You Were Always Welcome [Connor & Coci]

[Connor Harrison]

While Connor was here to lay out his sins, he wasn't here to be beaten for them. Thurion was about to explode - he could feel that simmering tension in the air. His whole demeanor changed, and so in turn Connor did too, ready to move and defend himself should the moment come. Brown eyes watched the former Grandmaster of the Silver Jedi, and he stood still when Thurion lashed out.

The mug bore the brunt of his flash of anger, clattering against the wall and tumbling onto the hard floor. Connor inhaled slowly, ready to act in a heartbeat. Of course he didn't want to, but he had to preserve the shred of dignity he had left, even after laying down his crimes. Thurion had every right to be angry now and use his words like blades to spear Connor's guilt and his morals - leading the Sith to assault their home. There was little else he could have done to show how far gone he truly was.

When he took stance behind Coci, acting as a physical barrier between the two as invisible sparks crackled around them ready to ignite at any second, Thurion calmed for a moment and offered Connor the chance to share more unspeakable truth, or soften things with feeble lies.

”Not you. Just Coci."

He didn't even blink when he said it. Something inside him deep down hoped Coci would understand and respect his honesty.

”When you banished me after our tussle on Voss, you were just part of the collateral that the Silver Jedi represented in my aim to find your good wife. My Shadow sister. It was driven by nothing but vengeance and cruelty, but they say a man with nothing to lose is the man who can afford to lose everything, and I had. I had nothing, and nobody, and so my aim was simply to find you and..."

It all sounded so simple. But just WHAT would he want to achieve? Where would he be now had he taken the life of a Heavenshield? Who knew. Maybe a darker legacy built on the fame of killing a Heavenshield would have presented him with the legacy he wanted?

”I saw nothing but satisfying my own desire for revenge. And nothing I can say or do will bring back the lives of those lost to you, but as you said, their blood is on my hands and it will never come off."

Connor leaned onto the table, a little close to the pair.

”You try living with a guilt like that for the rest of your life."

[member="Thurion Heavenshield"] | [member="Coci Heavenshield"]

 

[Coci Heavenshield]

She remained seated, but no less angry at his words but she kept a cool head for now although every fibre in her being wanted to tear him apart. How dare he sit here without a modicum of remorse for the people he had slain directly or indirectly. All that he was suffering was for himself, this was always Connors weakness, his own ego. His own suffering and if he was truly honest he would recognise that all his suffering stemmed from himself, his own actions.

“What .. exactly did I ever do to you, to deserve your wrath?”, What indeed, this had always been the unanswered question. She did not understand him like he wanted, not yet at this point. It was becoming too much even for her. “I love you like a brother, like my own blood and even was prepared to give up my life for you. You remember surely the night in that tower when you were possessed by that creature. Who was it that took their spirit from you?”. She slowly rose to her feet and leaned in over him.

“Don’t you dare sit here throwing the blame back on us, on me. You think you are the only one with blood on your hands, a thing that you alone have to live with for the rest of your life? It was because of us that you come here with that scum that slaughters at will, that was because of us and that is on us as well and we have to live with that”.

“You came here wanting to see us, to try for a new life to redeem, and we are prepared to help, even now. You want a legacy? This is where it starts, this is where you can achieve it”, she let out a long sigh mainly to cool her own temper and she squeezed Thurion’s hand as she moved away from the table.

“Years ago when Thyrian returned to Midvinter, he was still Sith but wanted more than another to change. He knew he could not erase the pass, nothing that he could do would ever remove that stain he had put on himself and he came to me for guidance, to help him find a path to that would at least, calm his soul so he could do great things for people, his people as recompense for his past actions”. She looked to Thurion, he was aware of this mostly. “I could not permit him to simply go without any form of punishment for his crimes, and so I arrested him and placed him under my authority for several years. He was confined to Midvinter and as a part of his journey toward finding a truer path he built our Jedi Temple”.

“Thyrian’s legacy will now outshine anything he had done prior, what he now stands for, what he is prepared to do for his people, his legacy and the list goes on”. She stood at the end of the table between the two. “I am not suggesting you build a temple, nor stay in Midvinter under a ‘house’ arrest, but I want you to think about what it is you could do to begin your journey toward your legacy. It is the start of the journey that will lead you to it”.

[member="Thurion Heavenshield"] | [member="Connor Harrison"]​

 

[Connor Harrison]

After being spoken to in the way Coci was speaking to him by Sith Lords, Ladies and Sorcerers over the past couple of years, this was water off a duck’s back. The Dark Lords had forced him to question where his journey would start and what he would do to take the first step; he had, and gotten nowhere.

Now, his former Shadow Sister and wife of his former Grandmaster asked it of him again. Where would he begin to start his journey?

The spirit of the Shri-tal that had started his broken connection to the Force nearly a decade or more ago was still fresh in his mind. It had been a living nightmare, but even out of the darkness that swamped him, it had made him stronger and more resolute to survive and prevent others falling into the dark web. It was only when he felt there was nothing more he could bring to the Light had his eye turned to the Dark to become something more.

And now he was back at the bottom of a very tall ladder, weaker than ever for him to climb.

Connor stood as Coci did.

”I do not blame you, but I simply offer my reasons. I wanted to do more with the Silver Jedi, and you never saw me fit for the chance. You never gave me the chance to make my legacy, and that of the Silver Jedi. I couldn’t stand it any longer, and I saw nothing but you all losing faith and trust in me, even when I did everything for the good of the Order when nobody else dared."

The subsequent apprehension and murder of the “Butcher of Korriban” was a prime example.

”And I’m sorry, but the path Thyrian walked is unknown to me. I can only take your word for it. I have been asked where to start my journey numerous times by people who have either betrayed me, used me, doubted me or abandoned me. Forgive me, but I am starting my journey now by simply being here, stood before you both."

He rubbed a hand across his chin.

”The legacy I want is not that of a hero or a saviour or a legend, it’s that of finding who I was before I lost my way. I want to continue my legacy, not try to forge a new one. Remember when the Dark Side would fear our very names and what we stood for? When we led Jedi into war, but escorted innocents out of it? Seeking new alliances and preventing our enemies from securing strong-holds? Celebrating, training, arguing and exploring together? That is where my legacy ended and where I want to pick right up again."

[member="Coci Heavenshield"] | [member="Thurion Heavenshield"]

 

[Thurion Heavenshield]

While Coci and Connor fired words at each other, Thurion wandered off to find the cup he'd sent crashing into the wall, ears still keenly present at the conversation. The impact had chipped away the corner of the wall, and the cup itself was bent and misshapen. Picking it up, he could not help but feel remorseful. He returned to the pair and quietly placed the broken cup back on the table. "The, uh... wall took a bit of a dent," he then informed Coci while awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. "I'll get it patched up first thing tomorrow." In a bid to calm the mood in the room, he then sat back down and helped himself to one of the biscuits he'd checked out earlier to snack on.

"This legacy you speak of, Connor; it does not belong to you, or me, or anyone else for that matter. It belongs to the Silver Jedi as a whole." One last bite and the biscuit was gone. "Here, try one," he moved the plate of sweets over to Connor.

"You want to be remembered. Leave a lasting legacy, as you put it. Be mindful that what you speak of is not a simple desire for fame and glory. If these are what you truly seek, then I am afraid the path of a Jedi is not for you, or ever was. Jedi do not ask for rewards for doing their duty; they do not ask that statues are erected in their honour, or that their names are written down for history to remember. Such things happen on their own, should the person in question be worthy of being remembered."

Stealing another biscuit off the plate to save for later, he met Connor's gaze anew and even smiled again. "You came here to make peace with us, and we have accepted it. I see no need to drag any further old sins into the discussion. But if you would care to heed this old friend's advice, then I would tell you to stop trying so hard. If there is one thing I know about you after all these years, it is how utterly merciless you are to yourself, ever trying your damndest to be the best in every situation. When was the last time you just sat down and enjoyed life as it came to you?"

Now he popped the second sweet in his mouth, all at once this time. "You don't have to try to be someone, Connor - some sort of ideal. Just simply be, and then let the world take its measure of you. Live your life, not the life of someone you think you should be." Wiping away the crumbs stuck to his lips, Thurion leaned back, crossed his legs and began to twiddle his thumbs. "Hey, when was the last time we did something together just for the hell of it? Was it... never?" Midvinter had much to offer in that regard.

[member="Connor Harrison"] | [member="Coci Heavenshield"]​

 

[Coci Heavenshield]

The conversation went in circles, and given the surprise nature of Connor's visit no one had time to prepare or think about any of this. So when Thurion ventured that they do something else it was a welcomed relief and maybe they could all take some time out and just relax the situation for a while. If Connor was true, and wanted this renewal of friendship then there would be time to have a more discerning chat later, once emotions had calmed and clear heads could prevail.

It would take Coci time to come to trust the man again, if she could ever completely again. But this is just as much a learning curve for the Heaveshield's as much as he. No one is ever too old to learn something about themselves it seems.

"What did you have in mind my love?", she turned to ask of her husband, and he was right of course. Never had the three of them simply been together for the sake of it. Always it had been through the course of duty, and this idea might be a good start something different something new. For all the world she wanted Connor back in their lives, always had done so she was prepared to give it a try for the third time.

Coci stood up and gathered the things off the table taking them back to the kitchen this also gave her time to pause and consider the next steps of their reunion. She also hoped that Connor would take on board Thurion and her words and maybe within them he would find a way in which to make amends but not for them, for himself. It was his path after all, and only he could choose which way to turn.

[member="Thurion Heavenshield"] | [member="Connor Harrison"]​