Funny Finding You Here

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

He mimicked her, beginning to slowly walk forward towards her. The spaceport was crowded of course, hundreds of people going about their daily lives. Some owned ships, some came in transports, still others waited to be picked up. There were thousands all around Jamie and Kurt, but the two of them seemed to find each other just fine. The Courier moved with the same slow walk that he always did, not rushing, not hurrying simply moving to reach Jamie.

How would he do this?

There were a lot of options, but the first among them, the most glaring was to simply tell her the truth. He had never shared that truth with anyone before, not even Kaile. Perhaps that was because the situation had been different. Kaile had never pried, had never pushed him or made him feel this guilty. His roommate was kind that way, she knew that he wasn't ready to speak about it, at least not without good reason, not without a cause.

Jamie was that cause now.

He moved towards her, the two of them coming upon one another like long lost souls reuniting.

There was a temptation to reach down and kiss her, to take his hand and cup her cheek and then simply press his lips against her own. His eyes closed for half a second just as he stepped up to her, opening up to match her gaze. He could still see the disappointment there, the shame. His lips parted, his voice was hoarse and slightly cracked. "I want to tell you why. Why I run."

 

[Jamie Pyne]

That walk could have taken an eternity and it still would have been too soon for her. But there he was, standing in front of her once again, though without the grin and without the witty charm he had so well played on before. Her expression remained blank. She had no desire to cry, no desire to kiss him, no desire to let herself fall for that again. She'd been burned well and hard enough for one day. That was quite more than she needed.

She remained still, an empty stare looking back at him from pale blue eyes. There was no anger there. She was simply exhausted, emotionally. He took her on a roller coaster of emotions and failed to tell her that the end of the ride consisted of a brick wall that she'd have to face alone as he scurried off. She hit that wall a bit harder than expected. So while she stood there, her eyes fixated on him, it would seem obvious that she wasn't so much looking at him, as she was standing there, empty and hollow and indifferent. All she wanted at that moment was for him to explain why he was there so that she could continue on her way to Cartao.

Her eyes blinked, an audible exhale through the nose parting the momentary silence between his words and hers.

"Now you want to tell me?" Her voice sounded tired, like she was simply done trying to figure him out. Done trying to understand why he did the things he did. Done with everything. It took a while, but she finally learned exactly what he was. He didn't need to explain it, to sugar coat it. "I'm sorry Kurt. I need to go. I have a flight that I can't afford to miss. Maybe some other time, yea?"

The blonde turned halfway, starting her way down toward the bay where the freighter was docked.

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

He stopped for a moment. Who was he to force her to listen? Who was he to tell her to sit down and have her talk to him? If Jamie didn't want to hear him then that was her decision, it was within her right. Part of him couldn't blame her really, she had been twice bitten by him, betrayed in a way. Kurt hadn't seen it that way, at least not at first, he had simply seen the situation as it was for him, not for her. His lips thinned, his eyes sinking into his head for a moment as he tried to think of what to do.

Kurt should have been more mature, should have been more grown up. He knew that. He knew that it didn't pay to always play the fool. Few times in his life Kurt had actually managed to be serious. He had been serious during his time in the navy. He had been serious when racing. He had been serious when Kaile had been taken. It was rare, had always been rare in fact, but Kurt could be serious when it mattered. The question was if it mattered enough now.

This time he reached out and snatched her hand. "Wait."

He was being selfish again.

"Just wait." There was a need to explain himself now, as if she'd lifted the fog. "I just need you to understand."

 

[Jamie Pyne]

Her stride was abruptly halted by Kurt grabbing hold of her wrist, pulling her back. Her feet stumbled back towards the pilot, spinning around to meet his eyes with her own. Jamie hadn't expected that, for him to stop her from leaving. She looked down at his hand on hers, feeling that knot welling in the back of her throat once more. His touch was something she enjoyed, even if it were unwelcome, given the situation and circumstances. She liked that closeness, that he felt the need to touch her, to get her attention. Her eyes wandered back up once more, finding it difficult to maintain contact with his piercing gaze.

Jamie desperately wanted to be away from this place, away from him. At the same time however, all she wanted was to be back on his ship, back in his room, lying next to him, holding him and him her. It was there she felt at peace, home. It oddly reminded her of home despite having no relation to Naboo. Had the moment not been so terribly heated and emotional she'd have stepped on the tips of her toes and kissed him, if only to show him what she felt for him.

If nothing else, she at least owed him a moment to explain himself if he planned to do so without making excuses. Jamie nodded to Kurt, placing her other hand on his chest lightly. Her voice was soft and quiet as she spoke but four words. "Okay. Let's talk then."

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

His smile returned, that sad smile from earlier.

It was something, she was willing to give him the time to explain, willing to at least listen. It was more than he deserved truthfully, but at least it was something. Kurt squeezed her hand gently, then regarded her for a moment. "Not here."

No.

The things that he was running from weren't exactly things that should be discussed in public. They were secretive, or at least, secretive enough that he had never spoken openly about them. There were only two other people in the entire galaxy that knew of this, at least, two left. Some of his old squadron mates had known of course, though they had long since passed. He shifted slightly, looking about until he spotted an empty cafe on the second floor, closed for renovations.

Gently he tugged Jamie along, pulling her towards the escalators and the cafe.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

There he went, pulling her along again. The blonde followed beside Kurt, her fingers instinctively intertwining with his as he guided her up the escalator. Once they began the trek up, her eyes glanced down, debating whether or not to let go of him, not wanting the fall back into that same closeness again. Despite her better judgement she held onto him. Without a clue as to why, it was as if it were some kind of natural instinct for her to want to be close to him. He wasn't hers, and likely never would be. Kurt had his personality and quirks, as did she. Wearing one's heart on their sleeve was ultimately extremely dangerous, That was the hard learned lesson of the day. Likely one of many to follow.

Reaching the top of the escalator the two stepped off lightly and entered the cafe that had been shut down. She whispered to him as the two slipped inside, a bit of nervousness behind her voice.

"I...Don't think we're supposed to be in here."

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

Kurt let out a soft laugh. "What?"

They weren't supposed to be up here, but that just once again highlighted the differences between the two of them. On Tatooine, the term "off-limits" meant that one should be aware they would likely get shot if caught, therefore, something that was off-limits was more traveled at ones own risk. That's simply how he had grown up, and with the Tuskens roaming around...well he'd learned to be careful. Jamie on the other hand? She had grown up under a government with real rules, real regulations. She was weary of the law.

"Come on." Kurt said gently tugging her along. "It'll be fine, I promise."

If they got caught he would take the blame, no issue there.

Continuing his trek up the escalator and onto the second floor Kurt pulled Jamie along until they reached a more secluded section of the terminal. It was clear that this place was indeed off-limits, with most of it being under construction. The Courier eventually stopped in front of a large window, sitting himself down and crossing his legs.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

"O-kay." There was a bit of trepidation in her voice as she submitted to Kurt's affirmation that it was alright. They could have just as easily gone somewhere less populated. Did he really believe that whatever he was going to tell her would interest other people? Or that it was some kind of massive government secret that he was in fact a spy or something? What in the galaxy could be so drastically delicate that the had to tell her under the cover of a renovation in progress?

She followed right up until they made it to the cafe, sitting down with legs crossed beside him. Her head turned from side to side to make sure nobody was around or watching them. The last thing she'd need was to get arrested for trespassing or something on a planet she knew nothing of. Wouldn't that be a fine ending to her travel?

"Well then? What is it you wanted to tell me now?"

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

Kurt let out a heavy sigh.

This wasn't easy to say, wasn't easy to remember. They were times that Kurt would much rather have forgotten, times that he preferred to run away from. The courier took a deep breath, closing his eyes and gaining focus. "I was in the Navy, I told you that."

"I was a starfighter pilot." Kurt said quietly, opening his eyes. "Like I told you, double ace. I flew a lot of combat missions, mostly against the One Sith when they invaded. I lost a lot of friends on those missions. The Sith never really cared about winning space battles, they didn't care about taking out our fleets. They just threw themselves at us over and over again. That was all they did. Fighter after fighter. Not droids either, people. It wasn't really a fight..."

Kurt trailed off for a moment, as if he were remembering something. "It was a slaughter."

That was the whole of it, really only the beginning, but he needed a few seconds between those stints.

The Courier had never considered himself a killer, at least not a murderer, but this story told otherwise.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

Jamie was quiet while Kurt spoke. She didn't interrupt him to pose a question, she didn't make any faces at him, she simply sat quietly and listened to what he had to say. It was a test of willpower for her truthfully. She was inquisitive, it was simply in her nature. She knew that this just wasn't the time though, and that he would share what he would share and that was it. If he didn't want to tell her everything she'd be none the wiser and would go on her way regardless.

When he paused she simply nodded slowly, her voice trailing a rather long "Okaaaaaay?" She had never been in that type of situation so she really wasn't quite sure if that was the bulk of the story or if there was something more personal to it. Thus far it really didn't sound that bad, at least not worthy of chasing after her and taking her to an empty area to say it. But perhaps there was something she was missing still.

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

"It made us complacent." Kurt continued on. "We stopped caring about intelligence reports, stopped thinking the Sith would do anything. It was bad, even our captains didn't try to correct out behavior."

Looking back, Kurt knew how stupid it was. They had thought themselves invincible, had thought the Sith were weak and incapable of creating proper tactics. He knew now how wrong they had been, how dangerous that way of thinking was. It hurt just to recall the events, but slowly Kurt pushed forward. "Eventually that all came back to kick us in the ass."

The Courier let out a sigh, rubbing his face for a moment before regarding Jamie once more.

"We were sent on a missions. There was a Sith transport headed for a Republic border world, apparently it contained supplies for OSI operatives." He assumed that Jamie knew what exactly OSI was, though it wouldn't surprise him if she had no clue. Either way it wasn't hugely important to the story. "It should've been easy. Capture the transport using some conner nets, take out any escorts, go home. As it turned out though, it wasn't that simple. The Sith had been learning, adjusting, and this was their first strike back at us. The Transport ended up not carrying supplied or anything, but instead was outfitted with heavy defense weaponry."

Kurt bit his tongue. "As soon as we got close they opened fire. Two squadrons came at us from the back and we were pinched between them and the transport. Six of my squadron died in the first five minutes of the engagement."

The Courier looked down at his hands, solemn.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

Blue eyes watched Kurt intently as he spoke, pale blue studying each of his baby blues, attention entirely devoted to him recanting his past and the events leading up to what Jamie assumed to be the reason he chose to snuff the rest of his career in the Republic's Navy.

The blonde had never seen war first hand - up close. She'd read about it, seen videos and documents discussing and detailing every moment of certain battles and the such. She'd never seen it though. Never was a part of it. No matter how much one read about such things, it was always different to see them for one's self. Jamie could only assume that filling the role of a starfighter pilot there is a bit of a disconnect between pilots when it came to seeing the opposing forces destroyed. There was no humanity to be seen or felt when shooting down an enemy ship, but the moment those tables turned, when the screams of your team came through the comm systems, that was when things became real and frightening. Jamie never knew any of it. But she understood the practicality of reality.

She stayed quiet still, allowing him time to speak. She scooted herself a few inches closer to him, her hands finding his as he looked down at them, sorrow and regret burned in his eyes. Was there ever any way to be rid of that kind of pain? To make it go away or forget about it? Suddenly her mind began putting the pieces together. She squeezed his hands with her own. What else could she do? She couldn't fix the past, but she deeply wanted to somehow change the course of his future.

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

Six of his best friends had died almost instantly, three more before the end of it all. It had been a devastating loss, with only three of them making it out, but that wasn't even the worst of the story.

"We fought back. We fought back hard." Kurt bit his lip. "Sith fighters...they were never as good as ours. Not as strong, not as fast, didn't even have shields."

That was universally true of fighters used by the 'bad guys', or at least it had been throughout most of history. They just didn't seem to care much about the lives of their pilots. Half of Kurt was grateful for that, he knew that was what had saved his life that day. "We managed to take them down...all of them. I'll never know how, I'll never quite understand it, but we did it. Every single fighter that the Sith put in the sky that day we took out. Their twenty four, to our nine."

His hand tightened into a fist.

That wasn't the worst of it, no. For a second he thought about stopping, about not continuing, but then he looked up at Jamie. He saw the concern, Kurt feared what it was about to turn into.

"The transport..." It wasn't really a transport, but what he chose to call it. "They bailed out, escape pods. We...we..."

Kurt couldn't say it, his eyes dashing away from hers to look at the crown. "We shot them down. All of them. We knew it was wrong. We knew it was...we did it anyway."

What Kurt spoke of was of course, a war crime. They had fired on people that were technically out of combat, a crime as put forth by the Republic. At the time however they hadn't cared. Kurt and his two remaining squad-mates hadn't seen non-combatants, they had seen the people who had killed their friends.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

Hearing him speak the way he was was almost more painful than the story itself. It was obvious that it had really been traumatizing to him in the long run, having cast aside his humanity in favor of vengeance in the end. The way he looked at her, then away, almost afraid to make eye contact with her when he had finished, it made her heart sink a bit. What he'd done, while reprehensible, was understandable. To act in retaliation for the deaths of those close to you, it wasn't right, but it was human.

"I could tell you what you did was terrible. But that wouldn't really change anything. It wouldn't mean anything."

Her hand cupped his chin and turned his face slowly back to hers. He wouldn't see anger or resentment in her eyes. He would find compassion and understanding, two things her parents had instilled in her at a very young age.

"You know in your heart now that what you did wasn't right. What you felt then though? It was something you could hardly be faulted for. War is nothing but a breeding ground of hatred. You were ill prepared to contain it."

Jamie lightly caressed his face with her hand, adding a small, comforting smile. "I couldn't possibly begin to know how that feels, but I can understand the situation it became." She leaned close, again, despite her better judgement, and pressed her lips gently against his, her other hand squeezing his.

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

He looked away, pulled his lips from her own.

Kurt knew what she was trying to do, knew that she just wanted to help, but there was no helping this, there was no fixing it. He could either face it, or he could run away. It was obvious which option he had chosen, what he would do again and again just so that he could go on living with himself. "The worst part was that no one would acknowledge it. No one cared."

They had committed a crime, but no one had ever said a thing.

"Not our friends." He bit his lip, that nervous tick pulling through. "Not our officers. Not the Republic. No one cared."

Tears floated in his eyes, though he quickly squeezed them shut to fight back any semblance of crying. His voice had turned hoarse, his hand came up and away from hers, pinching and squeezing the bridge of this nose as he tried to fight back a heavy sob. "I'm a murderer. It's that simple. That easy. I killed those men, and one day I'll have to pay for it."

 

[Jamie Pyne]

"It's not that simple. Nothing about war, or life, is simple Kurt." She wouldn't make another attempt to kiss him. Perhaps she was wrong to try. But she did care about him, and that included how he thought of himself. Coming to terms with what he'd done and forgiving himself was the only way he would ever be able to move forward. If not, if he couldn't do that, he would be trapped in an infinite cycle of running from this memory.

"The galaxy isn't black and white." She added, "All you can be is human. Do you think if the tables had been turned they would have spared the lives of Republic citizens? Perhaps. Maybe they would have. There's a chance. But I don't think the odds are high."

Jamie found her hand running slowly up and down his arm. She simply couldn't help it. The girl was just overly empathic that way.

"You have to ask yourself if you would have killed those people under any other circumstances. If the answer is No, then you can't continue to carry the weight of that day on your shoulders for eternity. You can pay penance to the dead by acting with dignity and grace in their honor."

This was by far the most human she'd seen Kurt thus far. It seemed he was in fact capable of human emotions behind that durasteel wall protecting his heart and mind. It was too bad that this was the reason for it. A subject of which she had little expertise. War was rarely the subject of glory that it had been made out to be. Living beings fought in wars. Living, breathing, feeling people. Every life held a story. Every life had a family, friends, a past, a future. No matter what side anyone fought for. Jamie just wanted Kurt to understand that moving forward wasn't impossible, and that he didn't have to hide his feelings from her.

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

Kurt offered her a sad smile. It was a nice sentiment, and he wanted to believe it, but he just couldn't. There was a part of him that wanted to, actually the greater part of him, but when he thought about that day, the consequences of his actions, he just couldn't see avoiding the inevitable consequence.

He wouldn't tell her that though, not now.

"I started running while I was still in the navy." Kurt looked back up at her, his eyes flickering to her own as his hand reached out to grasp hers. If he was going to tell her everything, he was going to tell her everything. "I tried to anyway. They wouldn't punish me, put me in prison or anything. I distracted myself in any way that I could."

She would know exactly what he meant. He wasn't trying to be cruel by telling her, just honest. "They gave me a court martial for that, threw me out without any honors or respect. I didn't fight it, even though I could have, the officer that...it's not important, but that's how I started running. That's how I got to where I am now."

The Courier looked sad for a moment, pained almost. Not because of the life that he had lead, in fact, despite the sadness buried deep within him Kurt was still a happy person. He liked living the way he did, enjoyed being free, it was just the ghosts that would eventually catch up to him that concerned him.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

A deep breath followed a heavy sigh. If this were a dating show that was decided by the amount of baggage one carried then, well, Kurt would have been eliminated almost from the get go. Jamie didn't know why, why after all of this, after everything he'd done and said to her, after making her feel this insignificant to him, why she still cared at all. She could have got up from the floor and told him to kark off and been on her way to Cartao. She didn't though. She sat where she sat and listened to every word he spoke, giving him her full attention.

Jamie cared for him. The worst part was that he was so emotionally unavailable that even she knew it was just a disaster waiting to happen. She didn't care about it though, she just wanted to console him and to be the shoulder to lean on, and to just make things OK. It didn't have to be perfect, or wonderful, or glamorous. She'd left that all behind on Naboo anyhow. But making him smile that same, stupid grin he put on time after time had become a sort of addiction for her.

"You don't have to keep burying your feelings. You can let your guard down sometimes." She leaned her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes, attempting to somehow use the Force and calm the air between the two. Not that she could, but it was a nice sentiment to at least think about trying to do something she had no control over.

[member="Kurt Meyer"]

 

[Kurt Meyer]

[member="Jamie Pyne"]

Kurt let out a long breath.

"I know." The trouble with that was that if he let his guard down to the wrong person? It was over.

He knew that he could trust Jamie, that he could trust Kaile and of course his parents, but everyone else? No. There was an underlying fear to the way that Kurt lived. He wasn't just afraid of the ghosts of his past, of the things that he had done, but there was a fear that one day he really would be punished for his actions. The fear of prison, of being taken away and executed in shame was very real. Certain planets would put him on trial for what he did simply as an example, he knew that, he'd seen it before.

Part of that was paranoia of course, but he was still afraid.

"I just have to be careful." This time his words came as a whisper, his fingers very gently sliding onto the side of her neck so that his thumb stroked across her cheek. "You never know who might be a lawyer."

Kurt tried cracking a joke, but his heart wasn't in t.

 

[Jamie Pyne]

Jamie's neck tilted towards him without hesitation. A deep breath, body relaxing at the feel of his touch. That was it. All she wanted was that soft touch. And a brief moment here is all she'd get.

"If I say I'm not a lawyer will that convince you to stop pushing me away?"

Her eyes looked up at him from where her head rested against Kurt's shoulder, a soft purring in an almost catlike manner humming from her throat.

"When you constantly look behind you, you are bound to miss what's right in front of you."

Now that was a mushy line if ever she said one. It might seem like some really, over the top pathetic way of selling herself to him, but she didn't necessarily mean it towards her. She would like for him to see her in a certain way, but she also wasn't so blinded by her desire to be with him that she couldn't understand that he wanted something else that she couldn't offer to him. If that were the case, she simply wanted Kurt to at least be happy, and not so focused on his past that he let it direct his future and drive him into maddened depression.

[member="Kurt Meyer"]