Don't Think; Feel.

[Connor Harrison]

It was over as quickly as it had begun - Dagos moved quickly, with purpose and with aggression, but it was controlled.

Connor gave him the chance to now attack with either a clear head or a clouded head, due to the humiliating put-down, and thankfully it was a clear head.

"Good - good!"

His footwork was off, but his movement with the blade was clean and precise. It reached where it had to, and then moved to the next spot, and the next.

Connor's feet moved back, his body twisting, taking the hits with his own weapon and grinning at the stern face before him.

"A clear mind is the most effective!"

He vaulted back onto the edge of the stairwell leading down and pointed his blade firectly at Dagos.

"You have lots more to work on, but THAT core I felt is strong. That is good work. Now - would you like to continue with defence, with me attacking you, or have you other work you want to try?"

Connor was glad Dagos had found him - it felt good to get stuck into the exciting part of the Silver Jedi.

[member="Dagos Terrek"]

 

[Dagos Terrek]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

His breath was heavy but controlled, he smiled proud at the encouraging words he received from Connor. It was good to hear, he had made a strong start.

“If it’s not any trouble, Connor. I would like to learn anything you could teach me. If that is more Soresu, that would be great, or…anything really!” he tried to remain still hearted, but the excitement from the work out and the male bonding, that he so desperately missed since Haruun Kal was just over whelming. He wanted to do more, it didn’t matter what, he just wanted to learn, and run and fight. He wanted to go back to quarters at the end of the night, sore and breathless.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor nodded at the Padawan - eager, hurting but full of desire to be the best he could be, and learn as much as he could. It was nice to see.

"Don't tell your Master what I've been doing...you may get a lecture, listening to this rogue."

He smiled to himself, looking down at his dusty boot as he walked softly forward. Tapping his chin, Connor thought about what would benefit the youth more.

"Tell me this, Dagos. Between you and me, take away all of this hierarchy - Padawan, Master, whatever. Take away the rules and expectancy of what you think you SHOULD say to me, and be honest. From the heart."

Stopping before the Padawan, he tapped his chest.

"What do you want most to achieve with your gift of wielding the Force?"

[member="Dagos Terrek"]

 

[Dagos Terrek]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

The smile left his face. What did he want to do with the force? He took a moment to think, for so long he wanted only to atone for his mistakes. To make right what happened to Ragos. But Ragos was dead, how could he make that right? He had convinced himself it would be to become a healer, to be someone who rushed into battle to save lives not take them. The thought still appealed to him.

“I don’t know Mast- sorry, Connor. There are so many of us at war or preparing for such an event. They claim its for the good of the galaxy, and they may be true, what do I know?” he paused and took a breath. “War and politics are not something I understand, but I understand that everything has a price.” the scene of his brother’s death flashed in his mind.

“With so much death on the horizon, I just want to stand against it. In any way I can. I want to heal those that are hurt, defend those that are defenseless and inspire those that are not.”

A tad bit idealistic. But he hadn’t thought long on it, this was his first real thought on the subject. And it occurred to him, that if he could choose his path, it would be that one. His gift was a responsibility, something he had been told often growing up but not understanding until very recently.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor narrowed his eyes and folded his arms.

"Are you walking this path for yourself, or your brother."

He saw the flash in the Padawan's mind - only a splinter, but he heard the name.

"Tell me what happened to him."

The heavy emotional strain of family could be used to turn a fragile mind to the Dark Side without them even realising it was happening. Connor may be darker than most, but his intentions were honest and he would make sure Dagos knew exactly what his place was, and what his position would be amongst them.

[member="Dagos Terrek"]

 

[Dagos Terrek]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

It wasn’t a request. The full weight of the force was behind his words and Dagos now found himself standing on the edge of a decision. He told no one about what happened with his brother not even his own master, but here before him stood this man, who demanded from him, his most personal secret.

“He died. Because of me.”

He wasn’t sure why he told him over Master Ru. Maybe it was how different they were, both he could tell held immense power and strength. Master Ru always felt as she had hers under control, her strength was subservient to her not the other way around but Connor, he was in control but it seemed just so, like he was the cork on a bottle whose contents were under such pressure they threaten to burst through at any moment.

Dagos strove for the serenity Master Ru displayed, but Connor showed there was another path.

 

[Connor Harrison]

"He died because his path was chosen by him alone, not you. Whatever the circumstances, you were not responsible for his death."

He paused.

"He was. Tell me what happened."

Whilst not obviously training, Connor knew he was teaching Dagos more about himself and his choices in the path ahead.


[member="Dagos Terrek"]

 

[Dagos Terrek]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

“He told me to turn back. I did not listen. It was my fault.”

again in his mind he watched as his brother was struck not once but three times with the spears of their enemy. There was someone screaming off in the distance, and he stood there. Watching, crying, fleeing. He should of saved him, but he ran, like the cowardice child he was. Not strong enough to save his family, how could be strong enough to protect the galaxy.

 

[Connor Harrison]

”I imagine when you are out there, fighting with your fellow brothers and sisters who trust you, when the time comes to help them…you will hide away in your bubble and ignore their shouts and cries for aid, is that right?”

Connor began to circle Dagos.

”If you can’t break through the guilt you feel for something you had NO control over, then that guilt will get you and those around you killed,” as he spoke, his fingers glazed over the ignition of the training saber in his hand, ” because you will not be focusing on the here and now, you will be focusing on the “what if”.

Standing beside him, Connor activated the blade, plunging it straight towards the Padawan’s torso for a painful, final strike.


[member="Dagos Terrek"]

 

[Dagos Terrek]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

“NO!”

He deflected Connor’s attack and advanced with his own, a strength coursing through him that he had never felt before. He reflexes were sharper, his movement crisper and his connection to the force deeper than he had known. In that moment he did not realize he had been acting out of anger. Connor was right, if he did not let go of this guilt he felt, if he did not move past his shame, it would be only a matter of time before it became his downfall, one way or another.

He pressed his attack, the anger giving him strength.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Connor was ready, and thankfully he was right to expect Dagos to attack out of anger – the natural way, but the most dangerous.

He stepped back quickly, defending his body from strong blows, working Dago’s footwork as well as his variance in height, strength and breaking defence. But Connor wasn’t done yet, and this would make or break the Padawan.

”You’re thinking again. Out to use your anger to strike me down, thinking how best to blame yourself to make you – “ their blades clashed, face close together, ” – STRONGER!”

With a flick of his wrist, Connor pushed down and brought up his right elbow, connecting in Dago’s jaw with a satisfying dull thud against the bone. At the same time, he kicked out with his right boot to take away his feet again.


[member="Dagos Terrek"]

 

[Dagos Terrek]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

He was back to his feet in a flash, dirt covered the front of him and blood pooled around his mouth where he had bitten through his cheek. He charged foreword again, the pain fueling his anger and his anger guiding his steps. He tried to draw deeper from it, to take that pain he felt, not just in his body but in his soul and use it to overwhelm his opponent

He would never betray his new brothers and sisters the way he betrayed Ragos. He would make Connor understand, the guilt he felt or his brother did not hold him back, it pushed him foreword. It keeps you running. A voice in the back of his mind proclaimed. You ran from home and soon you will run from here. He didn’t argue, he just pressed foreword, it was all he could do.

 

[Connor Harrison]

The aggression radiated of Dagos more than control - brutality with each strike. Connor knew he had to be careful, as he wasn't even the boys official Master, and he couldn't afford to taint him so soon without [member="Sochi Ru"] being aware.

He parried the blade, twisting his wrist to follow through a strike from Dagos. Then, lunging right and swinging hard left with an amplified strike that batted the training saber out of the Padawans's hand. At that second, the moment the green blade extinguished when it fell from his grip, Connor tossed his aside and lunged at Dagos.

He placed a hand at the base of his neck and pushed OUT with his other arm over his chest, firm but forward, as if he was gripping a wild beast.

"Dagos - stop. STOP."

Connor maintained his firm stance as the Padawan struggled initially.

"No. You see what's happening - your guilt is pushing you to the edge. You're not thinking. Your fragility has made your emotions weak, and were I a Sith, or anyone else, you'd be dead now."

He maintained his grip as Dagos stopped, but his breathing was deep.

"I have walked the line between light and dark, and I have nearly killed Silver Jedi in the process - " he moved his arm away, " - and my emotions were manipulated."

His hand slowly peeled away from Dago's neck.

"You fight with strength and passion, but the wrong sort of passion. You need to work to control you emotion, but accept your past so it can't be used to turn you into a monster. If you become a monster out there, there will be no hope for you, Padawan. You have so much potential, and that is what you need to learn."

Connor placed a hand on his shoulder and shook it gently.

"Learn to believe in yourself, and understand that no-one can change what has been, but YOU can change what is to come."

[member="Dagos Terrek"]

 

[Dagos Terrek]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

The anger was gone, replaced instead with shame. He had been weak and foolish, he disgraced his master, his order and himself. It had been so easy to drive him to that place, Connor had barely said a word and he rode the anger like a wave, like he had been waiting this whole time to unleash it.

“I…I will.” he wanted to apologize, but could not bring himself to do it. He knew he should not have given into the anger, but the suggestion that he would let others die again due to his cowardice was more than he could handle. Connor was right however, he needed to learn to control his emotions, if this were anything but a friendly lesson, he may be dead now, or worse.

“Thanks for the lesson. I, truly learned a lot.” he tried to sound as grateful as he felt. He truly had enjoyed the lesson even if it had devolved into what it had. He did not know if Connor had more to teach or if he would even be willing after how Dagos acted.

 

[Connor Harrison]

With a short shake of his head, Connor silenced any regret or apology or doubt Dagos would have after the outburst. It was a normal reaction - it was human. It only needed to be understood and controlled, and the more Dagos learnt about the Force, about the Silver Jedi and himself, he would be fine.

"Ok, leave that shame or whatever you have right now. I'm not your Master...part of me wishes I was however. You have great potential, Dagos, and I know Master Ru will make you great."

Patting his shoulder again, he moved back and picked up both hilts across the dusty floor.

"We will train again. You know little of me, but I know a great deal about you. That will change in time, and I will be happy to help whenever you need."

The lightsaber hilt was handed out to Dagos.

"You were not responsible for his death. I have seen the truth behind your eyes."

With a solemn smile, he kept his eye contact for a second, passing out his sincerity and confidence via the Force to Dagos, to let him know the road ahead would be difficult to walk, but he could do it with the right support.


[member="Dagos Terrek"]

 

[Dagos Terrek]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

“Thank you, Connor.” he said as he reached out and took the hilt of the training saber. A piece of himself returned with the discarded blade, a piece of him that had long been missing since that day on Haruun Kal. He felt lighter, the weight of his guilt subsiding ever so much, he still felt the pain of his loss and a responsibility toward its occurrence, but he was coming to terms with who he was now. Understanding that he could not use his brother’s passing as a reason to hide any longer. He had to face it or it would be his downfall. He would be grateful to Connor for showing him this, for a very long time.

“Maybe I wasn’t. But it still feels that way.” less than it did before, and it would probably feel less than this tomorrow, as good a start as any.

“I, would be happy to continue learning from you, when you have the time of course.”

 

[Connor Harrison]

With a knowing smile, Connor twirled the training hilt around his palm.

"You'll probably forget what I said come tomorrow. Maybe the day after. But, hopefully, you'll remember the words when you next want to lash out when you feel guilty over something you had no control over."

He leaned back on the small stone wall.

"Emotions are human, they are to expected and we can't ask you to shut down. You're living; breathing; real. But, if you ever feel those emotions clouding your vision as a peacekeeper and defender of justice in the galaxy, call on me and I will help you stand back from the edge."

Connor lowered his head slightly, giving his permission to Dagos to leave if he wanted.

"I'll be around when you need me. Remember; you are here for a reason. But don't abuse that reason or you'll have me deal with."

A devilish smile crossed his face.

[member="Dagos Terrek"]

 

[Dagos Terrek]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

“Thank you again, Connor. It meant a lot, you taking time out of your day to help me. I, wouldn’t want to keep you, if you had other places to be.”

He smiled at the older Jedi, truly appreciative of all that he learned this day, not only of the force but of himself. Connor, showed him, that he was walking a dangerous path, holding on to all that guilt. He did not feel absolved of his role in his brother’s death, but he did feel like he was coming closer to accepting that role and moving foreword with his life and his training.

There was probably much more he could learn from Connor, but as it was he had already taken up so much of his time. He could not ask for more, but he did not leave right away either. Hoping maybe foolishly, another lesson would present itself.

 

[Connor Harrison]

Arms crossed, Connor waited, but Dagos didn't make to move. Half as much, he expected this.

"Something else on your mind, Dagos?"

His fingers tapped his arms gently, the sun beating down through the arena on them both.

[member="Dagos Terrek"]

 

[Dagos Terrek]

[member="Connor Harrison"]

“Actually. There is.” Dagos wiped the sweat and dirt from his face. “Your much more familiar with the galaxy, and war, and how to survive both. I wondered if there was anything that YOU thought, would be beneficial for me to learn. And if you could teach me.” he gave him a pleading look. It was high time, Dagos took his training seriously. High time he looked to venture outside the boarders of the Silver Jedi as his master has. He needed to be as skilled as he could, as quickly as he could.