Private You've Seen The Butcher

[Zaavik Perl]

"I dunno where I'd be without you."

Zaavik stumbled over a reply. The confession while on the surface innocuous, had caught him off balance. "Y-yeah," he stuttered quietly. "Me either."

Noticeably more graceful than usual, yet still ungainly.

He was learning.

"Would you change it. If you could?"

Some parts, maybe. Several things could have been easier, while others could have been less painful. Physically or otherwise. All the little tweaks he could think of were nothing but should haves, could haves, and would haves.

Hindsight.

But that wasn't what she meant, was it? Would he reconsider if he had a redo? Would he have climbed out the window if he could step back into that night? The thought of either felt wrong. Explaining tweaks or regrets wasn't what she wanted to hear... he didn't think. It wouldn't really be a proper answer to her question either.

Nor would it sound very romantic.

"Not if it meant we wouldn't end up like this."

Not that his choice of reply was any more silver. He stopped himself from cringing once the words had a moment to fester.

"It's all been worth it."

 

[Darth Daiara]

Aradia snorted.

She presumed he talking about his freedom. There was no way being stunk in this stinken bed with her was worth the loss of everything else.

You had to ruin him. The words were like poison, her doubts growing into little whispers in her mind. She was an impostor. She could never escape the circumstances from which she was born. She'd never be more, no matter how much power she took to change it. She was dragging him down with her her. He could say it a million times and she wouldn't hear it. He knew his own mind, but she would continue to blame herself. She tried to relax, but the unknown continued to torment even this moment of peace. Could they do this? Would they even have the chance?

A part of her hoped beyond hope that Vesta survived. Her energy shifted darker, her head tucked away as she stewed.

 

[Zaavik Perl]

Neither of them said anything for a while.

What was there to say? Words were rarely this difficult. Zaavik stared at the ceiling, Aradia tucked into his left side. He kept his thoughts on a leash, restraining them from wandering too far to conflicts happening far beyond the closest stars.

A tenebrous pang tingled on the edge of his awareness.

As if on cue, he felt Aradia's head bury further into his torso. A glance downward honed into the sensation. He frowned, expression furtive between sightlines. His unpinned arm rose. The fleshy hand he so infrequently offered grazed the backs of its fingers across Aradia's cheek, ushering ginger hairs out of her face. It lingered, fingers settling behind her ear.

A grotesque, maimed thumb stroked her cheek.

He didn't look at it.

Effort was given to the small smile he flashed to appear reassuring. He'd already tried to assure her it'd be alright. Repeating himself wouldn't be productive, he didn't think. Zaavik wasn't even entirely certain it would.

"I love you," was the only honest thing he could think of.

 

[Darth Daiara]

Aradia slowly looked up, her tired, red-rimmed eyes meeting his. They were red for any entirely different reason. "I know," she echoed back. Her eyes closed to his touch. The gentle reassurance was foreign, but she found herself relaxing into it all the same. HIs hands were something that she knew, without question, wouldn't try to harm her. Imagine that.

The pang began to slowly settle, her thoughts refocusing back on him...

He always had a way of making the complex feel... simple. Easy. Right. What did anything matter? He loved her. She had questioned that on the windowsill. The weeks had turned it simple again,

He loved her. He was here. He loved her.

She opened her eyes, her fingers drifting up to come his face back. She trailed a finger over an old break in his nose, mirroring his smile.

"I love you too."

 

[Zaavik Perl]

Sudden glaze afflicted both of his eyes, perfectly syncing with her touch across his face. Their target seemed to extended millions of miles past Aradia and toward something no one else could see. A memory. Eyelids spasmed into a flutter, forcing his gaze back to the present. Eye contact resumed, almost as if there hadn't been any interruption at all.

"I uhm-"

The grace he possessed earlier seemed diminished. If even noticeable at all anymore.

Zaavik fought with himself. Something wouldn't let him articulate, an intangible barrier that kept the the most emotional, vulnerable, and intimate thoughts inside. He tried to slip them past the barricade anyway.

No luck.

Feth it.

Mechanical servos whirred as his arm moved, pulling Aradia as close as he could manage short of constriction. He coiled forward, opposite hand leading from the back of her neck. They pressed together, intertwined. Limbs, lips, and all.

Zaavik didn't want to think anymore.

 

[Darth Daiara]

She hadn't said that to him before. Not really, and not with the confidence in which she had uttered it then.

She read the shock in his eyes. Sometimes he felt distant with things, but she could read the emotions that crashed into his gaze. Yeah. She got it. She understood the walls that remained er-

The distance between them shattered. Their teeth clashed, she didn't know what she was doing, but it felt natural to twist her fingers in his hair and pull him closer. Every thought melted away, until air demanded she pull back. Her nose rested against his, her eyes wide with elated disbelief as she beheld him. "I should say that more often," she breathed, a laugh catching on the words.

She scooched up his level, their noses never separating as tangled limbs began a straddled lap. She was never so bold, but then again, it was hard to be shy when your head was in the clouds.

She grinned at him, then siezed his head and kissed him back with the same fevor he had shown before.

The rest of the world faded away.

 

[Zaavik Perl]

Neither of them said that very often.

Disregarding other reasons, it often felt that her knowing was enough. Was that a common consensus between them? Hard to imagine that she didn't have her own reasons. In fact, it was hard to imagine much of anything in the current moment. Despite attempting to resign himself to not thinking, it found a way to catch up with him.

A very present distraction compensated for that particular shortcoming.

Suddenly, she had taken control. Mutual ground was forfeited in favor of her taking the above. It should have been mentally excruciating, and he could have easily stopped her. Neither were reality. An extreme extent of perhaps his worst fear, and yet he couldn't even remember what it felt like to be afraid.

He stopped hesitating, face still locked across the one above. His hands ceased loitering, began searching, serving back what she'd seized him with.

At any moment, his chest felt like it could collapse.

No, embarrassment could wait until later.