Private Finding The Calm Within [Kyra Perl]

[Caedyn Arenais]

The wealth of emotion rolling off of Kyra Perl 's presence in the room was impossible to ignore, and in her silence, Caedyn took a moment to acknowledge and process her feelings, reevaluating how best to proceed for there.

She was upset, and that was to be expected as she had thus far proven to be very much the wildcard; Caedyn was however locking her down, securing her future and in time he hoped that she might come to understand and even appreciate his decision. They had a long way to go between now and then, though.

"I'm sorry you feel so strongly against the idea, but hopefully one day you'll see that I'm not as bad as you think" Caedyn offered her a moment of acknowledgement and consideration for how he knew she was feeling, yet he didn't wish to dwell on the negative for long.

"As I mentioned earlier, there will be certain expectations that come with this change" He continued after a pause, moving the subject along so that she had some idea of what to expect in the beginning of their journey together.

"Starting today, you'll address me as 'Master' and your behavior and actions in public will need to improve as they will reflect upon my training you. Working together may take some time for you to adapt, and so I'll be lenient at the start yet any more incidents like those recently will incur consequences, those of which neither of us will enjoy seeing played out" he eyed her with a brief yet stern gaze in warning. She wouldn't be wise to call his bluff.

"Today's lesson will cover what I expect from your behavior, representation of our partnership both within and outside of the Silver Rest, as well as general etiquette as a member of the Order".

 

[Kyra Perl]

Each condition he placed down felt like a lash across her soul. It was melodramatic, surely, to see her flinch with each proclamation, but where he placed boundaries, she saw shackles.

Kyra wasn't use to being told no. Being the youngest child of a wealthy family, hard rules weren't in her vocabulary.

Movement returned to her limbs, the girl finding it in herself to bring her arms to her. She scattered the condensation pile as she wrapped her arms around herself, looking him in the eye. "What if I refuse," she uttered, her tone neutral but shameless as she tested him for the first official time. She jerked her chin, giving him a stubborn look.

"I say no, walk away right now. Go to all my classes, do everything they ask-- say sorry-- t-try. Like really try. Without a master. Without you. What then?"

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn took a slow, drawn out breath as he considered her response.

"In these cases, a Student may seek the intervention of the Assembly in which an appointment is arranged to discuss their concerns..." Caedyn answered, though knowing well their previous concerns and feeling reluctant for things to get to that point.

"However, in response to your question they will likely ask how seriously you wish to become a Jedi one day" He soon pointed out. "Gaining an apprenticeship in most cases is considered to be an accomplishment and something to look forward to. Some students simply don't make it that far...".

"The fact of the matter is that this will only be as much work as you make it" Caedyn continued, still intent on convincing her that he wasn't the monster that she seemed to think of him; "This isn't a typical situation for either of us, but an apprenticeship means the advancement in the next stage of your Jedi Path. More experience outside of the Silver Rest. Advanced teachings and subjects, etcetera".

"While I could arrange an appointment for you, you should be mindful of the fact that it was the Assembly that called for my attention here, to begin with. There's always the chance that any decision they make to intervene, may not go in your favor".

Kyra Perl

 

[Kyra Perl]

There was a layer of something unsaid in his words. An intention not expressed. Kyra's posture slowly straightened, her gaze sharpening on him as this sense of ... a lie hung in the air. She was silently, deadly so, as his words rang through her.

Understanding hit like a bell, her eyes widening in a flash of pain, her lips forming an 'o'. She recoiled into herself then, the fight dispersing out of her like a leaking balloon. "I see," she told him, her voice tight. She seemed to grow smaller then, her shoulders rounding down and in. She didn't ask for confirmation, she didn't want it. Tears slide freely down her cheeks, a slight sob catching in her chest. She stubbornly ate the next one, a hand going to cover her mouth.

"I-I have to go to the bathroom," she lied, shoving her chair back to stand.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn leaned back into his chair, his left hand gesturing to the door and offering Kyra Perl a silent nod in confirmation.

It wasn't a nice feeling to have someone so mortified by the prospect of his guidance that they'd need to rush off to the bathroom, presumably to be sick. He did his best not to let his disappointment show at the share rejection, keeping his composure as professional as was possible.

He didn't offer her any words before she'd likely rush out, leaving Caedyn to the silence of the room, all with the exception of a heavy sigh that left him following her absence. Caedyn really hated having to force the ordeal upon the girl, he felt immensely uncomfortable having to be so hard on a student where as he had never been put in this situation previous.

What lay ahead for the pair of them, would be a learning curve for them both.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra absolutely did not want to return. But she had to. That knowledge weighed heavily on her, this place of adventure and escape now feeling so... confining. Perhaps she did this to herself-- she had just thought Silver Rest had been different from all the rest. And now...

When she returned to him, there was a heavy sense of defeat about her. Bad night, bad morning. Her eyes were red rimmed, and her nose rubbed raw. She felt directionless, sitting before him out of obligation. He might found his new padawan's demeanor or melodramatic. He couldn't understand how low she felt her life had struck. She did not seek to give him any clarification.

She just sat down, hands folded in her lap. Ok, her demeanor seemed to say. Lets just get this over with.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"Welcome back"

When Kyra Perl returned, she didn't seem at all prepared to put up a fight; In fact something about her demeanor had changed to give the Jedi Knight the impression that she was resigning herself to trying to accept her new found position. The irony in the fact that his first ever Padawan would be one of the very few who didn't actually want to be an apprentice, was not lost on him; Caedyn had been looking forward to this day for quite some time. It was a change in both of their plans, apparently.

Still, he would make the most of the opportunity. Kyra had a great deal of potential and it had showed prior to here being captured by the cultist Sith. She had watched a friend be beaten in order to try to sway she herself over to the Dark Side. A truly harrowing ordeal. Despite everything, Caedyn hadn't forgotten this.

"Hopefully it'll come as a relief that for the most part, life in the Silver Rest will not change all that greatly. You'll still be able to spend as much time with your friends as you please, while attending your scheduled classes and joining me for regular training sessions. Your Class tutors will also be sending me weekly reports in your progress".

Their time together was just beginning, and so naturally Caedyn would ease Kyra into the Apprenticeship as comfortably as possible, wary of overwhelming her any more than he had already.

"Moving on, today's session is to be on Jedi Etiquette and why it's important to present ourselves with integrity in all that we do..." Caedyn explained before posing Kyra her first question, "Do you know why the Jedi put so much importance in this area?".

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra swallowed hard, looking down at her hands as he spoke. A subtle squirm shifted through her body, the girl hating sitting still for too long. Do you know why the Jedi put so much importance into this area?

Because they suffer from massive wedgies?

She shook her head instead, her thoughts half caught up on his terms and conditions. Was he gonna make her hand out with Acaadi? Maybe she could manipulate him into booking their slots during Acaadi's free time.

Would he notice? Would it work. What about that free hour by bedtime, how was she going to avoid him then? She supposed she could keep hiding out in the cleaning ladies closet, but one of these days he was gonna sniff her out and find her....

She cleared her throat, then repeated, "No."

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"Our actions beyond the temple walls carry weight, and our mistakes have consequences that affect not only us but the reputation of the Order we represent" Caedyn explained. Naturally, were the Jedi to be feared alike the Sith Empire, they'd have a far more difficult time trying to do right by the citizens whom might otherwise be intimidated by their power in the Force. As it were, there were many out there that suspected the Jedi purely based on this fear and suspicion; "Societies first instinct is to fear and be wary of the things they cannot grasp or understand, and so Force Users are often looked upon suspiciously for their potential of abusing the Force, a power in which could easily be turned against the innocent, for example".

"The Order's ability to provide for not only the Galaxy, but their own students and the sustenance of their facilities is heavily reliant upon the charity and employ of their services. Many of our Knights and Padawans are sent out on assignments to help those in need, and many of these assignments have been requested by governments or organizations as a service in which they repay through financial equity" he continued to explain. This was something that wasn't overly discussed in the open for it talk a certain amount of illusion of grandeur away from the feats achieved by the Jedi Order for the 'greater good'. The simple truth was, that the Jedi Order could not survive without credits to function, and yet most were not a monetary Order with a consistent income.

"How the Galaxy perceives the reputation of Jedi, has a vital impact on our ability to serve, and it's for this reason that we educate our students in the importance of discipline and a strong standard in etiquette".

Kyra Perl

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra sighed, her squirming picking up in intensity as he went on. "I behave on missions," she protested weakly, pulling her hand out from under her leg and biting on her hang nails. "-What," she interjected before he could condone her. "I doooo. Just cause i mess up and hurt my friends doesn't mean I disgrace us, there's a difference..."

Despite her argumentative words, her tone was soft. At least she was talking?

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn's gaze lifted from his datapad momentarily to look upon Kyra Perl with a gentle smile, responding with a soft tone; "We're just discussing this, Padawan. I'm not criticizing your actions in the field in any way". Caedyn genuinely believed that Kyra did her utmost to deliver as best she could in the sense of Jedi standards outside of the Silver Rest.

"Some of what we cover here, you will likely already know and probably practice but it never hurts to revisit the basics" he encouraged her. This was especially true, following the last weeks worth of incidents between them.

"What about Jedi Etiquette within the Temple, then?" He asked soon after, further elaborating, "What can you tell me when it comes to the expectations and standards of behavior within facilities such as the Silver Rest, and alongside our fellow Jedi?".

 

[Kyra Perl]

Heat filled Kyra's cheeks, the girl's outburst cooling down. She rubbed her finger along the table, trying to erase all signs of the water left there. "Um... no yelling?" She guessed haphazardly, not looking back up at him. Her words were muffled, unenthused. Either she was dragging her feet or still upset from either.

Either way, she was talking, and with that half-assed effort put in, she assumed she was in the clear.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"There's a bit more too it then that, but I think you know that much already..." Caedyn replied skeptically. Kyra Perl wasn't contributing much, but it was honestly more than Caedyn had expected. He'd just need to encourage her some.

"What about that sparring match we shared?" He asked curiously, wondering if she saw the point of his making her bow to him before the session. "The process of bowing to one another before and after a sparring session. What's that about, do you know?".

Caedyn expected that someone would have taught her this at some early stage in her training. Whether or not Kyra ever employed it with her friends was another story altogether, but he hoped that she'd atleast know the theory behind it.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Ohey she knew that one! She raised her chin, her response still quiet and restrained as she peek up at him. "To show respect...? And to, um..." She traced her fingers in the water, drawing circles. "Leave your problems behind you? We dont do that with enemies though ... probably because we have problems with them..."

She adjusted herself in her seat, sitting up a little straighter before slumping again.

"I've learned this all before," she complained, still tempering her tone. Her red lock were wild around her head, barely brushed and obscuring half her face. It hid the signs of her previous tears from her new master, but it also allowed her to remain distracted without notice.

She drew a smilie face, then dashed it on the table.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"I'm glad to hear that. In future, I expect you won't forget to put it into practice then" Caedyn replied shortly. "I presume that you also know to bow to every Knight or Master that you meet with prior to engaging with them, also. These are practices that should be routine for you by now" Going over these things now were as much for his sake as it was for that of Kyra Perl . Caedyn needed to be certain that she had been informed of these simple practices, as they were all steps towards maintaining self discipline and good standing with her fellow Jedi.

"Earlier you apologized to me for what you'd said over the past couple of days..." Caedyn continued, "Two consecutive sessions that you chose to interrupt with blatant attitude and disrespect, then to storm out from in a huff" he reminded her. "Actions often speak louder than words Kyra, and if you're sincere in your apology you will prove it through improving your behavior, raising the standard in your interactions with others and taking your training seriously".

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra pursed her lips, her expression going sour the moment frustration entered his tone. He hated her, she was sure, for even now when she was trying, she set him off.

Dread latched into her gut-- the concept of her future being filled with such frustrations sending her sinking back into her chair. "Okay," she said meekly, cutting off his final sentence. "Okay, I get it, I'm in trouble, you don't have to keep telling me." Her eyes watered and stung again, the girl's hands retreating to wrap back around her.

"I'll bow, I promise."

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"You're not in trouble, I accept your apology" He replied to Kyra Perl , taking pause for the words to hopefully sink in. "What I'm discussing now is about the future. Leaving this room, we put the past behind us. Both of us, and start anew" he concluded. It wasn't just a mere suggestion but an expectation for them to capitalize on the opportunity they'd been given.

"Unless you decide to speak on it later, I will no longer bring it up" He reiterated. "There will also be no further reports to the Assembly, with the exception of any field work we undertake, which will require a debriefing process that I'll teach you at a later point. Aside from that, what happens and what we discuss stays strictly between us. The responsibility ends with me".

 

[Kyra Perl]

Without her consent, the tears built up and bubbled over. She ducked deeper into her hair, seeking privacy from the shame of falling apart in front of him yet again. She was proving him right. With everything she did now she felt like a hole was being dug deeper. Every clumsy attempt to fix it felt like it made it that much worse.

It was insanely frustrating.

She gave a soft blink at his words, the rope he threw was her unmistakable. No more reports? A clean slate? After what she had sensed form him early today, no more reports was more than a kindness.

It was life raft on a sinking ship. She didn't get it. She didn't expect it. She sniffled, wiping angrily at her face.

"Why would you do this?" She asked, mistrust in her tone.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"I told you before Kyra, despite what you might think of me, I want to help you" he replied genuinely, presenting nothing in his demeanor but sincerity as he further elaborated; "I know you've been going through a tough time lately, and this might not be what you wanted but I'm really not as bad a person as you seem to think I am" he said while placing the datapad flat upon the table surface and withdrawing his hands, leaning back in his seat to focus entirely upon his Padawan.

"At some point we're going to need to talk about what happened to you and Acaadi, but when that happens is up to you" He added, all too aware of her vulnerable state of late; "I get that you've been struggling, which is perfectly normal given what you've been through, but trust me when I say isolating yourself isn't going to help" Caedyn forced a wary smile, hoping to encourage her, though the subject itself was a hard one and he knew there was little that she was feeling pleased about at the moment, "Something to think about...".

"As for you and I..." He pulled the discussion back to focus upon the pair of them; "I know that today was a shock. Had it gone the way I'd wanted, we'd have had more time to get to know each other. I was really hoping that this would be something we'd start together, and I'm sorry that I broke my word. The fact is that I'm concerned about you and while I see potential in you, I'm not willing to see anything spoil your chances of fulfilling your goal of becoming a Jedi Knight one day" Caedyn opened up a little, voicing his perspective some more to Kyra Perl . He still didn't give any indication regarding the Silver Assembly. The start to their partnership had proven difficult enough without further reason for her to distrust him.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra watched him as he spoke, her lips pouting in a reproachful plea. She didn't like long monologues. She especially didn't like some of what he had to say. But that was nothing new to either of them, so she sat quietly and begrudgingly heard him out. There was a lot she could have said to that, but instead her shoulders just slumped.

Her slid her arms across the table, folded, and laid down her head. The tangible emotions that had been tainting the air the whole visit slowly dwindled away, a headache pinching in Kyra's temples.

"...Okay," she murmured, at a loss for words. She didn't want to fight, so was so done fighting. Kyra wanted nothing more than to be accepted, everywhere and with everything. She gave him a defeated sigh and laid her head down, numb.

"I just want to stay in bed," she confessed to him. A lazy statement, certainly, especially after all the resistance she had given him. But it wasn't like that, not this time. The world felt so gray, and her comforters ... she yearned to duck under them. She still had so many classes to attend to. She didn't want to. She was ready to sleep now.