Started a new story out of nowhere last week, this is what I have so far. Critiques?
Chapter 1
My name is Jason. I'm about as normal a teenager as the next guy, if you could count being a complete klutz normal. It seems that everywhere I go, I completely screw myself up and get into the weirdest situations. It can't be too bad though, right? I mean, I met my girlfriend that way. I was walking down the sidewalk, and BAM! We slammed right into each other while apparently neither of us were looking. We'd hit it off big time since then. We go to the same high school together, it's great. But recently, I've been having doubts. Like, I'm not sure where they come from, but I keep having these weird ideas that I'm not supposed to have this happy life. Am I really supposed to be here? Ah, never mind. Like I said, it's just my thoughts. Of course I'm supposed to be here! I mean-
"Yo! Jason!" I couldn't help but to shake my head and smile as I turned around. Running over to me was a scrawny kid with a face full of freckles, and a mop of black hair. I've known Eli for a good five years, and we're best friends. We did a quick fist pump when he got over to me, but he looked a little winded. Raising an eyebrow, I wondered at that. "What'd you get yourself into this time?" He responded with a devilish grin, one that I've come to know all too well. He was always out causing mischief, mostly to the bullies of the neighborhood. He liked to call himself the people's Robin Hood, I called him a complete idiot. After all, he couldn't fight them himself, and one day he wouldn't be able to make it to me in time. Anyway, right as he was about to answer me, the sound of a small explosion went off in the direction he had been running from, followed by a nice layer of white powder filling the air. "Boom!" Eli began laughing, even more so when he was three guys stumble out into the open, covered in white flour.
When one of them caught sight of my friend, he gave him the evil eye and set off towards us. This is where I came in. If Eli was the instigator, I was the negotiator. Raising my hands up, I walked between the two, a sincere look on my face, while I tried to keep myself from laughing. "Okay, look. I know you must be really pissed about what he did to you. But let's look at it this way. If you fight him, you'll have to go through me. For me, it'll be self defense when I knock you down. What do you have? You know how stupid the security is around here. You have no proof he actually did it. Walk away, and let this be a lesson." I gave him a minute to think it over. He looked very intent on planting one of his ape-sized fists into my face, but must've thought better of it. Waving a hand in my direction, he walked back the way he came with his friends. Once he was gone, I turned to Eli with a sigh.
"Bro, I know you mean well, but you have seriously got to stop this! I'm almost eighteen, and I'll have a full time job by then. I won't be here to protect you. Even then, what if one of these idiots does decide to pick a fight? No matter what we both think, I WILL get in serious trouble. That won't go good on my record. I can't have Ashley worrying over me either, she already has enough on her plate."
He waited for my daily speech to end, then quickly piped back up with a grin. "So... you wanna go for some parkour tag? Huh? HUH? I know you wanna. Come on!" I kept a serious face, but inside I was smirking. "One, two, three..." He took the hint and ran off. After five seconds, I took off after him, laughing.
Now, parkour tag was nothing like regular tag. It involved much more sprinting, and jumping around everywhere. If there was an obstacle, we simply slid over it or jumped over. And it was REALLY fun. We'd made it to the park, and I was close behind. I reached out with one hand, ready to tag him when he cut a quick turn left. "Not this time buddy!" He continued to run, vaulting over a railing and landing a tuck-and-roll into the grass. I followed up with the same combo, and the chase continued. I was having fun, but out of nowhere another one of those visions hit me. I was doubting again. This one was excessively strong, and I felt a spike of pain in my right leg. Collapsing with a startled cry, I crawled into a fetal position and clutched my leg. Hearing me, Eli ran over and checked all over me. "What happened?!" "My.. leg..." Taking my hand away, he looked at it, confused. By this time, the pain had seceded. I stared at my leg with as much confusion as him then. "C'mon man, stop messing around!" I stared at him in disbelief. Seconds ago, I was in excruciating pain. But there was no wound there. The pain was completely gone. What was going on with me? "I-I gotta go. I'll catch up with you later man." Getting back up, I walked the other way to my house.
Darren. That's the name I heard, I'm sure of it. But I don't know any Darrens. And what about that sudden pain in my leg? It made no sense. I had to think this through. Did this have something to do with those weird thoughts I've been having lately? And if so, how? How do I stop them? I had so many questions, not one of them could I answer myself. Kicking a rock down the street, I slipped my hands in my pockets and sighed. Walking inside my house, I greeted my parents and went directly upstairs to my room. Sitting on my bed, I looked in the mirror at myself. Somehow, I could tell that this just wasn't going to be my day. As I continued to ponder the events of the last hour, there was a knock on the door, which my mom answered, followed by a quick yell.
"Jason, Ashley's here!"
Forcing myself to look cheerful, I got up and opened my bedroom door, only to be attacked by the most beautiful girl in the world. Laughing, I hugged her tightly before letting go. "Hey gorgeous, what's up?" Clara walked over and sat on my bed. "Ah, ya know, the usual." I couldn't help but chuckle as I sat next to her. Unfortunately, no matter how much I smiled, I'd forgotten about her uncanny ability to see right through anyone. "What's wrong babe? You okay?" I sighed and shook my head. "It's nothing promise." "I know that look, Jason. Something's bothering you." With a sigh, I shook my head. "It's hard to explain. I've been having strange dreams. Today, I had this weird feeling, like a needle sticking straight through my leg. When I looked, there was nothing there. I just... I don't know." A soft look covered her face then, and she wrapped her arms around me gently. "You'll be fine Jason. No matter what happens, I know you can take it head-on." I smiled and kissed her cheek. She always knew how to make my day better. "Clara." The name came out of nowhere. "Who's Clara?" A quizzical look appeared on Ashley's face, and she stared at me. "I-I don't know." "C'mon Jason, who is she? I thought we didn't keep secrets from each other." I tried to remember, but nothing came. "I honestly don't know. I'm sorry." I sure hoped there weren't any Claras where we lived, I'd feel like a complete idiot if there was and I looked like a liar in front of Ashley. I wouldn't be able to handle that. But who was she? A friend? Long-lost sister? The more I thought about it, the more my head hurt. So instead of trying to fry my head, I dropped it and looked over to Ashley. "Hey, wanna study together? We do have that final exam coming up, you know." With a small smile, she nodded. Grabbing my chemistry book, I propped it open and slid it over so we could both see it. "Okay, so I think we left off on ionic compounds..."
Chapter 2
Later that night, I snuck out to have some alone time. I needed to go someplace where I wouldn't be bothered by anyone, and I knew just where to go. Vaulting outside my window, I landed easily on my feet, plugged in my headphones, and turned on some soft rock music. Closing my eyes for a moment, I took in the night air with a smile. After that moment of simple harmony, I started making my way to the park. There would likely be very few people there at eleven thirty, if any at all. That was good.
Looking around, I sat on a bench and pondered the events of the day. Darren and Clara. The names rang a bell off in my head, but I couldn't remember what they meant to me to save my life. I kept seeing visions of that strange place, too. Looked like a hospital room, but gloomier. Everything was dark and dreary, cracks aligned the walls and there was a chemical smell. No matter how I tried, I couldn't get it out of my head. Sighing, I looked around at the dimly-lit park. There was an older man not too far away, seemingly admiring the view of the small lake.
"Wonderful night, isn't it Darren?"
I'd barely heard him over my music, but the name caught my attention. Turning the volume down, I slowly got up and looked at the man skeptically. "Why did you just call me Darren? Do you even know me?" My curiosity was definitely at a high, and I walked over to him. Did he know me? And if so, why did he call me Darren, the name that had haunted me earlier? All of a sudden, I got this massive headache. I'm not sure where it came from, but I knew it had something to do with the name.
"Who are you?!", I yelled through my agony. I clutched my head and fell to my knees, nothing but the name going off in my head. "M-my name... My name is Jason!" Wasn't it?
In response to my pain, the man turned to me with a sympathetic face. I could see his features now, old and withered, and sad. He was definitely sad about something, but I wasn't sure what. Looking upon me for a few more seconds, he then turned to leave the park, his overcoat flapping behind him in the soft breeze. I wanted to follow him and demand answers, but I was in too much pain to even think clearly. Just staying in touch with my sanity was taking enough of my strength. I convulsed for what seemed like hours. All I remember was that by the time I stopped, the man was gone.
Getting up stiffly, I held my head in one hand an stumbled back to my house. On my way, I checked my watch. Oddly, it read 11:40. Even my phone showed the same time. I know I must've made it to the park by that time, but had been there at least an hour. Shaking it off, I simply disregarded the anomaly. Probably just my head messing with me. By the time I made it home, it was 11:58. Climbing back into my window, I went right to sleep, skipping putting my pajamas on. I was that much out of it. I'd probably wake up with a migraine or some kind of hangover, but right now I needed sleep.
Chapter 3
"You imbecile! You messed with the machine, didn't you? I've been receiving spikes in the system ever since last night!"
Enraged, a man dressed in medical garbs paced back and forth. A computer screen flashed behind him, where another similarly dressed man worked on what looked to be diagnostics. "What were you thinking?"
"I had everything under control, Sylus. I... I just wanted to meet him." Sighing, the second speaker took off his glasses and rubbed his brow, only to be bombarded once more. "You could have ruined everything! Dammit John! Don't you remember what we fight for?" Sylus walked up to the other, cold eyes surveying him. "If it happens again, I will personally terminate you", came a harsh whisper.
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"Ow...." I woke up with a slow start. I'd never had a hangover before, but I'm pretty this is what it felt like. From the looks of things, I hadn't moved a muscle since I got back in bed last night, which probably explained why my body was so stiff and full of pain. Despite the pain, I still couldn't stop thinking about that man. Who was he? Why did he call me Darren? Again, more questions. Unfortunately, they would have to wait. I had school today. Getting up, I picked out my clothes and got dressed, wincing through the entire process. This was going to be a long day.
After breakfast, I grabbed my bag and walked outside, where I found Ashley waiting for me. "Morning!", came her cheerful voice. If I didn't know her, I'd think she was insane. Ashley was the only person I knew who was actually this bright on Monday morning. Chuckling, I slipped my hand in hers, and we began walking to school. It wasn't that long of a walk from my house, so we made it pretty quickly, and just in time to meet up with Eli. He smiled and waved, then headed over to us. I began imitating the friendly gesture, until I saw a familiar face across the street. One look at me, and I recognized him as the man from last night. "Hey!", I yelled, receiving strange looks from my friend. In a flash, I was sprinting toward the man, my head going a mile a minute.
"Who are you? I have questions!" The stranger had began walking away by now, and turned a corner. Rounding the same corner seconds later, I had to do a double take. He was not in front of me as I had expected, instead walking around another tall building three blocks away. Forcing myself to think straight, I shook my head and took off again, intent on catching him. Nearly getting run over by a passing car, I barreled over to the spot, seeing the man finally standing still. Walking over, I grabbed him by hi shoulders and spun him around. "Now tell me who you are! Now!" A light, saddened smile covered his face then.
"How could I tell you, when you don't even know who you are? You're asleep, Darren. It's only a matter of time before they find you again."
"Wha-what are you talking about?" This guy was making no sense. Who were 'they'? Why was he talking about me being asleep? Then there was that name again. Why did he insist on calling me Darren? He could I believe anything he was saying? He looked so sincere though, like he believed every word.
"NOBODY MOVE!" I winced in pain at the voice. It was so loud, it almost burst my eardrums. It seemed to come from everywhere, which was strange. Even stranger was the fact that none of the other people on the street seemed to notice. "You! Get up against the wall! The man turned around and began backing away slowly with his hands up. Confusion raced through my mind. What was happening?
"Is that the machine?" Sweating up a storm, the old man nodded, to which the voice responded. "Get him out of there! Now!" Seconds later, my world turned black.
Chapter 4
I woke up in what looked to be a rundown base from one of those apocalypse movies. Looking around, I saw several others on beds similar to mine. "Where... am I?" As soon as the words escaped my mouth, a woman in raggedy clothes rushed over to me, a smile on her face. "Morning sunshine. Enjoy your nap?" Looking back somewhere, she waved someone else over. "Kane! He's awake!" Walking over was a similarly dressed man. After staring at me for a few seconds, he looked over to the woman. "What did they do to him?" "I don't know", she replied. "They had him in some machine, where he seemed to be in a coma. I'm just glad he's safe." Nodding, the man cupped me on the shoulder, smiling. "That makes two of us", he said, chuckling.
Meanwhile, I looked between the two, utterly confused. "Who are you guys? Where am I? How did I get here?" Concerned looks passed between the two. Sighing, the man began to walk away. "I'll leave you two alone." Looking me directly in the eyes, the woman cupped my cheek, to which I flinched instinctively. Sadness filled her eyes at the motion, and she asked me a strange question.
"Do you know who you are?"
