You Cannot Control Everything

[Ignatius]

Sahna was showing that she was more capable than she thought she was. Her raised hands to fight didn't go unnoticed. She was someone who fought to defend herself, and only as a last resort. That was a good path to follow. One that I wished I had gone down. With her also accepting the trails that we were to compete in, The man's smile only brightened. He then crossed his legs and sat down within the room. After a second, he then indicated that we could as well. Looking almost apologetic towards Sahna for dragging her into this, I followed instructions.

Once sitting, the man spoke,

"A matukai is one with himself. The force flows through him like the wind. Is a part of him like his body, and is his power like his mind. The first trial is to test your spirit. Can you withstand it?"

Reaching out with his hands, both touched us. One for me, and one for her, he presented a smooth riverstone. One that had tumbled for years through the river, The erosion from water creating a gloss upon the rock. It was easy on the eyes to look at. Even for prolonged lengths. The lines of the stone moving in a wave, but forever stuck in that wave. Closing his hand, holding it for a second, then with a crack, the stone had broken. Just in his hand alone. No other forces, and I could not see his arm even strain to do so. Indicating to us, he then presented two more for each of us. Taking my two, I placed them in my palms and looked to him.

"Control your strength. The rock cannot be broken by the force. You must break it with your hand, and hand alone. Find a way to do this, and you may continue."

Looking over to Sahna, I had a feeling this would be taxing for both of us. She was relatively new to the force, and thus would not have that much experience. I on the other hand, had too much. I needed to find a way to crack the stone without the force. Looking at the man, he nodded at me. Indication of our allowance to start. Firstly, I ran the stone over in my hand. Feeling its shape. Trying to find the best way to break it. Crushing my hand on it, the rock stayed the same. I tested the resilience of the stone. It's on resolve against mine.

I couldn't use the force, but remembering back to what the man had said, A Matukai is one with himself, and the force was though him. What did that mean? Was it that the force was through him like everything else? or was this a different term? I crushed down on the stone time and time again. Unable to do it. Looking to the man, I shook my head. He in return nodded. Telling me that I could do it.

"You are Matukai. Beings of the force. Not someone who controls the force."

That was another clue. Beings OF the force, not using the force. Was this like meditation? Having never done it before, I calmed myself. Resting my hands on my knees. Breathing in and out. Letting my emotions go. Letting everything slide away from me. Hearing the sounds of water outside. The animals moving about, the breathing that everyone had. The cadence of breathing. Slowly, I gripped the stone. Holding it loosely, and tightened. The force was not something I controlled, but something that was a part of me. I was given the connection, this gift of the force. I was a being of the force. It wasn't a tool, but an aspect of who I was, who I am, and who I will become.

I heard a dull snap in my hand. Looking down, I saw that my stone had broken. Looking to the Man, he nodded his head with delight. Seeing that I understood. The force is not a separate entity. It was not a being that I could command, but was an essence that was apart of everything. It was the same essence that Sahna, or Ashe, or Kinta had. My father had it too. The difference? How we could commune with this essence. I think, we were discovering a new way to connect with this force. Not in the form we once thought, but as something that is within us all. This is the purest form of the force.

"A being of the force. One who is not just connected to it, but accepts that the force is who they are."

A silent nod from the man answered my question.

[member="Sahna Te"],

 

[Valgærd]

Sahna lowered herself to the ground, following the other two and sitting cross-legged and placing her hand in her lap. She caught Ignis's apologetic glance, returning it with a smile. If she wasn't prepared to face whatever may come, she wouldn't have agreed to accompany him in the first place. The man before them reached out, placing a hand on each of them. The slender Togruta flinched at the gesture, but she blinked and steeled herself, forcing her mind to focus on Ignis next to her.

The robed man produced a river stone. It was almost glassy, the years rolled by the currents leaving it smooth and round. The first thing to strike Sahna about the stone was that it reminded her of herself. Staring at it, she felt she was staring at her own image; a rock that had been tossed and rolled, battered and beaten relentlessly by raging torrents. As a result, she had been worn away, eroded down, finally plucked from the river by Jyn as but a small, round remnant of what she might have been.

Shelving the thought for later, she watched in shock as the man closed his hand around the stone and crushed it, seemingly as easily as clenching his fist.

"Whoa."

The word slipped out from her mouth before she could stop it. Neither the man nor Ignis seemed to concerned, however, and she watched on as two more stones were presented to each her and Ignis. Reaching out, she took the two presented to her in her hands. Her pale orange fingers enclosed around the smooth rocks, her eyes wide on the figure as he commanded them to break them.

She turned a bewildered gaze to Ignis. She was tiny. Strength had never been her strong suit. How could she be expected to do this? She could barely clench her fist with any decent force, let alone break something in it.

For a few moments, she merely watched Ignis attempt to break the stones. If he couldn't do it, what chance did she have? As her heart sank, she considered the words from the gatekeeper. Control your strength. Find a way. You are beings of the force. Eventually, she found that her gaze had fallen from Ignis to the rock in her fingers.

Beings of the force.

She stared at the rock, gently stroking the smooth surface. She was holding a piece of herself, an image of what she had become. She was eroded, worn down, faded away,

Smooth, resilient, malleable.

As she continued to roll the stone over in her hand, she realised that while it had been worn away and eroded, this had not destroyed the rock. Instead... it had changed it. Rather than be eroded to nothing, the stone had changed its shape. It had become something else, it had... adapted.

She was this rock, adapting to the circumstances. And then there was the force. It did not break her. It did not build her up. It neither rescued her from her from her plights nor pushed her towards them. It merely... was. Just as she was, the rock was.

She gasped as she heard a crack. She glanced over and noticed that in Ignis's hand, now lay a broken stone. She smiled at him, proud that he had figured it out.

As her smile faltered, replaced by a grimace, she turned her eyes down to the stone in her own hand, and gasped.

It had also cracked.

[member="Ignis Imura"]

 

[Ignatius]

Sahna was having trouble herself. I did notice this for a moment, when I had returned back to the rock that was broken in my hand. The approving look was... nice, but I felt strange from it. Normally people who smile at me are wanting to use me, or because they are trying to cover up their real feelings. She was not. I could feel her emotions as she was genuinely happy, as well as surprised when her own stone cracked. The man nodded his head with an approving look as well.

"Good. Understand now that the force is not an extension of who you are. The force is a part of you much like your organs. They are vital to your survival and wellbeing. Take them away, and you will suffer. Keep the second stone. Keep it as a reminder."

Standing up, his robes fell back to their full length instead of covering his bottom half like a blanket. His frame was sturdy and built for combat. I half expected for him to fight us. But instead, he walked over and placed one hand on my shoulder, and the other as a fist against my stomach. I attempted to take his hand away, but then he stopped me. Pushing slowly his fist into my stomach.

"Your flesh is malleable. Able to form and bend and stretch. Your skin is soft and delicate. Protect yourself without the force, and without moving."

He then slammed his fist into my stomach. I doubled over in pain from the punch to my gut. My breath was gone. I could feel no air in my lungs. Burning and in pain. I finally regained my breath as the man nodded to me. I gave him a sheepish smile. Knowing that I had to somehow defend myself from this man. The problem, is that I couldn't move. I couldn't use a force barrier, or use the force to push his hand away. My body was still going to be hit. So I needed to discover a way to prevent the pain. Even as I thought this, I tensed my stomach as much as I could. Another punch, but it was much more forceful.

Once more, I doubled over in pain. My abdomen flaring up in a pain I have not felt in some time. Coughing up spit to clear my mouth and throat, I stood up once more. Ready to take the pain. Ready to be punched. But the man threw a third one, and stopped at the last second.

"A fight within your mind. You close it off correct?"

Slamming his fist into my stomach for a third time. This time an audible oophf punched through my mouth. He hit me hard enough that my feet had come off of the ground.

"Do it again."
"What?"
"Punch me again."

His smile was of pain and understanding. I needed to learn. I needed to find this answer quickly. At the last second, I remembered my fight with Juliet. How I had attempting to cut off my mind from her. Steeling myself before the fight. I had imagined that my mind was a fortress. One that couldn't be broken. One that I could resist the assaults sent my way. Now, I did the same. My mind steeled itself even as the fist was pounded into my stomach for a fourth and fifth time. Breathing hard and heavy, I literally began to sweat.

"You need to-"
"Don't talk. Just hit me."

He was surprised with the response I had given him. I could feel the anger off of the man as he rammed his fist into me another time. But I was ready. I stiffened myself. Steeled myself against the man. I fought his movement with every fiber of my being. I welled up the force within myself, and used it. Almost growling through my teeth as he hit me for a sixth time. So much force was thrown at me, that I flew off of my feet and slid across the floor to a stop.

The man realizing how hard he had hit me rushed over. Sahna was also there. Attempting to pick me up, However, I shrugged them off.

"That all you got old man?"

Standing up, I pounded my chest with my fist.

"DO IT!"

Smiling now, the gatekeeper slammed his fist into me once more. This time, I didn't move. I was still. I felt the impact like a speeder slamming into me, but I felt almost no pain. I felt no movement against me. I looked up from his fist as it was into my abdomen. A bright ass smile upon my face.

[member="Sahna Te"],

 

[Valgærd]

"Good."

The first word Sahna heard from the robed man made her physically sigh with relief. He continued to speak, tell them about the force, about themselves. The young Tugruta listened, her fingers idly brushing over the surface of the second smooth riverstone, committing his words to memory. She watched on as he stood, realising just how imposing he could be. She had seen men with a physique like his fight before; it was something she wished to never draw towards herself.

Ignis stood with him, and Sahna watched as the gatekeeper placed his hands on the young man. She stood as well, using the motion of getting to her feet to also subtly take a step or two back, continuing to watch and listen. Her eyes widened as the gatekeeper put a fist against Ignis's gut, stiffening at the apparent threat.

He continued to speak, instruction him of his next test, their next test.

Sahna squealed the moment the man slammed his fist into Ignis's stomach. Her hands flew to her mouth. Her instinct was to rush to him, place her arms around his shoulders, to tend to him. But she was rooted to the spot. Perhaps it was fear, perhaps this gatekeeper somehow knew she'd try to intervene and held her in place, perhaps part of her knew she shouldn't, whatever it was, she stayed where she was.

It happened again as the human pulled himself to his feet again: another forceful strike from the man, another gasp of pain from Ignis, another wince from Sahna as she stood idly by. She bit her lip, her entire body seeming to burn with anger. How could she just stand by while this... this gatekeeper just wailing on one of the few people she called friend? She squeezed her eyes shut, wishing she could either block it all out or rush to help Ignis, anything would be better than just standing here.

Then she heard something that made her open her eyes. It was Ignis, telling the gatekeeper to do it again. She turned her eyes to him, noticing a fiery determination in his glare. The gatekeeper continued to punch him, and he continued to take them. Until the sixth punch.

As Ignis was flown across the room, she squealed. It was too much, she couldn't just keep standing here. As he landed on the ground she raced over to him, placing her arms around him and attempting to help him. But he shrugged her off.

"Ignis... you're going to--" She began, cut off as he turned his attention to the gatekeeper again. He was stubborn. So stubborn she feared it would lead to this man killing him. She winced as her friend yelled, pounding on his chest. The togruta turned her face away as the gatekeeper obliged. She couldn't watch--

There was a thud. But no wince, no grunt, no sound of Ignis crumpling to the ground. Opening her eyes, she slowly looked towards them. The man's fist had hit Ignis squarely in the stomach, again. But he hadn't doubled over. In fact, he was grinning.

Her heart leapt, he'd passed the test. She felt a smile of her own tugging at the corners of her mouth. Stepping back towards them, she placed a hand on his shoulder, giving it a soft squeeze.

Turning her eyes to the gatekeeper, she gave him a slight shrug,

"I guess it's my turn now."

[member="Ignis Imura"]

 

[Ignatius]

Noticing that Sahna did come for my aid while I had been taking the voluntary beating from the man, It did make me feel better about this situation, and about bringing her with me. It showed that she was just like the other Je'daii within the order. Always one to defend or help those who were in harms way. Even if it meant they would be in said harms way. The man smiled back at me as I had proven my part of the test. Patting my shoulder approvingly, he spoke easily to me.

"You have passed. As such, you may access the knowledge within at any time. Now as for your comrade here...."

Turning to face her, she did speak up that it was her turn. The man moved over and was about to do the same when I stopped him. Placing a hand on his shoulder like he had done to me. I didn't even mean to grab him. I didn't want the man to punch Sahna. My hands were balled into fists and ready to fight him to protect her when he nodded his head understanding.

"Just like the rock, focus within yourself. Think yourself an impenetrable fortress."

Speaking these words to my... my friend. I released the man from my hold. Moving over to her. He did the same to her as me. Placing a hand gently on her shoulder, holding his fist to her stomach, and then slamming fairly hard. I closed my eyes and tried my best not to interfere between the two as they duked it out in a battle of wills. Slamming again, and again, and again until she had gotten what lesson was needed to be taught.

Opening my eyes. I watched the last two times as the Matukai Adept punched her. I clenched my fist hard. I barely knew this girl, but it wasn't right to hit her. Hit anyone. Yes it was training. Yes it was a lesson, but I bathed in these kinds of teachings. Being a Sith, and having a father who literally threw me into a furnace to force me to learn how to keep the flames from burning my skin, I had to learn fast. She likely hadn't been through something like this. And that is why I felt so inclined to defend her. Even more so, she was still new to the galaxy. While she wasn't a child, I knew that everyone had to endure the pain, and the darkness to know and learn from the light and to overcome said pain. With every action, there was an equal but completely opposite reaction, or force.

There would be no darkness without the light, and vise versa. Fire and water. Metal and nature. Two parts of a whole. I guess this is where the teachings and lessons of the Je'daii and their balance came into play for me. Understanding this was what kept me rooted to the ground as Sahna completed her end of the trial.

Once she had done this, I walked over to her to see the extent or her injuries if she had any.

[member="Sahna Te"],

 

[Valgærd]

Just like the rock.

Ignis's words echoed in Sahna's mind as she steeled herself. The gatekeeper... this... Matukai approached, placing a hand on her shoulder. It struck her that he did that, as opposed to merely hitting her. It was a comforting, almost fatherly gesture. Perhaps it was a reminder than this was a test, and not a punishment; an act of learning, not of malice.

She was trembling. The anticipation was building. In her mind, she replayed the image of him hitting Ignis, the way he had doubled over, grunting. Right now, the togruta did not feel like much of an impenetrable fortress, she felt more like a shuddering leaf, an unwilling servant to the wind.

"Ugh!"

She shrieked as he slammed his fist into her gut, the sound abruptly cut off as the wind was sucked out of her. She dropped to one knee, her petite figure shivering from the shock. But as she drew herself back up, another memory came to the front of her mind, one of Ignis telling the Matukai to hit him again. Frowning, she drew herself back to her full height. But as she opened her mouth to demand the same, she was hit again.

As once again pain lanced through her, she groaned. She wasn't going to pass. She felt sick. Her knees were weak. Her head swam.

Just like the rock.

Malleable, adaptable, transformed; just like the rock, the force had existed within her. And she was as much a part of it as the gatekeeper was, as the rock was. A being of the force.

"There we are."

She opened her eyes and glanced down to see that the man's fist was in her stomach. Well... at her stomach. She's felt the force of the hit, but it hadn't sent her to her knees like the others. She turned her gaze up to him, and saw that he was smiling. She returned the smile, although hers was weaker, faltering. Even though she'd stopped the last hit, she'd still suffered three others.

The gatekeeper stepped back, and Ignis walked up as Sahna collapsed to her knees. She turned away from him, coughing. She winced, the strain from heaving her diaphragm causing her stomach to burn. But despite the pain and effort, she was grinning when she turned back to face him.

"Just... like... the rock." She wheezed, "nothing... to it." She grimaced, steeling herself against the pain. She leaned back, pulling aside the tunic on her stomach to reveal that her pale orange skin had turned a dark blue in colour as a huge bruise had begun to form.

The togruta pulled the tunic back over to cover the ugly bruise, dragging herself to her feet. She was still a little weak, but her victory had given her a boost, one she didn't think she'd get. In any case, she was glad to have Ignis there. She was glad he'd taken her. For the first time since the two had arrived, she felt less like some burden or dead weight, and a little more like a friend.

[member="Ignis Imura"]

 

[Ignatius]

Sahna was a little bruised. She revealed her stomach as I came to her side. She had learned to do the same as myself, but much faster than what I had. That surprised me, but also made me... glad? Almost like watching someone completing it was a good feeling on its own. She did say that there was nothing to it. I chuckled and shook my head at her as I aided the young woman up to her feet. Holding her close to me as a stable platform to stand on. Considering she was a little wobbly from the use of the force.

The Matukai came over and then placed a hand on both of our shoulders. Nodding his head and speaking.

"In passing this test, you two are free to delve deep within the knowledge that this holocron holds. Good luck."

As the man released us, he faded away slowly into the black and dark room we had once been in. Looking around, The torch that was once lit was now embers compared. I was not sure if my being pulled into the dream state caused my outward force usage to die, or if it had been some time since we had been in here. Hearing footsteps coming closer, I prepared once more to fight. The snap hiss of a red lightsaber filled the chamber. Raising it above her head, Kinta came out from the shadows.

"Next time you two decide to spend hours out here, notify me. I thought you two were in a really bad situation."
"Uh... um. Sorry Kinta. We didn't know it would take this long. Go ahead and head back. We'll gather this up and be right behind you."

She eyed me as she then started to walk away. However, turned around and then threw something at me. Catching it, I found that she had thrown a flashlight at me. I rolled my eyes at her.

"So lets take one for each of us... and the last one."

I thought for a moment. Maybe if we were to give it to the Je'daii as well, it could bring us closer to our goal of becoming a full member and knighted. Or whatever the term was that they used.

"Leave it with Jyn? She is the one who is always in the library."

Chuckling slightly at the remark that she was always cooped up within her library and always messing with the holocrons to be in perfect order. I decided that we could take it to her. I mean, unless Sahna decided to do something else with it? Either way, I handed two of the holocrons to Sahna, while holding the other in my hand and held the flashlight to the door that led out.

[member="Sahna Te"],

 

[Valgærd]

Sahna clung to Ignis as he helped her stand, taking a few moments to steady herself.


It struck her, as the gatekeeper spoke, that she was now so readily leaning on the young man. Only a little while ago, she'd been wary of him, keeping herself poised to spring out of the way like a frightened creature. And yet now, now that they had passed this... test, she accepted his help and his closeness without so much as a second thought. There was still darkness in the Imura, she had assumed that perhaps that may never disappear. But, there was more than just that. There was control.

As the Matukai faded away and the room once again appeared around them, she pulled away from Ignis and looked around as he did. She blinked as her eyes fell on the torch, the once brightly burning flame now a soft orange glow.

Footsteps.

Sahna snapped her head around to the doorway of the chamber in time to hear the hiss and see the glow of a red lightsaber. She gasped and retreated, putting her hands up in front of her. Only one word ran through her mind.

Sith.

All her fear came rushing back, as her mind was filled with the memory of the last time she'd seen such a blade. Squeezing her eyes shut, Sahna retreated into the shadows, backing away from the figure. But... nothing happened. A few moments, the figure spoke somewhat condesendingly to Ignis... in a voice she recognised. The young woman realised her mistake as her cheeks began to burn. It was Kinta.

"Um... Hi, Kinta." She stammered, biting her lip, "Sorry."

Sahna's hands had moved to her montrals, stroking the mottled blue and white skin as she silently scolded herself for being so foolish. She forced herself to look at Ignis, searching for a distraction, and turned her attention to him as his companion left. Taking a long breath to calm down, then another, Sahna chuckled and nodded.

"Jyn is in the library a lot, isn't she?"

The Togruta inclined her head to one side, her eyes moving to the holocrons.

"I think that's a good idea. Besides, I still feel like I owe her for finding me... no matter how many times she says I don't." She finished with a nod.

She accepted both of the holocrons and as Ignis shone his flashlight on the door that led out, she turned towards it.

The togruta picked her way back through the passage towards the mouth of the ruins, focussing on the holocrons in her hands. She had heard of such artefacts, but never seen one up close... let alone held it. They were a little heavier than she had expected them to be, or perhaps she was still just a little weak from the trial. As she walked she realised with some disdain that she hadn't thought to take with her a bag, or something to put them in. Oh well, a lesson for next time.

At the mouth of the ruins she tunred to Ignis, stepping in front of him and turning her eyes up to meet his. She wanted to say her piece now, before they got back to the ship and Kinta's presence caused her to retreat into a burrow of silent shame for the trip home.

"Thank you, for bringing me along." She began quietly, her tone soft but ringing with sincerity, "I... learned a little about myself today. Holocrons or no, I'm grateful for that."

She blushed, chuckling nervously and stepping aside so he could continue towards the ship,

"Oh sorry, I don't mean to get all sentimental on you. I guess those hits to the gut rattled my brain a little."

[member="Ignis Imura"]

 

[Ignatius]

Sahna seemed to agree with me on the idea that we would be taking the third and final holocron that we found, and give it to [member="Jyn Sol"]. The current head of Kaleth, or in essence, the library or the knowledge center for all of the Je'daii. It was a good idea considering it would be held within those walls and allow those who had earned the right to enter, to learn of such items, and skills. Maybe, just maybe it would be something useful. Even with this. Sahna seemed to be drawn more closely to me than when we had entered this ruin. Just this small amount of time seemed to warm up our minds to one another. Yes, I was dark. Yes she was light, but we now could see and understand a little bit more of one another.

Turning to her as we began to exit this place, she did mention that she was happy that she came, and thanked me for taking her. Even stating that she was grateful. I smiled at it and I will let it slip that I felt much better hearing that. Coming from someone else who I barely knew, was a completely different feeling than someone who I had been with for a much longer time. it showed that I am not always as dark as I seem. With the Light, there will always be a darkness. With that Darkness, there is always the option to become better with having both the light, and the dark. I guess you could say that I was a different kind of the darkness. Not the corrupting kind, but the benevolent kind. One that wouldn't torture you, and consume you in endless rage.

Chucking at her comment that the punches to her made her seem different, I shook my head as we walked down the steps and closer to the ship. Already seeing Kinta walking up the ramp.

"Sahna. Showing emotion is not a bad thing. Showing too much is never a bad thing either. It's only when those emotions cause you to lose control of who you really are, when it distorts you as a completely different person. That is when its bad. Trust me. I know the difference. If you want to get sentimental on me, go ahead. I had a good time with you here today. And I hope that we can work together again sometime soon."

Speaking this as we were walking, I had put up the flashlight and was slowly walking up the ramp. Letting Sahna's smaller fame walk up with me at the same time.

"Now how about some dry clothes, warm food, and a nice shower?"

Mentioning this, I still had my shirt gone from me. Having used it as a torch, and my boots were soaked through as well as the bottom portion of my jeans because of the swamp. it was also covered in the local plant life that was growing across the surface. Even with this, I wasn't let down. I gained a new friend today, and another source of knowledge that I can reach upon.

This day was just the beginning of my life. I hoped that this was the start of a better future for myself, and for Sahna, and the Je'daii order.

[member="Sahna Te"],