Foolish to Think

[Dissero]

If there was one thing Dissero had grown to love it was watching Verie's meticulously oiled clockwork slowly jam from a well-placed monkey wrench. Over the years he'd gotten pretty good at knowing just what sort of wrench to toss in there at any given moment. Seeing it catch, watching her fluster and bluster, lips moving far too fast for her mind to keep up. Her eyebrows, sometimes, put on a show. The kind where expressive dancing become something of a language in and of itself. She played with things, tested her finesse with the Force, and his blues followed the progression of the silverware down and back again before falling squarely upon her.

Amused smile: engage.

"Shame," he said once she'd finished. It was likely unclear if he'd actually been listening. Dissero didn't need to hear her explanations to know exactly what he wanted, "would have made for a great story at the reception. I bet everyone would have chuckled at it."

Suddenly the prospect of asking her wasn't terrifying anymore. Not with the ice shattered like this. He reached forward, taking hold of her chair by the back and the seat rim between her legs and dragged her to him with decidedly little effort. "There is no one in this galaxy," Dissero began as he moved his hands to brace her seat edge at either side of her thighs, "that I would rather be stuck with, Ve, other than you. Frankly, I'm convinced it's more you that's stuck with me than the other way'round."

[member="Verie Lacroix"]

 

[Verie Lacroix]

When the curtains came down on the eyebrow show, Verie watched for a reaction. He was clearly enjoying her particular brand of neurosis. She stifled a smirk as he moved her seat. Show off. "I'm not asking you," she said firmly. "In fact I won't ask you. And I won't agree unless you do it properly. You know, down on one knee and everything. But what I'm trying to tell you, here, is..."

She inclined her head and pursed her lips for a moment. "I'm, umm. I'm going to have a baby." She paused a beat. "Your baby, that is, specifically. It happened probably, uhh, six weeks ago? With the mission and the traveling I didn't realize I was late until I was unpacking this afternoon. So I sent out for a test and... that was that."

Verie paused, studying [member="Dissero"]'s face -- much closer in proximity now -- as the second act of the eyebrow show began. This time they furrowed deeply in concern and anxiety. She confessed to being appalled at the situation herself, but if Mero took it badly, she couldn't anticipate how this would end up. "I'm sorry," she began. "I didn't miss a pill or anything. I don't know how..." She looked up and to the right and fell silent, pressing her lips into a firm white line.

 

[Dissero]

"That so?" said the man, mischievous smile lighting his expression, brows lofting at the decisive nature of her demands. Verie Lacroix was much like her mother in that way - she knew what she wanted and she would get it, damn the galaxy. Dissero made a mental note about this to come back to later, and began looking pensive, his gaze wandering off just slightly as he pulled his lower lip in to chew on it.

Then Verie dropped the Baby-Bomb on him.

Blue eyes returned to her as wide as she'd ever seen them, and she'd seen them go pretty wide over the years. Like that one time back on Quarzite, her very first mission out, when the cave collapsed and separated Verie from Dissero and his sister. All those hours of wandering a dark cave, how big his eyes had been once they'd finally found her again.

Wider, even, than that.

At first he looked dumbstruck and the man sat up straight in his chair as though someone had pulled the plug to his thought process. Chin dropping a little, mouth forming a questionable circle before pulling into a crooked smirk, he suddenly shook his head, blinking. It wasn't a forceful shake, but a gentle - nooo, that's a joke. That's a good joke, Ve, sort of shake.

As she explained, apologized, fretted, his expression downgraded into a blank stare.

She was serious.

"...you're serious?"

Brows lifted again in high arches, followed by an equal measure of doubly-widened eyes.

"Ve...really?"

[member="Verie Lacroix"]

 

[Verie Lacroix]

I wish he wouldn't look at me like that. Verie watched him process the news from the outside, to go from amusement at an apparent joke to shock, with eyes wider than she had ever seen them, like two brilliant blue saucers. "Of course I'm serious," she said impatiently -- would she willingly take on the mantle of someone disgraced for the sake of a lively joke? Certainly not.

"Look, it's not what we planned - I know that." She left unsaid the thought that was making her stomach twist painfully: that this was further reason for his family and the Kuati aristocratic establishment to disapprove of her generally and of their union specifically. Well, perhaps not all.

She fell silent; weak protestations of innocence would solve nothing. She didn't fear that he thought ill of her, but she knew in some circles, if it ever got around, it would be proof positive that she had somehow trapped him. She awkwardly sipped at her drink, then glanced sidelong at her lover.

[member="Dissero"]

 

[Dissero]

"Ve..." so many times he'd looked upon the woman with pride in the way only a Master could their Apprentice. Though it was true that the relationship of mentor to pupil never really ended, that wasn't the look he was giving her. Blue eyes the color of warm paradise stared at her as he reached forward to gather her hands in his own and bring them to his face. He smiled into them, kissing at her knuckles. There was an energy to his touch - the jubilation he was containing for the sake of Verie's apparent quietude. The tense look on her face didn't quite match the happiness he thought they both should be experiencing. Perhaps it wasn't what they'd planned but he'd known for a long time now that he wanted to be a father someday.

That day would now be far sooner than expected and it took a large sum of willpower not to be leaping out of his skin.

"This is the best news I've ever heard ... but why do you look so worried?"

[member="Verie Lacroix"]

 

[Verie Lacroix]

Verie studied him quietly, her brown eyes cooling just a degree and a half -- maybe two -- as they narrowed a little. The truth was, she was no longer worried -- his reaction was genuine, for she could tell from the joy he poured into the Force that it was not an act. She could no longer entertain the worry that she would be trapping him before he was ready with an unplanned pregnancy. Again, Verie found herself troubled by the fundamental difference between the two of them. Where he felt joy, Verie felt discomfort and, she realized as she unpacked the feelings she had been struggling to suppress, naming each one as they came out of the metaphorical box: shock, disappointment, and shame.

Shock at discovering a life growing within her. Disappointment as she watched years of their life together evaporate, replaced with feedings and changings and baby stuff, as she watched the wedding she had been carefully constructing in her head for a year, waiting to put into motion as soon as she'd said yes, disappear. She was as likely to have that wedding as she was to dive into the center of the nearest sun. Shame that she would be the source of wagging tongues among his peers if not her own. Her cheeks flamed red and she blinked rapidly.

She tried for a smile and sat back in her seat, her arms held out to him in an awkward position now. She looked down demurely. "I'm not worried," she said after a long pause, and allowed another long pause before she added delicately. "But can you understand why this is not the best news I've ever heard?"

[member="Dissero"]

 

[Dissero]

Dissero wasn't thinking about any of those things, but aside from being a man and she a woman, the would-be Prince of Kuat operated on a starkly different wavelength than the prim and proper woman across from him.

He frowned, looking lost and mildly confused.

"Do you...not want to have the baby?" a hard question for him to ask, concern etched his brow, eyes quickly searching her own expression for any sign that he was saying the wrong thing. What was the right thing to say? How do you tell your mate that it's ok to get rid of it without coming across as a pig?

"I...don't want you to think you have to have it because of me. I want you to want it, too. When you're ready. And I don't mean I'm not ready," he pulled back, half expecting her to think that, "cause I am. But I realize it's a lot of ... well it's a lot. And it's your body. And I'm not saying I want you to get rid of it but I'm not saying you can't. Because pregnancy-" the gesticulations of the hands started. He always did this when he got nervous.

"I understand it's complicated...not to say that I know what you're going through but, like, I've read some books that mentioned some things and-"

and on and on he rambled.

[member="Verie Lacroix"]

 

[Verie Lacroix]

She let her thumb trace his cheek for a moment before pulling her hands away. "Sometimes," she said, her voice moving from cool to arctic as she made it through the sentence. "Sometimes I wonder how much you really know me at all." She stood and collected the remaining dishes, carrying them to the sink. "Obviously, obviously," she said, either intentionally or unintentionally channeling her mother's oft-used method of underlining a point by emphasizing a word. "I'm going to have the..." She paused as she picked up the bottle of dishsoap, holding it up absently for a few moments. It seemed ludicrous to consider anything else. "I wouldn't dream of being so selfish as to... terminate it ...as a matter of my own convenience, or reputation."

Remembering what she was doing, she squeezed some of the blue goo onto her sponge. "It's not what I wanted," she said quietly, aware in the intervening moments that hung between them how petulant it sounded. "Things are going to be different now." This was a child's answer, she was well aware, but there was nothing she could do about it. She vigorously scrubbed the dish, rinsed it haphazardly and held it up to the light, then hunched over the sink again, remaining silent as she washed the dish with all her strength. "You think that's idiotic." It was not a question, but it was not quite an accusation, either. To he, who knew her best, it would likely appear as request for affirmation that she was not a horrible person for having the feelings that she was having.

[member="Dissero"]

 

[Dissero]

He stared at her, stricken as though she'd physically slapped him. The words stung deeply and the tone drove the bite deeper still.

"Ve, I only meant-" brow furrowed after her as she fled from direct confrontation like she always did and busied herself with other things. Dissero sometimes wondered if she did that to keep from throttling him and he almost wished she would if for no other reason than to give her an outlet for her anger. It wasn't healthy, bottling it all up inside the way she did.

It's not what I wanted.

Things are going to be different.

You think that's idiotic.

"I don't know what to think now, honestly," dour words spoken only loud enough for her to hear over the running water and her gritted teeth, "I want to be happy, but apparently that's wrong? Should I be happy, Ve? Is that not what you want? Would you rather I wasn't?"

Standing from his seat he had the peculiar feeling that there was a second painting of Avadreia Lacroix glowering at him.

"All I've ever wanted was for you to be happy. Of course things are going to be different, but that doesn't mean it's going to be bad. What do you want?"

[member="Verie Lacroix"]

 

[Verie Lacroix]

Verie's jaw flexed, and she suddenly felt a stab of guilt. She had felt his happiness moments ago, warm and bright like a flame, and now she had smothered it. The last thing she wanted was to row about it. "I'm sorry," she said, giving the plate a final rinse and then setting it in the drainer. "I wanted us to have time to get to know each other, just the two of us, outside of the bonds of teacher and student. That's what early married years are for, before you have children. I love you. I want to be with you. But I wanted to be with you first. Is that wrong?"

She washed the forks and knives and set them in the strainer as well. "Of course I want you to be happy. How can you say that I don't? I'm thrilled that you're happy. I know how much you've always wanted a family." She walked over to the counter so they were standing opposite one another across the bar. "I just thought we would have time to talk it over and plan it... you know?" she asked quietly, looking up at [member="Dissero"], her dark eyes and voice showing a tiny hint of pleading. "It's a shock. And perhaps I'm wrong to care, but I fear it will reflect badly on you. And the last thing I want is to reflect badly on you." She kept his gaze for a few moments before looking away, reaching across for her glass. She drained its contents.

"It's a lot to take in," she said by way of defense, though her tone was conciliatory rather than competitive now. "I'm sorry if I'm no responding to this the right way."

 

[Dissero]

"You are going to be with me ... Ve. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

Promises promises he knew he wouldn't be able to keep. The galaxy was in too much turmoil to be at her side every moment. But to him not going anywhere meant much more. So much more than physically standing beside her through thick, thin, and everything inbetween. He was here, she had his attention and affections, and that was not soon about to change.

"Reflect badly on me? Ve, the Kuati people don't give a feth about me, it's my sister they worship. I'm the black bantha they've been trained to abhor from day one by my own mother, and you know what?" hands before him, fingers curling into fists, he glared down at the black tendrils peeking out from beneath his sleeve, "I don't care, I don't care about any of that. There's only one person in this entire galaxy whose opinion of me I care about," blue eyes settled intently upon Verie, "and I'm looking right at her."

[member="Verie Lacroix"]

 

[Verie Lacroix]

Verie pressed her lips together and blew a sigh from her nostrils. He did paint rather a grim picture. She moved closer to him and settled her frame against his, her arms circling his waist. "That's not the point, exactly," she told him after a moment, in response to his assurances. "But it's nice to hear anyway. Oh, fine, point taken." She squeezed him gently and then released him and turned away. "I'll make an appointment with my doctor tomorrow and see if he can refer me to a specialist out in our part of the galaxy. I won't want to schlep all the way back to Kuat every time I need to see a doctor."

She lifted herself up on the counter and crossed her legs. "It's moments like these I wish my mother wasn't dead. This is the time in all the holofilms where the mother takes the daughter aside and tells her what to expect. And I can't very well ask your mother. However she feels about you, I'm about ninety percent sure she thinks I'm not good enough to breathe the same air." Verie leaned her head back against the cabinet behind her. "Well, we've got a few months until I become hideously pregnant. I suppose we should enjoy it while it lasts."

[member="Dissero"]

 

[Dissero]

The man stood stock still as the arms of his mate took him in. He was worried, for one, of reprisal of saying yet another dumb thing, and two: suddenly reminded of just how delicate a creature she really was. He'd known all along the tenuous relationship he held with her moral compass and he'd been trying desperately to prove himself worthy in her own eyes, even if he never proclaimed to be doing so. Yet still, she was fragile in a physical state, moreso now than he'd ever felt her to be.

Life blossoming within her.

His arms never moved to envelop her back, too distracted by these worries, before she left his side again. He watched her go to the counter where she assumed her usual perch and thought how very graceful and strong she was despite his worries. Dissero opted to nod to her as she spoke and, after a few moments of silence, ventured over to her at the counter where his hands found her thighs and he simply stood there looking calm despite all the chaos of emotion clashing within.

"My mother," he broke the silence finally, leaning in to press his forehead against hers, "does not think that about you, and she would help you for the asking," a small smile touched his cleanly shaven face as he pushed briefly against her, "I'll tell you a secret about the Sovereign of Kuat ... she adores children and she's had many more than you and the rest of the galaxy even know," he planted a small kiss on her lips before leaning back, smiling easily, "but I can understand how intimidating she can be. If you want, I may know someone else you could talk to that could help you with this that is far more approachable, and a Jedi to boot."

[member="Verie Lacroix"]

 

[Verie Lacroix]

"Perhaps not," Verie acknowledged. "But very nearly."

The idea of [member="Dissero"]'s mother being an influence on Verie's child was almost as troubling as the picture of Avadreia Lacroix bouncing a chubby infant on her knee. She paused to reflect on what it would be like for Avadreia Lacroix to hold her grandchild. It was a bit like letting your baby play with a rancor. A beautifully coiffed and relentlessly well-dressed rancor, but a rancor still.

"You say that rather like she views them something like petit-fours," she added. "But if it's all the same to you I think I'll stick with a doctor for the time being."

 

[Dissero]

"I ... " he paused, pondering words again. Sometimes it was so difficult to talk in front of her, but more specifically now that it was on a topic that he, himself, had no personal experience or knowledge in. Dissero opted to nod, "yes," he stated flatly, "okay."

When in doubt, yes dear was the right answer.

Blue eyes blinked at her with a bit of innocent hope before looking around with faint uncertainty, "Is that the right answer?" he whispered.

[member="Verie Lacroix"]

 

[Verie Lacroix]

Verie studied the speckling on the counter between her thighs, lost in thought. She didn't reply to [member="Dissero"] for a few long moments. For all his words of commitment, and she didn't doubt them for a moment, she knew that it wasn't meant to be taken literally. He would be there for her, yes, in the sense that he would provide for her and their child, that he would make them safe and healthy whatever the cost. But he would also leap into action in a moment. It was one of the things she loved about him. When you got right down to the nitty-gritty of it, there was only one person responsible for delivering this child, one person to inform herself and monitor her condition and make a success of it: Verie herself.

Finally Verie's eyes focused again and she raised her head, putting on the Lacroix Smile™. "I have one minor slip and suddenly we're a couple in a situation comedy on the holo. Really, there's no need to treat on eggshells around me, I think you'll find me an agreeable... well, what would you call me now? Pregnant mistress doesn't have quite the right ring to it, but I suppose it will do for now." She pressed her knees together and leaned her head against the cabinet behind her. The day had been exhausting and stressful, and she felt much better now it was all in the open and, for the moment, her anxiety about appearances had been pushed aside. "But yes," she murmured. "That is the right answer."

 

[Dissero]

Girlfriend, he wanted to say. Lover. Future mother of my child and wife at my side.

Mistress just wasn't a title or label he'd ever cared for. It's negative connotation didn't sit well in his stomach, but he decided now wasn't the time to be fussing over it. He took up one of her hands and kissed her knuckles, issuing a deep sigh over them, "Ok."

"I'm going to go endure twenty glaring lashes from your mother. I owe her that much I think. My mother is expecting us for dinner this evening. We don't have to say anything to her about it right now, if you would prefer not to."

[member="Verie Lacroix"]

 

[Verie Lacroix]

Verie felt her shoulders stiffen a little. She had forgotten all about the dinner with Mero's mother. An icy tendril gripped her stomach at the notion of deceiving her. Knight though she may have been, Verie was still a loyal subject of Kuat, and patriotism bred into one from birth did not die easily. "You don't think she'd be able to tell?" Verie asked, slipping off the counter to land on the balls of her feet. "No, I think honesty is the best policy in this situation. I would hate for an omission on our part come between you and your mother." She took his hand and brought it to her lips, repeating his actions with her own, and pressed a kiss to his knuckles, then pulled his arm around her back before wrapping her own arms around Mero's waist. "You're a darling and I love you," she murmured into his shoulder.

"Don't let mother make you cry," she told him before releasing him. "But if she does, I won't think any less of you for it."

[member="Dissero"]

 

[Dissero]

"After all these years," said the man as he snuggly wrapped Verie in his arms to make up for the lost opportunity minutes before, "I really haven't a clue the extent of my mother's capabilities." Blue eyes peered down at her wonderingly and he gave a nod to her decision before leaning to nuzzle at the top of her head, "As you wish."

As her arms released him he felt a weight slowly lift from his mind to be replaced once more with the budding bubble of giddiness he'd felt just before their...spat. It was a good feeling, a unique feeling. Elation on a level he could not quite fathom. Greater than the accomplishments of his Sith career. Larger than the knowledge he'd collected over the years. Grander than the power he'd attained. More mystifying than all of his creations combined.

He was going to be a father and have a life with the one he cherished the most, and not even Avadreia Lacroix could take that from him. Living or not. The man cleared his throat as he mustered the courage to face the bull in the other room and stepped off without a backward glance but did hesitate in the doorway as he came under siege of her terrible gaze.

He flinched but perservered but not without a smirk back at Verie.

"How much do you think we could get for this thing at auction?" he said after several moments of contemplative silence.

[member="Verie Lacroix"]

 

[Verie Lacroix]

Verie paused behind him, standing on her toes to look over his shoulder. "She liked the shoot they did for Industrial Monthly so much that she made the painter do the portrait from that. Which, I suppose, is better than the alternative. Can you imagine, my mother in some sort of harlequin pose? Or in some evening gown?" She studied her mother's portrait for a few moments. The painter had managed to capture her mother's eyes better than any photographic lens. They were equal parts critical and disinterested, conveying that there would be much to say about one's hair, clothes, work ethic, etc., if only Avadreia Lacroix could be persuaded to give a damn about you.

"Oh, twenty credits at least," Verie said solemnly. "Oh, let's take it down and put it in a packing crate until the auction. I am damned tired of not being able to do what I want, with whomever I want, in my own home, because that harridan is still holding court." She sounded confident, but made no move to effect the change she had suggested. Instead, she nudged [member="Dissero"] with her shoulder, then looked up at him with a little smirk before nodding towards the mantle. "What? I'm delicate," she explained, barely keeping a straight face.