Dark Secrets (complete)

[Connor Harrison]

Her behaviour was concerning, and this would need to be highlighted to her Master [member="Quenladose"], as soon as he could. However Connor wasn’t aware of their relationship, their teaching and learning, and didn’t know much about how Serena was progressing or studying at present. All he knew was something wasn’t right, and now he was involved. Again.

It seemed darkness didn’t like to stay away from him too long.

Connor just stood and listened, letting her take his hand, to touch him and panic – letting out her thoughts and fears, and he didn’t move. How much of this she understood herself wasn’t clear. He had to get her away.

”Come with me.”

He put his arm around her shoulder, feeling her weight shift to him, and forcefully continued to move her away until the came to the edge of the lake. A small bridge was to their right, but there were plenty of stones and shallow banks along the way to cross, if you didn’t mind getting a little wet. A large waterfall could be seen to their left, with the temple gleaming in the sun in the distance. Connor looked at it, before turning to Serena.

”Ok, let’s take it easy now. Many Jedi have experienced fluctuations in the Force, I myself have and I know others personally. It’s all about how your mind is dealing with this wealth of information and power at your control.”

A thought came to him; what if he being around Serena was the very cause of her fever-like delusions. What if he was conflicting her Force aura just by being there?

”Forget the ruins, forget this – just control your breathing and relax. Feel this all around you – clear, precise and soothing.”


[member="Serena Bouie"]

 

[Darth Ren Malgus]

Poor Connor part of her mind said, look at him it said and she couldn't help but look at him.

Was this darkness? Serena herself wasn't sure anymore, she wasn't even sure if she knew what darkness would feel like, seem like, or be. How could it be dark to feel someone else near you, how could it be dark to want to learn everything you could.

Oh but her Master had said Humans were flawed, worthless. Serena knew she had flaws but worthless, what did her Master [member="Quenladose"] know. The woman obviously hated anyone who questioned her methods, like so many others before her. Sure would be disastrous if someone actually tried some sympathy right. Sithspawn.

Come with him, she smiled, "ok" and went along like a little puppy following someone with treats. Treat, was Connor a treat? She giggled slightly.

He was telling her about the others, control. OH..ok.."how" and then he explained.

Clear her mind, she looked at him trying to clear her mind. She was a grownup not a child what the heck was she doing? Clear her mind.

Breath, clear. Relax. Relax.

Connor would protect her, wouldn't he? "Will you protect me if I can't protect myself?"

She kept breathing through her nose, exhaling through her mouth, trying not to think about anything except where she was at the moment.

But the voices, and then a single thought, what if it is me

Blue eyes looked at him, was it him, this didn't happen the last time. Was it because she was guarded then, and not now.

Clear. Precise. Soothing.

"I hope it isn't you that would crush me" she whispered. "Talk to me, it helps me relax the sound of your voice" She put her hand on his forearm, just breathing. The voices, more than one, it was voices, "there are many voices Connor, how do I make them whispers?"

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Serena was rebelling against her training, and that was a dangerous crack to have appear. There was something between Master and Student that was sacred, special and unified with the Force for them to know the other, to trust the other and to have faith in the other.

Connor didn’t feel Serena had this with her Master.

”Please…”

He crouched to the grass below and gently guided her down with him. Resting on knee, leaning on his eblow, Connor looked to the rippling lake before them and shook his head gently.

”Serena, I will protect you as best I can. I am but a Knight, but I have sworn to help those who fear what lies out there. I have seen evil, I have stared death in the face and lived to return here for a reason.”

Breathing gently, he looked over to Serena, looking like she was listening, but he couldn’t be sure. Then she touched him again and he looked out to the water.

”Tell me what the voices say. Do you have recurring dreams, nightmares? What are you hiding, Serena? What are you not telling me.”

If there was one thing he would do, it would be to protect her from the lure of the Dark Side, as he felt it creeping in. But from where? He didn’t know, and that was greatly disturbing.

[member="Serena Bouie"]

 

[Darth Ren Malgus]

What was she not telling him. She listened to his voice, the tone, the subject, she looked to the water ripples. Ripples moving away maybe taking the voices.

She did not close her eyes, "I can't sleep at night Connor, and I hear them. All of them." If she had dark circles they were hidden well, "since I only know two other padawans I can't tell who everyone else is. [member="Hawk Solo"] thinks about his daughter, and having a woman."

She shook her head, "I can't repeat all the things that I've heard in his voice"

Serena concentrated on the waters, "[member="Emma Prinn"] so ordered, her voice talks of flying"

Serena shook her head, "other voices a few are so odd, the one says I must go to the ruins, but it never says what ruins. The other says trespassers, singularly. And then they all mesh together and I can't tell the differences anymore"

She moaned slightly from the pain, "then there is overwhelming emotions all the time, every hour pushing down on me."

She looked away from the calm of the Lake, "then there are my own doubts. Which [member="Quenladose"] said I hesitate and have doubts, that the heart of a Jedi must be sure, must be pure be it for combat, knowledge or the desire to protect. An unsure heart is a dangerous thing." Serena closed her eyes, "She doesn't care about my doubts. I had hoped as you said someone would care. That they would nurture and help to overcome the doubts. But not her. She just makes me feel. Unworthy.." She reached up with her other hand to rub her temples. "her emotions are strong, confusing" was this what he wanted to know?

Serena kept breathing, the voices some grew softer, some did not. But they were not gone. How to block them out.

"Why were you drawing red circles?"

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

As Serena spoke, he drew circles around his index finger with his thumb, a gentle sensation on his skin as he tried to interpret what the girl was saying. Naming others Connor hadn’t yet spent time with but may well need to now, and hearing their voices.

He watched her talk half to him, half to herself and she rubbed her head. The Force was working with her, but she wasn’t allowing her mind to connect with it. She was fighting it.

Thought of mentalism came to mind, something he had seen before in both Jedi and Sith. Magic and sorcery, the ability to hear other people’s thoughts and inner feelings. It would explain her ability to feel empathy and hear others, but also explain her inability to control it. Maybe her path with the Silver Jedi would be one to focus on the mind rather than the blade.

Connor thought he had identified what her problem was, but when she spoke suddenly and mentioned his dark vision, it floored him.

”What?”

He turned slowly to her, looking deep within her eyes and rooting out what her intention was. While not angry, his voice turned serious and deep, full of intent and want for what she knew about him.

”How did you know about that. You weren’t even on Voss when I saw that. You were in another system, Serena.”

He didn’t expect something like this.


[member="Serena Bouie"]

 

[Darth Ren Malgus]

Her eyes half closed as she recalled the memory, "I was studying four tablets found there, beautiful carved, ancient. When I heard the screams I went outside I was telling them to get to safety I reached for the force to see if I could calm them with it."

She could see it now he wasn't angry, but something wasn't right.

"I could see others in the force feel them but you it could only be you were so far away, burning bright, there were more screams and when I opened my eyes the skies were red, and there was a red circle. It had to be you, and then it faded away"

Empathy could be tearing her apart from the inside out, and unless she got control of it, rather than it control of her it would in time drive her mad.

"I wanted to ask if you were alright, but the distance was too far."

Breath.

Relax.

"I've been waiting ever since to see you and ask, but then all this started and I wondered if I imagined it all"

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor rubbed his jaw slowly with his hand, before dropping it and gently poking at the fabric on his black combat trousers. He sighed, partly in frustration and partly in confusion at how Serena had felt what he had seen.

”When I left the planet after we first me, I came into contact with a Sith Lord; Matsu Xiangu. I left with physical wounds over my body - he stared at the ground but drew his hand down the right side of his body to indicate the whole side, “ – and scars I thought that would fade in time. Not to be. She has planted Sith Magic in my brain stem, it’s eating away at me daily. A constant reminder of my brush with the Sith and I’ve experienced these visions…illusions, creations…when my emotional state starts to change and the light reacts with the dark.”

He rolled his tongue over his front teeth, letting the words sink in at how cursed he was for life.

”I will have this until the day I die I suspect. My first vision was when you were all on Shri-tal and that’s when I knew something was wrong. I’ve had a couple since, but I just last it out. However, it can strike any time, and it’s horrible. I remember them all. I see them all and live them. I know I was standing around the ruins of the temple, and I drew my blade in a circle around you as you cried on the floor, alone and afraid of me.”

His right arm started to shake gently, the nerves in his maimed wrist hidden under his clothing starting to spasm.

”I represented a darkness that preyed on your emotional instability and the circle was a way to toy with you and make you mine.”

For the first time, he met her gaze again, a steely expression on his face.

”I said I would protect you, and I will. Be it from yourself, or the Dark Side…or me.”


[member="Serena Bouie"]

 

[Darth Ren Malgus]

Serena closed one eye trying to push more of the voices into someplace where they'd go away.

"So your journey was about facing darkness" She blinked where her hand rested on his she squeezed gently.

She did not have any training when it came to psychology, she was only trained in a large family of people with different views, and paths. The back of her head was throbbing terrible, she suspected she now had a headache.

Could she ever be afraid of him, "I cannot know what you have been through, it sounds like the hardest test of a Jedi's resolve" Her voice was whispering to keep her own pain levels down.

"If ever you were to be darkness there is always a light in darkness, no matter how much I would be afraid, I would come for you. Whatever light that can be found in me, I would use it to save you"

She was breathing easier now, and only the single whisper was remaining, "Connor, I think you were meant to find me so that we can help each other. If you have these emotional states that bring about these dark visions, perhaps I am meant to sense them and help you avoid them"

That is if she could get it in control.

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

A defeated smile was all Connor could muster. She was so naïve, and very sweet. It would be a shame to lose her to the terror beyond her own safety barriers that were already cracking.

”My dear, don’t worry about me. There is a lot you don’t know about me, and maybe it’s best you don’t know until you are in a more focused, stronger mind-set.”

He placed his right hand on hers.

”I have seen the Dark Side and I have hurt those closest to me in the process, but now I have returned with my purpose as a Silver Jedi confirmed – to protect and defend others from the darkness out there preying on them. That is what I will do until the day I die.”

A gentle shake to comfort her.

”Don’t worry. We need to sort you out before anything else. I suspect your ability with the Force stems from the mind, to read and influence others, but you first must learn how to control and hear it, rather than it control you.”

A flock of birds swirled over-head, causing him to stop and look up for a moment.

”We have something beautiful here, all around us. But I will not let you risk your future to delve into the evil embedded up here,” his fingers tapped his temple, ”as that is for me and me alone to battle. But I will help you, I promise you.”

She was far more complex than he had expected.

”All I ask is please don’t tell anyone of my illusions. I am not sure who knows but I don’t want others knowing what has infected me until I can control it, for it will only worry them and I can’t afford them to be worried or fear me, not now.”


[member="Serena Bouie"]

 

[Darth Ren Malgus]

She shook her head, "No Connor, if we are all Jedi, then we are all ready to do what we must for one another. Right?" She felt calmer now, talking, and just listening to the sounds of his voice, the timbre the lilt of the accent he carried, these things help to calm her.

"The force does things for reason, you know this, events happen for a reason. Sometimes not evident at the time but still reason. I came when you were leaving, you come back at the time I begin these new sensations."

She smiled then she could be naïve and she could be very sweet, but she had been in Jedi training before she was well acquainted with certain things.

"I'd really like being sorted out" Her face became solemn, not yet serene she looked up at the birds, and then back to him when he spoke, "Connor won't others be able to sense heightened emotions?"

But Serena had seen remnants of it what other gifts did she have that were untouched waiting to burst forth. "I won't tell Connor unless you begin losing the battle and start to slip away into the darkness." Even then she wasn't sure she wouldn't try pulling him back herself. But those were thoughts of a young woman who saw everyone as worth saving, that evil could always be defeated, and that the man before her was her friend. A friend that came with all kinds of assumed behaviors.

What was their destiny?

"There is still a voice, a single voice saying came to the ruins." She coughed a little again, "It is insistent"

Was it friend or foe, light or dark?

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Resting on his knee, Connor turned his head to look over towards the ruins, deep in the woodland behind them. He would be stupid if he let Serena wander to the ruins now in her state, he couldn’t forsee what would happen if he did.

However, he would be able to help her…would he?

So much confusion about himself and his ability, but that was natural. It was still so soon.

”I will sort you out, Serena, but for now I can’t risk you going to the ruins. I don’t know how you would react.”

Thinking about other Jedi who could shed some light on the Padawan, Connor looked at her.

”Many of the Jedi I know can hear the thoughts of another, but only if they attune themselves to the other, which comes with great development of skills and allows them to forge bonds and even talk over great distances and hear others.”

He drummed his fingers quickly on his knee.

”We need to develop your skill more. I feel you can be very powerful with your empathy, and it could be used to great advantage for the Silver Jedi out in the field. You could help turn the tide of a battle for us, Padawan.”

A smile cracked on his lips. Maybe the support he hadn’t received from the Republic could be something he could show to others to make them believe in what they stood for and the gift they held.

”Do you want to walk with me back to the Temple, or stay here for a while longer? I can’t leave you alone though, not now. Sorry.”


[member="Serena Bouie"]

 

[Darth Ren Malgus]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

Serena looked at Connor, she could feel concern and a touch of fear the Sith master had left the indelible mark on him. If she were a doctor of the mind she wasn't sure she would advocate his waiting to tell others. They could stay here, talk, meditate but it would not change anything right now.

But what would they do at the temple, was his plan to tell the others have them look at her under a microscope determine was she sane, or touched by darkness. Perhaps she was criminal having told him what she saw. Maybe it was against a rule that she didn't know about.

She nodded, "ok Connor if you think it is best we can go back to the temple" whatever was to happen there was no sense putting it off.

 

[Connor Harrison]

"We don't HAVE to go, I only asked for what you felt was right to do now."

He gave a small smile as he shifted his weight and picked up on her doubts.

"I'm not going to make you out to be something terrible, ok? I will talk to you Master and her alone about what you are feeling. It's not my place to take over her teaching, and I am just a friend to you who will try and help you as best I can."

Serena looked like she wanted to say something, but she was afraid to. This was a test for Connor as much as her; to act like someone she could depend on and believe in, because if she couldn't, who would?

[member="Serena Bouie"]

 

[Darth Ren Malgus]

She sighed a little, "I'm not sure what is right Connor. This whole time we've been talking I've felt a range of emotions. Closeness. Distance. Part of. Isolated. The emotions of everyone in the temple. "

She wasn't sure of the words. "I feel the force I see it living connecting." She shook her head. "It intertwines us to one another that's how I hear and see what I've been"

She was learning from the force even now the masses of midichlorians that flowed through her had remained untouched as long as she had not delved deeper into learning. The questions she posed were meant to clarify meant to understand, Jedi keepers of peace. Protectors of the weak. Battle was not always the first action, not an aversion to the blade did Serena have but the much needed understanding of its place within the teachings of Jedi.

Connor was right she was not one to handle a blade though she needed to learn it. Jedi were different it was their differences that balanced each other one completing the other to make a team. An order of completeness.

Serena had been focussing on the deeper tones of Connors voice to help bring her emotions down. "You won't always be to help me. What I need is to be able to put myself in a bubble that allowed we me to control what seeps in. Can you teach that? Can anyone?"

[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

”You’re discovering your own ability with the Force, Serena. That’s a good thing. You just now need to learn how to control it.”

Connor racked his brains, but couldn’t think of anyone who had shown the same ability Serena had – possibly [member="Coci Sinopi"]? But, that was due to a connection with her love [member="Thurion Heavenshield"]. And her level of knowledge was far greater than many, so he couldn’t be sure.

”We will find someone able to help you understand and develop your empathic nature, don’t worry. As for your bubble, to be honest, you don’t want that. Don’t withdraw from what you have inside to hide it away. It’s something special, and it will only be a matter of time before you unlock the potential you have.”

He pointed a finger towards her and looked down it.

”Trust yourself. Trust what you can do. And I WILL help you, I’ll always help you. Which is why I’m telling you not to hide yourself away. Be counted for something and be someone great.”


[member="Serena Bouie"]

 

[Darth Ren Malgus]

She had a massive headache and she just hadn't been able to communicate well. She thought she needed to protect her mind. Did Connor understand just how much this hurt? The constant crashing of thoughts and emotions thundering inside her demanding she pay attention.

She smiled at Connor though. Assuring herself that it would be alright, insanity had its up side. Right now she didn't want to be great or even someone she wanted a pain killer.

"I'm sure there's someone Connor" She was now trying to assure him she pat his arm gently. Trust herself. Serena put her hand to her temple making small circles with her fingers. Trust herself

She appreciated his willingness to help her. But he couldn't be everywhere she was and eventually the little she had conditioned herself to do would fail. Add in her padawan status, and his constant reminder that he was not a teacher. She believed she understood. He was keeping his promise.

"I guess we are delaying the inevitable" her voice was tight yet held some of her softness. She was losing herself drowning in the sea of emotions. Nausea from the pain was building and the concentrated effort she was putting in all failing as the voices the emotions all began seeping past the tones of Connors voice.

That underlying voice though it was adding pressure. What was so precious that it insisted so hard.

She'd have to find it and soon or lose her mind for certain.




[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

He could see she was in some amount of pain, and she was trying to get out of the situation by diffusing it with kind, optimistic words. Connor knelt on both knees and shuffled in front of her.

”Close your eyes.”

It took a moment, but as she tried to read him, Connor didn’t look at her eyes, but as his fingers coming up beside her head.

”Trust me.”

This should be interesting.

He hadn’t done this sort of thing before, but he knew he was able to do if he put his mind to it, and if it could just ease some of her pressure, it’d be worth it. Placing his fingers gently on the side of her head, Connor held her gently and closed his eyes. He wasn’t aiming to read her, to block her or anything like that, but just simply trying to sooth.

Speaking to her mind directly, he rubbed his fingers gently in small circles.

Take things slow. Learn to breath, to centre yourself here an now. We all have the ability to make ourselves feel wanted and worthy – all we need to do is utilize that power.

He pushed gently into the outer rim of her mind to probe and cool and mist the busy activity of other minds, and attempted to get her to focus back to her own.

Seek not to be accepted, Serena. Seek to be you, and accept yourself for who you are.

YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE, CONNOR HARRISON.

Connor’s eyes snapped open and he broke contact with Serena, hearing the voice inside his head, planted by the Sith inside his brain stem.

”I’m sorry…are you ok?”

BREAK HER AS YOU BROKE THE OTHERS.


[member="Serena Bouie"]

 

[Darth Ren Malgus]

She had been ready to face the temple but Connor had moved to be in front of her. She wondered what was he doing she listened.

"You don't have to do this" she closed her eyes, instinct brought her hands up to his face her palms on his cheeks her fingers at his temples. Trust me he said. "I don't want you hurt" she responded even as she tried to relax.

Then he was in her mind she let her mind drift to his without knowing a sensation of singularity held her to her spot. Dark images from him. Images of losing herself from her to him.

She listened to his voice, deeper from him came his sense of surety of his skills. His concern of responsibility towards her. She couldn't help but show him share with him Her sense of family. Her love of challenges. Her analytical mind.

It was a sharing something she couldn't control happening she felt herself melting into him. His strength hers. Her love of life his.

Acceptance. Yes she answered she needed to accept stop fighting it.

And then IT was there spider like tendrils with sharp claws reached out. Too late a snap pain rocketed through her she pulled back breathing hard her hand shook.

She kept her eyes closed for a moment opening them slowly she nodded her head, "I don't think your company likes me. " For a moment her mind was silent.

"A dark secret Connor, it has one." For a moment everything the darkness wanted from him flashed. She understood more now than before.

"Are you ok?" Concern filled her. How did he manage that thing?



[member="Connor Harrison"]

 

[Connor Harrison]

Hanging his head, cursing silently as Serena spoke, Connor pushed up from his knees and stood on the edge of the small lake. He stretched his back and wiped his face with the palm of his hands, sucking in a breath; mostly one of frustration.

”I can’t believe that freak did this.”

He nodded and blew out his cheeks.

”I’m fine, Serena. Just hope you are.”

And again he was lost in thought as he stared out into nothingness. The infection in his brain stem was always there; watching, listening, poisoning his mind with visions and illusions. Half of what he had heard and seen was nothing more than the manipulation of memories buried inside – but the Dark Side preyed on weakness, and here it was capitalising on the weakness that Connor had unfortunately shown before.

It would be something that would plague him for the rest of his life.

”Your mind was soothing away from the voices. You have shown me that you have a focal point, a centre where you can retreat and relax to amidst the confusion. You need to find that spot more, as that will help you block out the voices and help you focus on controlling your emphatic nature.”

The Sith Lord was slowly eating away at him.

”Forgive me for that spike in the mind. It’s a scar from my journey that will never heal. Best I don’t do that to anyone again. Sorry you experienced it, but well done for resisting it.”

What else would he lose before his own humanity and core of being a Silver Jedi?


[member="Serena Bouie"]

 

[Darth Ren Malgus]

Serena turned her head leaned over sick the experience would leave a mark. Sitting up she was feeling this day now tiring draining. Serena stared straight ahead her mind sorting through images she had seen then she found something.

Without speaking. If I'm not mistaken you can still hear me, and if practiced feel my presence.

She drew on something she saw in him his strength a small movement of her hand as she thought of cool reassuring thoughts. The emotions of the temple were seeping in but her focal point she did not think he would approve.

This time she spoke "You're not weak it is an image that it projects to you to make you doubt." A dark spike she knew nothing of but she knew it was in his mind. Plaguing him, she was going to try and siphon the dark doubt from his mind. Now that she knew it she could recognize it. She wouldn't tell him. It would be her secret to keep to try and help him.





[member="Connor Harrison"]