You Never Take Me Anywhere Nice

[Joza Perl]

She wondered if her statement had been dusted off, or if he genuinely believed her. Or tried to, at least. Still, she wouldn’t have the time to prod him about it before he added that last little thing in and her heart quite literally froze for a moment.

Time spent in chains was not something she liked to talk about, but something she’d needed to, or at least make known. Perhaps her hints were unconscious, perhaps not, but she hadn’t figured out what to do if he brought it up.

“Thanks,” She breathed. “Me too.”

Her eyed shifted down, then to the side as the gears in her head started moving again. The pieces were there—he’d seen the scars on her back, the ones from a lash—or so she assumed he had. Her hand receded from his shoulder, figuring it would be better if it weren’t there for this.

Her lips parted to speak as she stared off into space, silent for a few moments before her voice slipped out. “I don’t know if I’d be doing the same thing if I hadn’t experienced it for myself, though. The deeper I get into it, though, it’s like…the more I discover is out there.” It was disheartening at times, occasionally giving way to a night of heavy drinking and substance abuse. Kill the brain cells so they couldn’t conjure up those awful images. “Just don’t wanna see anyone else go through it, yet here I am putting myself right in the thick of it.” It sounded so odd, now that she said it out loud. Her chin tucked against her chest, or the best she could anyhow. “If I keep moving though, I sometimes think about it less.”

Maybe. She wasn’t sure anymore.

[member="Elliot Locke"]

 

[Kenth Typho]

[member="Joza Perl"]

Locke grunted.

"Was on a mission once..." The man mumbled after a while of silence followed. "Slaver den on Ryloth. Very organized in their chaos, decentralized that it was almost impossible to track down the leaders or even the other cells."

Why was he telling this?

In truth because Elly wasn't good at this crap. The emotional stuff, the talking about your feelings and 'making peace' with your past. It wasn't his kind of noise - his was taking a bottle of whiskey and downing it in one go after a mission. Maybe two if it hadn't gone their way. Then just pass out and hope that the hangover the next day would drone out any images.

Wasn't healthy, but as he kept going into bad situations... there was no sense in making peace with them, because there were a fresh new dozen when he turned around.

"Had to infiltrate it, so I put on some ragged clothes and managed to get picked up by one of their slaver crews. 'course SIS had a way of pulling me out... if it ever went too far, you know?"

And if he had called that marker the entire operation was a bust.

Everything would have been for nothing.

"Think I was there for about two years."

This was... a way to connect with her. Let her know that he knew what she had gone through, even if it was on a smaller scale than what she had to endure. After all, Joza didn't give any details, so all Locke could do was assume some things. Make a few guesses and then try to extrapolate from there. But this was the most he could do, if she shared, he would share.

What else was there to do? Tell her how sorry he was? That seemed useless.

 

[Joza Perl]

Two years?!

Joza had been quiet, listening patiently. Locke had opened up a tiny bit during their last Injured&Cuddling session, but this…was not something you’d take lightly or mention offhand. For a few moment she just stared at him, trying to figure out if he had picked up any habits from his time as a makeshift slave. It was a kind of experience that you could eventually shake off in some ways over time, but it would always make up a part of who you were.

For the first few months after her escape, Joza had been noticeably fidgety. As if she were playing a dangerous game, and at any moment a pair of Gamorrean guards would pop out of nowhere and drag her back for punishment. Once such incident was met with her being reduced to screaming entertainment for the laughing crowd above. The Zeltron could never understand how the agony of one creature could be seen in such an amusing light.

Things got better, though. She’d learned that not everyone was out to get her, to trust herself and to make smarter decisions. Her anger and frustration with her own situation had been channeled into sheltering those she could.

“I was lucky,” She started, her voice slow and consciously steady. “I had somewhere safe to go when it was over. People to look after me. Some of ‘em…most of ‘em don’t have that. A lot are born into it or taken when they’re so little that they don’t know what it’s like to live outside of chains. Freedom is like another set of shackles, makes them easy pickings. That’s why I thought that this would be a good idea.” She spread her arms, gesturing to the room as a whole. “It’s not permanent. But it’s something stable until we can find their families or place them more permanently somewhere else.”

A shrug followed. “That’s why if you tell anyone, I’ll cut your balls off.” He’d already said that he wouldn’t, but Joza would be absolutely heartbroken if something bad happened to Igor’s. But there was always that risk.

[member="Elliot Locke"]

 

[Kenth Typho]

[member="Joza Perl"]

The way Locke dealt with the issues wasn't healthy and he knew it. In truth, while it might have looked like the time there hadn’t done anything to him, the truth was more complicated. He had never dealt with his issues as some might have had - little therapy and no vacation time in between. The way to survive and keep going on was by compartmentalizing the entire experience.

Shelve it away and never look at it.

Wasn't great, but it kept him functional for the most part and that meant Elly could keep doing his job, making sure other sentients were spared that fate.

"You focusing on my balls a lot, miss Perl." Locke teased back, before resting back down and closing his eyes for the moment. "Can't say that I blame you."

In his experience silence was the best way to react to heavy truths. That and treating the person like a norman human being.

Treating them like glass and offering empty platitudes was silly and unhelpful.

"I appreciate your trust in me." Unclear if he meant Igor or her personal sharing.

 

[Joza Perl]

So much information sharing, but a lot was left unsaid. Joza didn’t figure Elliot to be the type to talking about his feelings, not in the way she did. Something about Zeltrons being more susceptible to emotional fits. Was probably why they tended to shun anger, depression and hatred on Zeltros. Didn’t work too well offworld, though.

A little involuntary smirk lifted the corners of her lips at his comment, enough to be perceptible. “What can I say,” She shifted over onto her side—the uninjured one, thankfully—to face him. It still hurt by virtue of movement, as evidenced by the cringe on her face and the sharp, pained exhale through her mouth. “I know what I like.”

A pause. “You haven’t given me any reason not to trust you so far.” That, and she liked him. Joza wouldn’t shy away from the fact that [member="Elliot Locke"] was intriguing. He had the whole mysterious gruff agent thing going for him, but he seemed to care. He honestly, legitimately cared about protecting the little guy—and that was something she found admirable. Wrap it in layers of despondence, but she’d gathered enough glimpses of it whether he realized or not.

She wore a placid smile as her fingers curled into the sheets below. “Thanks for not treating me like a broken toy, by the way.” She snorted through her nose at the thought.

 

[Kenth Typho]

[member="Joza Perl"]

Well, other than beating the ever living crap out of her just a few hours ago.

But who was keeping count of that? Surely not Elliot Locke. Did he trust her? More than most, but that in itself didn't say much. Not with Locke anyway. Paranoia and distrust were the two tools in his box that allowed him to stay alive for as long as he had. That wouldn't be thrown out of the window, just like that. But he had given her more than most people got.

Had to count for something.

"Why would I?" Elly retorted with a shrug of his own. He was still relaxing with his eyes closed. "All I saw was a fierce lady who is using her past as fuel for the future, instead of letting it sink her."

 

[Joza Perl]

“You think I’m fierce?” A bit of light laughter laced into her tone, but it died quickly as she took a few silent moments to think about what he had said.

There were some parts about her past that would always linger. Some days were worse than others, and she still occasionally surged awake at night, covered in sweat and shaking from a nightmare. It was then where she’d go and bring Alan into bed with her, cuddling her son close so that they could both sleep with some semblance of peace. Joza always tried to push forward, but that was exhausting. Sometimes she needed to stop and rest, and there was no shame in that.

“We’ve all got stuff that weighs us down. Up to us to determine just how much.” She shrugged in turn, again. “I dunno, just had some odd experiences with people when I talk about this sort of thing.” Not that she told a whole lot of people to begin with. Her time as a slave was something more private, though not entirely difficult to figure out. “Sometimes they act differently around me. Treat me like I’m more…delicate? Breakable? Like I'm not the same person I was before they found out.” Approaching the subject with caution was normal, but the Zeltron disliked being coddled.

“As you found out, I can at least take a couple hits before breaking. Took you two whole hits before my ribs were smashed to chit.”

[member="Elliot Locke"]

 

[Kenth Typho]

[member="Joza Perl"]

A grunt followed that piece of information.

He knew people like that. They weren't interested in the person - not really anyway, what they were looking for... was an idea. A concept they chased as far as they could, until it hit them straight in the face with reality. The concept was someone to save, a victim they could cuddle and heal back up to health.... broken wing syndrome, Locke liked to call it.

Usually those same people were karked themselves.

Shattered beyond belief and just looking for ways to ignore their own karked up nature, by pushing their own crap on someone else. Someone who already knew they were karked, so it would be less difficult to accept that maybe... maybe they deserved it.

"Sounds like crappy people." Locke responded after a while. "Not worth your time."

Rise of his shoulders, could have been a slow shrug or his breathing.

"Usually I get 'em in one, so you are tougher than most."

 

[Joza Perl]

“At this point I should probably get durasteel ribs or something.” Musing idly, she ran a hand through her hair. She was kidding, of course—that would be too heavy and impractical. Phrik, on the other hand...but nah, Joza was of the opinion that she was made up of enough metal.

In reaching out to people, sometimes you had poor luck. As an emotional creature, it was the risk that Joza took. Still, it brought to mind a question as she let the silence fall between them, gaze settling on the SIS agent beside her. There was a lot going on, that much she could tell—from the worry lines on his face to his gruff mannerisms. She’d seen the scarring on his body, some new and some a decade or two old—accumulated over a lifetime of this. Whatever this was.

“How do you deal with bad things when they happen?”

Her voice was a little lower, as if she were trying to keep her words from someone else in the room.

[member="Elliot Locke"]

 

[Kenth Typho]

[member="Joza Perl"]

That was the risk you took when you were sharing things.

At the end of it, it was completely possible that the other person decided to ask more of you. It was just a thing you had to take in strides, Locke knew. If it was anyone else he would have just let it go, just made a joke and let it flow around him. But... this was Joza and after everything they had been through - some really good and some... a little bit rough - she deserved a real answer. Especially after everything she had shared with him.

"Tough question." Locke mumbled, before opening his eyes and slowly turning over on his side to face her. His hand went to hers, maybe she didn't want to hold his hand - that was fine and he would retreat his immediately, but if Jozie wanted something... closer than his hand was there.

"In truth? I bottle it up, separate it from me... then drink until I forget."

A shrug of his shoulders.

"It's not healthy... I know that. But in a job like mine, I can't deal with something, when it can happen again and again and again. You know what I mean?"

 

[Joza Perl]

Joza wasn’t exactly sure how to feel right now.

On one hand, it felt good to relate with someone over life altering events. But it wasn’t exactly comfortable, and it never would be for her. It would always be at least a little awkward, suspended in an emotional purgatory. When his hand touched hers, green eyes snapped downwards where they lingered for a few moments before drifting back up to his face. Her own hand didn’t move to grip his or retreat back to her body—it stayed still, as if deciding whether or not she wanted the touch.

Zeltrons were physically touchy creatures by nature. Contact, more often gentle and loving, was welcome and shared often between friends. Joza was no exception, but when subjects turned darker and she started remembering things she’d rather not, her skin crawled and she tended to withdraw.

“I know what you mean,” She affirmed. “Things like that affect everyone differently, and we all have our own ways to cope.” She tried to imagine what it must be like, forced to go from one awful task to another, hoping that in some way, some good would come out of it. A field like that would be rife with substance abuse, and Joza would be lying if she said she’d never turned to a bottle or needle to block everything out. A temporary, messy solution…but still sort of a solution.

“After we’re better, I’ll take you out for a drink.” Her hand twitched, finally curling around his own slowly. Not because it was contact, but because it was Elliot. “We can drown out the galaxy together.”

[member="Elliot Locke"]

 

[Kenth Typho]

[member="Joza Perl"]

Hand squeezed.

It felt better in some way. But at the same time he wondered why they were in this situation - was it because of the medication? Was it because of the meat hitting against meat, until they felt pain and agony together? Was it because they saw - surprisingly - a comparable individual in each other? It was a difficult to consider, but in the moment... Locke couldn't really give a kark about the reasons. He was in pain, her hand was soft in his and they... fit into each other.

By situation, by life experiences, by emotions and by how they handled it in their own ways.

"Why not?" Locke chuckled softly, squeezing her hand again before softly pulling her into a... cuddle? It was difficult to make out what he was doing right now - mostly because the writer was a little bit drunk right now and was too lazy to figure out what he had been doing in his previous post.

"We can do a lot of things to drown the galaxy out though."

 

[Joza Perl]

Joza grunted as her sore body shifted to accommodate his own when she was pulled into the cuddle. Yes, cuddle, because this writer is a responsible person who knows what’s up.

Strangely, she didn’t feel particularly anxious around him after all that and even felt a little…warmer. Could’ve been the painkillers in her system, but it was what it was, and she was too exhausted to question the if’s and why’s right now. It just felt good, felt normal to curl herself just a little bit closer and revel in the feel of his arms around her.

Safe was the word that came to mind. A little silly when she thought about it, but damn if she didn’t enjoy it.

“Doubt we’ll be doing much of anything like this,” She mused quietly against his neck. “At least, not without more drugs.”

[member="Elliot Locke"]

 

[Kenth Typho]

[member="Joza Perl"]

There weren't many thoughts on his mind right now.

Not with the meds kicking in, the pain taking a backburner and just a cocktail of chemicals burning through his veins to support his recovery from the battle. Everything was a little bit woozy, everything was a little bit... shaky - couldn't really be any other way in a situation like this though.

After all... Jozie was a Force Master.

Whatever that meant in terms of combat capabilities, it meant that she was naturally more adept at healing. Locke on the other hand was just a man.

Maybe a scarily competent one, but after a fight like that one?

He would need all the medication, drugs and rest he could take to get better. That was just the way of things and Elly didn't really mind it either.

Just the way things were.

"I know a guy." He joked gently, before closing his eyes again and letting his concentration fade for a moment.