Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts

[Caid Centurion]

Caid watched intently. The initial reaction that Alwine had was actually expected. It was different, and there was something to be said for not having control over the encroaching flames. However as the struggle manifested itself on her face, Caid frowned slightly. He had not expected her respective halves to be this much at odds with each other. In that moment, the Sith Lord instantly recognized the genuine obstacle to further success in that moment.

Alwine's request was met with the flames dissipating entirely. Standing, Caid placed a single hand on the young woman's shoulder. "That is enough of that for one day, little wolf. We've reached the point of diminishing returns. Take some time to rest, hydrate, and eat. We can discuss another matter if you wish during that time. I'm sure you have questions about things outside of the learning of actual abilities."

[member="Alwine Lechner"]

 

[Alwine Daye]

It was not immediate. The wolf still threatened beneath Alwine's skin after Caid extinguished the flames, and it took several moments before she even noticed his hand on her shoulder. The Lupine stretched her neck and moved her head around, trying to shake the wolf away several times before it finally began to recede.

"Why?" she asked with no small amount of irritation, more to herself than towards Caid, whom she did not think would have an actual answer, "why is my wolf so afraid of the fire when it knows there is control? I have no doubt that if the flames had gotten too dangerous you would have interfered. I could have also run away and leave the ship to burn. And yet the wolf demanded the attention, demanded to be let out, even though it knows that a shift in such a situation would surely mean becoming roast."

She sighed, grabbing a towel off the back of another chair, and gave it a small sniff before using it to wipe her face. It was one of her own towels that was discarded there, and not one of her brothers'.

Alwine took another seat, pouring herself water from a nearby pitcher into a glass. "I should be able to work for more than two hours at a stretch," she said after a short silence, "this is simply not good enough."

[member="Caid Centurion"]

 

[Caid Centurion]

Removing his hand from Alwine's shoulder, Caid elected to take a seat opposite her as opposed to next to her. Settling his hands on top of the table, fingers intertwined, the dark-skinned Sith shrugged simply. "I think only you can answer that, little wolf. Why is it you think your wolf would be afraid?" In truth there were several reasons. Perhaps the wolf side of Alwine did not trust Caid. Perhaps the wolf side of Alwine did not trust anyone. Or...perhaps it simply was so terrified of fire that a deeper effort would be required to overcome said fear.

"The only thing I know is that we all fear something. This is a trait shared among species. We find ways to cope or to hide our fear, but it's there. The only way to truly overcome fear is to embrace that which you are afraid of. It's easier said than done in a lot of cases."

Alwine's statement about her endurance not being good enough received a brief laugh from Caid. "You are not invincible, little wolf. Many uses of the Force are very, very tiring. We compensate in various ways...some drain the life force off any living thing around them. Others meditate frequently. No matter what, it requires time, training, and experience." Smirking slightly, Caid leaned back in his seat. "Don't be in a rush to conquer the galaxy all at once, little wolf."

[member="Alwine Lechner"]

 

[Alwine Daye]

Why did she think her wolf would be afraid? Alwine shrugged, not having a direct answer to that. A wolf was an animal, and most animals feared the flames. It was a survival instinct, and a healthy one. But Alwine was not a wolf. When she referred to the wolf side of herself as 'the wolf', it was mostly because she lacked the patience to explain it. She was never a wolf, and she was never a human either, she was a Lupine. The wolf was always present when she was in her human shape, and her human was always present when she was in her wolf shape. There was no one or the other. Certainly, some differences could be noted and used, but to claim they were truly separate beings was an outright lie.

She recalled that morning on Stewjon. How she had raged. How she had run to the food stores and set them on fire. There had been no fear then. Her wolf hungered for it, wanted to dance in the licking flames as much as the rest of her did. When she had trained with Jaron, when he taught her how to erupt the flames, the wolf had been prowling beneath her skin as well, but not afraid. Never in fear.

"I know what I fear," she answered at last, "and it is not the fire."

No, her fears were rarely as simple as that. She feared being imprisoned again. She feared for the fates of Gerwald and Varick, both for different reasons. She feared failing to keep the Lechner siblings united. But fire? At worst, she could outrun a fire, especially after the training she had already received.

"No, I know that I am not invincible," Alwine agreed, "but it has only been a couple of hours. I do expect more of myself. Even if I did not have an entire childhood of lack of education to make up for, I would still require further training. Time waits for no one. I do not intend to go on for days with nourishment or sleep, but two hours is not enough by any means."

But… He had mentioned other ways. Draining the life force off other living things did not sound like something she wanted to do. Perhaps she would change her mind in the future, but for now it sounded barbaric and monstrous to her ears. But the meditating…

"How does meditating work?" she asked with a wolfish grin.

Because Caid got one thing wrong. Alwine Lechner was not in any rush to conquer the galaxy. Alwine Lechner wanted to conquer herself.

[member="Caid Centurion"]

 

[Caid Centurion]

Caid's gaze remained leveled and his posture still. There was a simple reality that she was either not understanding or avoiding altogether. "No amount of hours of practice will enable you to reach your full potential with any ability. Life and the galaxy are not so simple as that. My point was this, you have to understand that which empowers you in order to truly have power, success. Until you can accept all of your faults and fears, you'll always be held back."

Pausing for a moment, Caid allowed a thin smile to settle onto his lips. "You're going to tell yourself you do, but I challenge that reality. However, in the case you do indeed, facing those fears and weaknesses should be your first and only priority. Trust me...this only gets more challenging the more you age. The result of doing so, learning how best to master and control yourself is the most effective way to success in life and the Force."

Waving a dismissive hand, Caid signaled there was little reason to continue that particular line of conversation. It wasn't that the topic was uncomfortable, but it was not a journey he could adequately guide her through or undertake with her. "Meditating is merely the act of centering yourself, quieting the environment around you, and allowing the Force to flow through your mind, body, and soul. With practice, you will be able to feel yourself drifting and existing within the currents of the Force. A very skilled practitioner may be able to control their movement through the Force, taking them to other places or even other times."

Leaning back in his seat slightly, Caid exhaled softly. "Try it. Close your eyes, clear your mind, and simply feel the Force. Do not try to control anything, then just be open to the its natural ebb and flow around you. With time and practice, you will be able to feel it gradually revitalizing your presence and strength."

[member="Alwine Lechner"]

 

[Alwine Daye]

What empowered her? Alwine remained still. It was not an actual question that Caid had posed, but rather something he wanted as he explained, the need to figure out what empowered her in order to truly have power and success. What she did not understand though was his need to repeat her own need to accept her faults fears. Had she not just told him she had done that?

But no. He challenged it. Told her to face it. Again the Lupine found herself confused. It was something she already was doing, was she not? And if she was not, what was it she was doing wrong in that aspect? While Alwine did not voice it, she was grateful when Caid dismissed the matter with his hand. If nothing else, it was painfully clear that she needed more time to consider matters before speaking on them again.

The topic of conversation returned to the matter of meditation. Eyes narrowed as Caid explained the depths of what could be done if one knew how to properly use meditation.

Following his instructions, Alwine sat back in her chair and closed her eyes. Clearing the mind appeared to be the hard part. Alwine was usually laser focused on matters she was dealing with. To simply let it go, to forfeit that self-control into a place like that… A small snarl escaped her lips as she tried to force her mind to quiet. Releasing control. How did one even begin to do that?

Several minutes later, her eyes snapped open, and the expression on her face left little place to wonder just how confusing she found it. "Are you certain there is not something I can control in order to do that?"

[member="Caid Centurion"]

 

[Caid Centurion]

Just as [member="Alwine Lechner"]'s eyes opened once more, Caid's datapad began beeping softly. Reaching into his pocket, Caid withdrew the device and silenced the beeping. However, he did not immediately enter his authorization code to unlock the device. Instead, silver-green eyes settled onto Alwine in order to reply to her question. "There is...but it's not quite so simple as focusing on any one thing. You remember how I taught you to allow the Force to flow through you? To let yourself become a conduit for its energy? Meditation is merely a more...focused form of that. However instead of merely letting it whisper into your mind, you have to allow it to become your every sense."

Pausing for a moment, Caid quickly tapped in his authorization code on the device. For a brief moment, he scanned the message before his expression fell. Once more, he raised his eyes to regard Alwine. "If you absolutely must focus on something, focus only on the current of the Force around you. Do this until you, eventually, fall into a tranquil, meditative state. Do not try to force it or fight the effects of the Force taking over. If you can do this, you will have successfully entered a state of meditation. Similarly - in order to drift along the currents of the Force to other times and places one day, you will have to maintain similar focus. It will still be difficult, and I am not exactly a stalwart practitioner of flow-walking." Having only recently met Brayden, he was unaware that his nephew maintained some level of talent courtesy of exposure to his mother and the Zeison Sha.

Perhaps somewhat abruptly, Caid came to his feet. "My apologies Alwine, but we will have to conclude there. I have something of urgent business to get to abroad, and I must leave immediately. I will ensure the man that can help you to better understand Galactic Basic makes contact in short order. Be well, little wolf." With a slight smile, Caid turned and proceeded towards the exit.