Private Finding The Calm Within [Kyra Perl]

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn almost choked on a mouthful of his food as Kyra Perl accused him of being old. "Old?! I'm not even thirty yet...-You can't class me as old..." He argued, though sounding more like a complaint than anything, surprise in his voice rather than any sense of frustration the likes you'd expect in an true argument.

"There's still plenty of stuff that I get upto, that you and your friends probably do..." He added in refute. Truth be told, Caedyn felt younger than he probably should for a man nearing twenty five years of age; he wasn't ready to be considered late generation yet, although he had been yearning for so long to overcome this feeling that others looked at him as a youngling Knight, too young to be as experienced as he was.

"How old are you anyway...-You can't be more then ten years younger than I am, surely...".

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra burped loudly, then frowned at him. "Excuse you, I'm sixteen! Seventeen in a few weeks, I'll have you know. What are you, like, forty?" It was a touch hard for her to judge pure human age, what with her upbringing on Zeltros and the standard of beauty there. The first sign of wrinkles and she was sure he was about to croak!

Not much experience to tell her otherwise. His father had just died after all, he musta been, what, 80?

"I would loooooooove to see you try to keep up on the dance floor," she sassed, snorting into the cup. "Oh please. You're old."

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"I'll have you know I'm only twenty four years old..." Caedyn answered, trying to withhold a laugh in bemusement of her assumption. Between Caedyn and Asaraa Vaashe , he hadn't felt as though they were in the 'adult' age group until now.

Caedyn couldn't help but feel somewhat uneasy with the realization that he was being viewed as an old-timer much in the sense that he and his Sister Loreena Arenais-Valhoun had viewed their parents.

"Close enough" Caedyn shrugged in resignation, throwing Kyra a slightly skeptical look. "That's assuming you get me on the dance floor..." He soon snorted a laugh, "I'm not very good at all. Asa would probably vouch for that..." he added, shaking his head and grinning to himself.

 

[Kyra Perl]

"Ooooooooooooold," Kyra asserted again, relaxing a bit as she shoved a cookie into her face. From behind, a familiar green face started walking toward them. Tall. Male. Very concerned. Acaadi.

The padawan stopped short as she saw who Kyra was with-- confined in a corner, engrossed in a conversation. It was every bit of the impression Kyra hoped to give him. The boy paused, then turned and left her to it.

Kyra rattled on none the wise, facing the wall behind the pillar. "Whose Asa?" She chirped, persistant.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"Oh...-my Partner, Asaraa" Caedyn replied suddenly a little apprehensive. He wasn't certain what Kyra Perl would make of his being involved in a relationship. Many Jedi were against it, while others advocated for independence in their life choices.

The age old argument of whether or not a Jedi should marry and so on. "...-We first met on Commenor when she visited my Homeworld. The Silver Jedi were associated with my Father through the former Grandmaster Coci Heavenshield...-Long time ago now, but Asa more or less set me up with being a member here on Kashyyyk a good several years back now".

"And before you say it, I'm sure there's all sorts of comments you could make against my being involved with someone after the lesson and discussions we've shared about emotions and what not. Let me just say that there's a time and a place" he expressed, feeling the need to defend himself before she had even started on him.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra gave a soft blink, recognizing the name and slowly connecting the dots. "... You fuck Asaraa? No wonder she's so sad... are you sure you're doing it right? Do they even teach that in knight school? Heh, I bet you got in such trouble," she mused, all her thoughts running together as one. She crumbled her cookie bits with her fingers, a little apprehensive.

"You're not gonna have children, are you? Cause, I dunno if you've seen her lately, but she's like, totally not ready," came the lie. She closed her fist, crumbling it all into one moist lump.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn sat there looking stunned, his shock clearly visible in how he stared back at Kyra Perl in utter disbelief. 'Did she really just say that?' he wanted to vocally question, wondering what on Kashyyyk she thought she would achieve by being so blatantly offensive. It was a struggle to bury his instinctive need to get angry in his want to defend his relationship with Asaraa, yet he caught himself before saying something he would have later regretted, instead remaining silent for a long drawn out moment as he tried to compose himself and find the appropriate words to respond with.

"There's a line between having a private and personal discussion between friends, and then being outright offensive and rude, Kyra" Caedyn finally spoke, his words coming upon a quieter tone so that others nearby would not hear him. His gaze had hardened and the former smile and sense of enjoyment in her company had all but vanished, replaced by a stoic and guarded air about him.

"What could possibly have gone through that head of yours to think that saying what you did was a smart or even worthwhile idea...-Do not ever speak in a such a disrespectful tone to your fellow Jedi" Caedyn's disapproval was as apparent as her lack of manners, essentially growling the Girl for her disregard and soon moving to stand.

It was the second time she had deeply insulted him.

 

[Kyra Perl]

A small sense of victory flashed through her, followed by a tinge of guilt and something... sour. She bore down under his disapproval, her lips tightly pressed together to hold back her own emotion. She wasn't sure what had gotten into her, the words had simply slipped out and she had gone with them. But now that they were in the air she saw plenty of reason to feel sorry for them.

She did not bend to this, irrationally stubborn in light of his disapproval. Her thought thudded rapidly in her chest, strained and stressed. She should stop herself now. She should say sorry, the voice inside her head reasoned.

Instead another set of words fell from her, said in a sickly sweet, unauthentic tone. "Yes, Master."

Was that all it would take? She knew he wouldn't of lasted. She turned back to her plate, released her smushed cookie bits, and picked up a cupcake instead.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Caedyn silently scowled under his breath as he moved to return his tray to the cafeteria work-station, removing his food scraps and placing it upon the bench for the staff to remove it for washing. He needed a moment to center himself and so he decided to order a Stim-Caf, hoping that a hot drink might help him to feel better.

"I'll take a cup of caf, thanks".

Kyra Perl would find herself disappointed if she thought she had gotten rid of him for good, but he was quickly running out of options to avoid having the tough talk about the reality of her situation and why the Assembly had asked for his intervention. Insulting Asaraa Vaashe , it was a notable sore spot that clearly hit home within him and exposed a weakness that rather validated his and Asa's concerns at the beginning of their relationship.

As he waited for his brew, Caedyn's gaze took to the wall at the back of the service area, trying to work out what he was going to do next. The Girl was so determined to make life difficult, almost as though she wanted to compromise her position within the Silver Jedi Order.

 

[Kyra Perl]

The moment he left her, a sense of weight filled her. She didn't understand it, the sensation often took her by surprise, but left alone as she desired, a wash of moisture filled her eyes.

Her throat grew thick. Her breath grew short. Her fingers went icy, starting to shake.

She had started having these strange moments ever since Kintan. It had gotten better for a bit, but after the recent mission they had gotten worse again. It made no sense. In a way it was scary. Her body must of been broken-- why else would it stop being able to breath and think. She hadn't told anyone, and this moment would be know different. She stayed faced alone in her tucked in corner of the cafeteria, gasping her way through a tear-filled panic attack.

She tried to eat, but she wasn't hungry anymore. So she wrapped up her meal, smushed frosting and all, and started to tuck it into her robes. Back to her room then? Yeah. Her bed. She wanted her bed now. Her chair scrapped back, the girl hurriedly wiping at her face before she stood.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

As Caedyn turned back with the intention of returning to the table where Kyra Perl had been seated, he found her standing and preparing to leave. She didn't look impressed, nor as proud as she had in previous times where she had gotten the best of him.

Caedyn wasn't content to simply let her leave without informing her of their next session, and this one appeared to be in dire need. Meeting her half way, he stopped before her and gestured for her pause.

"I won't keep you, but tomorrow morning you're going to meet with me again for a private lesson in the Archives. I'll speak with your tutors to ensure this doesn't get in the way of your other subjects" Caedyn informed her. Jedi 101: etiquette. Kyra had proven the need to go back over the basics, so Caedyn would go to the effort of teaching her these old lessons in what he would come to expect of any student, but especially Kyra herself.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra didn't look him in the eye, her chin dropping to pull her hair over her face. It pulled off like a spark of attitude, but really, she was hiding the red eyes beneath. She didn't say anything, her knuckles white and chest tight. Her breath had started to return to her, but with him before her it fled again. She gave him a sharp nod, swallowing hard and shoving past him.

So much for manners, huh?

She didn't care. She needed air.





It had been a rough night. Rougher than it ought to be, but some nights were just like that now, her mood unrecoverable. She would have given anything to be free of his class and back with her proper tutors, a concept with shocked her. She didn't think she could hate anything more than meditation hour. But she did. She didn't understand why time with Caedyn made her so angsty, she only knew that the thought of working under him any further made her all sorts of feelings she couldn't give words to.

Why couldn't he just leave her to suck in peace?

She would have ditched him today, but after his tone last night she was a bit... uneasy. Something warned her not to push things further with him, and she obeyed it ever so unwillingly. She dragged herself into the archives wrapped in Romi's old jacket. A cup of cafe was the only thing to battle back the bags under her eyes. Her hair was barely brushed. She sat herself down at a table, looked around ... then laid her head in her arms for just a moment.

Just a moment.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Over the course of the night, Caedyn Arenais had been given ample time to think things over. The situation developing between he and Kyra Perl having kept him up the better part of the night where he obviously should be resting for another likely hectic day of arguing with her. He had instructed her to meet him the following day for a lesson in the Archives, and she did not respond well to his lectures, so he expected little in the way of productivity on her behalf.

The major concern was Kyra's tempting fate with the Assembly, and risking being dismissed from the Order altogether. She'd been outright disrespectful to Caedyn, and the recent incidents where she had crossed the line, he had kept to himself as he didn't wish to see her removed of her dream without giving everything he had to assist her in making it a reality. The problem was, that despite her potential, she wasn't making it at all easy for either of them.

Going back over the data-file that Elise had given him, Caedyn sought to retrace the events leading up to his agreement to tutor the Girl. Yuroic Xeraic had been training her for quite a bit longer than Caedyn had guessed. A over a year of guiding her in saber work and other subjects, though nothing overly advanced but certainly getting her started along her path. What had seemingly pushed that relationship over the edge was his decision to challenge her in combat with rather questionable force, similar methods in how he had taught Asaraa and the incident of shooting her in the leg with his bow.

There was a line, as he had expressed to Kyra, and in Caedyn's mind the Jedi Master had crossed it that day. He wasn't alone in thinking this, as clearly Kyra herself had been traumatized by the event and it had later been quietly suggested that Yuroic was ill with some form of dementia or memory impairment. Having been in the Outer Rim for so long, Caedyn had naturally known none of this until recently...-It had given some explanation for his actions, though didn't change Caedyn's view of things...

What he had come to believe however was that Kyra required structure and discipline...-And she wasn't willing to encourage or go looking for these things, so Caedyn was going to have to stop trying to be so considerate about things and show some tough love for her better interests and future's sake within the Order.

​

The next day, Caedyn had arrived within the lecture room of the Archives to find Kyra asleep at the desk. She appeared to be out cold, and so he moved to take a seat at the side of the table, setting down a fresh cup of stim-caf, then pulling his datapad from his belt and activating the device to bring up the required content that he had planned to teach.

He took his time to refresh his memory over the previous night's thoughts and planning, doing what he could to offer Kyra those few moments of additional slumber before lowering the device and turning to look to the Jedi Padawan.

"Good morning, Kyra".

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra gave a groggy noise and lifted her head. At the sight of Caedyn she groaned again, letting it plop back over. Nooooooo. She stole what moments more she could, his presence heavy in the air. She could feel his expectation baring down on her. She huffed, her hand groping out for her own cup of cafe. She dragged it over, raising her head and taking a slurping sip.

"Mm," was his greeting, the girl rubbing her face. She remained engrossed in this task for another stretch of time, dragging out the moment. What if she left.. and went to bed. Just gave it all up and slept forever? It was tempting. But she was a chicken.

She ran a finger through her hair and flopped back over, chin on her arms as she eyed the projection. "What is it?" She grumbled.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"We have a few important matters to discuss before we begin, you'll want to be awake for it so go ahead and throw back that Caf if you need to" Caedyn gestured to her drink, lowering the datapad to the table as he looked to study Kyra Perl ; She wasn't looking to be in a good state at all, which only added to his expectations of how this would all play out.

There were things that Kyra didn't know, things that Caedyn hadn't informed her of out of consideration for the Padawan. She had convinced him that she was determined to make it as a Jedi, yet she had been skirting that line so close of late. For her to learn of the Assembly's involving him, their justification for doing so, it would probably bury whatever confidence she had remaining. That was at the very least Caedyn's assumption of the Girl whom could so often be set off at the most minor of inconveniences.

Prior to this, he had sent word to Elise of his conclusion regarding Kyra's progress, as well as her struggles. A decision that he would soon be required to include Kyra herself in the knowing of. Against what Caedyn had imagined this day would look like, he had broken his word in assuring Kyra that she'd never be forced into something she did not want, or have a choice in.

 

[Kyra Perl]

An unease filled Kyra, her skin prickling as she slowly sat up. Echos of the future rippled back to her, warning her of incoming pain. Her express grew reproachful, the Knight given a long, wary look as she slowly chugged her cafe down. Her gut twisted, adrenaline waking her up well before the drink could. She didn't want to put down the cup, but the straw slurped loudly, telling them both she was down.

Her fingers felt cold as she placed it down, obsessively adjusting it until the cup laid perfectly in line with the condensation ring.

"I'm sorry for last night," she croaked, hoping to nip the point of this in the butt. "I didn't mean to- I didn't think. ...I'msorry."

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

Kyra Perl was going to have plenty of opportunities to account for their previous discussions gone awry, though Caedyn and her had shared so many words by now that they were beginning to sound cheap, and he was finding that he needed to see proof of her sincerity through her actions and behavior ahead.

"We'll have time to talk about your behavior shortly as we're going to be discussing Jedi Etiquette as the subject of today's lesson, but this first matter needs to be discussed first" Caedyn replied, more or less avoiding the subject for the time being, needing to get the bigger picture out of the way first.

"You should know that I have contacted the Assembly as of this morning, in light of our recent meetings" he continued, expecting Kyra to hate what this was leading up to. "In my message to them, I've expressed my concerns over your behavior and how I feel you've been affected by the recent trauma involving yourself and Acaadi. As the Assembly asked me to spend some time with you to gauge how you're doing, I felt this decision couldn't be put off". The Jedi Knight was doing his best to appear professional, and not let his expectations in how she would likely respond, show in any way. Kyra wouldn't need anymore ammunition to fire at him, than what he was giving her now.

"Henceforth, you're to begin training as an Apprentice, now officially under my guidance as your Mentor" He informed her, "The Assembly has approved this decision and you'll see some minor changes to your schedule over the next week or two". This was a big step for both of them, and changes would need to be made on both ends in order to adapt to this new level of responsibility.

"I realize this isn't what you want, but I've come to the conclusion that it's going to be in your best interest as a prospective Jedi Knight, one day".

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra reeled in place, heat flashing through her body. Everything went lopsided. She felt like she was gonna vomit, break out crying, simply give up fall back asleep to escape it all then and there. Everything felt so wrong in that moment, all she could do was stare opened mouth, gaping.

"But you promised," she whispered, small... vulnerable. "You said I'd have a choice," she tried to reason, her voice squeaking high at the end.

 

[Caedyn Arenais]

"I did, I know..." Caedyn admitted, doing his best not to let his disappointment show, but instead keeping his voice firm in order to portray confidence in the decision; "That was what I believed would be the case at that time, however I have my reasons for having to go against what I had said...". Reasons that he would still keep to himself; Her confidence in him might be shattered, yet her confidence in the Jedi would be retained and renewed over time. This would not have been the case were she to know how closely they were having to reassess her prospective future with them. As a Jedi Knight, Caedyn was willing to take that hit, for the sake of the bigger picture.

"You've proven to me that there is a strong need for structure and discipline, and while I've tried to be as considerate as possible, you've not reciprocated that mutual respect. From today on, you'll be making a greater effort to live under the expectations that come with the life of a Jedi Padawan. To conduct yourself respectfully and to give your training the attention it requires" his jaw briefly tensed as his teeth clenched down against one another, jaw locking following his explanation. Being the bad guy, showing a far more strict approach to things, it wasn't at all how Caedyn typically operated...-Yet Kyra Perl needed to be reigned in, if she were to one day fulfill her goal of becoming a Jedi Knight.

 

[Kyra Perl]

Kyra tensed, locking down on him. If he expected anger he would be left wanting, His tone was so absolute, she knew fighting would only make it worse. Not that she could even muster it today. She was exhausted. Exhausted and trapped, yet again. Her body tingled, the world suddenly feeling far, far away.

He received no response from her, the girl's vision going blurry as she stared at the condensation ring on the table. This had all gotten so out of hand, how had it gotten so far-- she hadn't meant yesterday-- it had just come over her-- everything kept coming over her lately, it was just-

The tears slid down her face, hot an unbidden. She would have placed her head down then. Or run away. She would have done anything other than stare tensely at the place her cup had sat moments before. Her body just felt so far, like she was looking down on it-- her-- the situation. She was silent, but the emotions rippling off her spoke volumes.