girl's name?"
"Yes, unfortunately I'm still waiting to grow into it. Haven't sprouted my pair of functioning mammary glands yet you see."
The t-visor stared at me, no doubt the Mandalorian behind it was trying to gauge whether I was serious or not. Honestly, it's a wonder the Mandalorians need beskar helmets when their skulls are so thick.
*Sigh* Being a coward is a terribly rough business. People hate you, friends and family disown you, and the best kind of eye you'll receive is a stink-eye. But it beats being dead.