When There Are No Words To Say

[Flint Michigan]

Flint pressed a few buttons and the door to the Head of Engineering's personal quarters opened with a futuristic woosh. [member="Kitt Solo"], were she present and not out and about somewhere else, would find that if Flint Michigan ever had any roguish good looks he didn't have them right now. It had been a couple of days since Flint had seized the Grave Wind as his own, time they'd spent going through all of the systems and logs and making sure there weren't any trackers, disabling all of the droids, examining the ship's capabilities, and getting them all to respond properly and safely. Somewhere in all the work Flint and Kitt just hadn't had the time to just sit and spend some time together, too much work to be done. Hell, Flint hadn't slept since before the raid, and his body was keen on keeping him well aware of that. So keen in fact that he managed to do something between a sit and a collapse as he found a chair to sit on.

"Hey there Kitt." His voice was soft in a way that was a mix between attempting to be tender and not having the strength to speak louder anyways. "I- I mean, it's been a lot of work, and I'm sorry, and I miss you, and . . ." He looked up at her, concern evident even through the haggard hair, bagged eyes, and ever increasing scruffle that had long since past a five o'clock shadow.

"How are you? How can I help?"

 

[Kitt Solo]

[member="Flint Michigan"]

Dark circles matched the bags beneath Flint's eyes as she turned to look at him. She was standing by a desk cluttered with various ship parts, some cleaned and polished, some half-cleaned, and some dirty and broken as feth. Also on the desk were barely touched meals. Her appetite was all but gone. She wasn't sleeping either but it was for a different reason. The extra work on the destroyer was just a convenient avenue to distract her from dealing with...things.

She knew she was living in a daze, a nightmare she was waiting to wake-up from. The genuine emotions of concern drifting off Flint in addition to his own weariness broke through the numbed-bubble surrounding the empath. She clutched the datapad a little tighter in her hands.

"I'm surviving," the answer was more tight-lipped than she meant it to be. "I don't know if you can help. I think...I just need time. And," her muscles screamed in protest as she held back from going to him - embracing him. She was too scared she would break-down in his arms again and that was the last thing he needed. "I've been meaning to ask but I'd like to go to the...the site. I have to go there Flint. I need to see it. Eventually. I mean, I wouldn't leave you with all the work here."

Fingers were trembling against the datapad.

 

[Flint Michigan]

[member="Kitt Solo"]

Flint could see how another man might have said that Kitt looked like crap right now. Her hair was frazzled, her eyes enveloped in dark circles, her clothes riddled with stains of grease that could have found their way there today or three days ago for all Flint knew. But for Flint she was the prettiest thing he'd seen in the last three days, by a lightyear. Which was saying something considering how he'd gotten almost giddy the first time he toured around the ship and knew that it was his.

But the sight of her? It could only really be described as bittersweet. He missed her terribly, but at the same time it didn't take her speaking or Force-born talents for him to see that she was still in pain. As she spoke, no, trembled, his concern for her only grew in his mind and the expression forming on his face. He wanted to storm across the room, wrap his arms around her, lift her off the ground and tell her that everything would be okay. But it wouldn't be, and he found this chair far more comfortable than he should have. Quite simply his body didn't want to move, even though it should have.

"Then we'll go." Flint said, authority trying to bleed into his voice but not quite making it all the through. "First thing tomorrow." Flint said as he attempted to push himself off of the chair, with a grace that could be compared to a gungan youngling. He took a moment to look at his chrono and realized that 'tomorrow' was in twenty minutes.

"Well, maybe not first thing tomorrow but we'll go. I can get us there." He said, putting as much confidence in his tone as his body could muster. Truth be told he still didn't understand half the advanced systems in this ship, but he could plot a hyperspace jump. Pilot the sublight. He was nowhere near 'combat ready', especially with the skeleton of skeleton crews that he had of the Undergrounders that came with him, but he could fire a gun if he needed too.

"That is, if you're ready to go. I don't want to push you if you're not ready yet."

 

[Kitt Solo]

[member="Flint Michigan"]

"I am ready to go but I'm not sure if you are. If this ship is ready." She frowned, seeing how exhausted he really was. In one second, the datapad left her hands and was lost in the other clutter on her desk. In two seconds, she was by Flint's side. One arm wrapped around the small of his back as she gently steered him toward the edge of the bed. She would sink down next to him, wondering if she'd be able to get back up again.

"When was the last time you slept? Have you looked at yourself in a mirror lately?" A palm rose and she pressed it against the side of his grizzled-face. The joke had an edge to it. She wasn't naive about her own appearance. She looked around her quarters as if looking beyond them. "And I don't want to be the reason you lose all this. What if we run into trouble where Core," voice hitched in her throat and she couldn't finish the name. It was still too new. Too raw. Saying the name would truly acknowledge everything she felt. Everything she lost. "What if we're not prepared when we get there?"

 

[Flint Michigan]

[member="Kitt Solo"]

In a moment she spoke and frowned. Another and her datapad was cast away in the lost seas of her desk clutter. Another and her arm had slid across his back, warding him over towards the edge of the Head of Engineering's mattress. He didn't protest the movement, not having the desire or strength to. He landed on the bed gently, without a creak or a shake, soon joined by the mechanic at his side. He spoke of his lack of sleep, their lack of sleep, their ship, until her voice let out a small crack as she couldn't bear to say the full name of her home planet.

Flint sloppily wrapped another arm the Corellian and pulled her tightly and closer to him. "You're the reason I got all this Kitt. The reason we didn't get fired on as we boarded the ship. The reason the Nexu stayed together. The reason I thought a stupid plan to get a Star Destroyer had a half-shot of working. Don't you worry about if we run into trouble. You kept my last ship flying ever since I pulled you into the crew. I can keep this one flying for you for one day, one week, however long you need to be there."

 

[Kitt Solo]

[member="Flint Michigan"]

She looked up at Flint, pulled in close. Tired-gaze met tired-gaze. Her fingertips drifted from his cheek, to his neck, and finally rested on his shoulder. Fingertips played with the fabric of his shirt, there. She thought silently about what he said, searching his face for any hesitation, searching his feelings through the force.

"Okay," she spoke quietly and leaned in closer, letting her lips brush against his. "We can leave later tomorrow. But you need sleep. I'll stay on call until we get closer."

His arm, the steady breath from his chest, the brush of his knee against hers - it all reminded her to stay grounded. He was her safety line. Admitting the feelings she had for Flint and accepting them sent a mixture of chills and thrills through the hurting mechanic.

 

[Flint Michigan]

[member="Kitt Solo"]

The mechanic played with the edges of his shirt, fumbling around the top of his sleeve before she whispered, her mouth drifting across his as she spoke. The soft brush proved too great a temptation for Flint to ignore, even in his tired state. Flint's eye's closed, his head angled, his left arm pulled her in closer, and his right hand traveled up to scour through her hari, holding her head as his lips met hers for a passionate kiss. There was silence as the two held together, Flint blissfully unaware of the current innerworkings of his ship, his focus consumed by the presence of the woman in front of him. The tenderness of the moment was like a drug, one Flint hoped would last forever, but in the back of his mind he knew it couldn't. He eventually pulled away, just enough to stop their actions, Flint still able to feel the light rhythm of her breath across his face. His right hand began to stroke at her hair, despite possible grease or tangles that might have found it's way there in the past few days.

"We need sleep Kitt." Flint replied, and began to slowly pull the mechanic down with him into the bed. "C'mon, just a few hours. Captain's orders."

 

[Kitt Solo]

[member="Flint Michigan"]

Unlike the two of them, the sheets were clean. She leaned back with him, unwilling to un-entangle herself from his grasp. Adjusting her legs, she used her own feet to kick off her shoes.

"Captain's orders?" A chestnut-brow lofted as she managed a faint smile. She eased up into his side, resting her head against his shoulder. One arm wrapped around his chest. "I hope I'm strong enough for this," she spoke quietly as if she hadn't spoken at all, the edge of her nose tickling against the side of his chin.

"What if I fall apart, Flint?"

Even exhausted, lying down, and wrapped up in her lover's arms, she still felt that edge of restlessness and anxiety that came with grief.

 

[Flint Michigan]

[member="Kitt Solo"]

Flint laughed. "Captain's orders." He said softly in reply as she laid her head atop his shoulder. He fought to get rid of his shoes as she took an arm and pulled it around his chest. His hand opposite her head came around to his shoulder, gently drifting up and down her arm, a reminder that he was there for her.

"What if I fall apart?" She asked, and Flint could hear the pain and fear in her voice. Normally it was something to watch with a bit of pain, worry, and sympathy, but for a simple man like Flint and a complicated girl like Kitt? It was a bit more than that. Flint had heard of stories of Jedi who'd undergone tragedy, Sith who'd come to their own from a loss. Flint knew she said to trust her, and he did, but a part of him was afraid that she'd never be the same after this. Would 'The Dark Side' have a pull on her now? He didn't know.

"Then I'll pick up as many pieces as I can. Carry you till I can put you back together. Till you're ready to be put back together."

 

[Kitt Solo]

[member="Flint Michigan"]

It meant a lot coming from Flint. She knew very well how he felt about force users. In his own way, he was trusting her. And it was her turn to trust him. Fingers drifted along his chest without moving her arm.

"Okay," she said quietly. "I trust you, Flint. Now stop talking and go to sleep."

Another smallest of smiles as she nuzzled closer. Eyes remained open, fighting what her body wanted. She was too scared of the dreams that would come. The nightmares. Seeing her parents who were long gone.

 

[Flint Michigan]

[member="Kitt Solo"]

Flint laughed, his chest heaving a bit, but he managed to keep his shoulders level. Keep Kitt level. He leaned over and laid a kiss on her forehead before leaning back and letting his eyes finally close.

"Good night Kitt." He said, and was out maybe ten seconds later, finally giving in to his body's needs.

~~~~~~~

"Man I needed that." Flint said after waking up, about eleven hours later. Flint looked at his chrono and realized that it was almost noon. "Jeez. Looks like I really needed that." He said quietly to himself as he looked over, perhaps finding Kitt there with him.

"Hey there." He'd say, ruffling a hand through her hair if she was still laying with him and standing up to meet her if she was around the room. "Feelin better I hope?" He would ask, knowing that the emotional pain was probably still overwhelming. He was hoping that at least her body wasn't feeling the same way.

 

[Kitt Solo]

[member="Flint Michigan"]

"Hey," she said quietly, as she finished sliding closed the buttons on a fresh shirt. Hair was slightly damp from a trip to the refresher an hour or so ago. She made eye contact with Flint via his reflection behind her in the mirror she was looking at.

"I didn't sleep much but without you I doubted I would've slept at all." Eyes broke away from the mirror as she turned to face him instead of his reflection. Fingers reached up to absently smooth away a wrinkle on his shirt across his chest. "You certainly look better. I set the course for Corellia. If the nav system still works, we should be there in an hour. I imagine we'll have to take a shuttle to get in closer to what's left without taking too much debris damage."

Sinuses burned. She felt like she was going to throw up but she managed to hold her composure.

 

[Flint Michigan]

[member="Kitt Solo"]

Over by the mirror Kitt was clean and collected, though he knew the calm was only skin-deep. She soon turned to face him as she finished readying her shirt, the neckline fading a bit from the water slowly seeping from her now grease-less hair. Her fingertips reached for a crease folded over on his chest, and Flint found that before he realized it his left arm had found it's way around Kitt's waist, his right elbow landing right above it as his forearm traveled upward, his hand curling around her left shoulder.

"I'm glad I could help." He said honestly, but his tone was a resounding somber. It was good for her to get some rest, but Flint had only staved off consciousness for so long. Even if she could escape the pain in her dreams she couldn't once she awoke. A feeling began to creep into Flint's mind, one he was all-too familiar with. That feeling that no matter what he did he couldn't change anything. That he was just another useless onlooker in the galactic smorgasbord of fate. He'd thought in the past that was because he was normal, one without the Force. But if that was the case, why was he consoling Kitt right now and not the other way around? A woman he'd seen just a few days ago tide the minds of a fleet in an instant was just as broken as he was by the Sith long ago. If it didn't take the Force to stem off a tragedy, what did it take?

"An hour hunh?" He repeated as the situation returned to him. "Do you want me to help you prepare?" He asked, not truly knowing if he could or not. Only that he wished he could.

 

[Kitt Solo]

[member="Flint Michigan"]

In the rare moments when she was able to relax in Flint's presence, be held in his arms, she felt stronger and the frailty of her emotional control at the same time. "Yes," she spoke quietly and remained close. "You okay with prepping the shuttle and flying it once we get closer? I don't trust myself...right now."

Hands drifted up to his shoulders and wrapped around his neck. The now endangered Corellian leaned against him in a tight embrace. This time she didn't rush it. She didn't pull quickly away. Just a moment longer and then she could start packing what she would need for their trip. Just a moment longer.

She needed to remind herself of the reasons she still managed to get out of bed. The reasons she didn't walk out of an airlock.

 

[Flint Michigan]

[member="Kitt Solo"]

"I'll take care of it Ki-" Flint began to say, as Kitt slung her arms around his neck. Grease-less hair ticked at the edge of his shirt, the warmth of her cheeks melted through his shirt unto his chest. Flint's arms curled around her back as he clutched her tightly to himself. In an untamed galaxy of millions of possibilities things like planets were supposed to be something one could anchor too. After all, what was supposed to be more stable than a giant hunk of rock? But with Corellia gone Kitt had lost that anchor. Which meant Flint had to be all the more stable for her. He didn't expect to replace a home like that. Erase the memories of friends and family lost. But maybe? If kept her close enough? Held her tight enough? Stayed strong enough? Maybe he could stop her from breaking down. Focus on the friends she had rather than the ones she'd lost.

In times like these Flint didn't speak, didn't say a word. There was no apologizing, no reassurances of making it better, no way to stick a bacta patch on it and make it feel better. Instead he just held her, and let her know that he was there. And would be there. As long as she needed.

 

[Kitt Solo]

[member="Flint Michigan"]

She breathed in the salty smell of his shirt. It was something familiar, comforting. She finally eased away. "Thank you." He knew what it was for. "I'll meet you in the hangarbay." With a last squeeze of his hand, she left the room, grabbing her tool-belt on the way.

About thirty minutes later, she had a bag slung over one shoulder. She walked toward the designated shuttle. She knew they were there, not just for the announcement but by the strange feeling she got through the force. As if she could still hear the cry of a million ghosts. But she still hadn't seen it. Her first glimpse would be out of the shuttle windows, with Flint. The engines were already firing. She knew Flint was already prepping.

She called out to him as she boarded. "How're things looking? Did we get a green-light for take-off?"

 

[Flint Michigan]

[member="Kitt Solo"]

It took a while before Kitt was willing to let go. It was tough thing to lose a family member. Tough to lose one's home. Tough to have all of the good childhood memories and then realize that all of those places? All of those people? Were gone. Flint honestly wasn't sure how Kitt was still handling it. He knew holding her helped, at least he hoped it did, but in the end he just felt inadequate. How could he really help with this? She pulled away for a moment and thanked him, and he put up a smile that only hinted at the grimness of the situation. With a few last words and a tight squeeze of a hand she left, off to prepare.

"Status report?" Flint put into his commlink as he headed to the shuttle, letting himself figure out what was going on in the ship for the first time in maybe half a day.

"Engines are holding steady. Gunners are pretty sure on how to use these energy torpedo rings. Techs are still trying to figure out the advanced systems though. And slicing the droids is proving to be quite the hassle." Suddenly Flint heard something in the back of his mind.

"Try using encryption code four-seven-eight-alpha. If that doesn't work contact me when I get back."

"Get back Captain?"

"I'm going to be piloting a shuttle around the remains of the planet. And once I've left I want you to tell anyone on the crew with Corellian roots they can do the same."

"Yes sir." The man replied as Flint got to his shuttle. He went through all the check-ups and starting procedures, ready to get going when he heard a familiar, though pained voice coming from the loading ramp.

"We're ready." He yelled back. "Just tell me where you want me to go." He said as the ship rose and left it's Star Destroyer home, into the massive debris field that was once Corellia.

 

[Kitt Solo]

[member="Flint Michigan"]

"Feth," a quiet whisper left her strangled-throat as she took a seat next to Flint in the co-pilot's seat, and stared wide-eyes out the viewport into the massive debris field. Where to go? It was almost a cruel question to ask. She knew he didn't mean it that way, though. There was nowhere to go.

"This....this is fine."

She didn't know how long she sat there, staring blankly into the debris field. Her vision blurred. Warm, salty moisture leaked unbidden from her eyes and cascaded down the curves of her cheek. She made no move to wipe the moisture away and she strategically turned her head away from Flint. She felt hollow and angry. Helpless. Adrift. Lost.

But she felt something else. Something she hadn't picked-up on before, something that wafted off Flint. Another presence?

She frowned and without turning her tear-streaked face toward Flint, she croaked out a question. "I don't know who you are or what you want but I know you're there. If you do anything to Flint I'll kill you."

Kill, in a matter of speaking.

 

[Valik]

The ship ceased to move and the spirit of Valik made a grin, one that might have blended in to Flint as well.

"Do you know what felled your sister Kitt?" 'Flint' said, bringing his eyes to meet the myrtle ellipses of Kitt Solo. "It wasn't the crimson blade of a Sith Lord, nor the lightning of the dark side, nor the poison of any alchemy. What killed her was love. Love for her husband. Will you make the same mistake?"

[member="Kitt Solo"]

 

[Kitt Solo]

[member="Valik"]

The endangered Corellian sobered up pretty quickly. Sorrow was eclipsed by a cold, hard glint in her eyes as she imagined seeing a hint of Valik in Flint's face. Hand raised and before she could question it, palm came in for a crushing slap across her lover's face.

Whether or not it connected, a growl of words tumbled from her lips.

"What the FETH do YOU WANT WARREN VALIK?!" Voice lowered to something far more dangerous than yelling. "So help me I will exorcise your force essence and send you to where my sister is for eternity."