This You Can Keep

[Cassandra Paige]

Her hands had gone up to his and she *had* struggled- kicking at him and scratching hard enough to draw blood. She would have bitten him if he'd stayed next to her face for one heartbeat more than he did, but instead he jerked her away from the door, spinning her out into the room. The sudden change took a moment to adjust to, and she clipped the corner of the desk with her hip, hands coming out to catch the solid surface hard and keep from ending up in a heap on the floor. Sucking in a deep breath, she shuddered, hand brushing out-

And making contact with something.

A letter opener. Not much, honestly. No sharp edge, but the point could slide into a throat if she shoved it hard enough, or rip open an unwanted hand. It was better than nothing and her right hand closed around it as she stood up and turned around.

She didn't want to fight him. Not because she hadn't decided if she would follow through with her promise or not- oh, she meant it- but she knew that in a straight up fight he would utterly destroy her. It wasn't a fair match and as angry as she was (more furious than she could ever remember being in her life), Cassandra was not stupid. And she could be patient. She'd kill him. She had meant it. It didn't have to be today for it to have weight. But if there wasn't a choice, well.

She wouldn't hesitate to put the letter opener through his eye.

"Not a warning, a promise," she said through her teeth. "And don't call me that. You don't know the meaning of the word."

Cass wasn't upset in the slightest that he had lied (as far as she was concerned) about loving her. But she was furious with herself that she had believed him.

It was a mistake she wouldn't make again.

[member="Itash Mecetti"]

 

[Itash Mecetti]

[member="Cassandra Paige"]

Mm.

Until she snatched the letter-opener and readied it in a menacing way.

That's when Tash would laugh, louder than she'd have heard from him before, a bark and a bite, before he smiled with teeth bloody. She had clipped him good both times, parts of her nails cutting at his lips. "Are you going to prick me with that little needle, love." Ignoring her insistence he didn't know what it meant. Oh, Itash knew, knew better than most what love was.

Knowing what it is and believing in it?

Two separate things entirely.

"Here." He pulled his own knife out and brandished it with infuriating casualness. "If you want to kill a man... this is what you do it with." A heartbeat. Then the that same knife clattered by her feet as Tash threw it in a relaxed gesture.

She'd need it.

 

[Cassandra Paige]

It didn't even take any prodding in the Force- Cass was already angry enough that his mocking just infuriated her all the more. Was it ideal? No. But it was better than nothing.

Cass had already experienced sitting idly while someone took her apart, literally.

Better this than that. Her fingers curled tighter around the handle.

And then he drew his own and she froze.

Nothing but her eyes moved as she watched him, every muscle in her body still and tight, ready to run if she needed to because again, of all the things Cass was, stupid was (rarely) one of them. And then he tossed it. Light and easy. The knife landed heavily at her feet, sound muffled by the thick carpet. Her eyes went from him, to the knife, and him again.

Slowly, watching him the whole time, she crouched, picking it up.

It was heavier than she'd expected it to be.

"You're crazy," she said.

She realized she meant it.

"Why are you doing this? You could just let me walk out that door and we'd be done."

[member="Itash Mecetti"]

 

[Itash Mecetti]

[member="Cassandra Paige"]

Well, that wasn't the truth.

Even if Itash hadn't been reading her mind this entire time, she had shown enough to him to underline that once she made a warning like that? There wasn't much that would make her consider opting for an entirely different route. "Mm, good girl." Once her fingers slipped around the hilt of the blade and she carried it in her hand. It was heavy for her, he could see that, but that didn't mean she wouldn't be able to use it. Already her body was subtly shifting to accommodate that foreign weight.

"We can keep talking in circles..." Tash retorted, metaphorically waving her question away. "...or you can tell me how you are going to kill me."

Anything else was a waste of time.

The course was set, they had said too much in the moment to take it back. No. Either she killed him or he'd kill her. It was truly as easy as that as far as Itash was concerned and that made him glad. Just a few more steps and they could finish this charade already.

 

[Cassandra Paige]

She didn't make a sound, but when he called her 'good girl' her lips curled up into a silent snarl- one part anger one part disgust. He was getting off on this. He'd deliberately gotten under her skin, but they'd gone too far to back down, to de-escalate. Not without one of them giving in, rolling belly up.

That wasn't happening.

She started moving toward him slowly, one step at a time. Grey eyes never left him, watching for any hint of movement- she knew how fast he could be.

"I'm not picky," she said hard and quiet, finally letting go of the last of her mask.

Beneath was the woman who had grown out of the girl- The one who had slowly escalated the torment of both of her sisters, just to see how far she could get, what would be permitted in the messed up household that was the Paige family home. Built on a combination of jealousy and simple boredom, she had been so pleasantly surprised by how far she could push it and claim innocence. The girl who had drown her sister's kitten in the bathtub because it wouldn't stop crying when Ana had left the room. It was not the last animal to die under mysterious circumstances in the Paige household, but she had always been very, very careful. The girl who had held down her youngest sister to slowly try to blind her, just to see if she could. That had been where the line was drawn, and while it was neatly swept under the rug, it had been made clear the consequences for such actions. The girl the woman buried, because it was smart to do so.

Cassandra Paige wasn't a murderer. But under different circumstances, she could have been. And all of that was still there, not banished to some forgotten place. Merely controlled because the consequences were not worth letting it out.

The only regret she had about her sister was that she got caught.

Here? If she could kill him, the rest would be easy. Fake tears. The bruise that would inevitably form on her face from his blow. Tip over the desk, break a lamp. The story wrote itself.

[member="Itash Mecetti"]

 

[Itash Mecetti]

[member="Cassandra Paige"]

He watched her approach with that same infuriating smile.

It didn't fade for even a second.

Because Itash wasn't worried and Cassandra knew that. "Cautious, cautious, didn't realize I was karking a coward." It wasn't fair, because if they were real for even a minute with one another... Tash could have killed her many times over in the last few minutes. But that wasn't the point of this exercise. No, the point was giving her a taste of what she could be.

If she allowed herself to step out of her mother's shadow.

Tash didn't do anything else.

Didn't move away, didn't pick up a weapon, instead he just waited for her to approach. One careful little step at a time.

 

[Cassandra Paige]

Of course she was cautious. He out massed her and could probably kill her with his hands. Cass had no illusions about the benefit offered by the knife in her hands. If he wanted to, he could take it from her- not that she'd make it easy.

"A coward?"

Her own smile curled unpleasantly. She moved in, one step at a time.

"You want me here."

Step.

"Not letting me leave" step "when I have made it very clear" step "that is all that I want."

Her hands were shaking, but not from fear.

"If I'm a coward, Lord Mecetti" step "then what does that" step "make" step "you?"

She reached him at the last, close enough to kiss. But instead the knife slid.

Cass was surprised at how easy it was.

[member="Itash Mecetti"]

 

[Itash Mecetti]

[member="Cassandra Paige"]

The smile gave way for a self-satisfied smirk.

He was silent.

For quite some time.

Patiently waiting until every little step took her closer to him. One step, two, three and four, then she came close enough to caress. He didn't. It would ruin the purity of the moment, it was... almost perfect. Then the knife slid in and he grunted in spite of himself. Pain flooded... did it not? His hands moved, one wrapping around her wrist and the other around her waist.

He pulled her in deeper. Close enough for his lips to brush her ear and that's when he'd whisper his answer. "Hungry." Then his mind washed over hers, threading hunger and desire across every fiber of her body, stroking goosebumps up and dilating pupils.

Want.

It flooded through her system just as clearly as it flooded through his.

 

[Cassandra Paige]

Every little detail was crystalline. Like the sound of a glass bell. The slight resistance, less than she had expected (but the knife was sharp) when she had pushed it in. The warmth that ran over her hand. It wasn't enjoyment. But it was a grim satisfaction.

And then his hands closed around her and she tried to pull back, step out again. It was like like trying to move a towering oak and even as she started to struggle he pulled her in. Her hand was still on the knife as it sunk all the way to the hilt.

Cass froze as his breath moved hot against her ear, the words whispered.

And then the sensations flooded and instead of fighting him she stilled as desire washed over her. Married to the sensation of feeling the knife sunk into him. If he had done that first, she might have fought to stay afloat, as she had when he had plucked at her anger like the strings of an instrument. But that mask had already been cast off. Cass was not a sadist, not precisely- there was no specific pleasure that came from inflicting pain- merely the satisfaction that came from being the higher force. This was something entirely different.

"Then let me feed it," she murmured against his neck.

Instead of struggling now, she simply started to withdraw the knife. As it was freed again, she felt the fresh wash of blood over her hand, between them, and she moved, each movement slow, almost a caress, to offer him a matching wound on the other side.

[member="Itash Mecetti"]

 

[Itash Mecetti]

[member="Cassandra Paige"]

"Mmmm."

Lips brushed past the line of her ear and her jaw, a wince as she pulled out, before mouth hungry found hers and kissed her deep. Somewhere in that deep kiss they had switched. Instead it was now Cass pinned against the door and somehow Tash holding the bloody hilt, while pressed tight against her. That kiss was hungry, deep, wet, there was dark in it, different than before.

"Oh, you will," Tash murmured husk against her lips before pain would accentuate the edge of her desire. "But quid." deeper. "Pro." deepest. "Quo." Settled tight against the edge as he kissed her deep, catching the pain between his teeth.

That pain, that desire.

They grew larger, spurred on by the heat between them and the pressure of his mind against her. Letting it run through all her senses, letting her feel every part of it, until it consumed both of them whole.

 

[Cassandra Paige]

Cass sat bolt upright, gasping for air.

She was in bed, in her own apartment. The sheets were tangled around her legs, breath coming hard and fast, heart was pounding in her throat. A shadowy figure reached out in the darkness and she recoiled- she could still feel his mouth on hers, the knife sunk to the hilt in her gut- still too fresh- and then a soft-

"Cass, hey, you okay? You were shaking, love. Bad dream?"

A dream.

It took a moment for Cass to remember.

Right after Corbos, Tash had left- business, pressing, it couldn't wait. They had not gotten a chance to talk and Cass had spent the last few days with the thoughts and questions and unspoken accusations festering. Two days. Three days. Four. He hadn't even tried to contact her despite knowing all too well that he needed to after that. Just the night before, right before going to bed she had decided that was it- to end it. It wasn't about the chiss at that point, it was about the fact that he thought he could simply make her wait, dangle her anger by a string. She had climbed into bed, settled and content with that decision.

And then the dream.

Cassandra rarely dreamed. She could count the number of times she remembered a dream with any clarity upon waking on one hand.

She swallowed, hard, the sheer sensations and feelings from the dream itself lingering as she turned to look at Itash, perched on the side of the bed, still dressed for traveling. A look of concern on his face but no trace of the smug, hungry, violence that had filled his eyes in that last moment.

"I..... yes.... it..... just a dream....."

[member="Itash Mecetti"]

 

[Itash Mecetti]

[member="Cassandra Paige"]

One glance more showed that it wasn't just dress of traveling.

It was the armored garb he wore when he was on a mission and there seemed to be fresh burns etched into it from plasma. "Must have been one hell of a dream then." I have never seen you like this before, love. But Itash left it for what it was, instead he opted to raise before Cass would make a comment about the linen or anything else, stretching just a little bit.

"I apologize it took me so long to get back. The mission... got more complicated than I expected it to."

Returning home and finding her sleep had been a different side of opportunity though.

It shifted plans, changed them, allowed him to take a peek and realize just how serious the situation was in truth. That knowledge allowed him to see the problem for what it truly was.

Something that needed active fixing.

"I know you want to talk, we can do it now or maybe a bit later, whatever you prefer, Cass."

 

[Cassandra Paige]

"It was..... very vivid, yes."

She put her hands up to her face, rubbing for a moment, trying to shuck off the phantom sensations- but they stuck, persistent and concerning.

"I-"

She stopped, just looking at him for a moment. The dream had felt so real. There had been no part of her that had realized it wasn't in the moment. Knowing it now, how ridiculous most of it was.....

He was here, willing to talk, had even apologized for not speaking to her sooner. She breathed in deeply.

Why did she hesitate?

Because she could still feel the ghost of a knife in her belly.

"Now would be best," she said carefully.

She did not slap him. Not that it was completely off the table, but there was a certain wariness. Instead, she rearranged the sheet, disentangling them from around her ankles. She noticed the new marks, it was impossible not to. And if he hadn't said anything when he had she might had asked about them first- then again, she might not have. Her decision to leave him hinged, after all, on his response to the thing with the Chiss.... not on how hard his last mission was.

And yet here, again, she hesitated.

"Filiae...."

 

[Itash Mecetti]

[member="Cassandra Paige"]

"...was a mistake. One that humiliated you and I apologize for that as well." His tone was even, level, clear and without hesitation. It was clear (was it?) that he had been working himself up to this conversation the entire journey back home. Maybe she would notice the soft wring of his hands (anxiety?) just before Tash got himself under control and stilled them once more.

"I have no explanation. None that would make it right." Words never made anything right in his experience. Little, little lies packed up and swallowed for audience's convenience and nothing more.

They were wind.

With that measure the two of them were leafs floating on a current of it. "Umbara." He spoke further, as if speaking one word let the next follow easier, coaxing them out of a psyche that was considerably cautious about his own privacy. "Before the mission, it was-" A shudder, disgust? Disappointment? Anger maybe. Then he shook his head and looked her in the eye again.

A frown now.

As if Itash himself couldn't quite believe it all.

"I am rambling." The shrug next, trying to shake it all off, but not quite getting there.

 

[Cassandra Paige]

She listened.

And watched.

It was in all ways completely different from the dream of this confrontation. This wasn't a confrontation at all. It was equally different from every other time he had apologized to her. Not real apologies, not really, but good enough, acceptable. Usually laden with an expensive gift to ease the burn of whatever it was he had done. These was the first genuine apology she had seen from him.

Part of her distrusted it.

It didn't mean she didn't accept it, however. Because this, all of this, was infinitely better than the alternative path laid out in that dream.

Wasn't it?

Slowly, Cass reached out, sliding her hands into his to still them.

Funny, how in the dream her subconscious had guessed correctly at the timing. At the time she'd been so wrapped up in her own recovery that she probably hadn't consciously noticed the signs, but they had registered somewhere in the back of her mind.

"I just want to know what I can expect moving forward," she said quietly. "We..... we never." She paused, again the words from the dream rooting into her thoughts. "We made no agreements. I made assumptions of exclusivity that were never promised," she said finally. "I just want to know if that is the expectation, rather than continue to assume it is not."

[member="Itash Mecetti"]

 

[Itash Mecetti]

[member="Cassandra Paige"]

He looked up as she took his hands in hers.

Squeezing softly.

"You fascinate me, Cass, and keep me interested in ways nobody has before." This wasn't an answer, but he was leading up to it. "I- have never done exclusivity before, it hasn't ever been a thing for me." A frown again, searching his memory for something, before shrugging and pulling her softly closer if she let him. "But like I said, she was a mistake and I won't let it happen again."

Tash shrugged softly, before trying for a smile.

It was his smile but there was hesitation in it. As if this was all new for him (and in some ways it was) and he wasn't entirely sure what his role in it was. "If you can forgive me, I will be the man you deserve."

Head tilted.

"You know I came here with a very expensive gift. Now I am unsure if you even want it."

 

[Cassandra Paige]

The sheer 180 whiplash from the dream to this was honestly jarring. Especially because this also wasn't really normal. She didn't really know what to make of the penitent man before her. Oh, it was everything she wanted to hear, hitting all of the right spots of apology and ego stroking, but for a moment, she wondered if she was still dreaming, now just a mirrored version of the first one.

And then he mentioned a gift, and Cass actually laughed.

A normal, regular laugh, if a little relieved.

That Tash she knew.

"Apology accepted," she said softly.

Of course she wanted the gift.

She leaned in, laying a soft kiss at the corner of his mouth.

She didn't thank him for making the apology- it had been the right thing after all. She appreciated the difference- between her having to drag every detail out and him being up front about it. Oh, she didn't expect that he'd never lie to her again. That was unreasonable as an expectation. But she was content in the here and now that she would not be in secret competition with other people. And that he knew it as well.

"And I would like it..... would you like to change or hop in the 'fresh first? It looks like you had a rough time of it."

Now that the previous issue was out of the way, there was room again for other things.

[member="Itash Mecetti"]

 

[Itash Mecetti]

[member="Cassandra Paige"]

He smiled too once she laughed.

Though his seemed a little bit confused.

With a little shift Tash caught her lips with his and kissed her deeply pulling her in against him. The moment grew heavy, but just as swiftly as it began Itash softly let go of her again. She would have tasted the salt and ash on his lips though, whatever he had been up to it seemed to have been hell of some sort. "No, that can wait, I would like to give it to you first."

In truth he'd have given up a kingdom for a warm shower now while her hands massaged the tension out of his shoulders and back.

But some lies you needed to commit to, continue completely without pause until it reached its destination. The dream, her dream, but in a way his as well had been the foundation.

His apology the medium.

The gift the insulation for the storm to come. His hand softly took hers - the cybernetic one, that hadn't changed - and pulled her with. Back out of the bedroom into the living room. "I considered bringing the actual thing, but... something told me that wouldn't be quite right here." Instead Tash left her at the couch and went to fetch the data-pad resting on the table.

It only took a moment to sync it up to her holo-screen.

"It isn't pleasant." Tash warned her beforehand and then... hit play.

 

[Cassandra Paige]

Now it was her turn for confusion. Her grip on her hand was gentle, so she let him draw her up and through the apartment. Hesitation, but not resistance. Settled lightly on the couch, she waited, not really sure what to expect, especially when he pulled out a data pad.

Of course, once the file started replaying, she understood.

Security footage from a Didact helmet. His? Possibly. She couldn't tell. She watched in silence as they stormed the facility- unfamiliar to her- not certain just where it was leading until.....

Cass grew very, very still when the Raykkan came into view.

And, as promised, the footage that followed was not pleasant.

She didn't even ask if it was him. She didn't need to. Why would he have shown her otherwise? Cass didn't smile, but her mouth was set in a grim line. When he cut the feed she looked up at him. He didn't see happiness on her face, but what he saw was satisfaction. There was no joy, but there was a grim gratification.

"That may be the best gift you've ever brought me, love," she said quietly.

She meant it.

[member="Itash Mecetti"]

 

[Itash Mecetti]

[member="Cassandra Paige"]

A nod.

Then he leaned in and it was his time to kiss the corner of her mouth softly.

"I am glad." Itash was, even if it didn't show in his expression. There was a murderer in her and the dream had shown him that. It was enough to know that he was on the right track with her. That was good, it meant they were alike and... didn't everyone want to spend their time with someone they could share understanding with? Recognition and maybe even respect?

He leaned back and unclasped the plate of the chest.

It immediately grew less tight where a burst of fire had caused it to sink in an inch. "Want to share that shower, l-" Only once Tash began using that word again did he realize just what she had said.

Cassandra would have the satisfaction of knowing she made one Itash Mecetti, Lord of Tapani, blink and silent.

His hand extended and once placed in his, he'd bring her prosthetic arm to his lips and kiss the knuckles softly.