You Saw Nothing

[Gerwald Lechner]

His eyes never left the vibrant emerald hue of her gaze. She was tearing up, and Gerwald did not know why. He would ask later about the significance of what he had done if it wasn't volunteered after. For now they shared the spoils of their kill. It was right, and regardless of who had done what Gerwald saw this as the only fitting thing to do.

Their eyes did not move from the others as they both bit into their portion of the heart almost simultaneously. The blood from the organ ran down his mouth an throat mixing with the blood that already stained his teeth and skin from the attack. The meat slid down the back of his throat with ease, the warmth of it making it easier to swallow than a cold piece of something cooked. His beard caught the blood as well, but Gerwald did not care. For the first time in his life the man did not care about his appearance in the moment. There was something almost spiritual about the moment they were sharing, and he would not break it for anything.

Gerwald finished his half of the heart and quietly moved toward the dead carcass. Bending down he hoisted the large beast onto his shoulders. They couldn't leave it, not for other beasts to find. It had been their kill, and if the fire was still roaring, Ger was going to roast it. They had eaten the raw flesh of the heart, and not it was time to enjoy the juicy roast of the meat. @Schezerade deWinter still had a knife stuck in a tree near them, but he was certain she would not forget the blade. While her body was littered with them, Gerwald was certain each blade meant something to her.

"Are you coming," he finally said deciding it was time to break the silence between them. The words were spoken softly, as though something had changed between them, because it had. Ger could not put it to words, but the experience had bonded them to a degree. They had both been free to be as they were, and the night was still young. He was still discovering much about himself, but tonight he had a guide. Katrine was not the only one he had to rely on anymore. The Confederacy was quickly becoming more than something to belong to, or a means to an end. The Confederacy was becoming part of his story, his journey, as were the people who he was encountering along the way.

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

She nodded, still not finding words she could give shape with her mouth, and got up. Her face was a mess of tears and drying blood, and her clothes were drenched in the blood. She didn't care though. Something had happened in that moment, when they'd both been eating the heart of the beast. She didn't know what it was. Not an inkling. Her experience with knife might have been great, her experience with people... Much lacking.

Still, there was a sudden comfort she felt near Gerwald Lechner that hadn't been there before. Not that she'd been uncomfortable before but... Yeah, different. It was interesting. And she didn't know whether trying to analyze it would make it go away, so she didn't even try.

Forcing her thoughts to other matters, her left arm shot out as she called her knife from the tree and into her waiting hand. No knives left behind if she could help it. And then she looked at Gerwald again, with that massive creature on his shoulders.

She smiled, reaching out to him with the Force, wondering just how much of it he needed to use in order to carry that big thing and not really be encumbered by its weight.

And she checked again.

And again.

"You're not using the Force," the words came out of Scherezade's mouth before they had the time to properly form inside her head, "you're carrying our carrion... Naturally?"

He had not used the Force earlier either. Not when they were dancing. Not when they were hunting. Not when they were eating. In fact, she couldn't remember him using the Force at any point.

She reached out through the Force again, not trying to injure or arm, just feel, get the lick of a taste that- "but you have the Force," she noted, "Yet you didn't use it at any point tonight."

The sentences were short, especially for her. But they were more conclusions drawn, given form of words outside her head. She was thinking out loud. Another thing that could've only happened because of the change between them, and yet... "I don't understand."

There was no malice in her voice, no attempt to belittle him. Her tone gave away exactly what she felt at the moment - confusion, mingled with near child-like curiosity.

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

Something brushed against Gerwald. He didn't know what to call it, but knew it was something to do with the Force. He felt it several times, again and again, as though it was searching for something. Gerwald continued to walk along as she questioned him. He was naked, and the night would only get cooler, and he was missing his fur coat to keep him warm.

"My family worked hard labor for many years on Stewjon. We have been bred for strength. Between that, my size, and the work I have put in, I am rather strong."

It seemed a straight forward answer, but [member="Scherezade deWinter"] was more curious as to why he did not use the force when he had the Force. That answer was even more simple than the first.

"There was no one on Stewjon to teach me how to use it," he answered as he continued back toward the camp. Fortunately Gerwald had spent many nights in the woods to know his way around any forest he found himself in. It was almost a sixth sense, or perhaps it was just the force and he didn't know it. Gerwald rarely ever got lost.

"I've lived all this time knowing I was different and it was not until the Confederacy came to help with the night terrors that I KNEW there was someone who could help me. The Knight Obsidian could do things, things I have done myself on accident, so I had already decided to leave with them. Discovering there was another Lupine that I was not related to... that only took whatever remaining doubt I had away from me. I have no idea what to expect from this life, but I do know that leaving Stewjon was the right choice, just as hunting with you was the right choice."

He paused and looked over to the girl with a faint smile. There were no words for what happened between them as they shared the heart, but Gerwald knew he would never look at her the same again. Suddenly she was not this young girl that he needed to protect. She was not an innocent thing that needed he needed to be delicate with. Scherezade had seen him at his wildest, and now at his strongest, without flinching. She herself was a warrior, vicious and strong in her own way. They were more alike than Gerwald likely had wanted to admit before, even though they were still so very different.

The edge of the forest was in sight. He wondered how many people would be shocked to find him fully naked and carrying a large herd animal on his shoulders. The thought actually made him laugh a deep throaty laugh. Gerwald smiled as he stepped out of the woods with the beast in tow, and the girl still with him. He was covered in what remained of the blood the beast had left in it, and yet it made him seem as though he were fully clothed.

"Are you hungry," he asked as the fire was still roaring. "I could wash up and cook up some of this meat. The entire beast will take the better part of a day over an open spit and coals."

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

Stewjon. For some reason she kept forgetting about it. It had not been one of the missions she'd been involved in. While the confederacy was doing its thing on that planet, Sherezade had been tasked away to some backwater planet to deal with an artifact that made Force users go crazy. At the time, she thought she'd gotten the better part of the deal, since drinking wasn't really her thing. Now though... She wasn't so sure.

Gerwald had the lead, and her questions had triggered the speech in him. She was certain this was the most he'd said to her in one go since they met on Dragonflower. It made her smile just a little, and listened.

Growing up knowing you were different was... Well, she imagined it was hard. But he'd made the right choice, by coming to the Confederacy. For one thing, Katrine was a cool cookie, and the odds of either of them finding other lupines were practically nonexistent, which made it all that much better. But she couldn't imagine, not really. The longing she felt for her missing twin brother was nothing even remotely similar to the vein of growing up different and alone. For a heartbeat, she considered going for [member="Gerwald Lechner"] with the Force again, just to have a taste of what that sort of thing felt like. But it was one of those rare moments in her life where she made the right choice and didn't do it.

She hadn't noticed the forest go by as Gerwalrd spoke. Before long they already had the camp in sight, and an offer of food was made.

"The inner organs should still be eaten raw," she mumbled, "especially the liver, but kidneys, lungs, eyes, brains, all of that. We can roast some of the muscles for steaks. And if there's any equipment to clean the intestines with, I could make us some mean sausages while you roast. It'll take two weeks of air drying them for them to be edible though."

And a lot of work before that, but she didn't need to go into details. Especially when she didn't know if that interested him at all.

It had taken her a few weeks to understand what she liked. Sweet things tasted horrible to her. Coffee did too. Tea was mostly a waste of perfectly food water. But when it came to meat...

While they were still far enough from daylight, they were still there in the middle of the night, when most people preferred to sleep. A quick scan revealed that it was mostly the guards walking around, keeping the perimeter safe. She sent some very delicate orders into their minds to stick to checking the outskirts of the perimeter, so she and Gerwald wouldn't be bothered by them. She wanted to keep talking to him. And if he was gonna roast meat, she wanted that too without the guards around.

"Did you ever leave Stewjon? Before the CIS came, I mean. Like, for vacation or something," she asked as she sat herself on the log again. There was no music this time, and no dancing, "And are the Knights people treating your training properly?"

She was, of course, still covered in the blood, just as he was. Most of her face and all her clothes were soaked in it, though she didn't seem to mind much. Or even take notice.

"Also," she added, now looking at him directly, the same wicked grin he might've been used to by now appearing on her face once more, "is there anyone on Stewjon that made you feel bad and more alone and more different that I get to kill? I'm fine with lists too, doesn't have to be a single person."

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

"Is there any other way to eat them," Gerwald said with a smirk.

Perhaps had been like the other humans on Stewjon the idea would make him vomit, but the man was also a wolf, and his stomach and taste buds had sampled more than his fair share of raw meat. Ger wondered why the guards did not seem to be paying attention to them, or why they had a clear walk to the fire. He looked over to the girl thinking she may have had something to do with it. The force could do many things he had observed so far, but unfortunately he had not learned, not yet. He had forgotten all about it at the mention of sausages however.

Gerwald licked his lips and nodded as he wondered whether the camp had a way to clear out the intestines. If not the man was handy enough to figure it out. His smile grew as he imagined fried sausages with eggs in the morning and a healthy slab of steak from whatever this thing was that they had killed.

He turned to look at [member="Scherezade deWinter"] who was as much covered in blood as he was. She sat on a log near the fire as Gerwald looked for a place to hang the beast and dress it. It needed to be cleaned, tanned, and skinned before it could be roasted. There was much work to do, all of it seemingly being done while bloodied and nude. He shrugged at the thought as he found a rack used by the hunters of the Mandragora.

"I have not found a teacher among the Knights yet," he admitted, "For now I am brute muscle for them."

It didn't bother Gerwald. He knew it was going to take some time for him to find a teacher that could work with him. Yes he could have been assigned, but fit was important he had been told. There were ancient texts he could read, but he was slow with that. He had been raised to be a laborer and a soldier, not a scholar. In short, Gerwald was not book smart, and he was near illiterate. He needed to be shown and taught.

"As for vacations, no... I never left Stewjon before leaving with the CIS. Our family was never wealthy, our caste worked or fought. The rich got such things. I didn't know what I was missing until I left. And no, there isn't anyone you have to kill for me. No one outside my family knew how different I was. We kept things hidden rather well."

Gerwald walked over to the girl and took another of her knives. He felt as though he had more permission now than he had when he took one to cut the heart. Hands worked diligently to pull the organs carefully and set them on the hide he had cut. When the animal was prepared, Gerwald cut out two steaks from the muscle of the beast and set them aside for the moment. A large rock was set near the fire to collect the heat. He would use it in place of a skillet. It was how he had cooked for himself on Stewjon when he wanted to eat after a fresh kill. A wolf could not carry pots and pans.

A cloth was placed on the log so Gerwald could sit on it next to Sherezade. The meat was already hissing on the stone and would not take long to cook, but he needed to sit even if for a few moment.

"We can let the fire die down into hot coals before roasting the beast. A few hours of sleep and a bath would do us both some good after we eat."

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

He took one of her knives. Scherezade found herself surprised yet again that night, though this time because she realized she actually didn't mind that he did. She nodded, and decided to do another thing for the first time. Rising from the log, the young Sithling began to remove the knives that were hidden across her body - one from every sleeve, four in the back, four from the front, including where, under different circumstances, a bra should have been, and one from each of the combat boots she wore. There were also three knives that were hanging from the belt around her waist. They all lay now in a heap, messily on top of each other. Some of the were painfully new and looked like they had never been sunk into flesh. Others were rusty. She liked those. It put those she cut but didn't kill in health hazards, especially when there were no medical facilities in the area. Ger knew his knives though; he'd taken one that was perfectly safe and good for the handling of meat for food.

She listened quietly to him as he answered her question, not making a peep. No vacation, castes of work and fighting. For a second, Stewjon sounded almost like Endelaan. Except that Endelaan would have never let a Force User go without training. The mere thought of it infuriated her. He was a warrior, a weapon, just like she was. And yet without being properly trained, he could easily fall into the clutches of one who actually was. Brute strength did not protect someone from a Force Choke. It was more than irresponsibility - it was an outright death sentence once you stumbled across the wrong kind of enemies.

His comment regarding the hot coals and sleep went unanswered. Instead, Scherezade looked around the camp, trying to find - there! An outdoors tap. She walked over to it and opened it, checking the water pressure. It was good enough to clean the intestines. And it would mean Gerwald would owe her another meeting, since the sausages would only be ready a few weeks from now.

She walked back to where he was, admiring the work he'd done at removing the organs. His cuts had been neat and precise, nothing removed aside that shouldn't have been. The smell of the sizzling meat made her stomach growl, despite the heart they had shared to too long ago.

"I hate the fact that you're untrained with the Force," she finally said as she moved towards the body parts he had already removed, joining him in the process, though her focus went directly to the intestines. She tried to do her best not to puncture them - the smell would be horrifying if she made that mistake, and she'd made it the first time she'd tried some weeks ago. It had taken three showers before she stopped feeling contaminated, "it was one thing to be so on Stewjon, but you're with the Knights now, and the Knights should be punished for letting you remain untrained, even if you're amazingly good at being a brute force."

There were wars and battles inside her head. Wars and battles that she had never been part of, but her grandparents and others members of the family had been. The battles she had been in as part of the CIS were child's play compared to that. And perhaps that had been her own luck; her own training was still lacking, but at least she received some of it.

"When we fight Force Users, all the brute force you have is not going to help you," she continued to explain, "just like those who rely purely on the Force become impotent once an yslamander thingie is tossed at them. Those lizards block the access to the Force completely, so you can't do as much as a light Force Nudge. And there are other things in this 'verse that can do that, just as there millions of people or people-like beings that can control the Force. I don't have a teacher either. Katrine took me in as her Ward, the Jart chose me for a little while, so I have some Witch training, as well as basic Force training, so I'm not exactly an expert. A master-apprentice relationship is of course always great, but you can't keep waiting for one and go untrained in the meantime."

The whole Jart thing had been a stupid thing too. She'd been chosen by the Jart on her first night of freedom, only to have had it ripped from her a mere few weeks later. The tattoo still remained on her back, mutilated, and her direct connection to the spirits, gone. She could still cast spells, but she couldn't commune with the spirits or hear the songs that the other Mandragora always talked about. But whatever. She was used to being alone. She had been alone for five centuries, and even among the Confederacy she often felt like some sort of a pariah; too old to hang with the kids, too young to hang with the adults, and every step of the way ridiculed when it failed or belittled when it worked. She had no false impressions regarding her place with the Confederacy - she was only there because of Katrine, and if Katrine was betrayed or decided to leave, there would be no place for her there.

There. The innards were cut loose, and Scherezade carefully picked them up, walking to the outdoor tap. She tossed them on the ground for a moment a she dug beneath where the water would end. The last thing anyone should want was to wake up in the morning and find the remains of the remains. They were going to stink like crappe. Once that was done, she cut both ends of the intestines open, and wrung one of them around the tap, turning the water on.

The smell was still horrifying. Next time she felt like making sausages she was definitely getting a droid or something to do the cleaning bits. Leaving the water running, she went back to the carcass, and started removing various bits that no one she knew ever ate; cartilage, the nose, these and other bits of fat that didn't melt in high temperatures, other inner organs, some of the muscles as well, and called one of the sharp knives to she could start chopping them in lieu of not having an actual grinder to work with.

"What I'm trying to say," she resumed her taking, occasionally glancing at Gerwald. Only now did she notice that he was still naked, still covered in that blood. She chuckled on the inside. She'd never tell him that he was the first adult man she'd seen naked. Not that this was a problem in any way; her views on wearing birthday suits was that it was perfectly fine and that society was silly for trying to convince people to feel bad about it, but still, "is that, if you want to, and if you'll have me, I want help you get some basics with the Force. At least enough so you won't be a dead man walking if you come across a Force User that wants to kill you instead of dance with you, like I was. I got out of it by pure luck, but it shouldn't have been that way to begin with."



[member="Gerwald Lechner"]

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

Gerwald shrugged. He didn't know enough to be bitter about the fact he had not found a master to train him yet. It was just how things were he supposed, and in this regard he was so easy going that it didn't bother him. [member="Scherezade deWinter"] made it sound like it should, in fact she was angry that he had been untrained. Was this before or after their hunt? Would she have cared if they had not had their hunt?

There were many questions he had about what happened during their time in the woods, the main one being why he was suddenly so comfortable around her. The blanket he had set on the log was retrieved once again as he thought about it. He didn't mind since she had seen him plenty by this point, but it was getting cold even with the fire. Gerwald wrapped it around his waist as the girl cleaned out the intestines. The smell was intense, and almost made the Lupine vomit. This was the downside of maintaining his human form. His sense of smell was still stronger than most.

He simply listened to her. She was making an offer, or trying to as she stumbled over the way to say it. A smile tugged at his lips as she sounded like she was trying awkwardly ask him on a date, or to be her boyfriend.

"You would be able to teach more than what I know. Just don't make me call you master."

Gerwald was teasing of course as he turned to face her. He noticed the pile of knives near the log, some new and some used. A playful smirk tugged at his face.

"Now we're both naked," he teased as he nodded toward the knives. Ger wiped the one he had been using on the carcass along the blanket and stabbed a piece of meat. Setting aside on another piece of the hide he had carved, along with the second piece of meat to cool off. They would be hot to the touch and he didn't want them to burn their fingers. He stabbed the bigger of the two for himself. It wasn't any argument. He was bigger and needed more calories.

"You didn't get lucky to escape me. I couldn't stop you from sending those knives at me had you wanted to. I surrendered. Though I do have to admit... that was the most fun I've had in a dance ever. You should try stabbing me again some time," he added with a wink before taking a massive bite of the steak.

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

"I'll make you call me way more demeaning things," she teased right back, laughing now. But no. A master-apprentice relationship was far from what she'd offered him. She was sufficiently self aware to know that she couldn't offer such a thing to anyone with the way things currently were. She needed much more training herself. When she had come out of the pebble, she had been certain the road to Force mastering would be a quick and easy one. She had been so, so terribly wrong. Some things came to her as easy as breathing. Others demanded some practice. And some...

He remarked that they were both naked, but she didn't have a real reply to that, despite knowing he was teasing about that as well. Scherezade wouldn't have had any issues taking her clothes off and showing the front of her body if the situation had led there. It was her back that she was shy about. The mutilated tattoo that could cause any sort of blushing on her part for that to be seen, even if the other side did not completely comprehend the meaning of it.

"You could have stopped me if you were fast enough," the Sithling finally admitted, "you could've crushed my wrist as easy as I can fold paper. That would've caused me to drop the control of the knives, and given you a few seconds to kill me before I was angry enough for the pain to not matter."

Why had she told him? She wasn't sure. Perhaps because, just as a moment ago, she wanted to protect him. She was dangerous, sure, but she was extremely far from being remotely the most dangerous thing he would meet before he had basic training.

"Until you learn to sense the side of the Force the person in front of you is, always assume they belong to the Darkside. It'll make you err on the side of caution," she continued to explain, "us Darksiders know how to take the pain and turn ourselves even fiercer with it. Up until a little while ago my entire strategy in battled relied on taking as many hits as possible, sometimes to the point of near death. But that in turn awakened the anger in me, and that was when I lashed out and let it all loose. Someone has even coined me as the Best Pin Cushion in the 'Verse because of that. So if you go up against a Force User and plan on relying on your brute force - speed is your answer. Show no mercy, have no second thoughts. If it wants to harm you or worse, kill first, ask questions never."

And naturally, she was trying to learn to be efficient without that. Kat would not always be around to revive her in case she died while doing something silly like that.

Taking the other knife now, she bit into the meat as well, another moan of culinary joy escaping her. She could tell where the greatness of the fresh kill came, and where the treatment of a man who knew his meat made it taste even better.

As she chewed, she called on one of her rusty knives through the Force. If [member="Gerwald Lechner"] was looking at her, he would spot no difference in her demeanor. She didn't have to look at the knife in order to control it, she simply had to know it was there. Taking another bite, she directed the knife to hit him between the eyes with the pommel's side. Nothing too strong.

Just taking the man up on his offer in her own special way.

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

”That’s not what I meant,” he chuckled as his free hand rubbed his forehead.

Her words were still rolling about in his mind. He could have crushed her wrists and killed her. He knew it to a degree, but the point of their little dance hadn’t been to kill each other. Gerwald never once felt in danger with her, but perhaps that was his mistake. He’d learned to trust the instincts of the wolf inside him. They were never wrong as far as he knew. Perhaps it was his flaw to be so trusting of the girl, but he was.

There was a protective tone to her voice as she explained everything. In short, he knew she didn’t want him to die. This was a new feeling for him. While his mother had wanted to protect him, her instruction had always come with being cautious, hiding who he was. [member="Scherezade deWinter"] wanted him to kill without question. Gerwald knew he was capable of it, but wasn’t sure that was the answer. She spoke of knowing the affinity of the person he faced in battle. He supposed that was a good assumption, but why was it such a concern.

”I didn’t want to kill you though, and I wasn’t trying to show off how strong I am either. Certainly that wouldn’t be my aim now. I’m more curious about you than anything, and about what happened back in the woods.”

It was the thing they were dancing around. Both of them had been treading their subjects carefully since returning. What had been a moment of play had gotten very serious with one action. Gerwald wanted to know why. He wanted know why it had been such a significant moment, and why it had impacted him so deeply. Was it the force, or had it been something else? These were all the thoughts in his mind that clouded with everything else that filled his mind.

He looked at the girl.

”Please tell me I’m not the only one that felt something happen when we shared that heart.”

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

About what happened in the woods. Please tell me I’m not the only one that felt something happen.

Scherezade stopped chewing, her previous bite feeling as though it had just decided to lodge itself in her throat. She could feel her cheeks turning into a bright red, along with her ears. That alone should've sufficed as an answer, but she shook her head as well, putting the food down on her knee. The hot juices from the meat spread into the fabric of her pants, but she couldn't feel it right at that moment.

She forced herself to swallow the bite that was still in her mouth, her brain running in hamster-like circles trying to find words that would give any sort of answer that went anywhere beyond just yes or no.

"I..." she tried.

"It..." she tried again.

And then felt the red go even deeper and darker.

"Yes," Scherezade finally said after a very awkward silence, "I mean, no! I mean, you're not the only one."

Only now did she dare to look at him, trying to force her cheeks to go back to their usual color. She didn't know if it just wasn't working, or if it was working too slowly for her to notice.

"Aside for Kat," she tried to explain, "you're the only one to have shown me anything that resembles honor, since I broke out of the pebble. And then you didn't just show me somethig that resembles it. You offered me Half the Heart of the Beast."

She wasn't trying to put special emphasizes on the word, but they happened anyway.

"But it wasn't just that, was it?" she asked, her voice now dropping in volume to just above a whisper.



[member="Gerwald Lechner"]

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

Honor...

Gerwald knew much about honor. His parents taught him to give honor to everyone until they proved they did not deserve it. The concept was something different than most were taught, but what happened went beyond that. Scherezade mentioned the heart they shared as well. Finally he asked about it. He had to know why it was such a thing of honor.

”You cried when I gave you that heart. I didn’t know it was such a big deal. Honestly I offered it to you because we shared the kill. It made sense.”

Now Gerwald was the one trying to come up with an answer. How was he supposed to tell the girl more happened than just an exchange of honor? It was deeper than that. She knew it had been, and he knew it. Gerwald was unsure if they should try and put a name to it. Things could get awkward that way, but something happened.

”It started out as sharing, but yeah... it’s more... complicated than that.”

Was it more complicated, clearly. It was the way he felt about it, yet it had come so freely and unhindered. Gerwald didn’t know how to describe it, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to try. Complicated was the right word, but it was also the wrong word. He shrugged again as he used the meat to buy him some time. Chewing on it gave him the short reprieve he needed to chew on the thoughts which had taken over his mind. It seemed this was the topic of their discussion.

Gerwald found he needed more time and simply finished his steak in silence. There was nothing he could think to say, just the observation his question had made her blush. Why had she? Was the feeling in that moment something deeper than what he had even thought? Now he had to know.

”Why did you blush? I mean me being naked didn’t make you blush, but my question did. What really happened when I gave you that half of the heart? What did you feel?”

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

"I didn't cry!" Scherezade retorted, falling into a defensive stand, "I was... I was leaking. A malfunction of the eyes. Yes."

But no, she wasn't even convincing herself, and it was more than obvious that she was aware of it. Scherezade buried her face behind her hands, breathing slow and hard for several breaths to regain her composure. When she straightened up again, her cheeks, albeit still red, were slightly less blush-y. But only slightly.

She would not have imagined in a million years that these sort of things would turn her into a mumbling idiot. Her grandmother had been a Mistress of words. Her mother had never been at any loss of them. Every family member that she could find knew how to describe moments, feelings, details, everything in an accurate way, sometimes painfully accurate. But she didn't. She was fumbling, having difficulties constructing sentences now. It was... It was humiliating. She was working very very very hard at that second to not call all her knives back to her, to serve as her armor as they had all night and did all the time.

"There are forms of nudity that go above and beyond the physical," the words then came out of her. She almost yelled 'shut up, grandma' again, but decided to let it go. It was a sentence, at least. A full one. And it made sense, even if she was realizing it only after it came out of her mouth.

She couldn't anymore.

Scherezade picked the meat up from her leg and set it aside on a clean space before getting up. She began to pace, a few feet in every direction, more as of a thing to do rather than try to leave Gerwald sitting there, even though the thought of it appealed to her for just one teeny tiny moment. Words. She needed words. To explain. To explain things. Words to explain things, yes.

"On Ende-," she began, then stopped. She had never told him where she was actually from, here she was born all those centuries ago. "Where I'm from," yeah, that was a better way to phrase it, "eating the Heart of the Beast has a meaning. A cultural meaning. Very deep. Much serious."

Okay, no. She took a breath, and tried again.

"Where I'm from, the heart rarely makes it to the table. The heart is the most valuable organ that can be taken from the beast that feeds you. It's considered a huge honor to be offered it. Like, really huge, more than I can properly explain. Like, honor is too small of a word to even exactly describe it.It's a recognition of greatness, whether it's just for a deed, or for the person entirely. No one just randomly get it."

The girl took a breath. That sounded... More or less logical. Maybe a little less than more.

"The kill was yours. I might have done the final damage to strip the beast's life, but you were the one that hunted it, found it, grabbed it by the throat. You were the one going both in and out of your skin in all that surrounded it. The... The honor was yours. And then you shared it with me. With me! And I thought... I knew you didn't really know the rituals and cultural lore of Endelaan, but you looked like you understood it had some sort of importance, like it wasn't just a meaningless gesture."

She couldn't pace anymore. If she was going to keep her legs going, she was going to break into a run, and if she broke into a run, he wasn't going to catch her even in his wolf form.

Forcing herself to sit back down where she'd been, Scherezade took another breath. She wanted to give him a full answer. She felt like she needed to give it to him. And not just because somewhere in the back of her head she felt like she owed it to him - but she owed it to herself, as well.

"And for the first time in over five hundred years, I... I didn't feel the murdering longing for my twin brother, or my parents, or my home planet," she said, unable to look at him just then, her eyes staring forward into the night instead, "and it felt like a piece a puzzle sank exactly into the right place."

Her voice had gone dry. If her brain was even capable of producing more words, her throat was no longer capable of voicing them.

And she remained silent, looking at the night, her hands gripping her knees hard enough to turn the knuckles paper white.



[member="Gerwald Lechner"]

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

"There are forms of nudity that go above and beyond the physical," she said.

The words were right, and perhaps the best way to describe what happened between them. It had been a moment of deep vulnerability where everything about who they were had been exposed to them on a spiritual level. Gerwald remembered thinking in the moment as if something spiritual had taken place, and perhaps that was exactly what had happened. He could only nod to the words. There was no disagreement because he couldn’t find anything more to say about the matter.

Where his mind did go was the honor he had given the girl. It was more than that as she described it. The kill had been his and the heart belonged to him. Sharing the heart was beyond anything he’d been obligated to do.

”It felt right, it was right...” was all he could answer as she suggested he’d shown her more than anyone had ever done before.

Her next words unnerved him. Suddenly he felt anxious. He was a piece of the puzzle? It wasn’t exactly what she had said, but it was what the wolf had heard. Then she revealed her age and that sent the other thoughts right out of his mind. How could she be 500? Yes, he had heard the remark about being trapped in a pebble, but how was she not completely insane after being imprissoned for so long. It only made even more sense now why she would encourage him to be free, and to be who he wanted to be. This was exactly what she was doing.

Gerwald watched her pace until she stopped. For a moment he was afraid she was going to bolt. He didn’t want to have to chase her, nor did he want the night to end with her leaving like that. Yes, their night was going to have to come to an end at some point, but not because things were getting too uncomfortable. Were they? Gerwald wondered, yes, but in a good way, if that was possible.

She stopped talking. He needed to say something. What though? There were no words that seemed appropriate. Gerwald did the only thing he knew to do. His large hand fell to the hand nearest him as she gripped her knees so tight that her knuckles were bare. He said nothing. His other hand came just under her chin and made her look at him. It was then that the words came to him. Words that had the power to change everything all over again.

”I see you.”

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

During the dance, they had been pressed against each other. When she rode his back as a wolf, they had been pressed to each other. But now he was touching her, and it wasn't the same as earlier. It was different. So different. He moved her chin and she was looking straight at him, her eyes wide, her vulnerability open and bare enough to almost make her hate it. "I see you," he said.

The world around them stopped existing. She was no longer aware of the water still running the remains out of the intestines. She wasn't aware of the night sky, the meat, the fire, the coals. None of it. It was just Gerwald and her and she looked at him and there were no words that she could utter.

Her brain split into two.

One part wanted to just freeze the moment. Not move. Not do anything. Not say anything. Not have Gerwald do or say anything either. Just stay like that. Exactly like that.

The second part was running frantically trying to decide what to do, because the first part was stupid and thought moments could be frozen. Because they just couldn't.

The hand that he wasn't holding came up. Slowly, full of doubt. But it came up, and before she knew it, Scherezade was holding her hand against Gerwald's cheek. It was a soft movement; not quite like a caress, but not too far from it either.

She didn't know what she wanted to do. Every millimeter of movement felt awkward. Like there was something she was supposed to do but couldn't, because she didn't know what it was. She could feel memories and orders from her grandmother threatening to rise, and she swallowed them down, refusing to hear any of it. This was her moment. Her and Gerwald's. She could feel her hands still slightly shaking when she managed to shut both parts of her brain up.

Scherezade closed the last few inches between their faces, pressing her lips against Gerwald's.



[member="Gerwald Lechner"]

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

A kiss. Gerwald knew it was coming the moment her hand rest on his cheek. The wolf in him wanted to nuzzle into the touch, but he refrained. It wasn’t his moment per se. Though it was his moment. Gerwald Lechner and [member="Scherezade deWinter"] had been locked in this moment together. Whatever happened as a result of it depended on his reaction. He could reject her, let the kiss happen, and he could even return it. With everything they had shared there was only one thing that made sense.

His lips pressed into her as his hand moved to cup her cheek. It was natural and right. For once he let the thoughts fade and die, and just acted. She brought this out in him, and he didn’t know why. The only reaction that made sense was to invite her to keep her guard down and drop his in return.

His hand remained on her cheek, caressing it with his thumb as the kiss broke. Gerwald swallowed and said nothing. What was there to say? Clear blue eyes returned to the fire after a moment as he tried to think of something, anything that would make sense. Nothing came. Turning back to her he placed a soft kiss on her forehead and let out a slow breath.

”That was...” he paused with a smile forming. ”Unexpected...”

Gerwald kicked himself as soon as he said it. That wasn’t right. Something had to be said, but that!? His mother should have never encouraged him to avoid romantic situations when he was younger. He might know how to handle this better.

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

He kissed her back.

...

He kissed her back!

Scherezade let all thoughts fizzle out of her head. Her hands stopped shaking and her entire body relaxed into Gerwald's as they kissed. His touch felt like the fuzzy nice kind of electricity. She didn't want him to stop. She could feel the warmth spreading from where their lips touched and all the way to her chest, and when the kiss broke, she was blushing again, but for entirely different reasons than earlier.

When he looked at the fire, she looked down, unsure of what was supposed to happen next. But then he kissed her forehead and said it was unexpected.

Scherezade leaned her forehead against his chin and let out a laughter of relief. It was one thing when she was mumbling and falling over her own words and being awkward. It was entirely different when they cancled each other's awkwardness. His comment had been perfect and it had arrived in perfect timing, and she almost kissed him again just for that.

"I hadn't exactly scheduled this on today's to-do list either," she said with a little grin, hoping that was enough to reassure him that it was fine. It was true though; she hadn't planned on even seeing him today. She'd been dancing in her own world and then spotted him, and then... Well, then the rest of the stuff just happened on its own.

She pulled her face a little bit backwards, her hands still touching him, needing to keep that physical contact somehow, even if not through kissing.

Were their guards truly down, here, in this moment?

"I've never-" she mumbled, trying to find the courage to say the words exactly as they were supposed to be said, "I've never kissed anyone before. Or been kissed. Or did the lip contact thing. Before."

Oh sure, her aunt had offered to bring her to her brothel and have her pick her first man. But... That wasn't exactly what Scherezade had wanted. She had a galaxy full of people to kill, training to be done, a ship to steal... There hadn't been any time to even consider kissing or anything beyond.

But this... Had happened. And while she refrained from falling into the sweet trap of "what if", she was glad it happened the way it had.

[member="Gerwald Lechner"]

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

Gerwald chuckled.

Kissing wasn’t something anyone scheduled unless they were trying to hide the fact they were doing it. No, everything about the day had been spontaneous, and Gerwald was only left wondering what it all meant. Had it been innocent, absolutely and hardly. He sighed inwardly because it only complicated everything else that had happened. The night had been fun. They’d been teasing each other, and aside from the one serious moment, they had mostly stayed from things being heavy. Everything was heavy now.

She had to touch him, and he let her. Every bit of it was a romantic gesture shared with strangers, but could they really say they were after the events of the night. Gerwald wished it could have been as easy as saying the kiss had been platonic, but that was a lie they both would have known from the moment it was uttered.

”Never? First the heart, and now your first kiss,” he chuckled, “”Mine too,” came the answer.

In truth it wasn’t because Gerwald wasn’t interested in women or kissing, but between his work and fighting, Gerwald avoided it altogether. His mother had made it clear that any daliances could result in a Lupine birth and their family secret could not be discovered on Stewjon. They would have been hunted. The best solution was to avoid romance entirely, and Gerwald hadn’t thought he was missing anything. Suddenly he wanted to smack his mother.

He was thinking it, but he couldn’t bring himself to ask it. What now? They would figure it out certainly, and it didn’t mean their fate had been decided for them. Yet, Gerwald also knew nothing about this night was normal anymore.

Standing up, Gerwald went back to work on the carcass. If it was going to be roasted he had finish preparing it. He sighed because getting up was not what he wanted to do, but they couldn’t leave what they had started unattended.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

She shook her head, confirming her previous confession that she had never kissed. And then Gerwald said that he hadn't either, and at this point she was really ready to stop counting surprises. Scherezade knew why she hadn't yet, and she knew the Ger's reasons had to be completely different; he had the charisma, the looks, and though she hadn't particularly thought about it before, she was pretty sure that at least some girls or women would have tried to make moves on him back on Stewjon. She desperately wanted to ask him why, but she chose silence instead. There would be time to ask questions about these things. Or at least, she hoped there would be.

Her hands dropped when Gerwald stood up and moved to the meat. Her mouth opened slightly as she wondered if she'd done anything to make him do that, but the realization that the world around them still existed hit her like a ton of bricks and she jumped from the log, moving swiftly towards the outdoor tap. The water was making puddles of stench by now, forgotten entirely during the actions of the two of them.

She shut the water off and pulled the organ out. Her fingers moved with nimbleness as she turned it inside out, smelling it closely, making sure there were no fecal remains. There weren't. Scherezade looked at the pile of chopped parts she'd prepared earlier, and shook her head. It wasn't enough. She needed garlic, onions, salt, pepper, some other things as well. She had them on her ship, but she didn't really want to initiate the end of the night. Instead she put the intestines on the table and sat herself back down again.

"Where do you sleep?" Scherezade found herself asking, trying to break the silence. It was getting too awkward for her by now, thick enough to cut with a knife. She wanted things to go light again, "where do you even live now that you're not on Stewjon anymore?"

[member="Gerwald Lechner"]

 

[Gerwald Lechner]

Quiet. It was too much, too thick, but at the same time Gerwald didn’t know what to say. They were not going to go back to how things had been. That was a naive thought. His brain wracked itself looking for something to say as he finished preparing the beast. His hands, torso, arms, and back were covered in blood by this point. The smell of it was still so strong. He would taking a shower at the first available moment, a long shower!

Gerwald didn’t have to break the silence after all. She wanted to know where he was living now. That was an easy answer. ”There is housing in the barracks for all the Knights. Part of the main compound.”. A smirk tugged at his lip when it occurred to him her first question had been where did he sleep. That was not so much an innocent question. ”Where I sleep... it’s like a bunk and I have to share the room with others. You weren’t planning on sneaking in were you?”

Now he was teasing, and the deep joyous chuckle he had been lacing his words with earlier had returned. He looked over to the girl as he came back from the beast. He wasn’t ready to sit back down. At this point he was getting desperate for a shower. Ger didn’t plan on roasting the beast covered in blood all day. He knew at this point sleep was not going to be something he would get with an consistency until it was cooked. Leaving and coming back was all he could really do.

”Gods I need a shower. I’m starting to get all sticky. The drier it gets the harder it will be to get it out of my hair.”

He sighed.

”Communal showers. I’m gonna have to explain this one to whoever is still awake,” he chuckled.

[member="Scherezade deWinter"]

 

[Scherezade deWinter]

"Of course I'm planning on sneaking in," she replied, pushing her chin forward as she grinned, "sometimes I perform domestic terror attacks on the CIS and I've been planning on lacing the Knights' drinking water with some uber strong laxatives and steal the keys to the toilets and not give it back until they paid me at least a million creds."

She was teasing back, of course. She'd never really done anything like that to the Confederacy people. Their enemies, however, were an entirely different story. She'd pulled that maneuver on Maramere and it had helped them gain the planet with relative ease. Sure, this or other CIS person died, but that had nothing to do with her. Everyone who stuck around to her, got out alive, and with quite a few fits of giggles.

"You're already sticky," Scherezade pointed out. They'd been covered in the blood for at least an hour at this point, and most of it had already dried.

Standing up, she was nowhere near as tall as Gerwald was. But she was close enough to it, especially considering most other girls or women she met tended to be on a much shorter side. She touched the ends of his air, feeling the crusty dried blood, and laughed. It was nice, except for the faking bits of blood that were now making it to her fingertips.

"My ship's nearby," she resumed, her tone light, "the shower is there is private."

Scherezade froze, realizing what she just might have sounded like she was offering. She blushed again and puffed in annoyance.

"I mean it's just comfortable to use and there's no communal thing and no one to explain things to," she mumbled, "I'm not offering we shower together. We can take turns. But you have to promise not to touch weird corners on the ship because I took it from one of my aunt and she'd a junkie who used to make her own spice and some stuff there is really old and really potent and I never have enough time to properly clean it up."

[member="Gerwald Lechner"]