Full Barrier Defense

[Jessica Med-Beq]

"Even between several light-siders, each had different means to power Force-light: you realize as much. We'll just have to return to the airbase's crew quarters"

As far as Jessica knew what drove her power, her mind was a key component in the process of Force-usage. Not just because of her own mental conditioning or activity, or even of how she goes around using the Force, which in several cases could free her from alignment restraints. She was happy to see [member="Jairdain"] perform Force-light for the very first time, even though she accepted that she would only get a candle light (in relative terms), at this stage of her training. Even on Caluula, where she used Force-light for the first time, Jess was only able to conjure a little bit of Force-light, around the same as a 100-watt incandescent bulb. But now that Jessica was headed towards the airbase's crew quarters, in the dead of the Eredenn Prime night, alongside Jairdain, the two would probably breathe a sigh of relief once they enter the premises of the airbase, where comfortable temperatures awaited them, as are the first two squadrons of those new stealth bombers. A veteran of Mirial greeted them...

"General, I hope that the cold out there did not deter you too much. Mirial was just about as cold" Alyssa told the two Jedi.

 

[Jairdain]

"I feel the Force for me comes from within my body. Immersed in it and then pulling it out like through my chest or stomach. I'm not really sure exactly if that's how it works or if my brain kicks in like yours."

Jairdain was pleased she accomplished even a little bit of light on her first attempt. Maybe it was because it wasn't a physical skill, but one of her mind. Like the Battle Meditation she was best at. Even when she did that, Jairdain felt it came from within her and not her mind.

Following Jessica as they returned to the airbase and the warmth it provided. When she had started getting cold herself, she had focused on her heartrate to brought it up to keep herself warm. Letting go of that when they entered, Jairdain felt the chill follow them in until the door closed behind them.

Turning in the direction of the voice speaking to Jessica, she remained silent.

[member="Jessica Med-Beq"]

 

[Jessica Med-Beq]

"To the extent I know about how you operate as a Jedi, I know you have a beautiful mind. But what makes your mind beautiful is quite different from mine. It's just that different mental attributes come into play in mentalism"

Jedi came in a wide variety of mental attributes, she knew as much. All sorts of thoughts raced through her mind: exactly how [member="Jairdain"] and Jessica differed in their respective heads. Jair may not be the sort of Jedi that could mentally solve for a set of Maxwell equations or for a hyperspace trajectory in a few seconds, but she can probably defend her mind somewhat better against mental intrusions. Endurance is not the same as resilience; resilience was the biggest weak spot in Jessica's mental composition. Reasoning, logic were her things. I'm better in some situations, Jair's better in others, then again, I am not necessarily better than her overall, at best situationally but, by and large, I'm just different from Jairdain. Much like Taygeta or Paige: their minds are very fast, their knowledge bases are quite different, both between each other and from Jair or me, she thought, while even one Eri'anya Forr could be a genius by today's Jedi standards: Eri clearly was strong enough in some areas to potentially be considered a brain. That is, if the average Jedi really was as idiotic as portrayed in cartoons.

"Sometimes it's hard to avoid falling into the superiority complex trap. One of the classic examples of a superiority complex occurs when students get smug when their performance, apparent or real, outstrips that of their peers and become arrogant as a result. So, just because you're different from other people, doesn't mean you're better than them, beyond, perhaps, a specific set of circumstances. Speaking of which, I have a question about your stay in elementary school. Did you witness people that become arrogant because of their grades, intellect or something else entirely?"

 

[Jairdain]

The compliment paid to her by Jessica brought a smile to Jairdain's face. They used the Force and their minds differently yet they could accomplish almost the same things. With the Force anything was possible.

"Master Jessica, am I any less intelligent than you?"

Knowing skill, knowledge and power rested in different areas, Jairdain may not be any less intelligent, but she didn't feel she had the brain power Jessica did. Listening to what Jessica said about the superiorty complex, the young woman nodded.

"Well, of course. Being blind, most people thought they were better than me and that carried over even to the other school. There I was pretty much kept out of the physical classes and put into the mental ones. Maybe I would have been a lightsaber jockey as you put it, but was never given the chance."

[member="Jessica Med-Beq"]

 

[Jessica Med-Beq]

"I would not necessarily say less smart per se, just that we were raised in a vastly different set of circumstances, which led to us using our respective minds for different things. That's for the nurture part in those nature-vs-nurture debates in psychology as applied to our case. You would probably be using your smarts for different ends if you were placed in my circumstances, and maybe even be a genius in one area, and the same is true in reverse. You're smart, perhaps even a genius by today's Jedi standards, then again so am I"

Perhaps if that false-negative didn't occur, I would be a very different woman today, with a different intellectual composition, and even more importantly, a different knowledge base along with it, she thought, while being reminded of exactly what sort of education Jedi tended to get. Pretty basic, with sometimes a few more advanced topics that they find useful on duty. So unsurprisingly, the instructors for the more advanced topics tended to be those who began their Jedi careers later in life, either those who got extensive educations or those highly experienced in that one topic. So, from her standpoint, it makes sense for her to embrace those who, like her, join later in life: they come with a breadth and depth of knowledge and expertise that would be difficult at best to replicate without some formalized plan to allow Jedi to learn or work outside of the traditional areas of the Jedi, that is, security and medicine. As for [member="Jairdain"]'s comment, she couldn't help but chuckle: perhaps Jair could have been a lightsaber jockey and develop her mind in a different direction if such was the case, if she wasn't blind; then again, Jess could have been a lightsaber jockey and also develop her mind in a different direction as well.

 

[Jairdain]

What Jessica said was true. Jairdain didn't have the number or science smarts, but was more versed in mental force abilities than Jessica was. The master would be better in a massive ground or space battle, sitting back and commanding the movements of the troops, Jairdain would be better providing support of being one of those troops. In time, maybe she would prove to be adept as Jessica, but not yet.

"I suppose I might be considered a genius in the mental aspects of the Force. Some of them at least as there is always more to learn."

Lost in her real memories for a moment, Jairdain looked again in the direction of Jessica.

"Master Jessica, is there any way to get out of my mind the memories Krest put in there without damaging me any further than I was?"

The look on her face was both thoughtful and curious. Jairdain really wanted to know if it was possible.

[member="Jessica Med-Beq"]

 

[Jessica Med-Beq]

"You mentioned that he injected you some poison. It seems that the poison might be related to him overwriting your memories. I have to say that the least damaging methods seem to be best implemented over the long run; in fact, the main drawback of any methods that will avoid causing additional damage is the time required to implement. Already I'm one of the starting points, because opening up to people you used to trust prior to the brain washing is one of the early steps, provided they still trust you to a sufficient extent now. To the extent you trust me, unfortunately I'm not a therapist so there are limits on what I can do for your healing process. I will use Detoxify Poison so as to neutralize the poison, if that will help"

Therapy! I know exactly who not to recommend. Two of these people were the worst mental healthcare professionals I've ever dealt with in my lifetime, and the main difference was that Cathul is not nearly as arrogant as the other one, that person who was a reverse role model when she was still among the Silver Jedi. However much you trust me, Jair, take what I say with a grain of salt, she thought, while constantly fishing through her memories caused her use of computational power to remain high for a while. Meanwhile, she could channel that computational power onto the poison molecules inside [member="Jairdain"]'s body, concentrating on breaking key molecular bonds so as to make the poison nothing more than its constituent atoms, without any bond to each other. And she was, by the same token, reminded of the half-life concept as applied to bodily poison concentration, thanks to the action of the urinary and pulmonary systems. By now the poison's Force-signature began to fade from Jair's body, as molecular bonds were broken and its concentration was diminishing much faster than it naturally would.

 

[Jairdain]

"The poison I was given was to push me through their version of knight trials. It knocked me out and while I was under its influence he altered my memories. It was burning poison and the pain was what made me go unconscious."

Rubbing her arm at the memory of where the shot was given and her trial after.
​
"It lasted for weeks and while I was out, I fell dark with my memories altered. He made me embrace and use my emotions to get out. Master Jessica, what are the use of emotions? They seem to only cause pain and confusion much of the time. I do know love though."

As she spoke at first her eyes took on that look of one searching the past, but when she finished, they were rather fierce. Unfocused of course, but fierce and determined to hold on to that love.

Jessica mentioned using Detoxify Poison on her and Jairdain wasn't sure if she needed to do anything like hold a hand out, lay down or just stand there. Over the course of time, that poison had worn out of her system, anything that remained Jessica cleansed from her. She felt only a little different. Maybe colder, like there was less heat going through her body. That might just be atmosphere and weather of their location though.

"Thank you."

[member="Jessica Med-Beq"]

 

[Jessica Med-Beq]

"Emotions. I'm not the best on the topic of emotions, and, like you, I found them confusing and painful to experience. And you have seen how emotions can drive people on either side of the alignment spectrum. But sometimes the pain and confusion that arise are sometimes signals that can be life-saving. From what I heard about the origin of emotions, they are an evolutionary by-product, in the process that lead species to evolve and gain sentience"

I might have been considered "more droid than person" back as a padawan, even though my master back then noticed my computational power much faster than he had my emotional problems. Most people would instead consider someone to be "more droid than person" if their ability to feel and relate to emotions is limited, rather than because of any intellectual merit, she thought, because the more [member="Jairdain"] speaks, the more memories she triggers in Jessica. However good Jess' memory actually was, she knew it wasn't perfect, at least in a medical sense. Then again, she knew that a perfect memory to a layman's sense is different from what it means in a medical context, and also that computational power does not correlate that well to one's long-term memory, but usually more so with one's working memory and there are intense demands made on it when one uses a lot of computational power. To an extent, working memory can even be a bottleneck of a person's computational power.

"I don't know to what extent you noticed it, but the more you speak, the more memories you trigger in me, and some thoughts flow once said memories are triggered. You have an idea of how my brain operates, you have a pretty good feel for my intellectual strengths and weaknesses by now... Perhaps it's you as a mentalist, perhaps it's how my memory operates, perhaps it's just the topic, but it's very easy, too easy perhaps, for you to trigger memories in me and cause me to reflect on myself more and more with each memory you trigger"

 

[Jairdain]

"Not all emotions are painful, but those that are...well hurt. Growing up, I was taught to know and feel them all, to not deny them and even at times use them. As you know those that went too far were executed. When I was sith, I felt like dying. This was because of how I was raised I think."

What Jessica said in answer interested the knight.

"I think even animals or beasts have emotions, though not to the extent of sentient beings. They know fear, anger and loyalty."

Jairdain had not noticed the triggering of Jessica's memory, but smiled at her. She hadn't been trying to, but still felt good at accomplishing opening the master's memory. For some reason she felt Jessica didn't think too much actively of her past and her memories. Unless somebody asked her about it. She had done it before when they first met.

"It is good to remember and reflect at times, Master Jessica. In here though, it is sometime difficult to know what is real and what isn't."

She lifted a hand to her​ head and tapped it lightly.

[member="Jessica Med-Beq"]

 

[Jessica Med-Beq]

"It's understandable if you didn't notice my memories being triggered. While you can probably sense my mental activity in the Force, you don't always consciously sense what someone is using their mind for, even though I know you can sense people's surface thoughts, and I can do the same in reverse, too. But I have to say that you can make me feel good about using my mind to its fullest"

Of course, Jessica was using more and more computational power for each memory being triggered, and, as a result, her mental activity was steadily increasing. But even then, she was not using anywhere near the level of computational power required to mentally solve for even just one set of Maxwell equations. [member="Jairdain"], for some reason, made her feel like she is floating on some cloud where she could use more computational power for longer periods, if only to make these memories return from whence they came. As for Jair's last line about the difficulty of distinguish what's real and what's not, it's usually a major issue affecting the public's confidence in politics and media. Might be confusing to comb several sources of information, perhaps, but usually political and economic news are highly likely to be manipulated, while crime and other faits divers aren't as likely. And it was making diplomatic work difficult, such as on Bimmisaari and Chandaar.

"As for distinguishing what's real and what isn't, you have realized by now that it is far from obvious even in the best of times"

 

[Jairdain]

One thing Jairdain had learned to do was control her mental abilities. While she could easily read emotions and even some thoughts, she did not go out of her way to pry into people's minds without permission. She did this more out of respect than anything else. While with the Sith and going through her trials, she had learned about how to gain knowledge through the Force, but did not employ that skill with Jessica. There was no need to do it.

"Everybody should use what have to their fullest ability in certain situations, Master Jessica. Only a few times have I needed to do that, but you may have needed to do it more often. Keeping in mind our respective abilities are in different fields. Never feel bad about using yourself to your fullest. It's there for a reason."

Giving Jessica a smile and felt rather good about the effects she was having on Jessica. For once it made it made Jairdain feel like she had a positive influence on somebody else. It was something that was rare in her life and she would remember this moment for a very long time. If Jessica could pick up on them, her feelings and thoughts were an open book to the master.

"That isn't exactly what I meant. In my own mind I have two sets of memories. The ones that are real and the ones Krest put in there."

[member="Jessica Med-Beq"]

 

[Jessica Med-Beq]

"Even in the sense of having two sets of memories about a chain of events, determining what's real and what's false is not obvious either"

Usually she was someone who would not hold back unless absolutely necessary, such as in maneuver warfare. Such as setting up an ambush. However, she knew people for whom holding back was an effective stratagem, such as in espionage or even, in some cases, in hopes of gaining popularity (online, at school or in other settings where popularity is important to one's success) or advancement at work. Some civilian workplaces she knew of were places where promoting workers that fit a certain performance band, that is, not too poorly, or too good. Back in the day, in middle and high school, I also heard about students holding back in class to avoid being bullied, but that's usually outside gifted education. I would have been, simply put, stifled in a place like that. Geniuses can sometimes flounder if the environment is unsupportive. But it's draining to be on top of one's abilities all the time, and likewise to control just how much to hold back if it is warranted, she thought, while looking at [member="Jairdain"] once again.

"Sometimes I'm holding back, such as in espionage missions, or when lulling an opponent in a false sense of security is a step in the method that will minimize collateral damage or bloodshed. But yes, I'm grateful for my gifts, and you should be grateful for yours. Yet, back on Eraton, were you holding back in elementary school? Were there people that hold themselves back in class because they were afraid of being bullied or something?"

 

[Jairdain]

Choosing to address what Jessica said second, she nodded in agreement.

"I didn't mean to imply you needed to display or show off the skills right away, Master Jessica. What I more intended to imply was one should use everything they have at their disposal to accomplish something. While it may mean they need to keep some things back, just the fact you have such a skill or ability to use if needed."

Jairdain listened to the questions posed by the master. In asking if she had held back in primary school or if others did out of fear. She pulled her mouth brows down and mouth together and really had to it some thought.

"My sight is basically seeing the emotions in others or their personality. So while I am unsure if others held themselves back, I know I was a victim of being bullied. The other kids made fun of me for being blind and in a way I suppose maybe I did hold myself back. Unknowingly at the time and just trying to stay out of getting more attention from the kids."

[member="Jessica Med-Beq"]