Private Visitor #2

[Kai Bamarri]

"I'm offering to be a friend. If you don't want that, fine—"

“I do want it,” Kai cut him off, clenching his fists in his lap. “I want it more than anything else in the universe. But there’s just one problem. I don’t believe you. I think you’ll be around for a little while, then go away, just like all the others. Everyone I’ve ever loved, everyone who I thought cared, they all went away, and I am tired of it.”

The taste of saltwater tears filled his mouth as he sucked his lower lip between his teeth. He’d felt them prickling behind his eyes, but hadn’t bothered to try and stop himself from crying. It felt like it had been ages since he’d last wept, so why not?

“How am I not supposed to believe that I’m a bad, worthless person? Because clearly I don’t mean much to all those people who walked away, or to the bullies in the Order who treated me like I wasn’t even a person to begin with. I was always just a freak to them, a monster. Well, it got to the point where I wished I was the monster they all thought I was, because maybe then I could at least be feared and respected. Clearly I couldn’t be loved.”

Releasing a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, he relaxed his fingers and felt the exquisite sting in his palms where his nails had dug into his skin. Sniffing, he wiped his nose on the back of his hand.

“But please, tell me more about how I’m not really a bad person, even as I sit before you bound in chains with a collar around my neck like a wild animal. I’m just confused, misguided, burying myself in a dark hole of self-betrayal, or whatever you’re talking about. Next thing you know, you’ll start talking about how you understand what it’s like to lose the ones you love. At least you had parents, Alicio.”

Alicio Organa​

 

[Alicio Organa]

Alicio simply watched, and waited, his face decidedly neutral. That unreadable expression had returned from before. Observational, but not judgemental. Curious, but serious, as he let Kai distrust him, badmouth himself, and bring up... parents.

He frowned, letting a moment rest between them again. Then, he spoke, gently, quietly. "I'm sorry you never had a biological family. That isn't a struggle that I went through." Alicio kept his frown, deciding on total, unabashed, direct honesty.

"I don't care if you don't trust me." His tone was still quiet, but his conviction was strong. "You don't have to."

"You are a good person," the Count repeated, stubbornly. "As long as you're trying to do good. Their opinions of you do not change that. Them leaving was their choice, they're allowed to make those. Your measure is based on your choices, not theirs."

"Hurting Iris was a bad choice. I hope you see that. But if bad people can be redeemed to do a great amount of good," A particular story from his family's history came to mind. A son, redeeming his father, "...So can a good person who's made mistakes."

"Do you still believe everything you said about the Jedi? Do you still want to help people? Do you still care?" If so, there was still good in Kai. If not... Then Alicio probably couldn't help him.

But he would still be there.

- Kai Bamarri -

 

[Kai Bamarri]

Kai bowed his head, hiding his eyes. Every now and then he would sniffle or swipe his hands across his cheeks to dry them, one leg jittering nervously under the table. He had expected Alicio to leave by now. Even Amani had left right around the time things started getting ugly during her visit. Maybe she just ran out of things to say.

Alicio, on the other hand, was still talking.

"Hurting Iris was a bad choice. I hope you see that."

“A bad choice made for good reasons,” he muttered. “Hard to see it as bad sometimes… hard to see it as good in others. Oh, Force…”

After Iris had beaten him almost to the point of unconsciousness and fled, he had crawled down the hallway back to Andromache’s door. He begged her to run, giving her coordinates and names of people he still trusted, even though they had left him to face all this alone. Then—he didn’t know what came over him, but when she returned cradling the baby Sithspawn in her arms, he had stopped her and stooped to kiss it, anointing its head with his blood.

Barely a year earlier, he had wanted to kill it in its mother's womb. His life as a Sithspawn had been so bitter and so painful, he thought it was inhumane to allow any more to be born. Yet there he was, destroying his life and hurting his friends to save it.

When the Jedi came minutes later, they found only him slumped against a wall. Overcome by a feeling of mad triumph, Kai had spat his blood at their feet and grinned when they asked him where the Sithspawn was. <Here I am,> he’d said.

"Do you still believe everything you said about the Jedi? Do you still want to help people? Do you still care?"

“Yes.” He lifted his chin. “It’s all I’ll have left when I get out of here. But they’re going to take it away from me. I can’t be a Jedi anymore after this. They’ll kick me out of the Order.” He shrugged, though his shoulders trembled as though struggling to bear a heavy weight. “I figure I’ll go back to Chaldea and die defending it from the Maw, or something. That'll be my redemption.”

Alicio Organa​

 

[Alicio Organa]

“I figure I’ll go back to Chaldea and die defending it from the Maw, or something. That'll be my redemption.”

Alicio's eyes sparked and flashed like an oncoming storm, holding more anger than he'd ever shown the young Jedi. "No," he commanded. If his anger weren't so selfless, he'd have been the spitting image of a domineering tyrant. "That isn't redemption. That's the easy way out."

"You would be robbing the galaxy of all the good you could do, if you went and got yourself killed." He believed Kai could do better, be better. Even if no one else did. Even if Kai didn't. "So what if they kick you out? You don't have to be in the Order to save people. You don't have to be in the Order to follow the Jedi Way."

"You have a future, Kai."

- Kai Bamarri -

 

[Kai Bamarri]

“Like you wouldn’t die for Alderaan,” Kai muttered. The boy scowled and crossed his arms over his chest, his pose defiant even as his posture sagged, sinking down in his chair like a moody teenager who couldn’t help but be afraid of an authority figure.

“There are only two things I know in this galaxy: Chaldea, and the Jedi. If I can’t be with the Jedi, that leaves Chaldea—unless you have something more substantial to offer than just this vague inspirational talk that helps me none.” After a brief pause, Kai suddenly demanded, “Are you offering me a job, a place to be, or what?”

Alicio Organa​

 

[Alicio Organa]

"I would die for a lot of things," he said, conceding the point, but not his intensity. "But I don't plan on it."

Kai's words were beginning to tickle at Alicio's nerves. He had to take a moment, closing his eyes, and centering himself, before continuing. He wasn't here to correct Kai, to force him to think one way or the other. He was here to simply be here.

"I don't want to use you," he said, speaking carefully. "You've been through a lot. And I don't want to take advantage of that for my own personal gain." His face softened slightly. "But I'd be happy to have a Jedi on my staff. Excommunicated or not."

"I've been doing a lot of dangerous things recently, and it would be nice to have you watching my back. Or, at least, teaching me how to watch it myself." He folded his hands timidly in front of him. "If you need a purpose, there it is. Or we can find another one for you."

"You have a future," the Count reiterated.

- Kai Bamarri -

 

[Kai Bamarri]

“You wouldn’t be using me if you paid me,” Kai pointed out.

He was a little less on edge now that they were talking in more concrete terms. Alicio had caught him by surprise; he hadn’t expected to regain a future today. This conversation had taken a weird turn, that was for sure, but not an unwelcome one.

“I can be your bodyguard or trainer,” he agreed. He had taught Iris Arani how to overcome her hesitation in combat, among other things. “I’m good at beating up bad guys. As long as you play to my strengths, I’ll take the job.”

In three years’ time, anyway. No doubt his body would atrophy with sedentary prison life. But Kai had a plan for that, too.

“Thank you,” he said, reaching across the table to shake Alicio’s hand.

Alicio Organa​

 

[Alicio Organa]

Kai accepted his offer quickly, holding out a hand to shake. Alicio regarded it for the briefest of moments.

Of course, this meeting had never been about tea, or philosophy for Alicio. He'd wanted to show Kai a little trust. That, even if he had lost himself, wrote off his own life, someone still believed in him.

Maybe then, he could believe in himself.

Alicio took his hand gently. "Don't thank me. Just keep the faith. Stay well. Stay good."

The Count smiled thoughtfully. "Is there any other tea you've wanted to try? Or... I guess it could be a different drink I can bring for next time." Because there would be a next time.

- Kai Bamarri -

 

[Kai Bamarri]

“You’re about to make me cry again,” Kai muttered with a hoarse laugh. “I dunno. Bring food next time. The food here sucks.”

Assuming he would still be here for much longer. There had been talk of sending him to Azrael Asylum.

Alicio Organa​

 

[Alicio Organa]

Alicio found an sympathetic grin at Kai's admission, blinking subtly to disperse the wet from his own eyes. "Food it is." Then, with a bit of an impish smile, "I'll ask if you can keep the tea, too. I'd take it home, I just love the flavor, but... I just ran out of space in my kitchen."

Alicio stood up slowly, holding himself like the youngest, kindest grim reaper one might imagine. "Well, I'm wholly unconvinced of the Jedi Way. You'll have to try harder, over..." He paused, to let Kai fill in his food of choice.

"Keep hope alive, Kai. It's important to us Organas."

If Kai had nothing else to add, Alicio would walk out of the room, with one last nod and smile at the Bamarri.

- Kai Bamarri -

 

[Kai Bamarri]

Kai groaned in mock disappointment. "I'll get you next time. Over pizza. No one can resist when there's pizza involved."

His humor faded as he watched the Count go, and felt the hand of the guard brush his arm. "It's important to me, too," he whispered, allowing them to escort him back to his cell.

Alicio Organa​