Private Finding The Calm Within [Kyra Perl]

[Caedyn Arenais]

Upon further investigation Caedyn had come to the conclusion that he'd misunderstood the relationship between Kyra Perl and her "partner" in the aforementioned field work that had seen them both taken captive by a Sith Cult; A find he could appreciate as it would have been somewhat embarrassing to outwardly assume a romance that wasn't in play. Kyra already had a certain negative impression of Caedyn, she didn't need any more ammunition to throw back at him.

Having read over the latest report given to him by Elise, Caedyn sent the following message to Kyra's holonet account, that which she'd receive via her datapad.

Kyra,

I would like the opportunity to speak with you once more. While I understand you have not been having an easy time lately, this is all the more reason for us to talk in private. If you are willing to give me the benefit of the doubt, you may find that my intentions have your best interests in mind and I wish to be of some assistance where that may be possible.

I will await you in the place we spoke last, at ten tomorrow morning. Please be on time.

Regards,
Caedyn Arenais.

The following morning, Caedyn sat within the Temple Garden, watching the small stream flow through the enclosure. It was a nice area with plenty of seating, but also neglected the feeling of confinement that the interior often encouraged when surrounded by four walls, a roof and traditions that bordered on authoritarian. The Jedi had their reasons for their etiquette, and Svivren was no different; However Kyra Perl seemed to be struggling to come to terms with such things and so the outdoors had felt much more appropriate.

 

[Kyra Perl]

He was not left waiting long, which was an improvement, some might say. Kyra had been on her best behavior upon her return. She hadn't really admitted to herself why that was yet. It would be a lie though to say she came entirely out of obligation. Things were said and done in that mission that had left her feeling very... fragile.

The help he offered was well timed, the girl almost ready to admit she needed it. Her pride was just so large!

He would notice the change in her almost immediately. Her gaze remained down turned and subdued as she sat at the very opposite edge of the bench. Tension remained in her shoulders, but for the first time in his acquaintance with her, there was no defiant tilt to her chin. The air was still, free of her empathic influence. She sat there, silent, waiting to be addressed.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Kyra Perl didn't at all appear her former self, the energetic and fiery Girl that Caedyn had been introduced to during his lesson and then later when they first met in the Garden's at the rear of the Silver Rest, now looked defeated within herself. Had it not been for the report that Elise had given him, Caedyn would have been reluctant to ask.

She had encountered a Sith Cult similar to those Caedyn had formerly met in the Outer Rim, and they had sought to take advantage of her compassion by torturing her friend, hoping to turn them both to the Dark Side. Acaadi was recovering from what Caedyn had read in the file, though he wouldn't be doing so comfortably or without great strain; the pair of them had been subjected to a horrific ordeal and no student was truly prepared for the aggression of the Sith the first time they were introduced. Caedyn still remembered his first encounter in vivid detail despite the years that had passed.

"Thank you for coming, Kyra" Caedyn spoke softly in greeting, though he gave pause before adding "It's good to see you again", looking to encourage a bit of a smile. He likely wouldn't see one but a bit of hope or positivity was never a bad thing.

"How are you doing?" He simply asked, wanting to offer her the chance to speak freely, giving her some control in where their discussion started off.

 

[Kyra Perl]

She swallowed hard, glancing up at his blatant lie. Good to see her again? Bah! She looked away, her lips pressing together at the friendliness. If this was an I told you so, she really didn't want to hear it.

He got a hard shrug at his question, the girl making things difficult with her one worded answer. "Fine."

Nothing else came, the effort she exerted ending at the reminder of their last visit together. She wasn't stupid. She knew he had heard what happened. She wrapped her arms around herself and tried that meditation zone out tactic again. Never really worked much, but if there ever a time to check out...

Now would be it.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn nodded faintly, glancing out ahead of them both, his eyes on the small stream as he considered his words to come. She was struggling and rightfully so, the experience had sounded like a harrowing venture to say the least. He didn't envy her. All Jedi faced such things, and this would be a pivotal time that could either make or break her future as a Jedi.

"Truly?" He asked, genuinely concerned though also sounding a little impressed despite hearing the lie for what it was, a mask of her true feelings; "I've read the report. To be feeling fine after running into the Sith...-That's quite an achievement considering many students don't return alive their first time". She may not have even realized there had been a report filed, students didn't have access to this sort of thing and Caedyn didn't seem to be hiding the fact. His words may have been abrupt, but he figured any response in the moment no matter the emotion would be beneficial. She needed to vent, to express herself, as hypocritical as that might sound coming from the previous sessions they'd shared.

"The first time I was introduced to them, they invaded and enslaved my homeworld. Eight million people died in an instant, a single attack, wiping out Commenor's second greatest City. My family were living in the Capital. It could have easily been us..".

Kyra Perl

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra snorted, giving him the side eye. She didn't realize he was trying to prod a reaction out of her, but she tried to hold one back anyway. She didn't want to give anyone fuel against her. Especially him. The sith had done enough of that. Well see, now she had learned her lesson! No emotions. She shrugged and looked away again, ignoring his poignant recall of his own life.

Nice try buddy.

"I've faced sith before. A sith lord, actually. Kintan. I was there. I can handle myself," she grumbled, despite the truth evidently being far from it. There was that ego he was warned of.

"I don't need your pity, and its not nice to stick your nose in other's files." Alright, he got a small reaction. But rude!

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"Oh you don't need to worry about that, I didn't go looking for your report, it was handed to me by a member of the Assembly" He informed her honestly. Whether or not she was ready to know of it, this was what Caedyn was like, he didn't hide the truth nor lie to save someone's feelings. There was nothing to be gained from masking the truth, only further loss and heart ache in such things.

"I keep hearing about Kintan lately, perhaps I should look into it" he added in vocal thought, speaking more to himself than anyone else. The recent conclave had raised the subject in a bid to unify various Jedi organizations and rally them against the Sith Empire. "I work mostly in the Outer Rim Territories so forgive my ignorance.." he added apologetically.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked after a pause. Reports were very black and white, pure fact and though helpful, not nearly as intuitive as hearing the story from word of mouth and personal experience. He was still fishing for that raw emotion of hers, that need to vent and express herself. If she thought he had ever taught them to never show emotion, she'd missed the point of the lesson entirely.

Though it seemed they might have plenty of time ahead of them both to go over such things again.

Kyra Perl

 

[Kyra Perl]

"No," she snapped. "I've already talked about it a million times, and why would I want to talk to you? You hate me, you're just looking for a chance to say I told you so, don't think it's not obvious. They held me hostage, they didn't give me brain damage," she grumbled, life creeping into her response.

She thought to stop and refrain herself again, but the next words slipped from her. "And how do you not know about Kintan? Like millions died. What kind of jedi are you?" Once more, she thought it wise to stop, but a small ember had ignited, and the next words came rolling out of her, even sharper.

"Who gave you my file, anyways. And like. Why. You don't even go here, that's like, ugh! Invasion of privacy much!" Her cheeks flushed red at the realization that he must know everything about her then. He made it seem like an extensive thing, these reports.

Every mistake highlighted, now in her mortal enemy's hands. She glared at him, a flair of vulnerable pain ripping through her. Rude!

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn frowned a little in confusion, turning to look to her hiding his surprise none; "What's given you the impression that I hate you?" He asked, feeling that she had jumped to conclusions following the lesson incident and subsequent meeting. She'd gotten the wrong idea and it clearly needed to be aired for her benefit in knowing better; "I wouldn't be trying to offer you help if I didn't want anything to do with you" he chuckled softly under his breath in a light manner, not laughing at her but in astonishment of the situation.

"And for the record, my father Veiere Arenais was a member of the Silver Assembly, and I belonged primarily to this Order not so long ago. I chose to live on Svivren and to help the Outer Rim, but I still have a place here with you Silvers. I still care" he explained. This was arguably the first time that Caedyn had ever felt above the average age, as though he were suddenly some old guy that people had forgotten. That wasn't the case, but to be speaking of his past as though it were long forgotten history, it was a little strange to say the least.

"...And I'm not that petty" He smirked, glancing back at Kyra Perl ; "I don't need to say 'I told you so'...-Nor would I want to give you the excuse to walk away from me again. I had hoped to understand you a little more, but you didn't exactly give me much of a chance...".

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra reeled back, indignation exploding across her face. "You shamed me in front of the entire class! In front of my friends! I had done nothing! I was even sitting nicely! And then you called me back to tell me I was gonna go sith on my friends, are you kidding me, how is that being nice?" She exclaimed, her voice ringing through the air.

"You're petty, and you're mean, and you just called me here to make me explode again so you can get me in trouble and -- gah! It's no fair! You win. Are you happy?? What'd I ever do to you?"

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn pursed his lips, his gaze shifting momentarily as he paused to carefully word his response. When he did speak, his voice remained calm and soft, not quiet yet not in any way to be sounding reactive or critical of the attitude she was throwing back his way. "Perhaps you had not realized how much of an effect your aura of influence had upon the group at the time...-I had assumed you'd be aware of the projection of your feelings across the group" he admitted.

"I pointed it out in response to the disturbance to the lesson, with the intention of using this as an example of the subject matter. I was going to continue to teach you all how to go about restraining and managing your emotions, but you chose to leave before I could continue and the others were rather focused on how you were feeling..." He explained. It hadn't been a great lesson in his first day back on Kashyyyk, that much was obvious; Though apparently Kyra had taken it as though he had intentionally sought to shame her.

"I was actually rather glad when I realized we had an Empath with us...-I'd never had the pleasure of teaching one before, and your talents were perfect for the subject I'd been asked to teach" he pointed out. The Empath had proven far more a challenge than he had anticipated and in a way, it was a significant lesson for Caedyn as much so as it could've been for Kyra.

"With how the lesson had gone though, I wanted to meet with you because I was worried about what could happen had you not been given the proper guidance in this area...I mentioned the risks as possibilities, but I didn't say that they would definitely happen or that you would intentionally seek to harm your friends. I wanted you to be aware of why the Jedi learn these things" she had clearly mistaken his cautioning her as an accusation and it had led Kyra Perl to believe he had something against her. This of course, couldn't be further from the truth as he was trying his best to help her.

Rather than putting the focus back on her, he simply sought to explain himself, to account for the misunderstanding and the way she had seemingly perceived him.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra went numb, her mind unable to process and accept the logic he delivered like an endless shpeel. She groaned at his words, crossing her arms and giving him a massive shrug. All that effort, for a shrug.

"Well, you sucked at it. It hurt, and I didn't want to hear it. Dun wanna hear it now, either. I'm just like-- not in the mood today, okay? Is there something else you wanted, or can I just go," she asked, already seeking to squirm out and away. Kyra was notorious for shying away from conflict she didn't start herself. Visible signs of agitations had crept up into her demeanor-- her fingers running obsessively over the string to her shirt. Her shoulders were high. Her motions jerky.

He wanted the raw emotion out. She half looked like a cornered animal. Felt like one too.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn doubted that Kyra would be overly thrilled to hear what he had to say, and now certainly expected her to complain further with the news he had to share with her. "I suppose then you're going to be disappointed to hear this, but the Assembly have asked me to spend some time with you Kyra" he informed her, though reluctantly so. He had his own concerns that she might see this as something he was being told to do, as opposed to actually wanting to do so. "I could have turned down their request, but I agreed because I want to do what I can to help you further along in your path to becoming a Jedi" he added, wanting to make it clear to her that it had ultimately been up to him, and this was the decision he had chosen.

It was in a sense like being stuck between a rock and a hard place for Caedyn, not wanting to force her into doing anything she wasn't comfortable with doing, and yet knowing that Elise had expressed great concern over Kyra's future within the Order. She had given him the distinct impression that Kyra was at risk of being let go.

"If you want to go, you can go...-But I'll call for you again in two days time" he assured her.

Kyra Perl

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra went stiff, her lips pressing into a thin line at the news. If there was ever a more visual sign of someones walls going up, he was faced with it in this moment. Her heart stuttered rapidly, a wash of stress rippling through her body.

"I see. They must really be running out of options if they chose you," came the words, meant to sting. "Well, hate to break it to you but you're wasting your time." She stood up, rigid. "I don't want a master, and I certainly don't want to apprentice under you. Feck off. No one wants you here." And with those hostile words, she turned and left.

She meant to do so with a slow, burning intention, but as she took steps away her words caught up to her, taking even her by surprise. Oh she had just cursed out a master. Oh shite. Too far, too far.

Her steps broke into a run, a spark of fear in her chest.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn's eyes widened a little as he listened and then watched Kyra Perl turn away. He was doing his best to cater to her feelings and emotional state following the reported incident and their previous meetings, yet this was...-Naturally it shocked him. His jaw tightened as her words were replayed in his head; He really didn't think he was as bad as she was making him out to be, yet there was nothing he could do to change that right now...-She was very set on walking away.

Caedyn hadn't even raised the possibility of her being given a Mentor, an apprenticeship under him but it was very clear now how she felt about the idea. She'd possibly just saved him the embarrassment of being turned away. All that he had said was that he was going to spend some time with her, nothing more. An apprenticeship was something she'd need to consent too, as far as Caedyn was concerned.

Releasing a heavy exhale through his nose, his brows furrowed as he cast his gaze to the garden floor. 'That went well...' he thought to himself, laced with sarcasm. Suddenly he was feeling apprehensive about his return in a couple days time, he had tried to be nice and she'd thrown it in his face in what was the harshest thing he'd ever been said by another member of the Jedi.

​

Two days had passed and he'd once again informed Kyra that he was intent on meeting with her. He had lived up to his word, given her the space she had wanted and said nothing of their last encounter. No one would learn of the manner in which she had spoken to him, Kyra was already struggling and Caedyn had no intention of making things any more difficult for her.

He wasn't certain there'd be a response any better than the last, but he wasn't willing to give up on her just yet. While she could be stubborn, Caedyn wasn't one to run at the first sign of trouble. He could see she needed the help, regardless of whether she was willing to admit that or not.

This next meeting was within one of the sparring rooms however, within the confines of the Silver Rest. If she wanted to run from him again this time, she wouldn't have to go far to find the comfort of her peers or her personal quarters.

 

[Kyra Perl]

It was very confusing, not being told on. It was almost worse then actually being told on, because that was a motivation she could understand. She was genuinely surprised to receive the message to meet again from the man that lived so far away. She really would have expected her words to have been enough to scare him off. You just don't speak to masters that way.

It was this apprehension and fear of another shoe dropping that got Caedyn the respect of a timely arrival. The girl scattered in the arena, wearing the same soft cottons as all the rest. It felt silly to come in dressed for training. Largely, she was expecting another chastising that resulted in her running away again. The last conversation with him had gone much calmer than their first one, she could admit that. Maybe in retrospect it was her that had been the harsh one this time and not the other way around.

But frankly he deserved it.

What did he want from her. What the assembly want from her.

The question had been haunting her, rebounding through her mind as she tried to process the stressful events of her return. Her tense state had only seemed to amplify, the girl scattering into the training room like a frightened rabbit. She had not confided in anyone yet. It felt as if she was a coiled string, pulled tight and ready to snap.

But she couldn't.

She couldn't prove them right.

The knight received a large, reproachful look, the padawan swallowing hard.

"What," she demanded, her voice soft.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

When Kyra Perl arrived, Caedyn was mildly surprised to see her dressed in the appropriate clothes suited to their surroundings. He hadn't expected her to show up at all without complaint, let alone dressed for the occasion. At the very least, that was something of a positive. Frankly he didn't expect many things to go in his favor today, much like previous sessions thus far.

"Well hello to you too, Kyra" Caedyn greeted her, though the smile that he had offered her previous times wasn't present there today. He was somewhat more reserved in his standing, and didn't appear as enthusiastic as he had been in recent days. That said, there was also no sign of resentments, concern nor frustration either. He simply was.

"As promised, here we are" he extended a hand to either side of himself, as if to emphasize their surrounding environment; "The Garden didn't seem to agree with you much so I thought perhaps you'd prefer the indoors. At least this way if you feel the need to hit me, we can tell the others it's a training session" he couldn't help himself, masking these tense sort of moments with humor was his thing, something he did to cut through the tensions or anxiety of likely scenarios.

Both hands rose in front of him, palms facing her in a show of surrender. "Don't shoot, I'm just kidding..." he subtly apologized without actually apologizing. He didn't need to give her any further incentive to bite, she clearly didn't need a lot to cut loose on him, proven the case by their last discussion.

"I have to ask though, why do you want to become a Jedi?" he questioned, wanting to move things along to the real reason they were speaking again. If at the very least, he was hoping for a little more insight as to what motivated her and who she was as an individual.

"Does the Order mean anything to you, or is it just a roof over your head?".

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra gave him a long, weary look, her hackles half rising before she forced them back down. It was starting to feel like he was trying to rile her up. Was that possible in a master? That they could hate you enough to try and kick you out? She wasn't making it that hard for him with that last mission-- the levity of what had occurred weighing heavily on her mind.

Well, she wasn't gonna let him win like that.

She wasn't gonna let him goad her into a response.

"Why would you say that," she whispered tightly, the implication stinging. "If you really think so little of me, just leave me alone. I don't have time for this, I have stuff to do," she started to turn, ready to leave again.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Kyra Perl

"Well you haven't exactly given me much evidence to the contrary Kyra...-I'm trying to get to know you, I've told you that I'm here because I want to help you in some way but rather than giving me a chance, you've walked away from me twice, complained at every opportunity and flat out insulted me multiple times in the same sentence the last time we spoke" Caedyn responded quickly, this time his frustration starting to show in his tone of voice as he stared her in the back. He had been warned about her in the meeting with Elise, yet prior to that he would have hoped a student to show the teachings of the Order, the self discipline and the commitment of someone who wished to be there.

"Please. Stop taking everything I say to heart and just try to give me the time of day, will you?" he asked with a sense of irritation about him, "Believe it or not, I don't enjoy arguing with you any more than you do" he added, crossing his arms over his chest and casting his eyes to the far side of the room.

"I asked you a question...-And despite what little you obviously think of me, there's reason behind the things I ask of you. Why are you interested in becoming a Jedi...".

 

[Kyra Perl]

Irritation seeped through Kyra, making her chest go a-stutter. She gritted her teeth, then turned on him, her eyes flashing in their shared emotion.

"Because I have to! Because I want to, okay? Everyone else in my family is a jedi, and I'm not gonna be left in the dust! Is that what you wanna hear? Gods, you are so frustrating, you know you really shouldn't be acting innocent here! I was really excited for your class and you ran me off! And today! I came here saying nothing, and you started it again and I- gah! Stop making me feel this way!" She snapped, a sudden force push shooting out from her like a shock wave.

It would be strong enough to create space between them, fueled by the spark of emotions overwhelming her.

She panted, staring in shock.