Private Truthseeker

[Kallous]

It was a curious concept. Of course he wasn’t taking everything the padawan told him as objective truth, after all he could be wrong. But there was some truth behind his statements, that much was clear.

Though it wasn’t quite the conclusion he was looking for. In a way he was looking for an explanation, an explanation for why things had happened the way they did.

And his feelings could be wrong? That didn’t sound right in the slightest. They’d never been wrong before.

Never been wrong before today you mean. The dark half of him corrected.

Are you really so sure that your feelings were wrong? The other, stranger half of him argued back. What if they had been right?

Kallous shook his head. “I don’t know what you could be alluding to.”

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Kallous

"Love..." Braze began, his voice trailing off, his gaze distant for a moment as he searched for the right words. "A lot of people think that love and hate are opposites. But I don't really see it that way." He paused, glancing at the other man, as if gauging his reaction. "I think they're just different sides of the same concept. You can't truly hate something unless you care about it in some way."

He let the thought linger in the air, the quiet between them stretching before he continued. "I think the real opposite of both love and hate is apathy. When you don't care at all—that's when nothing matters, nothing moves you." Braze spoke quietly, with a thoughtful weight to his words.

"If you think about it, love and hate are both powerful emotions. And love... well, it comes in so many different forms. Compassion, empathy, selflessness—they're all part of it. I don't think it's that hard to believe." He smiled faintly, almost to himself, as if the idea gave him some kind of comfort. "At least, that's how I see it."

"Love, in all its forms, has the power to transform people. It can bridge divides, heal wounds—both the kind you can see and the kind you can't." His eyes softened as he spoke, as though he was letting himself be vulnerable, if only for a moment. "That's one the few things of what I believe, is stronger than even the Force."

​

 

[Kallous]

Kallous had no idea what to think about this. To him love had always been a weakness, one that lead someone down a path that cost them everything, while gaining nothing meaningful for that loss.

He had to compliment this kid’s conviction as he said it at least. And the concept that hatred was not the opposite of love was an odd one, but his explanation did make sense.

But what he described still didn’t sound right in regards to what he’d experienced. Why did he let them go? He had no attachment to them. None of them were his slaves or concubines or other sort of possession, so he had no reason to care for them. They were simply more lives to extinguish. So what had driven him to let them go?

“Perhaps. But that…” he stopped again thinking. He’d need to tell this padawan the whole story if he wanted to receive useful advice. He didn’t see how this knowledge tied into what had happened to him.

“My master took me to a world the Sith were trying to conquer and gave me the order to slay all I saw. However I could not bring myself to slay a group of fleeing civilians, primarily women and children, whom I found boarding a ship trying to leave the planet. And I had never succumbed to such weakness before. I want to know why that happened. Why my feelings betrayed me in that moment. Why they made me weak.”

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Kallous

Braze listened intently dcfxr4as he took in Kallous's words. He took a moment, carefully choosing his words before speaking.

"I don't think your feelings betrayed you;I think they were trying to tell you something important. Something you may not have wanted to hear or acknowledge. If I were in your position, I wouldn't have killed them either," Braze admitted,

"Women, children... they're innocent. They aren't soldiers, they aren't a threat. There's no honor in that. Taking their lives wouldn't prove anything. It wouldn't make anyone stronger—it would only add to the suffering, to the darkness. I don't like killing people, not if there's any other way. It doesn't sit right with me."

He sighed softly, looking down at his hands as he started to fidget showing signs of being uneased by the topic. "I've been taught that taking a life should always be the last resort, only when there's no other choice. Because every life has value, every person matters. Even if they're on the other side, even if they're different from us. Killing should never be easy."

Braze's gaze lifted again, locking onto Kallous. "When you spared those people, it wasn't weakness. It was strength. Maybe you didn't know them, maybe they weren't anything to you, but something in you still couldn't bring yourself to take their lives. I think that means there's good in you, whether you see it or not.It's not easy to go against what you've been told or taught. To listen to your self when something feels... off. It means you were thinking for your self, beyond what the Sith taught you.

And maybe, when you let those people go, it was a small spark of compassion that made you hesitate. It takes courage to choose mercy, especially when you've been taught that mercy is weakness. It's easy to destroy, easy to follow orders without question. But to spare someone, to choose not to take a life when you could—it means you saw them as more than just a target. You saw them as people. And that's something worth holding onto."

He paused, letting his words settle between them, "I know it's not easy to make sense of. But maybe, just maybe, they were showing you a part of yourself you haven't fully understood yet. The fact that you're even asking these questions... It means there's a part of you that wants something more than just power or destruction. And that's not a bad thing, Kallous. Not at all."

 

[Kallous]

Kallous mulled this over. The wrestling with himself slowing down, if only a little as he began to parse through this. Braze was saying things that made his blood boil. It wasn’t weakness to spare your foe? What sort of nonsense was that?!

Wanting something beyond power? What else was there? There was no such thing as “good” or “evil”, there was only power. Those who had it and those who didn’t. After all those who determined right and wrong were those who had the power to back it up, to enforce their ideals on their opposition. The strong devoured the weak, and strength was measured only in one’s ability to dominate.

These concepts were utterly foreign to the Sith. So foreign that he could not accept them as he was. Even if what Braze had said was true, Kallous would take a lot of convincing otherwise. As confusing as his feelings had been in that moment, he had seen things that confirmed what he knew about the nature of power. How power dictates history, behavior, hierarchy, everything.

Power was absolute truth, the one thing that every other thing revolved around. Wisdom came with power. Wealth came with power. Most importantly of all freedom came with power.

How could he have wanted something different? Was it to spite his Master? Was it because he would have found it boring to slay so many weaklings that weren’t worth his time?

Kallous remained unconvinced. Though the small part of him that had convinced him to spare them in the first place grew just a little brighter.

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Kallous

Braze noticed him slipping into a quiet, introspective mood. "I hope you're feeling at least a little better," he said as he slowly stood up, careful not to spill the mushrooms in his basket. "If you're struggling this much... maybe just forget everything you think you know and just be for a week or three. See how you feel."

He thought of Valor, how lost he'd been when Ko Vuto had first taken him in. This Sith reminded him so much of that—shattered worldviews and rigid beliefs. He knew no one had a paradigm shift overnight.

For now, he spared the Sith any lectures, even if his mind brimmed with arguments that tore Sith doctrine apart.

"Do me a favor... don't hurt anyone here. That includes yourself," he added softly.

​

 

[Kallous]

That’s it! He suddenly thought once Braze had finished his statement.

He had been taught all his life not to think but to feel, and the Jedi echoed this as well. And where these two diametrically opposed theologies agreed on something there was a guaranteed wisdom in it. He had been trying to think his way through this, his faith in his feelings so shaken that he had begun to dismiss them and use his thoughts rather than his feelings. That had been his mistake, that was why he was so frustrated and struggling so much! He was thinking, not feeling. And he should be doing the exact opposite of that!

“I can make no promises to do no harm.” Kallous told him. “If someone were to show themselves as a threat I will strike them down. And I will not pretend otherwise. However, my purpose here is not to cause havoc, or even draw attention to myself. So what I can promise is that I will not make it my mission to harm anyone. Is that sufficient?”

He spoke firmly, this wasn’t something he would budge on. If something or someone were to threaten him he wouldn’t hesitate to destroy them. But he was being truthful that he intended to lay low, so he was not going to go on a rampage or go out of his way to do harm. However this firmness was undertoned with a distractedness. He had taken his advice to heart, and he was going to do as he had been advised. He would stop thinking, and simply let his feelings guide him as they always had.

 

[Braze]

TAGS: Kallous

Braze nodded softly, a hint of understanding in his eyes. He knew better than to expect a miracle to just fall into his lap. After a moment's pause, he padded off, his movements quick and light as he scampered away, gathering his things before disappearing into the woods. He glanced back just once, a fleeting look, then continued onward with purpose.

It seemed as though Kallous was once again left to his own devices among the trees, with the young Padawan deciding not to bother him any further. The forest around them was serene, the rustle of leaves in the gentle breeze filling the quiet. Braze had sensed that Kallous preferred his solitude, and he didn't want to disrupt that any longer.

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