Private Finding The Calm Within [Kyra Perl]

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn's left arm extended and hand opening, he summoned a wealth of energy to his control, swatting the telekinetic wall of energy that she had accidentally projected towards him, aside as though it were a minor inconvenience. The Force that he commanded countering the strength of hers and dissolving it to do no further disruption upon their shared space, his eyes locked upon Kyra Perl , his jaw tightening once more in similar reaction as it had the day she had insulted him.

Initially he did not speak. Caedyn understood the weight of ones own emotions and how heavily they could influence their words and actions. He did not wish for Kyra to bear the brunt of his frustrations and so he sought to steal himself, inhaling slowly through his nose and holding it for a few seconds before releasing it through barely parted lips.

She was trying his patience something fierce, and yet she was fortunate in that he carried his father's stubbornness. It was vitally important that he keep trying, and while she didn't understand what it would cost her should Caedyn give up, the Jedi Knight knew all too well, thanks to what Elise had shared with him.

"...You still haven't answered my question".

 

[Kyra Perl]

A chill crept over the girl. She took a stumbling step back, his silence only fanning the horror of the moment.

The air exploded with her emotions, what control she had been demonstrating shattered as his silence undid her. She looked away, aghast, regret and a sense of distaste permeating from her. That had been exactly what the sith had wanted from her. Moisture filled her eyes, her lips pressing into a thin line as her sense of self felt stripped from her. She was loosing it. It. All. Everything.

She looked to him when he spoke again, and perhaps the tears on her waterline would seem out of place. The anger was gone, washed away by a deep sense of helpless vulnerability. She didn't want him to see her this way, but she sensed that running after she had lost control on him would be a deadly mistake.

So she stayed rooted in place, her lip wobbling as she fought with everything she had to keep the tears in.

"Does the Order mean anything to you, or is it just a roof over your head?"​

"It. Means. Everything," she leveled, her voice barely contained.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"It. Means. Everything".
​

There was the confirmation Caedyn wanted, the proof that he needed to know that this wasn't all just a waste of both of their time as Kyra Perl had claimed. She wanted to be a Jedi, it meant something to her, something true.

It wasn't uncommon for students to come and go through the Jedi organizations, many having been removed from unstable homes or livelihoods of poverty into something routine and structured, it was an adaption that many struggled with and some chose to accept for fear of nothing better out there in the Galaxy. Caedyn had needed to hear Kyra say it, that she wanted this. Her behavior hadn't exactly shown him otherwise, until now.

"Good...".

She wasn't in a good place within herself however, and it was easy to see. That was why, rather than risk Kyra running out on him again, Caedyn looked briefly to the entrance of the room, focusing briefly to trigger the locking mechanism of the doors, an audible click sounding to confirm their activation sealing the room closed.

Were they close friends, Caedyn would have wanted to offer her solace in a hug, comfort of some form; Yet they weren't and his was a professional role. The only good that he could offer would come in the form of guidance. She knew little about him, and vice versa. Locking the room, allowed them more time to speak without her seeking a way out.

Gesturing to the floor before them, Caedyn's eyes landed upon the Padawan once more; "Please, sit with me" he asked, soon moving to take a seat upon the floor, crossing his legs and adopting a meditative position. Though that wasn't the objective just yet.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra stared at him blankly, not understanding. "...What?" His sudden calm invitation was a stark contrast to the confrontation they had continuously had. For a moment she thought it was a trap. Or a trick. It wasn't like he could actually be playing nice with her now.

But when his expression remained even and his words did not change... she realized he was serious. She looked around, her attention flickering nervously to the door for a moment. The change in pace was all the distraction the girl needed to forget her inner turmoil. Within moments the tears had cleared, her mood as shifting as the wind.

She snuffled, wiping at her face before taking a slow, cautious seat many feet away from him. The distance spoke volumes. She squirmed on her knees. "Areyougonnatellonme?" Came the apprehensive question.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn inhaled pensively, then released a sigh and shook his head in answer to her question; "No I'm not" he replied, his elbows pressing atop his legs just shy of the knee, hands resting beneath his chin as he sat there in a somewhat casual manner, studying her. She certainly wasn't comfortable, and didn't appear at all willing to trust him. This was fine, for the time being but one day he would hope that they could hold a conversation without her feeling the need to doubt his sincerity.

"You've been through a lot" He added, though she herself needn't be told the obvious; "I don't see what good would come of it...-Usually consequences would be put in place for a student to learn a lesson, but I think you meant to do what you did...-Nor do I think teaching you a lesson that you already know would help us both at all" he explained, his voice calm as he spoke to her. On the outside he would appear rather placid, yet within he had his own concerns and doubts about the given situation between them a plenty.

There was the risk of Kyra Perl refusing to give him the time of day, for example. This was the largest concern on the forefront of his conscience for a number of reasons, aside from the simple fact that she could be let go if he didn't prove to be successful in reaching her; But Caedyn also held a soft spot for those that were struggling. The downtrodden or the underdog, the afflicted or temporarily compromised. He had no doubt in his mind that Kyra was strong within herself and her potential was great, yet she had suffered recently and that trauma was hurting her time within the Order of the Silver Jedi.

"I'm sorry" Caedyn apologized, though she may not have expected it, Caedyn regretted the way in which she had interpreted his recent actions and choice of words; "It's easy for me to speak from a place of experience. I have been genuinely wanting to help you, but it seems the way I've been going about it hasn't been working in our favor here...".

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra blinked, her expression closing off in an instant.

People didn't usually apologize to her. Chastise her? Sure. Engage her ludicrousness with spunky energy of there own? Often. But apologize? She almost didn't know what to say, a lump forming in her throat. She wouldn't have believed him, but she could feel the genuine desire to resolve this ripple off of him. She swallowed hard, then pressed deeper, reaching to sense out what she could of the man before her.

"I'm fine," she whispered, her voice tight. "I dunno what they told you, but it's a lie. I don't need any special help, I can keep up on my own-- I- I am keeping up on my own," she lied. "I'm a good student."

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

The deeper she looked, the more she would be allowed to see in his immediate state, though Caedyn kept his past closely guarded so that she could read too far into him that it might compromise any possible future. His feelings and intentions would be free game, yet reading his thoughts and memories were something he couldn't allow. The moment she had sort to intrude upon his privacy, he had sensed it and acted accordingly.

"The least you could do is be honest with me, Kyra..." Caedyn replied. Surely she must know that he recent behavior conflicted with, and spoke against her lie in great volume. He had already pointed out her mistreatment towards himself, a Jedi Knight and still a registered member of the Order of the Silver Jedi, whether she realized that or not.

He didn't say anything more for the time being however, it felt like the right thing to do to leave the ball in her court, so to speak. To give Kyra Perl the choice of how long she wanted to play this game out, how long she planned to keep this up. Caedyn had locked the entrance after-all and he was well practiced in the art of meditation. He had all the time in the Galaxy if needs be.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra's brows furrowed subtly as she hit a wall. She did not push it, both because she was not experienced enough to know how and because she wasn't seeking to get caught. Disarming the man before her was quickly proving to be fruitless, a fact which stressed her out deeply. She still saw him as a threat. A simple apology would not change that with her.

What Kyra did next would be considered low, but it was self defense in her purest form.

A weak wash of pheromones hit the air. Not the kind that ravaged her mother's clubs in the wee hours of the morning; it was a gentle, relaxing wash of chemicals that might lower the guard of those around her. Maybe even endear them towards her? But nothing more. Nothing like that.

She barely even realized she did it, her distress hitting the air.

"You said it yourself. I've survived what would kill most padawans. Twice."

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

There was a noticeable shift in the air, subtle but still noticeable. Caedyn had experience behind him, and his sensory abilities were rather well honed. The slightest bit of exertion from a Padawan whom still had yet to conquer their own emotions, couldn't possibly hope to sneak under the radar of a Knight with the training of both the Jedi and Je'daii Arts.

"Don't do something you'll end up regretting Kyra..." He warned her, an edge of knowing in his tone of voice as he eyed her carefully. "For someone who wishes to become a Jedi one day, you're not trying all that hard to impress your superiors" he cautioned her further; "Temple etiquette and the Jedi Code both encourage self discipline, restraint and the respect of your fellow Jedi. Formality and manners are expected from students, as is rational behavior and positive regard for both yourself and those around you".

She wouldn't enjoy hearing another lecture, yet she seemed unwilling to go on without provoking Caedyn's disapproval and concern. "I would hope you don't treat all Knights and Master's here, the same way you're treating me" he added, a frown crossing him at the thought of how many others she might have provoked. Hopefully he would be wrong in this concern, yet it was difficult to assume otherwise.

Kyra Perl

 

[Kyra Perl]

He was not wrong in his concern.

Kyra blinked hard, a wash of heat creeping over her cheeks. None of her formal mentors had ever demanded etiquette before, or formalities. The very expectation of it drove her back up a little straighter, the girl throughly abashed.

"Why don't you just look at the reports and find out yourself," she grumbled, speaking down to her hands. She was prodding him. She did that when she was feelings something bad. It took the attention off her. The pheromones left the air.

"Since you all talk so much to begin with."

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"Reports can be good and all but I'd prefer to hear things from you...-And for the record, it was my first and only meeting with a member of the Assembly" Caedyn replied, his gaze marginally shifting as the air about the room changed once again.

"So. How do you think have things been going for you lately?" Caedyn then questioned, shifting the conversation back to Kyra Perl , his eyes back upon her now that the pheromones had left the air. He didn't rightly understand their application, yet it was enough to sense the relaxing of her aura.

Her contribution had been brief, and so Caedyn kept his own response short. He had plenty to say but what he wanted to hear was that which only she could divulge, "Do you think you've been making good progress?".

 

[Kyra Perl]

Her gaze flickered up to him, narrowing for the slightest moment. Why was he so dead set on trying to get her to admit her recent failings? It felt like salt on a wound, her walls rising all the higher to the man she felt was judging her. Kyra didn't have an easy time at being vulnerable.

"It's like you said-- I survived sith. I'd say that's more progress than most."

She snuffed a little, pulling her legs out from under her as they grew numb. "I saved my friend, I didn't let them corrupt me." She leveled, conveniently discarding her recent loss of control, her change in demeanor. "I'd say that's a lot of good." She crossed her arms, ready to be told otherwise.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn didn't give much of a reaction to her answer, not on the outside at-least. Inside, he was skeptical of her response, and how she could see this as a testament to her progress as a Jedi Trainee and prospective Knight one day. Landing ones self in a dangerous or life threatening situation and surviving by the skin of one's teeth wasn't something to celebrate, two students of the Order had nearly been killed and survived only due to their eventual recovery by a rescue team.

While he was extremely relieved that they had survived, Caedyn couldn't help but wonder how or why two of their students had found themselves in that position to begin with, and whether or not it could have been avoided. "You survived an ordeal, that's for certain. But how have you managed in the days since?" he sought to provoke the question, and for Kyra Perl to take the initiative and reflect on her days rather than trying to twist Caedyn's own words back at him.

"How have you been feeling? Have you given yourself time to process what happened?" he inquired further, "Seeing your friend being hurt, having your lives threatened...-I've no doubt this was a traumatic experience for you both".

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra nearly double took, the sudden direction of his words ... almost tender? Or caring? Her arms wrapped tighter around herself at the reminder of what they had endured, her throat closing up a little.

"I'mfine.We'refine." She had received these same questions after Kintan, and the girl had lied all the same. She didn't like the way the healers had looked at her. The way they wrote things in their files, concern emanating from them with every stroke. She didn't want to be held back, or left behind. She lied then, and she lied now.

"Nothing happened to me." They had only gone after Acaadi, knowing her abilities and breaking her via the pain they inflicted on him. She winced as a memory echoed through her... the sound of a boot stamping into ribs. Bones cracking. The inhuman noise Acaadi managed to make.

She blinked moisture from her eyes, clearing her throat. "They didn't touch me at all."

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn sat there pensively, listening to what little Kyra Perl was willing to say, though remaining unconvinced with the sincerity in her explanation. He had found more details through the written report than what she was giving him, however he wasn't going to say that. She simply wasn't ready to open up to him and perhaps there wasn't anything necessarily wrong with this, other than to say he was concerned about her still.

He could see that this was a difficult subject to talk about, Kyra seeming intent on showing it though Caedyn could see it none the less. Part of him felt like dissuading the subject from further discussion until she was ready, but then she might never be. "I hope you're not blaming yourself for what happened. Neither of you are to blame for what those people did" he replied softly, feeling the need to reassure her.

"From what I hear, Acaadi is recovering well" Caedyn added in the hope of giving Kyra something to be gladdened for. He didn't say anything further however, as he had learned thus far, the more that he said, the less that Kyra seemed inclined to speak herself.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra's lips pursed, the girl seeming to grow smaller in that moment. Her shoulders rounded in, closing in on herself. She disagreed, there was plenty to blame herself for. There was plenty to regret.

She didn't tell him this, not wanting to give him ammo in his quest to prove her incompetent. Instead she closed off more, her quick-shifting emotions turning moody in a moment. She merely shrugged, her eyes locking onto the ground at her feat. Pressure built into her tear ducts, threatening to over spill with tears at the thought of Acaadi's battered figure, left alone in the cell.

It was entirely her fault.

"Okay."

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn released a near silent sigh. This wasn't the only opportunity they might have to discuss such matters, so we resigned himself to changing the subject instead. "The other day you made it pretty clear you didn't want a Mentor. The opportunity to learn, live and train alongside a Jedi Knight or Master" Caedyn pointed out, thinking back to the day she had gone out of her way to make him feel bad.

"Why is that, if you don't mind me asking? Most students are excited by the idea. It usually means they're moving up to the next stage in their life as a Jedi" he explained following the question. An Apprenticeship was the next stage, where advanced learning and field missions often became a regular experience under the tutelage of a mentor and guardian, those who would take on the student as their own and do all that they could to see them grow into themselves to one day be Knighted and go forth to teach others.

"And don't say it's just me. I know it's not".

Kyra Perl

 

[Kyra Perl]

Her solemness slipped into pure confusion, her thoughts dashed liked the wind onto the next topic. She looked up at him, her brows pulled in. "Like you didn't read it in the report," she retorted, bitter.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"I'm going to assume you're talking about your last meeting with Master Xeraic" Caedyn replied apprehensively. Yes, he had read about the incident with Yuroic, the Jedi Shadow was known for his alternative methods and Caedyn's life partner had been raised under these methods, Yuroic having assisted in the final stages of Asaraa's training.

"Someone very dear to me was trained by Master Xeraic, so I'm aware he can be a more aggressive in his methods than most. For some students, these methods can prove beneficial but every student is different...-We're all still people at the end of the day..." Caedyn didn't deign to mention that Yuroic was more or less his father-in-law. She didn't need any further reason to avoid giving him a chance...

"I know you probably won't believe it right now, but my methods differ a great deal from Yuroic's..." He called the Jedi Master by his first name, in order to emphasize the fact that at the end of the day, Yuroic was a person like everyone else. They were all capable of making mistakes and in this case Caedyn was pretty confident that he'd made a big one in his sizing up of Kyra Perl and what might or might not mesh with her personality.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Her expression fell, disappointed by his even keel response. What Yuroic had done to her had left her angry. Not only that, but hurt, and betrayed and-There was so much emotion to be felt by the anger he had betrayed her with. But she was young and he was old. She was too weak, and he had been strong. Words slipped from her when she tried to encapsulate the experience in emotions.

Now she just felt defeated by it. It was just another notch on her belt, another experience she shoulda seen coming.

She looked up to Caedyn with that same tired helplessness, no sense of belief in her eyes.

"Yeah. That's what they all say." And they had yet to prove her wrong.