Why Must We Fight?

[Jamie Pyne]

Jamie had practiced the art of meditation before. It was something she had a bit of difficulty in maintaining however. Her mind was constantly wandering, her thoughts consuming her focus when she wasn't attending to the conversation or actions of others. Peace and quiet to her meant time to dwell on her inner thoughts, to plan her next moves, to reflect on herself and her decisions. Emptying the mind and focusing on nothing was a scary task for her. She could do it, but it took longer to get into a rhythm than others she was told.

"I've learned it. It's just not something I've mastered. Takes time to really feel any kind of inward connection to the Force when I do."

The girl knelt down, sitting on the back of her legs, her hands on her knees. The durasteel flooring beneath her was cold to the touch, sending a small wave of goosebumps along her legs and arms before quickly disappearing. Letting out a puff of air she shuttered her eyes, hoping that this time might prove more fruitful than the others, though not holding out much hope. Perhaps this would be the small break she was looking for, something she could finally do correctly, or at least with little difficulty.

[member="Aela Talith"]

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

"Meditation is difficult for some." Aela dropped down to sitting with her legs crossed in a single liquid motion.

For some more difficult then others. It was about calming the mind, stilling thoughts and bringing everything else around you to a complete stillness. Aela had difficulties with it as a child, though as she'd grown she mastered the art quite quickly. The young Marshall had always assumed that it was because of her siblings, though in truth it was probably more due to inner turmoil then anything else. Outside forces should never effect oneself after all.

"Tell me." Aela began, her eyes still open. "A happy memory."

She would begin with the way that her mother had taught her.

It wasn't exactly meditation, at least not in the traditional sense, but it would allow Jamie to focus and bring herself into the right state of mind. That was the important part, and if Aela could ease some of the difficulty Jamie had then she would feel successful. "Anything at all."

 

[Jamie Pyne]

"Alright." She said, drawing in a breath as she pondered over what story to tell.

Happy memory...

She had quite a few, more than she could actually remember when put on the spot. She had a relatively good life all things considered, even if her time back on Naboo wasn't what she would have called ideal. Perhaps in other folks' eyes it was more than ideal, but she didn't have all of the freedoms that it appeared to the outside looking in. Her life was pretty well structured for her, without much in the way of choice, but she still had a good life nonetheless.

"When I was a few years younger, about thirteen, my parents had gone on a humanitarian excursion to a planet controlled by Sith. I was never allowed on trips off world, so I was stuck back on Naboo with my classes and studies. I was particularly frustrated that time because they were leaving two weeks before my birthday, and I didn't even know if they would be back in time."

Jamie shrugged, but continued. "While they were gone I spent the time with my older cousins Shayne and Mahavro at their house. I hadn't seen them too much in the last year or so, they were always so busy with their own lives, and the loss of their parents that we just never had the time to see one another. But the whole time I was there they made every day wonderful. They made me breakfast in bed every morning, took me to school when I usually walked so I could spend more time at home with them. They even bought me a big collection of multicolored bangles that had our names on the bands that had cute phrases and sayings on them. They treated me like a sister. And even though my birthday came and my parents were gone, somehow they managed to put together this big surprise birthday party for me. I woke up to hundreds of balloons all throughout the estate, friends and relatives waiting downstairs. It was one of the best birthdays I've ever had."

[member="Aela Talith"]

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

Aela smiled.

“Good.” It was a neat little story, though aela had a difficult time relating. She had always been surrounded by her family and siblings as long as she could remember. In fact, her own stories of happiness were of silence. Oh she loved her family dearly of course, but she liked to be alone. She liked the quiet that she got by herself, the time to think and do as she pleased without being bothered. “Now, focus on that memory.”

Meditation was entirely based around focus. That was the whole point of the exercise, to focus on oneself. Aela had always found it easier to find that focus if it was first driven onto something else. For her it was generally memories of the past, or thoughts of the future. “Think about that moment, how you felt, and drive all your attention to it.”

It was a sort of bait and switch.

“Then.” She said simply. “Push that exact focus to that small, almost unnoticeable connection you hold to the force.”

It was a transition more than anything else, a seamless turn onto a road that headed just off to the left instead of continuing on straight.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

"Mhm." She mumbled. "I'll try."

She fell silent from there, quietly letting that memory encapsulate her focus. It was simple enough to replay that memory over and over again. In moments that time paced through her mind, each day, each special moment. Several times over again she sorted through five years in the past, resting each time with the overjoy that she had during that last party. It was one that she knew would never be forgotten.

Several quiet minutes passed, empty air hanging between the two as they sat in that lower level of the estate. That connection to the Force slowly crept through, at first being nothing more than a tingle on the back of her neck, like a passing breeze. Another breath and Jamie could feel a small wave of calming serenity pass over her. She was familiar with the feeling, even if it was still somewhat of an odd sensation. Her breathing slowed and steadied. Perhaps until now she was simply doing it wrong.

[member="Aela Talith"]

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

Aela quietly watched Jamie, not speaking up or instructing her in any other way. Right now this was about the Padawan, not her. She had never taught anyone in quite this way before, there had been few odds and ends, but this was a bit more...exact. She wondered what her parents would say once they learned she had taken a Padawan.

An odd thought popped into her head. She had never once asked if her parents had padawans, though Aela supposed that they likely had. Especially her mother whom had been a part of the Jedi Order for years and years.

She mused on this as she waited for Jamie to focus.

Eventually the young Jedi Marshall reached out with her own senses, not attempting to slip into a meditative state, but instead assessing her padawans progress. She found Jamie looming within the force, her lips twitching into a small smile.

Perhaps she wasn’t so terrible at this.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

Silence overtook the space within the room. The sounds of the ventilation units pumping fresh oxygen throughout the ship and the slow and steady breathing of the two in the cabin became all that could be heard. A few flickers behind her eyelids told the story of trance she had begun to fall into. Moments followed minutes as she felt the building and budding connection to the Force as it enveloped itself around her being. A soft yet warm glow could be felt along her spine and arms, right to the tips of her fingers, all the way down her legs to her toes. The longer she focused on that feeling the stronger it slowly but surely became. Often times this was when she would release herself from the meditation, feeling this was unnatural.

But perhaps this was what was supposed to be.

Instead, this time she allowed herself to follow the ebb and flow of the the Force, allowing it to guide her spirit along as ripple turned to wave. For an onlooker it might seem that she had fallen asleep, given the lilt every so often in her posture before she again righted herself. Jamie had all but forgotten about the memory she had been focusing on, and now was solely distracted by the feeling of the living Force surrounding her person and caressing her inner and outer body.

So this is what true inner peace is?

[member="Aela Talith"]

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

Aela wondered if the experience of meditation was different for everyone. Her father always told her that for him meditation was a finding of...nothingness. A certain degree of an emotionless void. She had always found that description odd, if only because for her meditation was something more. It was like feeling life...all life around her. It was the only time she could actually sense things, the only time she was capable of perceiving things beyond just what was right in front of her.

Yet her father had said it was different for him.

Perhaps it was so for Jamie as well, perhaps even for her mother. Aela didn't really know. While she had long ago mastered some aspects of the force others still remained a complete mystery to her. Unlike Soliael she had never studied the greater workings of the force, she did not know its history or half the scholars that had looked into it. Yet she was sure enough in her knowledge that she knew she would be able to help Jamie. That was something at the very least, if not very much.

Eventually she closed her own eyes, falling into the same trance as her student.

Time passed, though how much of it she was not really sure, then, eventually she poke. Her tone was soft, calm.

"Now." She began quietly. "Reach out and touch the force, gently seize it."

 

[Jamie Pyne]

Jamie heard the faint echo of Aela's voice pierce her mind as she sat motionless on the floor of the cabin. It sent a jolt through her, making her body twitch unexpectedly as if she were momentarily startled by the break in silence. The intrusion of Aela's voice took several moments to register with Jamie, but was understood shortly thereafter. What exactly Aela meant by touch the Force though she had no idea. How does one touch an entity that has no mass? No solidity? No feeling?

She was completely stumped by the instruction. The blonde could feel what she assumed to be the Force around her, but to reach out and touch something she had no true concept of was a different story.

Awkwardly her hand rose from her left knee, as if expecting to feel something in the air that would otherwise be absent to the touch. There was nothing. Empty space, a small flutter of air pushed away by her hand as it made its' motions before returning to her lap once again. Her nose wiggled, still confused by what was meant. How do I touch the Force? She pondered this question for several minutes longer, before finally speaking out.

"I....I'm not sure how?"

[member="Aela Talith"]

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

She considered for a moment.

"Focus." Aela said quietly. The explanation was difficult to put into words, most people were perfectly capable of just doing it by instinct. It seemed that for Jamie that was more difficult however, an obstacle to overcome. Aela shifted slightly and then opened her eyes to look at her apprentice. "Don't think of it was reaching out and touching something, don't think of it like you're trying to push a heavy weight or bring down a structure of some sort."

She thought for a moment. "Think of a river."

This was an analogy that she had heard from her father once. It was how he had generally put it for the Crusaders. The force was different for everyone of course, how they embraced and seized it, but the idea within ones mind was simple enough with instruction.

"Think of the force as a flowing river, it moves in a natural stream." She went on. "Now imagine being submersed in that stream. Standing within the waters and slowly lowering yourself into the rivers current. Imagine submersing yourself within that stream and flowing with the current."

Aela took a breath. "Don't try to fight the current, don't try to push back against it, just move with it."

 

[Jamie Pyne]

But how do I know I'm even in it? Oh this is so confusing.

Okay.

Jamie did her best to try and follow Aela's instruction, situating herself once again to where she could feel that strange sensation of the Force. Slowly it returned to where she could sense it all around her again, the small hairs on the back of her neck raised, leaving small goosebumps down her neck and arms.

Only after she felt comfortable with the progress she'd made did she attempt to continue with Aela's guidance, feeling that river that the other girl had explained as the Force, and allowing herself to dive into it. It seemed as though for the first time she truly felt what the Force was and could be. It was a sensation unlike any felt before. It was almost frightening how strong and powerful and bright it was. As if a veil had been lifted over her eyes and the truest reality revealed before her.

[member="Aela Talith"]

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

The force was always a bit strange to her even now. Aela had used it since she was a little girl, but there was always something...strange about it. Every living thing was connected to the force, everything. Even the Yuuzhan Vong just sat within a different ‘spectrum’ of the force. Being a Jedi, a person capable of wielding that connection was an interesting lifestyle.

They were capable of great things. Lifting boulders, pulling starships from their path, influencing the thoughts and actions of others. They could do much with little effort. It was easy to see how many fell to the darkside, easier when you thought about just how many were never properly taught to wield their power.

“The force.” She began. “Is as soothing as it is dangerous.”

She always felt calm when she held even a trickle of her power, something about the innate peace that came with holding the force. “In it of itself the Force is not bad, or good, or anything like that, but it is unquestionably a source of power. Power is the danger.”

That was what her father always taught her.

“You always have to remember.” Aela said quietly. “You are not a god. You cannot always know what is best, and you have to acknowledge that your strength in the force has limits. Limits that should be respected.”

 

[Jamie Pyne]

That was an interesting point. "How can you tell if you're near your limits?" That reminded her of the times she'd passed out, as well as felt too weak to move after having called on the Force, whether intentional or by accident. "I've surpassed my own limits several times, usually unintentionally, and every time it has been in very dangerous situations." There was also the mention of power, but it sounded more like Aela was speaking about abusing the power, rather than its' simple existence.

"Are there ways of broadening your limits and increasing your own power? Or is that something like a natural talent and what you have is what you get?"

Jamie didn't quite understand how the dark side worked, and so didn't quite grasp the idea that power could mean several different things, depending on the context it was used in. To her, power simply meant the ability to use the Force, rather than the utilization of that ability. For all she knew, Force Lightning was simply something people could just do, not that it was a trait of the dark side.

[member="Aela Talith"]

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

“Its not an exact science.” Aela said simply, a shrug rolling over her shoulders. The simple truth of the matter was that it was different for everyone. For instance she could quite easily lift the heaviest boulder on her island home while her sister Maleah struggled with lifting anything much bigger than a rock.

On the other side though Maleah could tame Drexl in just a few heartbeats while it took Aela days to do the same. Everyone was different.

“As you learn and do more, you’ll find your limits, your actual limits.” Aela said quietly. “It’s also often more of a...moral question then one of actual power. For instance you could find a situation where a man is beating his wife.”

The example was a harsh one, but one that needed to be pointed out. “You could break his mind, use the force to make him stop, but is that right? Is it right to break a man’s thoughts? Even a terrible one? You have to know the limit of your power, but you also have to limit that power yourself.”

She had no idea if that made sense or not.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

"So it's trial and error?" That didn't inspire much confidence. She would rather not put herself or others in that situation regularly. The times she had already done so were terrifying enough. Eventually luck would run dry and there would be actual consequences if she hadn't the proper control and understanding of her own limitations.

The example given to her was one she would feel morally obligated to intervene in, but how, in the heat of the moment, would she react? It was easy to say when not under pressure what you might logically think to do, but in the very moment? Perhaps things wouldn't be as cut and dry, and every scenario could be different.

"No, maybe not." She started, "But maybe breaking that hand would serve to teach him right from wrong."

Sure, it wasn't the most noble of solutions, but she felt rather particular about that scenario. Some folk wouldn't change without coercing.

[member="Aela Talith"]

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

“In a way.” Aela said with a slight nod of her head. “But luckily, these trials and errors will not be conducted by yourself out in the middle of nowhere. You’ll be with me.”

That should be a small measure of comfort.

She could understand being wary of the power that The Force offered. The idea that you could pull people from ledges, destroy minds, do any number of impossible things was enough to make anyone balk. For Jamie it was even more so because she did not grow up with the force, nor did she learn anything about it until her adult life. “There’s a reason the ancient Jedi only took in children. Learning to use the force is...difficult. It takes time to understand how it affects not just other things, but yourself.”

She smiled slightly.

“I will help you though.” Aela said with a small smile. “Guide you as best I can and help you test your limits.”

That was the most important thing. Making sure that Jamie knew when to stop herself. Power was all well and good, but...well one had to be careful. She could already see that her temperament would likely become an issue, or at least a small ruffle, but they would be able to solve that without too much issue.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

"I'm not too sure I would say luckily, if you value your own safety." She said with a bit of a giggle.

"Best I not try to use the Force for anything meaningful outside of controlled environments for some time yet I think."

Jamie could understand why children were chosen for Jedi Padawans and not adults. She was at a rather large disadvantage in that aspect. She knew little of the Force until recently, and was far behind the abilities of a true Padawan learner. She had the ability of a youngling, and the mind of a young adult. That in and of itself was an obstacle she would struggle to overcome and catch up with peers of her age.

Allowing the silence to return to the room she juggled Aela's words in her mind for several minutes before again speaking.

"Alright." She nodded. "That will be good I think."

[member="Aela Talith"]

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

Aela nodded her head. There was still quite a bit to do before Jamie was ready to do anything significant with the force. For all intents and purposes she was basically a child when it came to this. “We’ll really start after Bastion.”

She made an off-hand motion to the basement around them.

“We’ll need more space to do anything really trying.” Space was key when it came to the force, mostly because a lot of screw ups could lead to something...large scale, plus they were still trying to go undercover. “For now we’ll focus on meditation.”

Aela shifted herself into a more comfortable position. “Getting you used to holding the force.”

That would be the beginning.

Once Jamie was actually comfortable holding the force, then they could move on to using it for different aspects.

--

 

[Jamie Pyne]

Jamie nodded to Aela, "How long do Jedi tend to meditate for?" There was a wonder there, be it hours? Days? Did they enter a state of stupor where time itself slowed?

She pondered for a few minutes over the uses of meditation, aside from simply connecting to the Force when she remembered something.

"I read that some Jedi were able to turn the tides of entire battles simply through meditation." That seemed more like a myth than anything, but it was worth asking.

"Is that true?"

She could hardly expect something like connecting to the Force being capable of influencing a battle in any meaningful way, though she had come to realize that the vastness of the Force was infinite, so it wouldn't entirely surprise her to hear if this was in fact truth, and not myth. Her focus returned to that of Aela's comments about practicing retaining the Force energy that welled around her as she meditated. She felt, in during her dialog the energy fade ever so slightly as she partially lost focus.

[member="Aela Talith"]

 

[Aela Talith]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

"Hours." Aela began. "Days. Weeks. Some even centuries."

That wasn't an exaggeration. "Meditation is thought to be the only true way to connect with the force. Even Sith meditate, though it is in their own way. It allows you to perceive your connection to the force in a wholly different way, some might argue stronger. Meditation can grant you longevity, knowledge, peace. There are accounts of Jedi quite literally withering away because they do nothing but meditate. It is odd to think about, but apparently true."

She rolled her shoulders.

"What you're talking about is called battle meditation." The term was somewhat misplaced, though not all that inaccurate. "It's not meditation so to speak...it's more...a projection. You need to meditate to do it of course, and concentrate, hence the name, but in reality you're doing something wholly different."

Her father had explained it to her once, at least the Sith version. "Battle meditation is about focus, not your own, but those of...well everyone you're fighting with. It's pushing them to be a bit better, a bit faster, a bit more confident, a bit more hopeful. You're bringing them together, coordinating them with your thoughts by loosely pushing them together. It's...very complex."