Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos
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What is love!? ( character relationship question)
- Thread starter Cira
- Start date
Vereaux
Mr. Dizzy Man
Everyone would like to have their characters fall in love; I understand that perfectly well. There is an inherent flaw, however. We tend to, as writers, feel a disconnection to our characters because their experiences are different from our own. To work around this, writers will give their characters an experience they are already familiar with, but when the characters are going through something we aren't familiar with, our logic and reasoning for what should happen goes out the window, and we make a stab at the dark in an attempt to make something sound good, but believable. This is a problem a lot of writers have, because they try to make a character that sounds cool, but in practice, it goes to hell in a hand bag. Experience and research are the only ways to better your skills and create something pleasing to both yourself and your audience.
With this in mind, a writer does well when they understand the character they are creating. Their strengths, weaknesses, but most importantly: their desires and how they will react to their environment. Another writer on here put it very eloquently (if I can find what they wrote, I'll share the link here), but the character must be one of action. Without action, there is no progress, and without progress, you don't have a story. By action, I don't mean fighting or something. I mean they act on their desires, and these desires are determined by the writer. In my opinion, it's a give and take situation, where a writer will determine their desires, but ultimately it is the feel and life of the character that give themselves their own desires. Of course, this is limited by the imagination of the writer, so if the writer does not understand the desire, the character will not either.
This comes back to the topic of discussion: what is love? In my experience, people tend to think of love as what one feels between themselves and another person they are intimate with on a sexual level. It is far more complicated than that. For myself, love is a state of being. It is not merely an action, or a word, or a thought, but how one formulates their desires; this is not just for the characters, but also the writer, because we are beings capable of experiencing love. Love can take an infinite number of forms, such as what one feels for their parents, siblings, and friends, but love is not limited to an interaction between people. HK-47 gave a metaphor for love to the Exile, describing love as a shot from a rifle and hitting your target despite the impossible odds set against you. Despite HK-47 being, well, a droid, this is a very valid interpretation. Because love can be in many states of being, writers will ultimately have many different versions of what love is, as we are already aware of. What determines whether our characters fall in love or not depend entirely on our own experience. From my own, if we as writers want it to work well, it must happen of its own accord, leading back to my discussion concerning desires and actions. We will act on our desires, and react to our environment as people act around us. While I do agree that ultimately it is the writer's decision, at the same time it is not. It is the character's decision. A dynamic character will make decisions we personally don't agree with, not because we are against them, but because we understand them. A dynamic character has a life of its own, and when truly written well, the writer is not making their decisions; they are merely setting up their environment, and wait to see what the character will do in response to it.
So what is love? It's whatever your character makes it to be.
With this in mind, a writer does well when they understand the character they are creating. Their strengths, weaknesses, but most importantly: their desires and how they will react to their environment. Another writer on here put it very eloquently (if I can find what they wrote, I'll share the link here), but the character must be one of action. Without action, there is no progress, and without progress, you don't have a story. By action, I don't mean fighting or something. I mean they act on their desires, and these desires are determined by the writer. In my opinion, it's a give and take situation, where a writer will determine their desires, but ultimately it is the feel and life of the character that give themselves their own desires. Of course, this is limited by the imagination of the writer, so if the writer does not understand the desire, the character will not either.
This comes back to the topic of discussion: what is love? In my experience, people tend to think of love as what one feels between themselves and another person they are intimate with on a sexual level. It is far more complicated than that. For myself, love is a state of being. It is not merely an action, or a word, or a thought, but how one formulates their desires; this is not just for the characters, but also the writer, because we are beings capable of experiencing love. Love can take an infinite number of forms, such as what one feels for their parents, siblings, and friends, but love is not limited to an interaction between people. HK-47 gave a metaphor for love to the Exile, describing love as a shot from a rifle and hitting your target despite the impossible odds set against you. Despite HK-47 being, well, a droid, this is a very valid interpretation. Because love can be in many states of being, writers will ultimately have many different versions of what love is, as we are already aware of. What determines whether our characters fall in love or not depend entirely on our own experience. From my own, if we as writers want it to work well, it must happen of its own accord, leading back to my discussion concerning desires and actions. We will act on our desires, and react to our environment as people act around us. While I do agree that ultimately it is the writer's decision, at the same time it is not. It is the character's decision. A dynamic character will make decisions we personally don't agree with, not because we are against them, but because we understand them. A dynamic character has a life of its own, and when truly written well, the writer is not making their decisions; they are merely setting up their environment, and wait to see what the character will do in response to it.
So what is love? It's whatever your character makes it to be.
Quietus
Hunting Again
[member="Vereaux"]
Thank goodness someone is getting something out of my blog post.
Thank goodness someone is getting something out of my blog post.
Vereaux
Mr. Dizzy Man
[member="Lorelei Darke"] - It was a good read ^-^
Quietus
Hunting Again
[member="Vereaux"]
http://starwarsrp.net/blog/118/entry-276-5-tips-for-characterization/
There's your link.
http://starwarsrp.net/blog/118/entry-276-5-tips-for-characterization/
There's your link.
Valiens Nantaris
Head Admin
But is it the [member="Danger Arceneau"] zone? Plenty of men have been there.
Most have been disappointed.
Most have been disappointed.
Sarge Potteiger
Emotional Damage
ouch
Fabula Caromed
Belle of the Brawl
*grumbles something about not understanding monogamy*Cira said:
Sic transit gloria mundi
[member="Fabula Cavataio"]
Welcome to the club! Sio doesn't get it either.
Welcome to the club! Sio doesn't get it either.
Eternal Father
What is love?
Baby, don't hurt me.
Don't hurt me.
No mo.
Baby, don't hurt me.
Don't hurt me.
No mo.
Love IC wise, in my character's opinion, and my own is a feeling both people have for one another. This feeling is one where both are happy around one another, enjoy ones company. Not only this, but it is where both want to never hurt one another, no matter what. Something else to take in consideration is, love is where one wants to see the other succeed, no matter the cost. The last thing, is that love has a desire element to it, for instance I believe if one truly loves another that partner is good enough for this. If not, you really do not care about them, it is just lust, you want to screw around with others, but your "sticking" with this other someone, just for emergency booty call. So monogamy is a big thing, because loyalty is a big part of love, you want to see that someone happy. How is this the truth if one sends the message that they need others to compltley be happy? This is just lust, which many confuse with love, love is saying you just want this special someone to be cherished, because they are that good . That is how monogamy works, and how it would be for me, when it comes to real love. Otherwise, you have to many conflicts with who to stick with, and you cant truly stick by that "one" you love, meaning there is no complete loyalty, or commitment in the relationship. Which again, the love then disappears, because of this action.
[member="Fabula Cavataio"]
[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]
[member="Fabula Cavataio"]
[member="Siobhan Kerrigan"]
Fabula Caromed
Belle of the Brawl
Exclusivity makes no sense. I get the instinctual and primitive imperative to mate with a single partner to ensure the survival of the species, but we're well beyond that point now. Love isn't exclusive, and lust certainly isn't exclusive. Denying either makes you an unhappy individual, and leads to the decay of whatever relationships you've relegated yourself towards.
I frequently struggle with my characters when I do a character romance involves coming to grips with the idea of monogamy. Codi, Raz, and even Fabula to an extent do not function in a monogamous environment. Their brains aren't wired for it. They can't understand the idea of one person, and only one person, being special to them. Codi in particular had plenty of drama with it, as she constantly had to curb her reflexes in order to do what she thought Aleidis wanted.
Basically, equating monogamy to love confuses me, and claiming that it's the only way to feel love irritates me.
I frequently struggle with my characters when I do a character romance involves coming to grips with the idea of monogamy. Codi, Raz, and even Fabula to an extent do not function in a monogamous environment. Their brains aren't wired for it. They can't understand the idea of one person, and only one person, being special to them. Codi in particular had plenty of drama with it, as she constantly had to curb her reflexes in order to do what she thought Aleidis wanted.
Basically, equating monogamy to love confuses me, and claiming that it's the only way to feel love irritates me.
When you'd burn the galaxy just to see her smile.
Vereaux
Mr. Dizzy Man
[member="Fabula Cavataio"] - I agree that love does not equal monogamy. For example, polymory exists in a wide range of cultures, and has been around with great success. The idea of monogamy, from a cultural standpoint, is a very, very new idea of the past few centuries. Monogamy was at one point highly discouraged because it hinders the instinctual nature of survival of the species. It is not exclusive to the idea of a "single" partner. Human beings, by nature for the past two million years, are polygamous. Our culture, at least in the US from living here, has overly stressed this idea that you can only be happy with one partner. Because of this, most people only want a monogamous relationship. Love and lust are not exclusive because they are ideas that can take many forms and have existed in thought since we could imagine it. Does this mean monogamy is wrong? No, it just means that monogamy is not for everyone, and from a historical standpoint, it is not the only point of view. Relationships take many forms, and love does as well.
Fabula Caromed
Belle of the Brawl
We are, of course, distracting from the initial topic of the thread.
Fabula and her partner have a romance that was conducted almost entirely off-site, due to being quite sexual. They pretty much dove in head-first, because Fabula is a clingy and emotionally unstable girl who requires someone important to her to validate her existence in her own mind. It had little to do with chemistry (they figured out they had that later) and more to do with need. It's a complicated relationship; she's with someone she's attracted to, but she's not entirely sure how deep or mutual that attraction runs.
It was very...sudden for her.
I can contrast that with Razelle Breuner, whose relationship with [member="Domino"] was very slow starting. They were both too scared of each other to actually notice that either had any feelings at all, let alone feelings for the other. They had to force each other out of their shells slowly, arduously, and with surprising success. They were something of a dream couple when everything was going their way. However, because of that, they never really experienced any relationship strife and didn't know how to deal with it.
So now Raz is going crazy cat lady and Dom is inflicting her bitchy issues on a good third of the galaxy.
And then contrasted again with Codi Zrgaat, who grew to love [member="Aleidis Ijet"] first as a friend, then as a partner, then as a girlfriend. She resisted it a ton because she was worried about how the Jedi Code would affect them, and the both of them dropped out of the Jedi anyway. They've had their own issues, but Codi's always known her place and performed accordingly. She keeps Aleidis from going cray-cray. In return, she gets the most adorable little sack of sparkles in the galaxy.
Then we stopped writing them for like months, and now Aleidis is #SoDarkAndEdgy, and Codi's like "Hey. That's my gig."
Cira said:
Fabula and her partner have a romance that was conducted almost entirely off-site, due to being quite sexual. They pretty much dove in head-first, because Fabula is a clingy and emotionally unstable girl who requires someone important to her to validate her existence in her own mind. It had little to do with chemistry (they figured out they had that later) and more to do with need. It's a complicated relationship; she's with someone she's attracted to, but she's not entirely sure how deep or mutual that attraction runs.
It was very...sudden for her.
I can contrast that with Razelle Breuner, whose relationship with [member="Domino"] was very slow starting. They were both too scared of each other to actually notice that either had any feelings at all, let alone feelings for the other. They had to force each other out of their shells slowly, arduously, and with surprising success. They were something of a dream couple when everything was going their way. However, because of that, they never really experienced any relationship strife and didn't know how to deal with it.
So now Raz is going crazy cat lady and Dom is inflicting her bitchy issues on a good third of the galaxy.
And then contrasted again with Codi Zrgaat, who grew to love [member="Aleidis Ijet"] first as a friend, then as a partner, then as a girlfriend. She resisted it a ton because she was worried about how the Jedi Code would affect them, and the both of them dropped out of the Jedi anyway. They've had their own issues, but Codi's always known her place and performed accordingly. She keeps Aleidis from going cray-cray. In return, she gets the most adorable little sack of sparkles in the galaxy.
Then we stopped writing them for like months, and now Aleidis is #SoDarkAndEdgy, and Codi's like "Hey. That's my gig."
Vereaux
Mr. Dizzy Man
I don't think we're going off topic, but that's just me
To answer the question more directly, about how we know our characters are in love, I really don't know. I don't know what Sorin and Dumah consider love to be. Dumah, I wonder how he would view love. He would probably be indifferent to the idea, but I see the potential of him becoming open if someone pursues him. Sorin, on the other hand, will probably be the more interesting one, developing a very complex idea of it as he becomes a Sith and finds redemption among the Jedi. Whoever he finds will have their hands full with him >.>
To answer the question more directly, about how we know our characters are in love, I really don't know. I don't know what Sorin and Dumah consider love to be. Dumah, I wonder how he would view love. He would probably be indifferent to the idea, but I see the potential of him becoming open if someone pursues him. Sorin, on the other hand, will probably be the more interesting one, developing a very complex idea of it as he becomes a Sith and finds redemption among the Jedi. Whoever he finds will have their hands full with him >.>
shrek is love...
<_<
>_>
im done.
<_<
>_>
im done.
Balaya Praelior Zambrano
Balaya Zambrano, Emperor's Bust
Well from perspective I can say that Balaya loves [member="Darth Vornskr"] but she would never act on it, she is too weak and afriad so she turned that into training. She used all that frustration to make Kaine the Unseelie, to learn alchemy and teach whoever he asked while staying loyal, then she met [member="Darth Tyrana"] and through several threads let her frustrations out on the apprentice until a sort of Stockholm syndrome developed. Tyrana seemed to love Balaya even though Balaya did everything Kaine did to her but worse. Send the girl to Dxun for two months and then teach her for a week before sending her off to Vendaxia, the only contact she had was her master until the empires collapse.
Domino
Warden of the Ice
Okay, you actually managed to make me laugh, congrats. [member="Fabula Cavataio"]Fabula Cavataio said:
Asemir
Null Prime
Excerpt of Asemir's memoirs. He learns one definition of love from a grizzled veteran. Emphasis mine. Oh, and bonus points if you can identify from what RL source that definition is taken:
SEVENTEEN
At over three kilometers in length, the Conqueror-class Command Ship is the pinnacle of Xedael warship engineering. Intended to replace the older and larger Ascension-class, the Conqueror was designed to pack enough firepower and armor in order to participate in the heaviest of frontline combat, and still maintain its role of a center for command, control, and communications.
The warship is powered by the new XD4 Singularity Reactor, a reactor that harnesses the tremendous energies generated by miniaturized black holes. Numerous batteries of capital-grade lasers and particle cannons allow the ship to reach out to targets hundreds of thousands of kilometers away, while gargantuan naval missile launchers provide the Conqueror with a devastating short-range punch.
All of these weapons and technology are packed into a hull that was designed from the ground up to be aesthetically pleasing. The massive ship is reminiscent of ocean-going vessels of ages past, its sleek bow cutting through the depths of space. There is even an observational superstructure that resembles the elevated bridges of those ancient ships, though the Conqueror's true bridge and combat information center are housed within its armored bowels.
Because of these qualities, Conqueror-class warships are highly sought after, but their costs preclude their mass production. Only the most important and prestigious of sector fleets are assigned these vessels. Indeed, serving aboard a Conqueror is usually considered the highlight of one's naval career.
The Purifier was the most recent Conqueror to enter service, but none of her advanced systems or superior technology caught my eye. It was that subtle smell of freshly machined metal, that barely perceptible thrum of a newly installed reactor that made the Purifier so special. I cannot remember ever having been stationed aboard a new vessel.
The Purifier was home to another feature rare among other Xedael military vessels, and that was its first-class dining establishment. Whereas other ships were equipped with the standard-issue cafeteria staffed with enlisted personnel, the commander of the Purifier had personally hired a dedicated kitchen staff. These men and women were specially trained for their roles and were led by some very talented chefs. The food preparation machines, supplies, and stores were all of top grade. It was rumored that the Purifier's primary cafeteria rivaled the quality of some of the best restaurants on Ingr. As such, the mess hall was always packed with off-duty soldiers and crewmen enjoying the exquisite cuisine.
I stepped into the cavernous room that held the eatery, and entered the receiving line. There is something to be said about military efficiency. Despite the number of people present, the line moved quickly, and the noise was not unbearable. However, finding an empty seat was difficult, and after a quick scan, I saw there were no unoccupied tables.
Sighing, I chose the least occupied table. The man sitting at it wore the navy blue uniform of a Marine and his impressive physique marked him a battle armor trooper. Most of the battle armor soldiers I've met have been quite muscular in order to fully utilize their combat equipment. This man was no exception.
"Mind if I sit here?" I asked as I approached.
He looked up and shrugged. "Sure, go ahead."
Hesitating for a moment, I set my tray down and decided to introduce myself. "I'm Axunari," I said, hand outstretched in greeting.
He glanced at my hand before shaking it heartily. "Naemos, Third Marines."
"Fourth Guard," I replied. It was a lie. Null Regiment Prime did not officially exist, and we were not officially stationed aboard the Purifier. As such, we all took up fake assignments, fake names, and fake lives. With our sar'kera and careful manipulation of records, it was decidedly easy.
"Fourth Guard, eh?" Naemos nodded appreciatively. "You lads are pretty damned tough. Armored cavalry and all." He peered closely at me, and for a nanosecond I was worried I'd have to apply a brush of will to his mind to solidify the subterfuge. Fortunately, his concern was on other matters. "You know, you don't look like a mech jock to me, pardon my saying."
I waved away his concern with a smile as I stabbed at my roast beef with a fork. "I'm actually a scout. Relay coordinates and act as a spotter for the battle suits. You know how it is."
"That I do," Naemos replied. "Without guys like you to get in close, we all just go in blind. I've been in a few snafus where we had no intel. They're never end pretty."
"They never do," I said in agreement. I pointed at his barely-touched pile of potatoes and beef. "Not hungry?"
The Marine grunted. "Eh, I'm fine."
I noticed the holograph he held in one hand. "Your family?" I ventured.
He set the holograph on the table and slid it over. "Yeah, it is. Wife and kids." There was hint of regret in his voice. "The little one was born just a week before I deployed again."
I picked up the image and peered at it. A pretty Ingr'Nysk looked back at me, a grin on her face as she held an infant against her chest. A boy, probably no more than three or four years stood beside her, his hand clutching his mother's arm. Naemos' eldest child, his daughter, flanked the other side of his wife. Scrawled across the image, in different sets of handwriting, were their names. Jeska, Korban, and Ryiah.
"Their beautiful," I said as I handed back the holograph.
"Aye," Naemos replied with a sigh. His heartache drifted off his person in steady waves and colored his life aura a deep violet. "They're what keep me going, even through all the poodoo we go through. When the shells start falling and everything goes to hell, I always think of them."
I nodded. "Wife and kids are special. They definitely give you meaning and purpose. They give you hope as well."
"That they do." He looked at me, his yellow eyes catching mine. "You got any kids?"
"No, I don't," I said with a shake of my head. I kept the smile from blooming on my face. The concept of having kids, of raising a family felt so absurd given how I was raised. I'd have no idea where to even begin. It was a scary thought, to be honest, the unknown.
Plus, there was always the concern of what combining our genes would result in. She and I are both Forgotten, genetic aberrations. I'm not a biologist, but I'd fairly certain our offspring would have a much higher chance of manifesting as Forgotten. I never knew my parents, and I just don't know if I could stand not knowing my children. And the idea of subjecting them to the horrors of our upbringing, the terrors of the Temple, that made my heart ache.
Of course, this was all hypothetical conjecture. She and I hadn't even begun to talk about our future, let alone starting a family. And given the nature of our occupations, I wasn't even entirely sure we'd be alive tomorrow or the next day. We could perish in the next mission.
"It's not something I've thought about," I said. "Guess I'm just not there yet."
"Well, you're still young," Naemos chuckled. "You've got quite a few years left. Do you have a woman?"
I considered if I should just lie and make an easy denial, but after a moment's thought, I decided on the truth. "I'm not sure," I answered, "I mean, we're together, but it's a rocky relationship." I left out the part where we nearly killed each other. Instead, I said, "We've had some fights, but we're working through it."
"Aye, I understand," he said, nodding his head sympathetically. "Soldier's life can be tough on the relationships, but keep at it. Send her messages every day, show her that you think about and care for her. Reassure her that you'll be coming home and you won't get yourself killed."
"I'll keep that in mind." I paused, then ventured ahead. "Naemos, are you able to tell me what 'love' is?"
"It's hard to explain, but I'll try," the older man replied. "Love is not that heart-warming sensation you feel when you meet the right person. It's not the fluttering in your belly or chest. Love is the attachment from deeply appreciating another's goodness. Love is placing the other's wants and desires before your own. Love is forgiving, it's accepting, it's patient, it's an understanding. But most of all, love is made. It is an active thing that you pursue. If you love her, you'll work towards it. You'll make an effort to develop that. You'll fight for it. It's more than just a feeling, an emotion."
"I see," I said, not really seeing.
He shrugged. "Like I said, it's hard to explain, but that's the gist of it. You'll have problems, you'll have difficulties, but part of truly loving someone is learning how to work through your problems, together. There's no 'I' in 'relationship'." Naemos paused. "Well, there is, but you get the point."
"Yeah, I do." We were silent for a few minutes, I working at my food, he reminiscing over the holograph. Our conversation, while brief, had given me a lot to consider. Having kids was too far in the future to be relevant, but Naemos' words on love were certainly quite applicable. It would take some meditating and reflection to fully discover their import.
Naemos glanced at his chronometer, and with a sigh, stood. "Well, I've got to get back to my station."
"Nice meeting you, Naemos." I stood as well and shook his hand.
"You as well," he said as he turned to go. "Good luck with everything, Axunari. Remember, love is a journey, not a destination."
"Thanks, Naemos, I appreciate it." I watched him leave, and it struck me that in the holovids, Naemos would certainly perish and never see his family again. He would die on his last mission or sacrifice his life for the good of his squad.
I sincerely hoped that wasn't the case.
At over three kilometers in length, the Conqueror-class Command Ship is the pinnacle of Xedael warship engineering. Intended to replace the older and larger Ascension-class, the Conqueror was designed to pack enough firepower and armor in order to participate in the heaviest of frontline combat, and still maintain its role of a center for command, control, and communications.
The warship is powered by the new XD4 Singularity Reactor, a reactor that harnesses the tremendous energies generated by miniaturized black holes. Numerous batteries of capital-grade lasers and particle cannons allow the ship to reach out to targets hundreds of thousands of kilometers away, while gargantuan naval missile launchers provide the Conqueror with a devastating short-range punch.
All of these weapons and technology are packed into a hull that was designed from the ground up to be aesthetically pleasing. The massive ship is reminiscent of ocean-going vessels of ages past, its sleek bow cutting through the depths of space. There is even an observational superstructure that resembles the elevated bridges of those ancient ships, though the Conqueror's true bridge and combat information center are housed within its armored bowels.
Because of these qualities, Conqueror-class warships are highly sought after, but their costs preclude their mass production. Only the most important and prestigious of sector fleets are assigned these vessels. Indeed, serving aboard a Conqueror is usually considered the highlight of one's naval career.
The Purifier was the most recent Conqueror to enter service, but none of her advanced systems or superior technology caught my eye. It was that subtle smell of freshly machined metal, that barely perceptible thrum of a newly installed reactor that made the Purifier so special. I cannot remember ever having been stationed aboard a new vessel.
The Purifier was home to another feature rare among other Xedael military vessels, and that was its first-class dining establishment. Whereas other ships were equipped with the standard-issue cafeteria staffed with enlisted personnel, the commander of the Purifier had personally hired a dedicated kitchen staff. These men and women were specially trained for their roles and were led by some very talented chefs. The food preparation machines, supplies, and stores were all of top grade. It was rumored that the Purifier's primary cafeteria rivaled the quality of some of the best restaurants on Ingr. As such, the mess hall was always packed with off-duty soldiers and crewmen enjoying the exquisite cuisine.
I stepped into the cavernous room that held the eatery, and entered the receiving line. There is something to be said about military efficiency. Despite the number of people present, the line moved quickly, and the noise was not unbearable. However, finding an empty seat was difficult, and after a quick scan, I saw there were no unoccupied tables.
Sighing, I chose the least occupied table. The man sitting at it wore the navy blue uniform of a Marine and his impressive physique marked him a battle armor trooper. Most of the battle armor soldiers I've met have been quite muscular in order to fully utilize their combat equipment. This man was no exception.
"Mind if I sit here?" I asked as I approached.
He looked up and shrugged. "Sure, go ahead."
Hesitating for a moment, I set my tray down and decided to introduce myself. "I'm Axunari," I said, hand outstretched in greeting.
He glanced at my hand before shaking it heartily. "Naemos, Third Marines."
"Fourth Guard," I replied. It was a lie. Null Regiment Prime did not officially exist, and we were not officially stationed aboard the Purifier. As such, we all took up fake assignments, fake names, and fake lives. With our sar'kera and careful manipulation of records, it was decidedly easy.
"Fourth Guard, eh?" Naemos nodded appreciatively. "You lads are pretty damned tough. Armored cavalry and all." He peered closely at me, and for a nanosecond I was worried I'd have to apply a brush of will to his mind to solidify the subterfuge. Fortunately, his concern was on other matters. "You know, you don't look like a mech jock to me, pardon my saying."
I waved away his concern with a smile as I stabbed at my roast beef with a fork. "I'm actually a scout. Relay coordinates and act as a spotter for the battle suits. You know how it is."
"That I do," Naemos replied. "Without guys like you to get in close, we all just go in blind. I've been in a few snafus where we had no intel. They're never end pretty."
"They never do," I said in agreement. I pointed at his barely-touched pile of potatoes and beef. "Not hungry?"
The Marine grunted. "Eh, I'm fine."
I noticed the holograph he held in one hand. "Your family?" I ventured.
He set the holograph on the table and slid it over. "Yeah, it is. Wife and kids." There was hint of regret in his voice. "The little one was born just a week before I deployed again."
I picked up the image and peered at it. A pretty Ingr'Nysk looked back at me, a grin on her face as she held an infant against her chest. A boy, probably no more than three or four years stood beside her, his hand clutching his mother's arm. Naemos' eldest child, his daughter, flanked the other side of his wife. Scrawled across the image, in different sets of handwriting, were their names. Jeska, Korban, and Ryiah.
"Their beautiful," I said as I handed back the holograph.
"Aye," Naemos replied with a sigh. His heartache drifted off his person in steady waves and colored his life aura a deep violet. "They're what keep me going, even through all the poodoo we go through. When the shells start falling and everything goes to hell, I always think of them."
I nodded. "Wife and kids are special. They definitely give you meaning and purpose. They give you hope as well."
"That they do." He looked at me, his yellow eyes catching mine. "You got any kids?"
"No, I don't," I said with a shake of my head. I kept the smile from blooming on my face. The concept of having kids, of raising a family felt so absurd given how I was raised. I'd have no idea where to even begin. It was a scary thought, to be honest, the unknown.
Plus, there was always the concern of what combining our genes would result in. She and I are both Forgotten, genetic aberrations. I'm not a biologist, but I'd fairly certain our offspring would have a much higher chance of manifesting as Forgotten. I never knew my parents, and I just don't know if I could stand not knowing my children. And the idea of subjecting them to the horrors of our upbringing, the terrors of the Temple, that made my heart ache.
Of course, this was all hypothetical conjecture. She and I hadn't even begun to talk about our future, let alone starting a family. And given the nature of our occupations, I wasn't even entirely sure we'd be alive tomorrow or the next day. We could perish in the next mission.
"It's not something I've thought about," I said. "Guess I'm just not there yet."
"Well, you're still young," Naemos chuckled. "You've got quite a few years left. Do you have a woman?"
I considered if I should just lie and make an easy denial, but after a moment's thought, I decided on the truth. "I'm not sure," I answered, "I mean, we're together, but it's a rocky relationship." I left out the part where we nearly killed each other. Instead, I said, "We've had some fights, but we're working through it."
"Aye, I understand," he said, nodding his head sympathetically. "Soldier's life can be tough on the relationships, but keep at it. Send her messages every day, show her that you think about and care for her. Reassure her that you'll be coming home and you won't get yourself killed."
"I'll keep that in mind." I paused, then ventured ahead. "Naemos, are you able to tell me what 'love' is?"
"It's hard to explain, but I'll try," the older man replied. "Love is not that heart-warming sensation you feel when you meet the right person. It's not the fluttering in your belly or chest. Love is the attachment from deeply appreciating another's goodness. Love is placing the other's wants and desires before your own. Love is forgiving, it's accepting, it's patient, it's an understanding. But most of all, love is made. It is an active thing that you pursue. If you love her, you'll work towards it. You'll make an effort to develop that. You'll fight for it. It's more than just a feeling, an emotion."
"I see," I said, not really seeing.
He shrugged. "Like I said, it's hard to explain, but that's the gist of it. You'll have problems, you'll have difficulties, but part of truly loving someone is learning how to work through your problems, together. There's no 'I' in 'relationship'." Naemos paused. "Well, there is, but you get the point."
"Yeah, I do." We were silent for a few minutes, I working at my food, he reminiscing over the holograph. Our conversation, while brief, had given me a lot to consider. Having kids was too far in the future to be relevant, but Naemos' words on love were certainly quite applicable. It would take some meditating and reflection to fully discover their import.
Naemos glanced at his chronometer, and with a sigh, stood. "Well, I've got to get back to my station."
"Nice meeting you, Naemos." I stood as well and shook his hand.
"You as well," he said as he turned to go. "Good luck with everything, Axunari. Remember, love is a journey, not a destination."
"Thanks, Naemos, I appreciate it." I watched him leave, and it struck me that in the holovids, Naemos would certainly perish and never see his family again. He would die on his last mission or sacrifice his life for the good of his squad.
I sincerely hoped that wasn't the case.