Private Visitor #2

[Kai Bamarri]

“All right, kid.” The guard unlocked the door to Kai’s cell. “You got another visitor. Important person this time, so no funny business.”

Kai didn’t bother to reply. Released from the grip of the containment field, but still cuffed and collared, he was escorted out of the cell block and back into the visitation area. Only this time, instead of the booths with transparisteel windows separating the prisoners from the visitors, they led him to a small windowless room.

There was a table and chairs bolted to the floor at the center. The table held a complete tea set—a nicer one than the shatterproof ones prisoners were given to use. Cautiously, Kai held the back of one hand toward the teapot, feeling the heat emanating from the hot water inside.

His gaze was drawn to a small round ball of tea leaves sitting on a plate. Glancing over his shoulder at the guard, he carefully lifted the lid of the teapot and dropped the ball inside. The leaves began to unfurl, a yellowish flower blooming gradually in the water.

Kai smiled to himself. He knew exactly who this “important visitor” was.

Alicio Organa​

 

[Alicio Organa]

"This took me a while to find," a calm voice said, entering the room after a moment. Alicio, dressed in simple blacks, appeared at the doorway, unafraid to approach and sit opposite the Jedi, despite the warnings of the penitentiary guards.

Kai was a friend. A new friend, but a friend, nonetheless.

"I don't remember the exact name of the tea flower, but I purchased the bundle from an Atrisian teahouse." He smiled, but there was a sad sort of reservation in his eye. "They said it has an aromatic, almost bitter flavor. Not usually my... cup of tea." He quirked a smile. "But I think the spectacle is worth it."

Finally, the Senator's tone took on a bit more sincerity, a bit more seriousness. There was something sphinxlike, enigmatic in his expression. "How are you?"

- Kai Bamarri -

 

[Kai Bamarri]

Kai looked up as Alicio suddenly appeared, eyebrows rising. The senator could be a bit spooky at times, appearing and disappearing like a black-clad phantom. But Kai was glad to see him. There was a certain charming chutzpah to anyone so intent on keeping a tea date, they were even willing to do it in prison.

Sitting down, he watched the flower bloom, turning the water around it brown. “Amani asked me the same question when she visited me last week,” he said. “You two really are made for each other.”

His speaking voice sounded nothing like the “voice” of his mind. In what was becoming a well-practiced ritual, he quickly explained, “The collar disrupts my connection to the Force. No Force, no telepathy.” He pointed to his face, grinning. “It’s funny—this guy was a singer in a band, and when he died I got his body. Me, who hates talking, let alone singing. I like some of his songs, which just makes it even weirder.”

Silence followed. His smile faded. He had been avoiding answering Alicio’s question, but now he had run out of distractions to dodge it with. “I’m fine,” he finally replied. “I feel better than I have in a long time, actually. It’s like taking a vacation from life. No responsibilities, no bullies, no boosh. Nothing to do but sit and think...”

Alicio Organa​

 

[Alicio Organa]

After getting over the strange new voice coming from Kai, a smile teased at Alicio's lips at the mention of the Chief Healer, despite the setting of their tea party. "Yeah. I think we are."

The reveal that Kai was, in fact, inhabiting the dead body of a person was another shock to the Alderaanian, but he quickly chalked it up to being another Bamarri thing. The Jedi didn't seem to be decaying, and for all intents and purposes, he was alive. "That is a liiiiiittle odd," he agreed good-naturedly.

“I feel better than I have in a long time, actually. It’s like taking a vacation from life. No responsibilities, no bullies, no boosh. Nothing to do but sit and think...”

Alicio observed Kai with that same unreadable expression. Some kind of curiosity.

"About?"

- Kai Bamarri -

 

[Kai Bamarri]

“She blamed herself for my being in here,” Kai said gravely. “I hope you won’t be like her in that way.”

Only the dead could be used as vessels for the Bamarri. The living were sacrosanct; to take a body still occupied would be equivalent to evicting the soul within, killing them. Alicio’s stoic expression didn’t give away his shock at the news, and Kai, unable to sense his emotions with the Force, failed to notice.

It took him a few seconds to answer Alicio’s question, mainly because he’d been lying about feeling better and now had to come up with another supplemental lie. The boy was still in denial about being damned even as he sat in the midst of hell. Or perhaps purgatory was a more apt descriptor for the penitentiary…

“What being a Jedi really means,” he finally replied, and even managed a small smile. “I think I finally figured it out. So, did you come to see me so that I could finally convert you, or are you here for a different reason?”

Alicio Organa​

 

[Alicio Organa]

A frown graced Alicio's face after learning that Amani had taken responsibility for Kai's situation. He took a slow breath in, measuring his words. "I don't," the Count murmured, finally.

Alicio would like to consider himself a rather insightful person. He could tell that Kai was holding something back, as he answered Alicio's question. Instead of challenging the Jedi, however, he just twisted his lip in thought, as he poured the tea into two separate cups.

"I'm here for a lot of reasons, Kai." Alicio admitted, picking up his own tea, focusing on the light yellow/brown color of the liquid for a moment before responding. "But I would still like to talk with you about the Force, if you want."

"So, what have you learned? What does being a Jedi really mean?"

- Kai Bamarri -

 

[Kai Bamarri]

“A lot of reasons?” Kai echoed, lifting a curious eyebrow. “Is that just another way of saying you like me?”

He watched Alicio pour the tea, then proceeded to dump several spoonfuls of sugar into his cup and savored it like it was the ambrosia of the gods. Kai didn’t even like tea. Prison food was just that awful; anything from the outside world tasted luxurious.

Licking sweetness from his lips, the boy took a moment to gather his thoughts, then said, “Total self-sacrifice. Not just giving your life for others, but also suffering in less… dignified ways. Dying is quick, at least. People sing songs and glorify those who have died. It makes for great drama. Prison can last a lifetime. It’s mind-numbingly, soul-crushingly boring. A prisoner will probably wind up dying in obscurity, buried in an unmarked grave. But we must keep the faith nonetheless, no matter how difficult it may be.”

He polished off his tea, then set the empty cup down. “Not that I’m a lifer. What I did is considered more of a misdemeanor, and I don’t think they have a prison sentence long enough for my lifespan anyway…” He trailed off, wondering if Alicio knew why he was there. Perhaps Amani had told him, or they gave him special access to police records because of his position. Or maybe he was here because he wanted to hear it straight from Kai’s mouth.

Alicio Organa​

 

[Alicio Organa]

“Is that just another way of saying you like me?”

The younger man's oversimplification earned a stab of a chuckle from the Count. "Sure. Let's go with that," he finally teased, swirling his liquid in the cup, watching as Kai practically drank tea-flavored sugar with an amused smile. That kind of defeated the purpose of bitter tea, but Alicio wasn't about to tell him that.

All of that good mood evaporated as Kai reviewed his findings with the Senator. Surprisingly, he didn't ask about Kai's crime, although it was the perfect time to. Instead, Alicio put down his tea, taking a moment to think before opening his mouth. "So... From what I understand, Jedi should be completely ascetic. Take on all of the suffering onto themselves, so others don't have to? They should pay in pain, to buy the greater good for the galaxy?"

"If that's all a Jedi is, than I certainly don't want to be a Jedi." The Count said, his voice decidedly neutral. "What good lies in a faith that forces it's people to suffer?"

- Kai Bamarri -

 

[Kai Bamarri]

"So... From what I understand, Jedi should be completely ascetic. Take on all of the suffering onto themselves, so others don't have to? They should pay in pain, to buy the greater good for the galaxy?"

Kai winced, then shook his head. “All that stuff I said the last time we met about sacrificing my personal relationships for the greater good… That didn’t work out so well. Now I think a middle ground is possible. You can have love and intimacy and still be self-sacrificing. In fact, those things naturally go hand in hand. If you can find a balance, more power to you. It’s difficult, and not without suffering, but it is the right path.”

It just wasn't the path he had chosen, unfortunately, and now he was in jail. Better luck next time?...

"What good lies in a faith that forces its people to suffer?"

“Alicio, I know you can come up with better than that,” Kai said, with a good natured grin. “‘If only I wasn’t a Jedi, then I wouldn’t be suffering.’ As if being a Jedi directly causes suffering. Or ‘being a Jedi is nothing but suffering.’ That’s a loser’s view. You’ve met happy, joyful Jedi, haven’t you? Just like you’ve met non-Jedi who were miserable and alone.”

He adjusted his position, sitting in more of a sprawl in his chair. It wasn’t exactly comfortable, but it did make him feel more at ease, and he needed to be at ease if they were going to get philosophical. “Wouldn't you say that suffering is just a fact of life? I mean, you can’t escape it. Bad things are going to happen, regardless of what faith you ascribe to, how much money you make, or the circumstances of your birth. Would you also say that everyone's goal in life should be to try and stave off suffering for as long as possible?”

Alicio Organa​

 

[Alicio Organa]

Finally, a true, genuine smile broke through his neutral expression.

Of course he didn't believe that Jedi had to suffer to be Jedi. His relationship with one should have been evidence enough. Not to mention that it was Valery Noble, a Jedi Master, that had told him to lighten up, all those months ago.

Alicio had been worried that Kai had taken their talk in the temple to heart. Used his imprisonment as justification for his point that a Jedi's life was total self-sacrifice. Fallen off the deep end, so to speak. Alicio was concerned that Kai had given up on himself.

"Sure," he finally conceded with a knowing smile, taking his first sip of tea, and grimacing at the flavor. Maybe Kai had the right idea, with all that sugar. "But what if all the happy Jedi are just lazy? Complacent? With all the evil in the galaxy, what if they just aren't trying hard enough to help others?"

The first obvious hint that Alicio may not actually believe what he was spouting; he'd never call Amani lazy.

- Kai Bamarri -

 

[Kai Bamarri]

Oh, rest assured, Kai had found ways to justify what he’d done, even if he acknowledged it could’ve gone a lot better. If he were to conclude it had all been for naught, he might’ve gone mad.

“Some of them might be lazy and complacent,” he replied. “Others might just rather live in ignorance because they can’t handle the truth. Or they feel like they’re powerless to do anything about all the evil in the galaxy. Nobody can save everyone, clearly.”

Kai’s thoughts also turned to Amani, albeit for different reasons. He thought about how she had blamed herself for his actions. Well, if it had been soft-hearted Amani instead of hard-headed Iris, would he have felt any need to erase her memory?

His brow furrowed. “Was that a ‘sure’ to suffering being part of life… or that the goal of life should be to avoid suffering?”

Alicio Organa​

 

[Alicio Organa]

"Nobody can save everyone, clearly.”

"Clearly," Alicio echoed, as if strengthening that part of Kai's thought. It was progress from where the padawan had been in the temple. It wasn't perfectly healthy, but it was progress.

But finally, Alicio felt that he should stop yanking the boy's chain, so to speak. Release his genuine thoughts. Start a true dialogue. Alicio sat up a little taller, his wry smile disappearing, replaced by a thoughtful scowl.

"To both, I think. More to number one than number two," the Count said, folding his hands around his cup. "There will never be a galaxy without suffering. True peace like that doesn't exist, and probably shouldn't. As living things in the Force, change is necessary. Some change is good, oftentimes it is... not." The politician twisted his mouth in thought. "But it's the job of the Jedi, and senate, to make as much positive change as we can. Not to off-set the negative, but... to create little pockets of positive change, I think."

Peace is a Lie, as the Sith say. Maybe there was some truth to that.

- Kai Bamarri -

 

[Kai Bamarri]

“Okay good, okay fine,” Kai muttered. “I baited you, but you didn’t fall for the trap. Good job.”

The boy attempted to pour himself some more tea—a feat that probably wasn’t intended to be completed by cuffed hands, though he managed not to spill any regardless of whether Alicio intervened.

“I got another one for you. You said some change is positive, while some of it is negative. So, is suffering always negative?”

Alicio Organa​

 

[Alicio Organa]

Only the slightest of smiles accompanied his philosophical victory.

Alicio watched on as Kai picked up the teapot, motioning to help the young boy pour his drink, before deciding that the Bamarri had it well in hand, and sitting back down.

"Depends on how you define suffering," he responded, after a moment. "Um... in debates like this, it's important to quantify our terms. So we're on the same page. If we're defining 'suffering' as 'the state of something being in pain', then... maybe?" It was a good question.

"I'd rather we live in a galaxy that nobody suffers, of course, but... that sounds mildly dystopian to me. So maybe some suffering is... inevitable. Whether that's a good thing or not... who knows?" The Count shrugged, before flipping a version of the question back to Kai.

"Can you think of any examples where suffering has led to something... good?"

- Kai Bamarri -

 

[Kai Bamarri]

“Look up the definition on the Holonet, then.” It was difficult to tell whether Kai was being humorously flippant or dead serious with the suggestion. He certainly wasn’t allowed Holonet access yet in prison. “Suffering is the state of undergoing pain, distress, or hardship. I think that’s it… been a few years since I read the Galactic Basic dictionary.”

He listened to Alicio as he shoveled more sugar into his tea, then shook his head. “I’m not perverse enough to think any form of suffering is ‘good’. But the existence of suffering does make the state of not suffering that much sweeter, because you know how bad it could be. If all that you knew was good, evil would come as an unpleasant shock, sure. But if all that you knew was evil, good would be the greatest thing that ever happened to you.”

Alicio Organa​

 

[Alicio Organa]

Alicio passed along a small smile at that. "That's a good point. Good wouldn't be good without bad. It would just... be." Then, he chuckled, stomaching another bitter sip of tea. "That may be a little bit too philosophical, even for me. My head's starting to hurt."

"I would like to think I'm a better person, because I've suffered." If there was any silver lining for both of them, that was it. "Not everyone has that luxury. Some suffering is just... pointless, I know. But the things in my life that were... dark, and cold..." He faltered in his good mood for a moment, before regaining a smile. "Helped me become someone who I'm proud to be."

"Maybe that's the good that comes from suffering. Change. Growth." Kai was certainly going through a fair bit of pain. Hopefully, he could grow from it, too.

"Or maybe I'm looking for meaning where none exists. Who can say?"

- Kai Bamarri -

 

[Kai Bamarri]

“There are religions which teach that the universe was entirely good, at first,” Kai remarked. In response to Alicio calling the conversation too philosophical, he took a theological route. “But then something changed. A loss of innocence, maybe. Prideful disobedience. Rebellion against the divine. Somewhere along the line sapient beings like you and me said to ourselves ‘I am a living, thinking being, and that means I can choose what to do—so clearly I must know best.’”

He trailed off, growing quiet as Alicio added his thoughts. “More power to ya,” he muttered. Kai had suffered plenty, but the experience hadn’t changed him into a better person. He was no one that he could be proud of. That could mean that he had simply reacted differently to his pain and hardship, taking to heart darker lessons from the school of his suffering. Or it could mean that suffering didn’t make people better. At the most, the knowledge of good and evil and the experience of suffering only provided more insight into the pain of others, paving the way for empathy and understanding.

“Are you sure it was the suffering that made you a better person?” he asked. The boy had grown so serious, he seemed far older than his years. “Or was it the love, kindness, and care of others that kept you from despair?"

Alicio Organa​

 

[Alicio Organa]

"That's a drab view on sentience," Alicio said thoughtfully, as a universe free of pain was brought up. "That somehow, given the choice, every alien race chose separately to fall from grace. Being tricked, or too prideful, or whatever." The Count shrugged.

"Then again, it makes a bit of sense. If true peace could only be achieved through mindless obedience, I think I would choose freedom, too." Not because he knew best. But because he had to know for himself.

Alicio finally got used to the flavor of the tea as he drank it again, thinking about what Kai had said, and all of the supports he had in his life. He sobered as the padawan did, regarding him with overcast eyes. "No. I'm not sure."

"Kai... I don't know who you have right now... I'm sure you don't know either... But I'm willing to be one of those people for you. If you need... care, or kindness. I'll be there."

- Kai Bamarri -

 

[Kai Bamarri]

Kai snorted. “Well, we are talking about something spiritual, so maybe the differences between species don’t matter as much. The Jedi believe all living things are part of the Force, and we all become one with it when we die, no matter who or what we were in life.”

Alicio’s offer was reminiscent of what Amani had revealed during her visit—that she had considered taking Kai as her apprentice. But that was almost certainly an impossibility now, and he had no reason to believe Alicio would actually fulfill what he promised. After all, there had been a parade of people in Kai’s life claiming they would be there for him, only to abandon him in his darkest hours.

Still. For a second he allowed himself to dream, his mind conjuring up a fantasy wherein Alicio and Amani were his mentors, guardians, maybe even surrogate parents. For a second he wanted that world, felt something behind his ribs almost crack with yearning for it, no matter how stupid or hokey or phony it might be.

It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be real, because it wasn’t him. He was a convict now, a criminal who had been deemed more harmful than good. Someone who had to be locked away from the rest of the galaxy as a form of damage control.

“Are you sure?” he asked, his whispery voice as bitter as the blooming tea. “Even if you could be there for me, are you sure you could stand it? I betrayed the last person who cared about me. I hurt her. I'd do the same to you, assuming you didn't get bored or busy and take off on me like everybody else.”

He stared down into his cup, his manner subdued. On the inside, he was seething with barely controlled anger, the kind of rage that festered within you for years and years. He was mad at Alicio, mad at Amani, mad at Damsy and Dag and Iris and especially himself for being such a sick little fool. “I’d try your patience, push you to your limits, and you’d walk away feeling like you'd been taken advantage of. But it doesn’t matter anyway, because I know you’ll go away just like all the others.”

Alicio Organa​

 

[Alicio Organa]

Alicio seemed to fall deep in thought as he watched Kai, listening quietly as the younger man slowly revealed his inner thoughts. The bitterness in his tone made their tea taste sweet, by comparison.

Another person's first reaction might be to get upset, or sad, at Kai's refusal. Alicio simply observed, let the muted emotions pass him by as if he were meditating. He let the silence hang, let Kai consider what he'd just said, before responding.

"You don't have to do that, you know," the Count said, after a moment. "Push people away like that. Try to convince them that you're irredeemable."

The Count fully put down his mug, his eyes growing turbulent as he focused entirely on the Jedi. "I don't think you're a bad person, Kai. I think you're someone with good intentions, who hurt someone close to you. I understand that feeling. The self-betrayal, the... dark hole, you bury yourself in."

"Let me be clear, I am upset with you about what you did to Iris," the senator revealed, letting a flash of anger emerge and submerge just as quickly. "But I don't want to see you bury yourself any deeper. I don't want you to condemn yourself over one choice. Because I still believe in you."

"I'm offering to be a friend. If you don't want that, fine. But I'm here, regardless."

- Kai Bamarri -