Star Wars Roleplay: Chaos

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Young Volcanoes

Connor Harrison

Guest
C
Connor sat, and waited.

He ran his thumbnail around the index finger nail in a slow circle, a repeated fidget to occupy his mind while Ara sipped her tea, flashed her amber corruption in her irises, and took her time to think on a reply. It was a simple question, and only needed a simple answer to go forward.

He didn’t get one.

Instead, she put that purr in her voice he had heard numerous times and the sly glint in her eye. A glint that invited a desire for power, for sex, control and want.

And the invitation for the one-time to be another time may have been easy to accept another life-time ago, but now, he wasn’t here to play adolescent games.

"Last chance.”

His voice was low, but his face calm and collected. The free hand rested on the glass of ice water.

"What did the other day mean to you.”

Her answer would then determine what he did next.

[member="Ara Ren"]
 
Her expression shifted subtly, going from seductive and inviting to incredulous and slightly amused. Watching him carefully, identifying those little ticks he had, the small movements of fingers and shifts of facial expression betraying his impatience. She knew he didn’t like the answer she’d offered even before he said as much.

A scowl grew, her hand setting the mug of tea on the table forcefully as she watched him from lowered lids.

”Or what, Connor?”

Just as he sat, calm and collected, so did she, only allowing a slight bit of ire to leak into her tone. Did he need their relationship spelled out to him? Was this about words and labels and loyalties? Or was it about the doubt and fear that burned within them both?

For a moment, she waited, gaze locked onto his, yet another stale-mate that seemed to be the defining feature of every interaction she had with her two closest companions since returning from Coruscant.

A quick glance around the mess hall reinforced that this was neither the time nor place to have the conversation he so desperately wanted to engage in. Considering how their last attempt to talk had ended, perhaps it would be beneficial to move this to somewhere more private, away from prying eyes and ears. She had no doubt that the Masters of Ren and Sieger himself would know of the goings on within the Bastion regardless of the appearance of privacy.

She stood easily, the skirt falling to brush the floor, her eyes stormy with a mixture of emotions all warring to be the front runner.

”Might I suggest that this is not the place to have this conversation?”

Her eyes flashed to the side at one occupied table pointedly and she moved without waiting for an answer. He would follow or not. As she stormed through the halls of the Bastion, her thoughts swirled, frustration and exasperation at the disciple and herself beating back the others.

Before long, she paused at a door, a quick code punched into the datapad opening the door to her new apartments without delay. The knight turned, for the first time daring to see if he’d chosen to accompany her or not.

[member="Connor Harrison"]
 

Connor Harrison

Guest
C
Connor did follow. From the moment she stood, skirt trailing and her heels clicked with purpose as she walked away, he was there. The ice water was left un touched on the table with her half-eaten cake.

Initially not knowing where they were, it was only when Ara went into an apartment did he click it must be her new digs. The rank of Knight brought many things, and a new abode within the Bastion was one. Connor was practically living out of a space no bigger than his old quarters on Voss, tucked away from everything and a base to rest his head, eat, sleep and read.

Heaven knows why he had a flat on Avalonia – he wasn’t there enough and it was basically untouched.

Connor glanced around taking the apartment in briefly before she turned to look at him. She was a sight, and it was only natural he wanted to know what this meant for her. He had made a call – last chance – and she wanted him to say what about it. So he did.

"Or else this,” he sliced through the air slowly with his hand, "us, or whatever, ends now. Got it?”

He stared at her and paced across the room, not paying attention to the material possessions or her décor or even the view across the valley.

"I’ve been here before and I’ve let my defences down. And I’ve been hurt and made to look a fool because of it. Not again. Not this time. So I want to know what you see this as. And cut the bullpoodoo with me. I want the truth.”

His eyes locked with hers; another stale-mate between two powerful players.

[member="Ara Ren"]
 
Following him into the apartment, she let the door slide shut and lock behind her. Waiting patiently while he inspected the rooms, the small living space and connected kitchenette opening into her bedroom off to one side. When he turned back to her, her expression narrowed as he gave his ultimatum. Before she could respond, he was off to pace the room, one more nervous tick he had that was constantly appearing when he was stressed or emotional.

Her gaze tracked his progress across the room, only her eyes moving, expression stony as he continued his mini-tirade.

That knot of worry and fear tightened, a weight settled low in her stomach. She resisted the urge to clinch her fists, knowing he’d see the motion and sense her inner turmoil. Just as it always had, anger took over, the warm emotion a crutch against the vulnerability she felt inside.

”Why are you obsessed with a label? Is it not enough to trust each other, to share in power and passion? Why does it have to be more than that?”

Turning away, she searched for something to focus on instead of the man that was the cause of so much confusion and fear within her. Two sides of her were constantly at war since he’d walked into her life that day on Dosuun.

Failing to find anything to draw her attention, she crossed her arms and kept her back to him. He wanted the truth but at the same time he admitted that just such a situation had burned him in the past. Why was he so intent on defining what this, what they, were?

The thought send a shiver of anxiety through her, the simple fact that even she considered the two of them a they setting off every alarm and defense in her head. She’d let them in, let them both in. She couldn’t do this. Caring led to pain, anger, and betrayal.

Her thoughts flashed back to their recent encounters. She’d asked him once what he wanted from her. He claimed he wanted to strengthen her, fight beside her, that he wanted her. She’d given that to him. She’d given herself to him on the shore of the lake, she’d agreed to fight beside him at Mustafar. Why was it not enough?

How much would he take?

What would be left afterwards?

[member="Connor Harrison"]

I just need enough of you to dull the pain
Just to get me through the night until we're twins again
Until we're stripped down to our skeletons again
Until we're saints just swimming in our sins again
And there's a jet black crow droning on and on and on
Up above our heads droning on and on and on
Keep making trouble till find what you love
I need a new partner in crime and you shrug


There's a room in a hotel in New York City
That shares our fate and deserves our pity
I don't want to remember it all
The promises are made if you just hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on


A pretty picture but the scenery is so loud
A face like heaven catching lighting in your nightgown
But back away from the water, babe, you might drown
 

Connor Harrison

Guest
C
He never took his eyes off her as she spoke, as she looked around, as she avoided opening up to him. But she didn't have to.

Connor looked beyond her dress and her flesh, and looked inside her soul; the Force was rife inside her, and her mind was a blur of thoughts and feelings. She doubted him, and herself. She had given what she could openly and now it was running out of steam.

Even with her back to him, he was looking right through her.

"I trust you, but I share passion and power with my allies. I've done it with the Light, and now I'm doing it with the Dark. There is a void I've left myself open for, and I'm not going to let it swallow me up in a chasm. I know you feel it too.”

He didn't move.

"Don't fight it. You know you can't.”

Now, he stepped forward once, her hair moving slightly as she breathed hard and probably tried to laugh and shrug off his words.

"I will gladly walk away if you have given all you can, Ara. You won't tell me your name, and you won't let me in anymore than your...duty allows. That shows you don't trust me or yourself as anything but Ren. What kind of partnership is that. What kind of relationship is that.”

Connor stopped, and waited for a reaction. He wasn't adverse to walking away before he was made a fool of again.

[member="Ara Ren"]
 
[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BprFgPCYiNw[/youtube]​

Too late, this is not the answer
I need to pack in
I can't pull your heart together with just my voice alone
A thousand shards of glass I came to meet you in
You cut the peace out of me


His words echoed through her and she felt him take a step closer. Her hands clinched into fists, eyes slamming shut. She would fight it because she didn’t know any other way. From a very young age, the girl had learned that trust was something easily given and broken just as quickly. Time and time again she’d trusted, she’d hoped, and it had been torn away each time, one more scar, one more bridge burned. Eventually, she started burning the bridges herself before she was the one caught in the middle surrounded by flames.

All she knew was how to fight, how to run, and how to survive.

And as you ripped it all apart,
That's when I turned to watch you
And as the light went on you went dark
I saw you turn to shadow
If you would salvage some part of you that once new love
But I'm loosing this
And I'm loosing you


Walk away. Her eyes opened slowly, stopping with lids half closed, staring at the wall beyond her without seeing the stonework. He was still stuck on the karking issue of her birth name, the damnable identity she’d left behind even before joining the Ren. He seemed convinced that her name was her identity within the Ren, that, like Talon and himself, it was a title she’d taken when she joined the First Order months before.

”I took my name years ago, half a decade, when I left….”

She paused, biting her lip for a moment as she considered. The word home was never right for the hovel she’d spent her early life struggling to survive in. The only person who lived in that darkness was long dead, long ago wiped from memory and thought.

No, that wasn’t correct either. Dagobah had shown her that. The woman who’s blood she shared was still there, still taunting her from deep within the recesses of her memory. A low growl trickled out, her eyes rolling with amber at a spectre not present.

”When I joined the street gangs.”

And oh I've gotta turn and run
The places that you never see
Oh I've gotta save my blood
From all you've broken
And pack up these pieces of me

It's too late now to stop the process
This was your choice you let it in
This double life you lead is eating you up from within
A thousand shards of glass you pushed beneath my skin
And left me lying here to bleed


Spinning on one heel, she met his gaze with her own, a fire burning behind the ruby irises.

”My duty as a Ren is to defend the Order and my brothers and sisters. That is all. Do you think I do any of this out of duty, truly?”

A few steps forward, her hips swaying as she approached, the hunter within coming out.

”My duty to the Ren in regards to you ended when I brought you to my master. If this was about duty I would have washed my hands of you then.”

Anger colored her tone, anger at herself, at him, at the position they found themselves in. Moving around him in a slow circle, her eyes never left his face, the internal war raging.

And as you showed my your scars
I only held you closer
But as the light in you went dark I saw you turn over
I wanted always to be there for you and close to you
But I'm loosing this
And I'm loosing you

And oh I've gotta turn and run
The places that you never see
Oh I've gotta save my blood
From all you've broken
And pack up these pieces of me


As she came full circle, her hand shot out, a thread of power accompanying the motion to wrap around his heart and lungs. Her fingers splayed across his chest, above the organs she applied a light pressure to. Her gaze dropped from his face to her hand, the beating of his pulse strong and steady under her palm.

Part of her wanted to pull that power, crush the heart until she watched the light die in his eyes, ridding herself of the pain and fear swirling within. It would be as easy as curling her fingers shut with a snap, his life and power gone in an instant.

So fragile…”

She wasn’t sure if her words were meant for him or for her, but they hung in the air between them, a whisper barely acknowledged.

”That day, in my room, I showed you who I was. Who I truly am. If you don’t believe in the trust of that, I can do no more.”

Her burning eyes flicked up to his once more, the darkness swirling within, her desire and bloodlust bare, a thread of fear hidden behind the baser, more powerful emotions.

These broken pieces
Pack up these pieces of me
These broken pieces
Pack up these pieces

Maybe without me
You'll return to all the beauty I once knew
But if I stay I know,
We will both be drowned by you holding onto me

And oh I've gotta turn and run
From the faces that you never see
Oh I've gotta save my blood
From all you've broken
Pack up these pieces of me


Stepping back, she let the power drop, turning away from him again. For a moment, she waited, the urge to turn and run at war with the fear and anxiety gripping her throat in invisible threads. Once upon a time, she’d have done anything to make him stay, but no longer.

She’d survive. She’d fight and grow stronger and survive. Whatever the outcome. He could be a part of it or not as he saw fit.

Her eyes narrowed, expression darkening as she stared at nothing.

”If a name is what you want, take it. I have no use of it anymore.”

Moving to the door with steps that she refused to let wobble, she placed a hand on the keypad, deftly typing in the combination to unlock the entry. As the door slid open, a thought whispered across their bond, quiet, hesitant, and tinged with anger.

Tessa. Tessaren Lightmist.

She didn’t have to say that if he ever uttered the name aloud, she’d destroy him where he stood. The darkness within said it all.

[member="Connor Harrison"]
 

Connor Harrison

Guest
C
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8jzDnsjYv9A

I've been here before
But always hit the floor.
I've spent a lifetime runnin'
And I always get away
But with you I'm feeling something
That makes me want to stay...

I'm prepared for this
I never shoot to miss
But I feel like a storm is coming
If I'm gonna make it through the day
Then there's no more use in runnin'
This is something I gotta face...


Connor wasn't going to lash out or question her now. He had had his say, and now he was man enough to deal with the consequences. There was going to be no admission of true feelings, that was for sure. There may be violence, but not from him. He was a punchbag for others to lash out on. And so fool him for being it.

She spoke, and he stood his ground.

Even when she lurched forward to place her hand on his chest, he saw that for a moment Ara wasn't there. It was a girl looking at a heart to squeeze dry, with so much power at her fingertips. His fingers curled a little as he felt the strain on his vital organs, but it ended as soon as it had begun.

Was he pushing her away? Was she pushing him away? Who was in the wrong? Right now, he couldn't say. All he wanted was to be let in to her life and know where he stood, but all she wanted was for him to accept her as a human and a broken warrior, and to take it as luck he had made it this far and appreciate it. Which was worse. He didn't know.

If I risk it all
Could you break my fall?

How do I live? How do I breathe?
When you're not here I'm suffocating
I wanna feel love, run through my blood
Tell me is this where I give it all up?
For you I have to risk it all
Cause the writing's on the wall...


Ara moved past him, and he felt the detest in her voice and felt it in her aura. Connor Harrison of the Silver Jedi was still festering away in his brain.

NO! No. Connor the Jedi was DEAD. This was Connor of the First Order. Damn the girl if she was too insecure to accept him and want him openly, and to hell with her batted eye-lids and purring voice when things became too mature to talk about. She acted like a child and he was rid...

Tessa. Tessaren Lightmist.

His eyes fluttered for a second, processing the name - her name - and he turned with a look of partial amusement on his face, but she had gone. So quickly she had led him in, and so quickly she had run away. It's what she did best. It's what they all did best when Connor came too close. They ran away.

A million shards of glass
That haunt me from my past
As the stars begin to gather
And the light begins to fade
When all hope begins to shatter
Know that I won't be afraid

If I risk it all
Could you break my fall?

How do I live? How do I breathe?
When you're not here I'm suffocating
I wanna feel love, run through my blood
Tell me is this where I give it all up?
For you I have to risk it all
Cause the writing's on the wall...


He looked around her apartment. It was like her. Perfectly formed, well attired, gleaming and inviting. But, like her also, what secrets lay within. This wasn't his apartment, and he didn't have the right to be here alone without her. Wiping a hand across his jaw, Connor sighed and walked out of the room, slowly closing the door behind him.

If she wanted him to chase her, she'd have to wait a long time. Connor wasn't going to stoop to that level. He wasn't going to pander to her needs or feed her sense of importance beyond what it was. The Ren were leaving with the First Order forces to take the Mustafar system and Darth Vader's castle was their first target. The two would need to stand as allies, probably with Kaal too, and act strong in the line of duty. Emotionlesss. Unattached. Focused. Something Ara proved she could do very well if things got too hot.

How do I live? How do I breathe?
When you're not here I'm suffocating
I wanna feel love, run through my blood
Tell me is this where I give it all up?

How do I live? How do I breathe?
When you're not here I'm suffocating
I wanna feel love, run through my blood
Tell me is this where I give it all up?
For you I have to risk it all
Cause the writing's on the wall.


She was angry. He was dissapointed and angry too. Right now, he didn't want to see her as she didn't want to see him. Avalonia suddenly seemed a lot more inviting.

[member="Ara Ren"]
 
Well I heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
Well it goes like this: the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah


Her footsteps echoed on stone ground, the heels of her boots clicking with each movement as she put more and more distance between herself and [member="Connor Harrison"] .

One corner.

Another.

Down a flight of stairs.

Faces flashed past, some nodding or bowing slightly in difference to the knight, but known of them acknowledged in the least. A few glances lingered on her bare sides, appreciative looks that faded as they caught a glimpse of her amber and sulfur eyes swirling with pain of varying kinds.

She wasn’t surprised when he didn’t follow, her footsteps the only sounds in the empty sub-basement of the Bastion.

She’d given him what he asked for and still it wasn’t enough. Every damn time. Spinning without warning, her hand flashed out, knuckles colliding with the wall, cracks forming in the stonework. Bones crunched, blood running from split skin scraped bare by the movement. Shards of pain arched up her arm, the power swirling around her strengthened by the lightning stemming from the joints of her hand.

How had she ended up here? How had she found herself in a place where rejection hurt worse than the pain of a now broken hand.

She flexed it, hissing slightly as the movement exacerbating the pain. Pulling the feeling inwards she continued, the limb hanging at her side, drops of blood dripping like a demented trail of bread crumbs.

There was one major chink in her armor leaving her vulnerable, leaving her prey to the emotions she cast aside years ago. The hope of a child who needed to feel wanted, loved, valued. It was time to find that crack and seal it.

The hangar bustled with activity, droids and pilots rushing around to ready for the upcoming invasion. The Crimson Sparrow sat ready and waiting, the ship and its crew familiar enough with the Knight and her habits of coming and going to not react to her sudden appearance. Stopping beside the pilot, she tilted her head, his eyes flashing to her broken and bleeding hand but wisely choosing not to say anything.

”Coruscant. Slum District G17.”

Boarding the craft without further comment, she found her way to the medical facilities and began cleaning and wrapping her hand as the ship prepared for departure.

There was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me, do you?
But remember when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
 

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