I looked at her. I wanted her to say something, to scream at me or something. The silence that was between us was killing me. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, this wasn’t how it worked out in my head when my stupid peanut brain decided to do this. Why did I do it? I’ve wanted to do it since I met her, but she was so standoffish with me. My opportunity wasn’t what I thought it was. Whatever relationship we had created, I royally screwed that up. She still didn’t say anything just stared at me. The wooziness I felt in my head suddenly cleared and I heard her voice echoing in my head.
It was angry, but there was something more. I’m terrible at emotions, but the tears are what destroyed me. I felt disgusting. The wooziness started to return, which meant that she was done with me. Standing up, I stumbled a little as my back and my body ached already with pain. She turned and started to walk away. Was she going to leave me here? My mind continued to race trying to figure out a way to get her to stop hating me, to make up for my stupidity. I followed her, not too close, but close enough to make sure none of the others thought she was here to fight them.
As I followed her, I thought about what happened. My hand touched the corners of my lips as I could only think of one thing and that was what I had done and how I enjoyed it. It made me feel even more disgusting when I remembered her tears. I could feel them, I knew they were there. What had I done? I should have asked, but even then she probably would have yelled at me – though it would have been better than this. I didn’t want her to cry, I wanted her to get mad and hit me, to yell at me and call me stupid or something. That’s how it went always – “Ibaris, please I’m sorry.” I called out to her, but I didn’t expect a response. I thought about it and remembered feeling scared when I heard her voice in my head, but what was there to be scared of? What was she scared of? I was scared….that she hated me now.
[member="Ibaris Varanin-Jacobs"]
It was angry, but there was something more. I’m terrible at emotions, but the tears are what destroyed me. I felt disgusting. The wooziness started to return, which meant that she was done with me. Standing up, I stumbled a little as my back and my body ached already with pain. She turned and started to walk away. Was she going to leave me here? My mind continued to race trying to figure out a way to get her to stop hating me, to make up for my stupidity. I followed her, not too close, but close enough to make sure none of the others thought she was here to fight them.
As I followed her, I thought about what happened. My hand touched the corners of my lips as I could only think of one thing and that was what I had done and how I enjoyed it. It made me feel even more disgusting when I remembered her tears. I could feel them, I knew they were there. What had I done? I should have asked, but even then she probably would have yelled at me – though it would have been better than this. I didn’t want her to cry, I wanted her to get mad and hit me, to yell at me and call me stupid or something. That’s how it went always – “Ibaris, please I’m sorry.” I called out to her, but I didn’t expect a response. I thought about it and remembered feeling scared when I heard her voice in my head, but what was there to be scared of? What was she scared of? I was scared….that she hated me now.
[member="Ibaris Varanin-Jacobs"]
